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Does this story interest you? - General thread.

Discussion in 'Original Fiction Discussion' started by Andrela, Jun 14, 2014.

  1. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    No one likes groups, to be fair. Still a good idea, but yeah. You have to remember to check them. (Invite me when you have one!)

    If you're going to make one do what I did and make a general purpose one (more or less) for all your stuff rather than one specifically for this story.
     
  2. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    I mean, is it going to be your standard thriller with an Omelas/Soylent Green twist or is there something more to the idea? Since that's what it's telegraphing really hard
     
  3. AlbusPHolmes

    AlbusPHolmes The Alchemist

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    It took me a while to realize what the Omelas reference was (thanks Ched for making me read that story) but I had to look up the Soylent one. Interesting.

    Basically the underlying secret is that praecitonium is a sham. All the kids are actually alive, but kept inert and lobotomized in a top-secret EnhanCorp government facility, where they are harvested for their incredible powers (think something similar to HP magic, except considerably more powerful in scope) that are conferred on them by the unique DNA sequences they possess. The output from one individual is enough to continuously power an entire city.
     
  4. Quick Ben

    Quick Ben In ur docs, stealin ur werds.

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    I like that idea actually and it does raise a very interesting question on whether or not it should be stopped despite the fact that its for the greater good.

    So just a question, at the very least you'll have some of the presidents trying to find an alternative since its inhumane right?
     
  5. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    I just wanted to run something by you guys. I have two big... let's call them Ideas that I've been putting together, tweaking, enhancing and generally messing around with for a few years now.

    #1--your typical medieval fantasy stuff:

    I like two things in my fantasies: magic and dragons. So I came up with something to combine the two. I'll just give the basic outline to see if this would peak anyone's interest.

    Imagine a fantasy world where you'll have a Kingdom, remnants of an Ancient Empire, Scattered Nomads, Far Away Cities, all populating a land with an Ocean, Ridiculously High Mountains, and other Remote Areas.

    Elves and humans live in this world. I've decided to skip the usual third addition that is dwarves. I think two races is plenty to work with for an amateur author. Humans tend to be taller, more robust and brash. Elves live longer (don't think LotR elves though), have a more fragile build, but as a bonus, they produce more mages. Magic is a thing, but not something every other person has. You're born with it, or not, but unknown to masses, there are ways to give magic to a mundane person.

    Now here's where dragons come in. There had never been flying-lizard-animal dragons. No one's ever seen a baby dragon, or a dragon nest. The only recorded appearances of dragons are of mighty beasts being awesome. The truth is, that dragons are people.

    Every once in a while, a mage will be born with potential to become uber-powerful, although I'm thinking of this world's magic being closer to LotR magic than HP or Dresden magic. Those rare individuals have the power of shapeshifting. Now, shapeshifting is generally frowned upon, because shapeshifters have bad rep for various reasons. Your average guy will turn into a cat, or a dog. The guys I'm talking about here can become dragons.

    Enter the obligatory Ancient Secret Order. Dragons find young Dragons (yes, capitalized), who are later inducted into the Order. The Dragons, in short, make sure that the world keeps spinning. They are kind of like the Hand of God (no gods though, just a figure of speech) by influencing events to make sure that the world doesn't stagnate, because Reasons, like Change, Balance, take your pick (still working on that part). Dragons are pretty much gods themselves--they can live for thousands of years, wield awesome magic and all that stuff. They are supposed to be guardians, but of course, there's a bad egg.

    Main Character goes Anti-Hero and decides for Reasons Of His Own (yeah, still working on that too) that things needs to get rolling faster. He decided to usher in a new Era by burning the world down and raising a new one from the ashes. He is discovered and sentenced to long imprisonment by his fellow Dragons. Dragons are proud though and even they will not just cut down one of their own like that. Crazy or not, Main Character is one of them and he deserves a second chance. A long time passes, the world moves on. Main Character is released from his prison and let go, with a promise that the others will be watching him. But of course the bigger they are, the harder they fall and they lose track of the Main Character, who hasn't abandoned his Grand Plan and starts scheming. Time Skip and the proper story begins. Conquests, battles, much awesomeness (hopefully) and magic and Dragons.

    Sound remotely interesting?

    #2--comtemporary fantasy:

    Protagonist discovers a strange but fabulous new world of magic (obviously) and finds a Mentor. The Antagonist always seems to want to crap on the Mentor's parade. We learn of the Higher Magics, the Celestial Rules of the Universe and Balance. Also, we learn of a mythical wizard who went against the Balance. He sought to elevate himself above his peers and avoid the inevitable by becoming immortal. But he only half-succeeded.

    By not dying when his time came, the Lich (as he is called in the legend) raised Death's ire. Death is all-powerful in his dominion, but on Earth, he has to play by the same rules as everyone else, which is why he hasn't roflstomped the offender yet. Of course, the story turns out to be true. The Lich is out there somewhere and Death's agents restlessly scour the world looking for him. Lich isn't truly immortal and is looking for that immortality, which would get Death off his tail permanently. The Secrets he is looking for are said to be locked in the Lost City. Its Kings sought immortality as well, but weren't as successful. Higher Powers locked everything away and the Lost City was removed from the default Plane of Existence.

    So you have the Lich trying to become immortal and the Antagonist and his Mentor caught in the middle of everything as the Antagonist furthers his own agenda. The Lich's existance has upset the Balance and the world is slowly becoming crazier--dimensions start overlapping, spirits and demons spill into the mortal world, towns go missing and come back in a week having aged decades, volcanos pop up all around the world, tsunamis spring out of nowhere... general chaos intensifies. Which means it's in everybody's best interest to try and find and stop the Lich.

    Plot twist: the only way to get inside the Lost City is to have the royal blood of its Kings. The Protagonist is the last eligible living descendant with magic. Mentor is the Lich and has been grooming the Protagonist to come into his full potential so that his blood would be powerful enough to open the Lost City once again. The Antagonist is one of the Death's agents who finally learns who the Lich is.

    Protagonist runs away, Antagonist tries to convince him to accept the help, Mentor/Lich is after both their asses now like a madman, trying to grab the immortality before the world explodes like a firework.

    As you can probably see, Selfishness vs. the World is a recurring theme in my writing.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2014
  6. Quick Ben

    Quick Ben In ur docs, stealin ur werds.

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    I like the second one better than the first. It has potential for some interesting World building although the whole, only "The Protagonist is the key" thing has been done to death.

    How do you make blood more powerful? Is the Magic like Muscle, like you can channel more and it grows or is it all about learning how to wield magic?

    I'm confused, who is the Antagonist, the Lich? You kept saying antagonist when you meant protagonist I think.

    Anyway I'd give the second one a shot but it had to do something to really capture me, for some reason it reminds me of Calz's new story, you should check it out if you haven't.
     
  7. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    Could people please look over this idea?

    ---

    Tom Glass was man in his early twenties.

    He had a shitty job at McDonald's and spent most of his days on the internet.

    Then, he was killed by drunk driver.

    Being a staunch atheist, he was surprised to find himself standing on a field of grass, being greeted by an angel.

    The angel tells Tom that his deeds in life were too perfectly balanced, not good or evil enough to send him to heaven or hell.

    This is why he shall be given a mission to determine his fate.

    In a copy of Earth, albeit one where humans never existed, he will be given authority over a group of 50 characters taken from any piece of fiction.

    He is to lead that group of characters and will have to make them survive at least a year.

    The problem is, the angel will form his own group of characters and will do everything in his power to defeat Tom.

    Also, while Tom will be able to choose his 50 characters, if a character is deemed too powerful by the Powers-That-Be, then it will be de-powered. As such, Tom should be wise in his choosing.

    The Angel disappears and a magical tablet appears before Tom, he has to write down the names of 50 fictional characters who will fight in his name.

    Meanwhile, the Heavenly Clock starts ticking, until a year passes and Tom's performance is judged.

    Fictional character pickings aside, what do you make of this idea?
     
  8. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Too risky. When you want to include 50 (100 total) fictional characters and basically pit them against each other, you run the risk of a)Not doing a character that you don't know very well justice, b)Focusing too much on some while ignoring others or c)Inevitably trip many mines on people's heads. When you have 100 characters, you will almost assuredly screw over some of them, and that will make people who are their fans mad.

    Imo, tone them down to like, 10? Maybe even less.
     
  9. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    Interesting idea about lowering the number of folks, something to keep in mind for sure.

    Well, Tom's characters are to destroy Angel's characters, or at least survive for a full year with minimal casualties. Basically an army, or a military group.

    I guess lowering it from 50 to 15 would do the trick?

    Additionally, the Angel will pick characters after Tom does, so if Tom chooses Batman, then the Angel will pick the Joker, if Tom chooses Dumbledore, the Angel will choose Grindelwald and so on.

    However, for story purposes Tom will obviously win at the end.
     
  10. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Why? You'd expect that a mission to decide where in the afterlife you end up would be decided by the way you conduct yourself rather than merely a succesful outcome. Like if the hidden meaning all along was giving Tom a chance to prove who he is, rather than merely succeed.

    Moreover, there's nothing stopping Tom from making an all-villain team. Since villains are usually stronger, maybe Tom feels that under his leadership, they can avoid the mistakes of their stories?

    Regardless, victory should not be non-negotiable.
     
  11. Vira

    Vira Third Year ~ Prestige ~

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    Will you be publishing this novel? If so, then you'll have to ask permission from the character's creators to use the character. Won't affect some characters, but Harry Potter characters will be trademarked, I'm pretty sure?
     
  12. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    That's what Tom is told, but not necessarily what is true.

    The angel could simply tell him that success is what counts while in reality Tom's behavior and choices are secretly judged.

    How he treats the people he summoned, etc.

    No publishing, the internet is enough for many people to see it :)
     
  13. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Moreover, how will you deal with the fact that most (if not all) of Tom's summons will be more fit to lead than he is?
     
  14. Vira

    Vira Third Year ~ Prestige ~

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    It also begs the question of if these characters have their full personalities, they're not going to obey Tom's commands. Someone like Magneto wouldn't care to listen to him, and that goes for many villainous characters. How would these characters react to being fictional anyways?
     
  15. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    @the above posts.

    Hence the warning that Tom should choose wisely. If he chooses wrongly, then that's his fault and he has only a year to fix his mistake.
     
  16. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    Can he control his summons? or must they obey him freely? Are they compelled to look to him for leadership?
     
  17. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    He can't use mind control on them, if that's what you mean.

    That's why he should bring compassionate people, who will be willing to help a man reach heaven.

    Still, perhaps it would be a good idea to give them an artificial sense of kinship with Tom.
     
  18. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    If nothing of the sort is implemented, how many fictional protagonists can you think that would consciously follow and obey a man way less accomplished/credible/able than they are? Most of these guys are headstrong, good or bad. And Tom is ... a MCDonalds server?
     
  19. Andrela

    Andrela Plot Bunny DLP Supporter

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    That's the entire point. He's a nobody and his supposed challenge is to find a group that is both strong enough and compassionate enough to help him.

    For example:

    Whoever Albus expected to meet from the enemy group, it certainly wasn't Gellert.

    "Albus. You've aged."

    "So did you, though I was able to do so with freedom."

    At these words, Grindelwald's eyes narrowed.

    "We'll see who has the last laugh. It seems fate has given me a chance to even the score."

    Dumbledore only smiled sadly. "I will not allow a man to be sent to hell."

    Gellert casually raised his wand.

    "Like I said, we shall see."
     
  20. Striker

    Striker What's up demons?

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    This seems less like an original fiction and more like a multi-crossover.
     
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