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Old 03-05-2007, 12:35 AM   #21
Swimdraconian
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This fic has potential, but, being what it is I'm a little leery of saying anything else. Most of the Harry as Slytherin fics go waaaay far downhill after a few chapters or so. It's a neat idea, but it's one that's hard to work with and too many authors fall into the trap of not being able to write anything worth reading after they explain the plot. Meh, I'm rambling.

I'll cross my fingers, but I'm not holding my breath. 3.5/5
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Old 03-05-2007, 01:10 AM   #22
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Well, this is turning into one fine fic.

Although, Harry's stay at the Dursleys seemed rather pointless; At this point, neither Slytherin nor Harry knew anything about the Prophecy or Blood Wards; as far as any of them knew, it was perfectly OK for Harry to go and live wherever he wanted during summer (especially if Slytherin had this super-secret-protected place of his own).

It seems the author merely wanted to follow the canon mold, with Harry having to suffer through some Dursley abuse no matter what. Such devotion to the form is never a good sign.

Still, let's say, this gets 4.1/5 at this point. Look forward for more.
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Old 03-05-2007, 07:16 AM   #23
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chapter two is fine but i agree with ip82. it is meaningless for harry to stay at dursley in these conditions
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Old 03-05-2007, 09:39 AM   #24
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I disagree there. If Harry disappears, then Dumbledore -- who is already suspiscious -- knows that something is definately up. So Harry goes home and tries to keep a low profile.
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Old 03-05-2007, 10:51 AM   #25
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I kind of agree with Ip82 on that point, but even though Gio has a good point, there is no real way to tell if that was really the authors intentions.

At the same time, all on its own, the whole leaving his house deal would be more tempting then leaving him there, and its what a lot of stories do. I can't really say its a cliche, but I don't see a writer having trouble with staying in the 'canon mold' when the leaving the Dursley's home is more of the 'fanon mold'. :-P
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Old 03-05-2007, 12:23 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by sgtoutlaw View Post
I kind of agree with Ip82 on that point, but even though Gio has a good point, there is no real way to tell if that was really the authors intentions.
The authors intentions here don't really enter into it. IP argued that it was potentially a cliche, I pointed out that is was necessary in order for the story to work without the 20000 continuity/logical errors that would result otherwise.
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Old 03-05-2007, 04:06 PM   #27
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Sorry if you don't like it, but Harry Potter itself has enough logic jumps that it doesn't really matter. :-P

Edit: On second thought, I suppose it does matter since you are actually having to read it. lol
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Old 03-05-2007, 05:09 PM   #28
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Gio, if slytherin has the completely safe place, it is stupid for harry to stay at dursleys. let dumbledore be curious, it doesn't matter much because harry could train at that place as long as Slytherin teaches him.
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Old 03-05-2007, 05:40 PM   #29
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Gio: You make a good point, but I'll have to remind you that this is post-COS fanfiction. At this moment, Harry has had only 2 or 3 conversations with Dumbledore. He doesn't know anything about the Prophecy, Blood Wards or Order of the Phoenix. He doesn't have any reason to consider Dumbledore's inquiries for anything more than a headmaster's concern for the safety of his students. As far as Harry knows, for Dumbledore he's just another student on summer vacation, free to do whatever his parents/guardians let him. Why would he think any different at this point?
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Old 03-05-2007, 07:31 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by ip82 View Post
Gio: You make a good point, but I'll have to remind you that this is post-COS fanfiction. At this moment, Harry has had only 2 or 3 conversations with Dumbledore. He doesn't know anything about the Prophecy, Blood Wards or Order of the Phoenix. He doesn't have any reason to consider Dumbledore's inquiries for anything more than a headmaster's concern for the safety of his students. As far as Harry knows, for Dumbledore he's just another student on summer vacation, free to do whatever his parents/guardians let him. Why would he think any different at this point?
Because the author set Harry up in the first chapter to be uncomfortable and secretive around Dumbledore. As it is, it's a very Slytherin thing to stay under the radar at the Dursleys. He can get away with much more this way. But, considering the way the latest chapter ended, well, it wasn't exactly a subtle move on Harry's part...
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Old 03-07-2007, 12:04 PM   #31
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I'm also waiting to see where this goes. Could use a bit of work, but at the moment it's balanced between a 3/5 rating and a 4/5 rating for me. I'm just hoping it doesn't end up falling into the "major-fail" category, we need some more good fictions.
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Old 03-07-2007, 03:01 PM   #32
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4 or 3.5. Very nice just hope that it goes all the way
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Old 03-07-2007, 11:14 PM   #33
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2 chapters in and it ends... 4/5 but thats not permanent as its only been 2 chaps. He may go cliche or something entirely different though the way its looking its going to be different from any I've ever read.
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Old 03-08-2007, 01:45 AM   #34
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This fic has great potential. I'm going to watch this fic closely, just because it's interesting and semi-original. 4/5
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Old 05-11-2007, 04:05 PM   #35
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Has anybody else been reading this? I just found this thread, and it appears as if it was updated twice since the last post.
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Old 05-12-2007, 12:39 AM   #36
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It has and they were very good chapters in my opinion. The potion was quite unique as far as ive seen, though maybe a little suspicious that its so easy to make but powerful. Salazar doesnt seem to be just telling Harry what to do at this point which is a definite plus for me.

 
Also getting rid of Lily's blood is something i can say ive never seen done before. The only downside ive seen is Harry getting Salazar's wand, i was rooting for the dementor flesh wand.


So far 4.5/5
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Old 05-12-2007, 04:38 AM   #37
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I've read this story and while it has four chapters, it's still very little, as they are rather small. So far there's hope that it will turn out to be a decent story, there were a few things original and unusual, such as the ritual and the Firedrake Draft, but that's all. The writing style is good, so I'll give it 4/5.
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Old 05-05-2016, 12:24 AM   #38
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All of the previous reviews seem to be based on when the Fic was still in progress, so now that it's finished I'm hoping this review won't count as necro-posting ^^

Technical writing ability - i.e. spelling and grammar - is not a concern for this work. My main source of dissatisfaction stems from my opinion that the story doesn't quite live up to its premise, both in terms of complexity of the plot development and sophistication in the work.

As Salazar was subtly introduced in the beginning of the first chapter, I thought that the author would write Salazar's continuing involvement in keeping with how he was initially presented - I.e. Implications of presence, as in:

Quote:
Harry shivered as some phantom breeze ruffled his hair, stepping forward as the stone wall closed behind him.

Something told him they could, that they weren't there just for decoration.

..the phantom breeze returned, stronger, urging him forward.
At least up until Salazar could be properly introduced and Harry could consciously acknowledge him in a way that would allow natural dialogue. But the transition from 'phantom breeze' to suddenly acting and speaking with Harry, as in:

Quote:
This time it was some sort of scolding smack, saying think
Made it feel as though Salazar suddenly popped into existence next to Harry as a semi-corporeal ghost. It doesn't help that the author continues to write Salazar in a dialogue format, since without the aforementioned necessary transition, there is no unique 'voice' and 'tone' to Salazar's speech, making it difficult to distinguish it from the rest of the text:

Quote:
There was no mirth now. Think, it pressured.
It sort of feels as though the author initially intended to introduce Salazar quietly, sneakily, then changed her mind halfway through and decided to introduce him with a bang instead. It makes for a slightly strange read.

Salazar's character development is similarly strange, going from semi-benevolent, arrogant, all-knowing dictator:

Quote:
Look at it... You need not fear its gaze.
To amused and distant, Socratic teacher:

Quote:
That is the question you should have asked to begin with.
I get the feeling that the author is trying to present Salazar as a saner, more generous Voldemort (i.e. the ideal gray!complex!character), but what I'm getting instead is a teacher who tries to encourage, but becomes impatient with his student's stupidity and so he winds up answering all the questions instead. That doesn't really give the student a chance to answer and think for himself, which is what happens with Harry.

Harry doesn't interact with Salazar so much as reacts to him, which means we get very little insight to how Harry's personality is changing as a result of Salazar's influence. Assuming the character has evolved without showing how, and then basing a series of resulting actions and decision-making on that lack of evolution sort of forces the audience to accept that everything the character does afterwards makes sense. However, without the backstory, instead of making sense Harry comes across as robotic - parroting what Salazar does and says without question, or with only the merest semblance of questioning.

Such an influential person cannot possibly leave a mark on your behavior without you going through a period of personal change - that's just not possible, unless you're talking brainwashing. And without writing in that period of personal growth, the motivating factor behind the character, Harry just feels incomplete as a person, which subsequently makes Salazar feel similarly incomplete.

To me, that's why the previous reviews seem to constantly question the logic behind Harry's decisions and actions - why would he do that, that seems pointless, that doesn't make sense, etc. Because the author never provided one, and so the readers have to answer that question themselves.

If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say that the author got lazy at one point, was rapidly losing interest in the story, saw that their initial choice of writing style was too difficult to flesh out, and so decided to cut their losses and 'cheat' on character development just so they could finish the story and call it quits.

2/5 for me.

Last edited by Senna; 05-05-2016 at 12:27 AM. Reason: Completed quote code
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