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WIP The Red Knight by Demon Eyes Laharl -T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by nevu, Jan 7, 2017.

  1. Caledfwlch

    Caledfwlch Sixth Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Avalon
    DragonSin: "Let's use every trope we've ever used on Harry, on Ron, then bash Harry like he does Ron." That's hardly a fair summary of the plot, and not accurate in the slightest. Have you read it beyond the first chapter?

    Honestly, the story is decent, but not much else. The fandom hasn't really had any great works recently, and because of its update rate people here seem to be dropping their standards and rating it higher than it deserves. The plot is interesting, but fairly predictable, the writing is acceptable but not particularly beautiful, and the characterization is all over the place. The attempts at humor is another issue altogether.

    I read this story because Ron is an underutilized and under-appreciated character in fanfiction, but that one thing wasn't enough for me to overlook the rest of the story. 3/5 is the highest I can rate it in good conscience.
     
  2. Gene

    Gene Third Year

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    Rating something higher than it deserves because it features Ron is stupid.

    This story is full of cliches it plays entirely straight, and is just generally bad.

    I'll give it a .5 for grammar, but that only raises it to a 1.5/5, because everything else is dire.

    Additional points off for female Harry.
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2017
  3. Innomine

    Innomine Alchemist ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    So you are saying that you've never read a good hp fanfic?

    Why are you on a fanfic forum then?
     
  4. Hymnsicality

    Hymnsicality Seventh Year

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    Oct 28, 2014
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    On the wild plains of Africa
    ^Hunting for those tantalising Snape/Hermione fanfics maybe?
     
  5. LavM91

    LavM91 Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2017
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    5
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    0
    I am trying to get through it because the idea behind it all intrigues me, but there's just a lot of pain to dig through. Can only hope it improves on all the issues everyone brought up above this because there's some serious improvements it could use.
    Hope that was a decent first review/post..

    3/5
     
  6. Dn18

    Dn18 Third Year

    Joined:
    Dec 31, 2014
    Messages:
    87
    I am getting bored of this story even with its fairly good update rate. Too little is happening and Ron just seems to accept everything (greengrass secrets, allure attacks) without much of a emotional response or plan. I enjoyed this previously because it felt Ron was at least being somewhat proactive and trying to fix the issues that come up. I am seeing less of that now and I very much do not like characters that just go with the flow and not try to take initiative.

    Lowering my rating down to 3.5 rounding it out to 4 due to how much I enjoyed the beginning.
     
  7. startrekfan

    startrekfan Second Year

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    Wouldn't you like to know...
    It seems this fanfiction has ignited quite a discussion, so I'm also contributing my share....

    I like this fanfiction, it has quite a few interesting ideas, and those make it certainly worth reading, like a Ron-centric time travel story, the intermingling with other time travelers, the inclusion of famous fanfiction tropes... I must admit it i like it, even if it has its weak points, like the very uneven speed, and the "slytherin politics" need a bit of an upgrade....

    But it is still quite an interesting read, and i think it will continue to be this way for quite some time. I would award it a 3.5 / 5
     
  8. Red

    Red High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    The Red Knight has an interesting plot, good bit of mystery and a unique Ron-centric perspective that has been fun to read and has piqued my interest in reading Ron-centric fics more often.

    That's what I would have said 10 chapters ago. The whole subplot that has occurred with the Dueling tournament and Greengrasses is the most asinine thing to slog through. At this point I'd rate it 3/5(and that's generous) only because I really enjoyed the first half of the fic.
     
  9. Odran

    Odran Fourth Champion

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2013
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    3,186
    The author just doesn't know when to quit. They keep prolonging the drama (poorly written at that) on and on, because they either don't have any actual content to provide, so they use this filler bullshit that literally no one would care about if it had been revealed in one or two paragraphs, or they honest to God think this is good writing and totally needed to be there.

    But yeah, 10 chapters of mind numbing boring shit.

    At this rate, the fic will be 200 chapters long before Ron actually starts being proactive.
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2017
  10. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    I agree with the above sentiments, but I think that this is a problem most fics face in between years. Hopefully it'll pick up again when they get to second year.

    And it is unfortunate that Ron is so lackadaisical in this, one of the better parts of the story was the confrontation with Hermione and Violet at the end of 1st year. I was hoping that he would tell Violet at least that he wasn't the Ron she knew, but he keeps stringing it along.
     
  11. Sataniel

    Sataniel High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Some things I've heard about this fic and it being a combination of peggy sue and reincarnation isekai (both genres being 95% awful) made me think that this fic will be a mess of bad writing and terrible ideas.

    Surprisingly, it wasn't. Of course, it wasn't without its problems. The first and the most important one is that most of what I've heard were true, even though it wasn't so annoying as I expected it to be. Still, it's undeniable that the worldbuilding is largely a mess of bad fanon clishés. Magical cores, mana based magic, dodging being the main way of protection, handling of Veelas, Wizengamot Lords, Unspeakables being secret agents, all of those ideas that were done million times already, all regressive from canon.

    On the other hand, it's nice to see elements from Cursed Child and Fantastic Beasts (other than obscuri) being incorporated. And I liked Ron's use of shikis. I hope we will see more "non-standard" magic.

    But despite my problems with setting, the plot is interesting enough to get me hooked. Though I couldn't help but notice that in the last few chapters the pacing slowed significantly. I recommend cutting down the bloat, especially considering that there is a lot of characters basically repeating themselves. Also, the Ron's not knowing that Harry is a girl was really stupid, especially considering how public knowledge that was. I know that you've tried to explain that away, but that was flimsy, and the whole thing was unnecessary in the first place.

    I have mixed feelings about the characterisation. Even though I know that people change (and considering setting elements Ron already came from the world that was significantly AU to the canon one), I would still prefer to have Ron be more Ron. Also Daphne, Tracey, and Blaise being the trio of nice Slytherins is also really tired by now. And especially disappointing considering that the brief scene that Zabini had in canon showed him as gloriously arrogant asshole thinking himself better than everybody else. Well, who can blame him, with a name like that?

    Still, despite the problems, it's a decent fic, so 6/10 for now it is.

    Also, it's guessing time. The "gift" of the Greengrasses females comes from them having succubi ancestor. It would fit with the seduction elements, explain the need to find some partner early (food) and fit nicely with one of the versions of the legend of Merlin's half-demonic origin having his father being an incubus.
     
  12. TallDarkStranger

    TallDarkStranger Fourth Year

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    I don't like this fic anymore. The first few chapters had some fast moving plot points, a lot of intrigue, and things were progressing.

    Now, chapters feel like they could be compressed into maybe 20-30 lines. Nothing happens. Struggling to find interest for it.

    So much about the inner workings of people's minds. like a watered down Death Note where the characters are dumber, and fewer things are at stake.
     
  13. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Yeah. I'm getting tired of it too. The update rate is slowing down, it used to be once every 2-4 days, now it's once every week to two weeks. That's fine, and normal, not many people can keep up such a fast update rate with chapters of his size, but the problem is that he's focusing more on character interactions than actual plot progression. So we're getting a lot of conversations with Ron and Violet, with Ron and Daphne, etc, instead of having the confrontation with Violet we've been waiting for when he reveals that he is also a time traveler.

    So all we can expect with each new chapter is yet another long scene where Ron is setting the stage for his big plan and a boring conversation with another character, probably Violet or Daphne.
     
  14. Paragon

    Paragon First Year

    Joined:
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    This story had a fantastic start and I really enjoyed it. However, at the end of first year it really slowed down. The world building was OK, but things just dragged on and on without resolving any conflicts or causing any meaningful change. I still enjoy it, but it needs to pick up the pace again.

    6/10, above average but not true greatness.
     
  15. TheLazyReader

    TheLazyReader Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2018
    Messages:
    308
    Well, well, well a fem!HarryxRon fic (sorry Daphnefriends, you know you'll lose). And it's returned to update it seems.

    I think everything of note has been pointed out already. Lots of cliches and fanom headcanons. But I don't know, it has some charm to it for some reason. A guilty pleasure if I'ver seen one.
     
  16. Inert

    Inert Headmaster

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    This has been on my favorites list for a minute. Interesting concept with "meh" execution. Basically a cliche ridden romp that I enjoy because I don't take it particularly seriously. It has its (many) cringeworthy moments, but it also can be quite a bit of fun from time to time.

    Very much a guilty pleasure.
     
  17. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2012
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    268
    Huh. This is ok. As Inert says it makes me feel a bit dirty, but I kinda like it.
     
  18. Moukaboy

    Moukaboy Banned

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2016
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    155
    High Score:
    0
    I think the thing I hate most about this fic is that it started just fine and then the author decided to cram all the cliches.
    ALL OF THEM!

    Damn you "Veela's Allure".
     
  19. Johnnyseattle

    Johnnyseattle Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    This one had such great potential, but it's crushed under the weight of a few clichés that are rarely beaten to death this thoroughly. The concept is excellent - personally, I've never seen someone having a few different time travelers coming from different dimensions before - but the execution is just so dragged out and messy at this point, it's hard to keep going.

    2.5/5 for flashes of brilliance amongst the other stuff.
     
  20. Inert

    Inert Headmaster

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    So, this updated (twice) and the plot is finally moving forward. Bit fanservice-y but the explanations make...some sense.
     
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