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Old 08-09-2012, 06:05 PM   #21
CareOtters
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestin View Post
I don't know why are you all so surprised. People were writing Bible's fanfics for centuries now. Though, since these stories are old now, they have more distinguish name - apocrypha.
Contemporary scholars often refer to it as "American History", too.
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:02 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by Vash View Post
Cause its not a sinful pornography if its only words!
Quote:
Ezekiel 23:19-20 (International version)
19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Oh, do tell.

EDIT:

Here's the passage that includes this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel 23
Two Adulterous Sisters

23 The word of the Lord came to me:
2 “Son of man, there were two women, daughters of the same mother.
3 They became prostitutes in Egypt, engaging in prostitution from their youth. In that land their breasts were fondled and their virgin bosoms caressed.
4 The older was named Oholah, and her sister was Oholibah. They were mine and gave birth to sons and daughters. Oholah is Samaria, and Oholibah is Jerusalem.

5 “Oholah engaged in prostitution while she was still mine; and she lusted after her lovers, the Assyrians —warriors
6 clothed in blue, governors and commanders, all of them handsome young men, and mounted horsemen.
7 She gave herself as a prostitute to all the elite of the Assyrians and defiled herself with all the idols of everyone she lusted after.
8 She did not give up the prostitution she began in Egypt, when during her youth men slept with her, caressed her virgin bosom and poured out their lust on her.

9 “Therefore I delivered her into the hands of her lovers, the Assyrians, for whom she lusted.
10 They stripped her naked, took away her sons and daughters and killed her with the sword. She became a byword among women, and punishment was inflicted on her.

11 “Her sister Oholibah saw this, yet in her lust and prostitution she was more depraved than her sister.
12 She too lusted after the Assyrians—governors and commanders, warriors in full dress, mounted horsemen, all handsome young men.
13 I saw that she too defiled herself; both of them went the same way.

14 “But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men portrayed on a wall, figures of Chaldeans[a] portrayed in red,
15 with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea.[b]
16 As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea.
17 Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. After she had been defiled by them, she turned away from them in disgust.
18 When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her naked body, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister.
19 Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt.
20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
21 So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled.[c]
That's pretty explicit for a bible. I'm having difficulty believing that 50 shades of gray is any better.

Last edited by Deplore; 08-09-2012 at 07:06 PM.
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Old 08-09-2012, 07:26 PM   #23
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Originally Posted by X2DarkLord View Post
Oh, do tell.

EDIT:

Here's the passage that includes this.



That's pretty explicit for a bible. I'm having difficulty believing that 50 shades of gray is any better.
I find your lack of faith disturbing :awesome.
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Old 08-09-2012, 08:27 PM   #24
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Oh, do tell.


I have only one thing to tell you:

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Old 08-09-2012, 08:34 PM   #25
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/thread crapping
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Old 08-09-2012, 09:10 PM   #26
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Man your asking for a banhammer X2. Replacing Bibles with 50 Shades of Grey makes it seem more important than it actually is.
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Old 08-09-2012, 10:37 PM   #27
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[IMG][/IMG]

/thread crapping
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Old 08-09-2012, 11:27 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Celestin View Post
I don't know why are you all so surprised. People were writing Bible's fanfics for centuries now. Though, since these stories are old now, they have more distinguish name - The New Testament.
Fixed that for you.
Quote:
Dark!Jesus, TimeTravel!Noah, AU where Jesus was brought up by the Romans, Moses goes back to Adam's time, ahh, the ideas.
Indy!Jesus, ManipulativeRapist!God and TimeTraveller!Mary already exist in man's greatest literary achievement.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:06 AM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jarik View Post
Imagine if Fanfiction.net added "Bible" under "Books"?

Dark!Jesus, TimeTravel!Noah, AU where Jesus was brought up by the Romans, Moses goes back to Adam's time, ahh, the ideas.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fiat View Post
Fixed that for you. Indy!Jesus, ManipulativeRapist!God and TimeTraveller!Mary already exist in [URL=" greatest literary achievement.[/URL]

We seem to be missing the Dark-But-Not-Evil!Jesus, MPD!Jesus, Satan's true identity being a Jesus who has fallen out of time, and Jesus!Deadpoo... wait.. That's not right...

Edit:

Pointed out on IRC: Post-count as of this post:



I lol'd :awesome
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Last edited by Antivash; 08-10-2012 at 12:10 AM.
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Old 08-10-2012, 12:10 AM   #30
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We seem to be missing the Dark-But-Not-Evil!Jesus, MPD!Jesus, Satan's true identity being a Jesus who has fallen out of time, and Jesus!Deadpoo... wait.. That's not right...
Well, I've seen the last one somewhere - I'm sure of it. Not sure if it was the Satanic Bible or actual Bible fanfiction, but that one's totally in there.

As for the first two: what are you talking about? Both of those are canon. Well, MPD Jesus is Canon. Do I need to remind you of the time he got mad and cursed a tree for not having fruit (during the wrong season), or ran screaming and whipping his belt at people in a temple? Dark-but-not-evil is potentially canon - when he was an evil superpowered kid who killed children that annoyed him, or when he tamed a dragon - but that's probably fanon, depending on who you ask.
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Old 08-10-2012, 10:18 AM   #31
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Stop applying logic to my mockery! :<
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