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Old 05-14-2013, 06:28 PM   #21
Mutton
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He says he's going to start revealing the background and letting us understand what's going on better, so I'll hold off until that's out there. It's very well written so far, but the story is going to hinge on how the next few chapters go; the parlor scene can either tie it together or bring it all crashing down
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Old 05-14-2013, 07:53 PM   #22
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What kind of outstanding questions are floating around that need to be answered? I did put up the current chapter for story input and would have been perfectly willing to shuffle things around so they make more sense. As it is, if the constructive feedback can get a little more specific than "confusing" that would be helpful.

What, exactly, is throwing you guys? Where's the fire? What did I do wrong?
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:14 PM   #23
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What kind of outstanding questions are floating around that need to be answered? I did put up the current chapter for story input and would have been perfectly willing to shuffle things around so they make more sense. As it is, if the constructive feedback can get a little more specific than "confusing" that would be helpful.

What, exactly, is throwing you guys? Where's the fire? What did I do wrong?
Er, I thought the fact that we don't have the underlying horror and mystery spelled out was on purpose? I'm still not quite sure what's going on, but it's in a good way where I await the reveals rather than get irritated.
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:32 PM   #24
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Very good, and very interesting.
Easy 5/5 from me.
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Old 05-14-2013, 08:32 PM   #25
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Er, I thought the fact that we don't have the underlying horror and mystery spelled out was on purpose? I'm still not quite sure what's going on, but it's in a good way where I await the reveals rather than get irritated.
Yeah, leaving things more hinted at than stated outright is pretty much a core part of Cthulean horror. A lot of the details can be pieced together and thus far I haven't really had any of my guesses proved dramatically wrong, which is a good sign that the story is coherent.
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Old 05-14-2013, 11:34 PM   #26
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Er, I thought the fact that we don't have the underlying horror and mystery spelled out was on purpose? I'm still not quite sure what's going on, but it's in a good way where I await the reveals rather than get irritated.
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Yeah, leaving things more hinted at than stated outright is pretty much a core part of Cthulean horror. A lot of the details can be pieced together and thus far I haven't really had any of my guesses proved dramatically wrong, which is a good sign that the story is coherent.
Yes, it is on purpose. In media res without the info dump. Cthulean horror is what I'm trying to emulate without the vague purple prose. I should hope the story is coherent, that's why I'm bothered by it being apparently confusing.
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Old 05-15-2013, 02:06 AM   #27
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You shouldn't be bothered about it being confusing, because you intend it to be confusing.

I just think that most people here are not familiar with the writing style, like myself, which is why we find it confusing and odd. Not in a bad way, but just different.

Perhaps the word confusing has the wrong sort of connotations to what we mean.
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Old 05-15-2013, 11:53 PM   #28
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I really, really like this. I have to go through it somewhat slower than I normally would just to make sure I don't miss anything, but it's tightly written all the same. The imagery is quite simply amazing, you really get the whole "elder things from before the universe" vibe nailed down.

Enjoying this immensely. 5/5 from me.
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Old 05-16-2013, 07:35 PM   #29
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I love this story. Fantastically atmospheric, really gets across the feeling of horror. I also, as others have mentioned, really like the use of a style that hints at more than shows us things to be afraid of, because it's really that anticipation that's the scary bit.

Overall, great job so far. 5/5
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Old 06-07-2013, 02:20 PM   #30
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It gets so obscure, unexplained and confusing that reader is detached from story. Even for me and I like confusing and overcomplicated stories.

But "What can be done, what cannot. (...)" in the first chapter is enough to rate it as 5/5.
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Old 11-17-2013, 08:41 AM   #31
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Since I can't find anywhere that's mentioned it in WBA or the other thread, I'll just point out that the tenth chapter is up after a few months of inactivity.
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