I'm thinking of writing this, taking this idea up, and here's what I have as of now.

If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about, go over to the second page of Shezza88's thread, and read one of IP82's posts.

Please, feedback is a must.




Untitled (as of 27th of December, 2005)




Journal of Bartemius Crouch, 31 October, 1991 – 29 June, 1992

31 October, 1991

The whole building was in shambles and ruins when I arrived at the scene. Emerald green flames flickered here and there in the darkness of the night. In the pitch black, I could make out a small light in the distance, coming closer and closer. A low, rumbling sort of sound came from the general direction of the light, and I could now vaguely see a humanoid shadow astride it. As it drew closer towards the dilapidated house, I noticed that there was another sound in the immediate area, perhaps from the house, I presume. A primal scream from the throat of an infant. The cry of a baby. Lost in the cacophony of squeals, I only made it into the bushes to hide myself in the nick of time when the rumbling monster of a vehicle crashed down to the paved street with a roar.

Peeking out of the bushes, I could now identify what the rumbling thing was: a motorbike. It was black; a Harley-Davidson, whatever that was, if the logo was any indication. The man on the bike quickly turned the key, and the engine, with a slight whine, ground to a stop. The man pulled off his equally black helmet, shrank it with a whisper and a wave of his wand, and stowed it in the compartment under the seat of the vehicle. The man shook his long, black mess of hair, and then turned towards the house.

He wasn’t a Ministry officer; I could tell from the way he chose to arrive. Then why was he here? If he wasn’t part of the special team I had set up to come to Godric’s Hollow, he certainly wasn’t allowed to be here. Being a Senior Ministry Official, I had been authorized to come as soon as word came in that the Potters had been attacked, and assembled a team to investigate the incident. He, on the other hand… was here on a very illegal visit.

The accidental magic erupted then. I could feel the anxiety rolling off of this man, nearly thirty feet away from him. Shocked into silence, I could only watch as with a cry, he dashed towards the ruined building and frantically started to cast spells at the rubble. Of the few I could hear, I could discern a few life-search spells, and several locating charms amongst other incantations for clearing the debris. After several long and arduous minutes, the man slowed to a stop, and bent down. When he stood up, I noticed that he now carried a bundle; a cry issued from the tarnished blanket, and I realized that this was the baby… Harry Potter. How he survived is beyond me, but I see that his head is a mess of blood, and he was placated only by the presence of the man. Curious, I cast an Eavesdropping Charm on the area they were, or rather the man was standing, I could now make out what was being said.

“Come on now Harry…time to get you out of here. I don’t know how long I have until the Ministry people come, and I have to take you to somewhere safe… somewhere nobody can find you. Padfoot will take you to his house, okay little Harrykins?”

Harry answered with a cheerful gurgle, apparently not aware of the fact that his parents were dead, and his own face covered with blood. Strange that he isn’t crying… I hear that head injuries are some of the most painful. Back at the house, I could see the man conjure a black teddy bear behind his back, and present it to the boy.
“Righto then. Snuffles and I’ll have you out of harm’s way in no time, right Harry?”

The stuffed animal, Snuffles, I assumed, found itself in a newly conjured basket along with the baby, and the man quickly hoisted the basket onto the motorbike, careful not to bounce it around too much. He next popped open the under-seat compartment, and pulled out the helmet, Restored it to its original size, and was about to pull it over his head when a booming voice rang out from the far side of the rubble.

“Lily? James? ‘Arry where are ye? ‘Ellooo! ‘Arry? Anybody there?”

From the few brief seconds the voice spoke, I could tell exactly who and what the owner of the voice was, and who’s orders he came on. The owner of the voice was Rubeus Hagrid, Keeper of the Keys and Grounds at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The half-giant probably… no, definitely came by word of Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of said school and defeater of the Dark Lord Grindelwald. With a frown, I wonder why the groundskeeper and pawn of the so-called leader of the light was doing at the scene of Death Eater activity looking for a single victim of the raid.

The half-giant stops; probably from the sight of the man with the motorbike, and the load he was to carry off on the machine.

“Oi! Sirius Black! What’re ye doin’ ‘ere ye young rascal!” Hagrid called out quite loudly.

The man, Sirius Black, a two-year Auror if I remember correctly, responds with a voice equally as boisterous as the gigantic groundskeeper.

“I’m taking Harry to somewhere safe, Hagrid. Don’t worry, I know what I’m doing.”

Hagrid visibly frowns, “Sorry Sirius, but I’ve got ta take ‘im to Dumbledore. Dumbledore’s orders.”

Black, as stunned at this new revelation as me, although probably from different reasons, looked shaken. With a slight quiver in his voice, he said, “No, Hagrid, you can’t take him; I’ve got to take him somewhere safe, away from Voldemort. Safe… that’s what Dumbledore wants for Harry to be, isn’t it?”

Hagrid shakes his head furiously. “Sirius, he’ll be safe with Dumbledore. You can’ get much safer than tha’, right? I’m takin’ ‘im to where Dumbledore told me to take ‘im, and tha’s tha’.”

Black, apparently seeing that he was getting nowhere in trying to dissuade the half-giant in his obedience, reluctantly nodded his head. He walked back to the motorbike from where he was arguing with Hagrid, and pulled out a piece of parchment and the keys to the bike. With a wave of his wand, he enlarged the motorbike by at least half its size, and cast a Durability Charm on it, renewing the Sticking Charm on the basket with another flick.

“”Here you go Hagrid. It’ll be a lot faster wherever you’re going with this. Take care of both my babies, all right? I’ll come back for the Harley later.”

With that, Black walked away from the bike, and sat down on a particularly large piece of debris, cradling his head in his hands. I could hear several strangled sobs before he stood up, and whispered to himself, “Now all I’ve got to do is hunt down Wormtail and kill him. Ohh, I’ll enjoy killing him, the bastard…” Without the Eavesdropping Charm, I probably couldn’t have heard his mumblings. I muse. Here, Black waved half-heartedly waved to the half-giant, and with a crack, apparated away.

Several moments after watching Black depart, Hagrid lumbered over to the motorbike, and after a few quick glances to ensure nobody was watching, pulled a small, pink umbrella out of his famed moleskin coat. A short burst of light later, the helmet on the rider’s seat grew to his own proportions, and he picked it up after stowing the umbrella within his coat once again.

It was here that I decided to make my move.

“Hagrid.” I called out.

With a startled jump, the surprised man turned around to greet me, dropping the helmet in the process.

“’Er… ‘ello Mr.Crouch. ‘M afraid I’m jus’ on business of tha Headmaster tonigh’.”

“Oh really, Hagrid? Then why does the Headmaster Dumbledore have business with the location of a Death Eater attack moments after it happened, hmm?” I inquire.

At this, the normally jovial groundskeeper looks outraged. “It wasn’ no Death Eater attack; I’ was You-Know-Who hisself Barty.”

I did a double-take from hearing this news. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named himself!? What the hell!?

“Sorry if I heard you wrong Hagrid, but did you just say that the Dark Lord himself attacked the Potters tonight?”

“Oh. I shouldn’ have said tha’…I shoudn’ have said tha’…. Er, um, well ye see sir, I uh…” I abruptly cut him off.

“That can be verified later anyway, Hagrid. For now, I just want to know what does the Headmaster want to accomplish taking a baby illegally from its home, when it should be made a ward of the Ministry?”

Hagrid looks to be of two voices now. To take the baby and run, following his employer’s orders, or to hand over the boy and comply with my reason. As an answer, he picks on the helmet, and shoves the key into the motorbike’s ignition.
“Hagrid,” I start.

Hagrid ignores me, until he hears what I say next.

“Your record is against you Hagrid. Remember thirty eight years ago?”

He freezes, and gives me a fearful look, terror evident in his eyes visible even through the visor of the helmet. He gets off of the vehicle after a few seconds of me staring him down, and gingerly, or as gingerly as he can with his big hands, picks the baby Potter up from the basket, and passes him to me, along with Snuffles, who’s front paw was grasped firmly by the boy. Hagrid greets me with a grunt, and climbs on the motorbike again, and flies off into the night sky. A few seconds later, a multitude of cracks assure me of the arrival of my investigative task-force, and I sigh in relief as I start to debrief the team.

 

I'm glad you decided to take up the idea. Here are some advices and issues I've noticed so far:

Crouch saw too much of Sirius to let him go to Azkaban. Remember, he's the chief of police at the time. And if Sirius doesn't go to Azkaban, how will Crouch snatch Harry away?

I liked how you tried to write in form of Crouch diary. That's a good choice for the first part of the story - it's pretty hard writting from POV of a 4,5,6... year old boy.

But it seems that somewhere along the line the fact that it is Crouch's journal slipped your mind. For one, it's too... poetic, lyricall. Crouch seems to me like a no-nonsense millitary type of a guy. I simply can't imagine him writing something in the line of: "...primal scream from the throat of an infant. The cry of a baby. Lost in the cacophony of squeals, I only made it into..." It's nice writing style, don't get me wrong, but don't forget that it's Barty "the cold unforgiving bastard" Crouch writting the thing. I would expect something more like a police report or court transcript from that man's pen. Also, in the second part, you started utilising full dialogues, with accents and all... It just don't feel right as a part of stick-figure man's journal.

Maybe you could divide it, make the first part Crouch's journal (in military facts-first style) and the second part the flashback, with your normal 3rd person writing POV.

Other than that two points, it seemed OK.
The biggest problem now is how to justify Crouch addopting Harry. I hope you have something figured out. If not, let me know, maybe I could help you brainstorm something...

Anyway, good luck with this, I hope you continue writing it.

 

um....oops?

 

Well, Sirius technically isn't a criminal at this exact point, as he hasn't gone after Pettigrew and been framed yet. I think what ip was referring to has more to do with how Crouch will be able to condemn Sirius later after seeing him in the aftermath with Hagrid but being concerned for Harry rather than trying to hurt him.

 

Wow, I liked this. I seriously hope you continue with this story.

Cheers Spacks

 

Not to say I'm not going to do it, but i'm no expert on quasi-military style short-to-the-point writing.

Anybody know any good Tom Clancy-type novels?

 

Rightey-ho. Almost official first chappie, read and enjoy.

Also, to solve the problem of the Crouch-is-a-hard-bastard-so-he-can't-write-lyrically thing, I've made it so that his journal is a sort of organized pensieve, which you'll be seeing later on.

Original concept belongs to IP82 (on ff.net, ip82 here), and the lines at the end were inspired from a scene in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers movie, directed by Peter Jackson.

Canon timeline (or at least until the first fall of Voldemort) will be followed in accordance to information from the Harry Potter Lexicon website, namely the timelines.

Lily anbd James are both 21-22 in 1981. Sirius is 22 at the time of his arrest, which is in chapter two.

Enjoy, and please feedback.
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/viewtopic.php?t=1308

 

LOL, love the Name!!! Love the chapter too!! Keep up the good work! What hosue are you going to place Harry in when he attends Hogwarts in fourth year? And are you goign to change up the tasks the champions have to do?

 

I think I'll have him be in Gryffindor, after all, he'll want to fit in with Dumbledore's expectations, but with decent spell knowledge in defense and whatnot, as he's been raised by Crouch.

He CAN influence his house choice, after all if he could as a first year, he could do it. Whos to say a highly trained fourth year couldn't?

As for tasks, some will be same, others not. not saying which.

 

Is Harry going to be a champion? I'm doing a story with the same general plot as well, I think it's gonna be pretty......out there.....but I'm just finding it so hard to write what I think in an elegant fashion.

 

Fourth Triwizard Champion once again... not saying who puts him in though.

 

Seen, do you happen to ahev a hotmail account?

 

meh... I can always make one