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Old 08-22-2009, 01:48 AM   #21
Kinser
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Okay, I've ready these 20 chapters so far. Yes there is a bit of cliche in this story. But quite frankly with literally thousands of HP fanfics cliches are practally impossible to avoid.

Over all I do find the charactisations to be slightly off from the canon...not terribly so, just enough to make the story work.

The writing style is okay, and apart from fliping points of view in a couple of chapters which I find personally annoying it is quite well written.

Over all I think this gets an easy 4/5.
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Old 08-22-2009, 02:55 PM   #22
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I read all of the chapters posted. I have a good feeling about this story after the introduction of Astoria Greengrass. Hopefully that will be the pairing, (even better if it's Harry/Astoria instead of Hephaestus/Astoria) sparking a shit ton of Harry/Astoria, which will soon overtake the tons of shitty Harry/Daphne that are out.

But to be honest, I'd just be glad if she doesn't make it slash.
Oh Averis, you're so cute when you're naive. If it every created a boom of Harry/Astoria, it would just lead to piles of crappy Harry/Astoria. Maybe four worthwhile fics, tops.

Started reading the story. Very solid right now, but I'll abstain from voting till I've read further.
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Old 08-24-2009, 11:36 PM   #23
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I read all of the chapters posted. I have a good feeling about this story after the introduction of Astoria Greengrass. Hopefully that will be the pairing, (even better if it's Harry/Astoria instead of Hephaestus/Astoria) sparking a shit ton of Harry/Astoria, which will soon overtake the tons of shitty Harry/Daphne that are out.
Personally, I'm rooting for Harry/Astoria/Hephaestus.

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Started reading the story. Very solid right now, but I'll abstain from voting till I've read further.
I agree.
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Old 08-25-2009, 08:31 PM   #24
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The Draco characterization, particularly, is way off - unless he interacts TOTALLY differently with Harry than he does with "Hephaestus", then this is a major point of contention for me. Most of the other characters are well-done, though. Even if Daphne is an Ice Queen (though the phrase wasn't quite used), which made me roll my eyes.
Oh, I rather liked Daphne. The thing is, usually, it's the reverse: author's slap on the label and then that's the extent of their 'characterisation' -- if you're lucky. If you're unlucky, what they actually show of her is diametrically opposed to what they set out to portray her as.

So seeing her here like that, but without any stupid label, makes it instantly a winner in that regard.

Astoria -- gimme moar; about ideas in here I already said something; the author took enough time to flesh out Pureblood/Dark Wizard society; that's great fun to read. The writing quality is decent, no complaints there, the plot keeps me reading.

That's quite a bit of plus already.


The biggest flaw of the story in my eyes is the discontinuity I pointed out in my first post: the transition, from the Harry at the end of OotP, to the one the author wants to write isn't particularly smooth. Harry is changing, but it's a little jumpy.

The result of that is that some of his actions seem odd: his reaction to Lucius, especially early on, was too tame. I mean, fuck, the guy attacked him just a month or so ago and would've had no problems with killing him, gets rightly sent to Azkaban, and Harry does ... what? Having a chat with him? The fact that the Ministry is corrupt and Lucius gets out of Azkaban again -- well, shit happens, life goes on or what?

For Post-OotP-Harry (which is less than a month prior, at this time), Lucius alone would have been reason enough to not even think about becoming friends with Draco. I realise that the story wouldn't work in that case, with this plot; and later on, Harry's reaction becomes more decisive on one hand and you get used to the new Harry on the other (so that I don't even mind all that much -- after all, I like what Harry is becoming), but it needs to be said.

And the same is true for his sudden aversion to Muggles.

It could be reasoned that Hephaistos has a different mindset than Harry, but I don't think that is ever stated.


All in all, now that the transition is more or less finished, the story can only get better. I already felt that in the last chapters, I was getting really into it and not questioning Harry's actions anymore.

For what is there now, as a whole, 3.5/5, with a strong tendency up.
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Old 08-27-2009, 12:29 AM   #25
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Wait a minute--wasn't Hephaestus the name of Alexander the Great's gay lover? >.>
Pretty sure the author is referring to this Hephaestus.
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Old 08-27-2009, 10:33 AM   #26
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Just finished this now and I loved it.

The Dark wizard thing isn't canon but it's fun and interesting to read.

Kmfrank: internal/external magic doesn't really bother me. In fact I take it as canon: it's pretty obvious that wizards have magic of their own, but there is also magic out in the world: magical plants, creatures, etc. After all, he hasn't said anything about magical cores, just magic that belongs to the wizard (and tbh I can read fics with magical cores in, I just get annoyed with it in discussion about canon).

However, there is a slight problem with it. If Dark magic/external magic is so powerful compared to Light magic/internal magic, then why is it that the Light wizards are in charge and why is it that Dumbledore - a Light wizard - is the greatest wizard in Britain?

If Dark magic was innately greater than Light, then Voldemort should be able to finish Dumbledore off easily, no matter how skilled Dumbledore is at using Light magic.

He needs to balance the systems somehow. But with such a balancing there would no longer be any real reason for Harry to go Dark, as Light magic would be able to satisfy him.

The characterisation of Harry at the start of the fic was a bit contrived. He had a sudden desire to be independent. He was complaining about being treated like a child and protected when he hadn't yet proven that he wasn't a child and didn't need protecting. His choice to go to the DoM, and his subsequent bailout by the Order, rather shows that he does need protecting at this point.

Unlike Sesc, I feel this was the tell-tale characterisation jump.

However, I'm liking how his characterisation progressed once the initial jump was made.

Ron and Hermione are done well too. As are Draco Malfoy and other minor characters. I'm anxious about how he's going to characterise Dumbledore and the Order, which I'm very picky on, and independent!Harry fics traditional perform badly in. They often turn them into caricitures as a juxtaposition for Harry's awesomeness. I hope the author will keep it both three dimensional and rational.

I'm not minding the "long summer" pacing of the fic, especially as it feels like we're approaching Hogwarts now. So long as the author has a definite plan for Hogwarts - so often independent Harry fics burn out at that stage.

Harry's progression with magic is good. I like the way he's picking up things here and there in a pragmatic non-timetabled way, giving him odd extra skills which when combined in total add up to a very nice broad advance in his education in Potions, Charms, Transfiguration, Dark magic, and magical theory, as well as nice bits of obscure magic.

A slight concern is how being back in his "Harry" persona at Hogwarts will change things. It's clear that his "self image" changes not just his appearance but his way of thinking. Will he start to think differently after spending lots of time as Harry again? Will his Dark magic not work as well in his Harry persona, like it doesn't work for a Light wizard?

A bit disappointed that there isn't any occlumency so far. Though often occlumency is lame in independent Harry fics, shields and walls and all that shit. So maybe it's better to not have it at all rather than be given a mutilated version of it.

5/5
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Old 08-27-2009, 12:14 PM   #27
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However, there is a slight problem with it. If Dark magic/external magic is so powerful compared to Light magic/internal magic, then why is it that the Light wizards are in charge and why is it that Dumbledore - a Light wizard - is the greatest wizard in Britain?

If Dark magic was innately greater than Light, then Voldemort should be able to finish Dumbledore off easily, no matter how skilled Dumbledore is at using Light magic.
You know, I thought about this when I read it and came to the conclusion that Voldemort might not be a true Dark wizard. After all, pledging himself to serve anything at all doesn't seem his style, and what Dark wizards do give themselves to magic, in a sense.

I'm not sure what the author will decide to do, and I think it's clear that Harry assumes that Voldemort is Dark, but I still think that the author could go either way on this. I mean Voldemort takes his Slytherin heritage seriously, and I find it hard to believe - given the history that this author has provided - that if Slytherin were a Dark wizard:

1. The other Hogwarts founders never figured it out.

and

2. Slytherin would want to found a school teaching light magic at all.

The author probably hasn't even considered this possibility, and Voldemort will probably certainly be Dark, but I think it would be much more interesting if Voldemort was simply a twisted light wizard who has incredible power.
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Old 08-27-2009, 12:18 PM   #28
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If Voldemort isn't Dark then there's still a problem. It's just that our incredulity about Dumbledore's position in the wizarding world, given the nature of Dark and Light magic, becomes a position of incredulity about both Dumbledore and Voldemort.
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Old 08-27-2009, 02:46 PM   #29
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If Voldemort isn't Dark then there's still a problem. It's just that our incredulity about Dumbledore's position in the wizarding world, given the nature of Dark and Light magic, becomes a position of incredulity about both Dumbledore and Voldemort.
Well the author has mentioned that Dark wizards are incredibly small in number. On top of that, there's the possibility that, given their small number, there are no Dumbledore or Voldemort level Dark wizards right now.

I got the impression that the Dark wizards' situation with regards to the Wizarding World was similar to the Wizarding World's situation regarding the Muggle World. They need to remain hidden or risk becoming at odds with a much larger population. After all, there were metaphorical "dark wizard burnings" in the past perpetrated by light wizards.
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Old 08-27-2009, 05:39 PM   #30
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I started to read it, but quickly grew bored. Seems like pretty standard Independent!Harry fare, starting from the standard Independent!Harry kickoff point (summer after OotP). Too much inner monologue, plenty of cliche, nothing to really hold my interest. Bleh.
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Old 08-27-2009, 11:02 PM   #31
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4/5.

It's an interesting idea, the writing is solid, and I enjoyed it. The OCs are done well enough, and I feel immersed in the story, which is especially impressive since all the locales are entirely unique to this particular fic. So points for that.

A few things detract: The suddenness of Malfoy/Harry interaction, and more importantly Harry's thoughts on the matter. Sending Malfoy a gift to respect the traditions is one thing, but sending him a very useful and personal gift is something else entirely. Also the light/dark wizard thing is very roughly done in some places.

So a strong 4/5. On an international scale, I rate it France. A little slow out the gate and perhaps a bit caught up in itself, but a fine example of quality nonetheless.
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Old 08-28-2009, 02:53 AM   #32
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A few things detract: The suddenness of Malfoy/Harry interaction, and more importantly Harry's thoughts on the matter. Sending Malfoy a gift to respect the traditions is one thing, but sending him a very useful and personal gift is something else entirely.
Reading through all the above posts I almost thought there for a moment, that I might have read another fic, since no one made a point of the ridiculously slash like interaction between the Malfoy boy and Potter.

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He had never seen Malfoy looking so dead serious. "Tell me more, please," he whispered when the other boy quit talking.
Nope, teenage boys Don't talk that way. They don't whisper to each other. Never. And I fully realize that this should be the least of the problems to be pointed out in the story but it made me jump over huge parts of chapters so I could avoid pointless author dribble over the blonde boy.

I liked the story for the most of it, but I've always hated the stupid Light vs. Dark magic talk, especially when the author tries to give it to some fairy tale feeling through gay descriptions of characters in vain try to give them an air of "mystery".
And the Malfoy boy is everything but that... Unfortunatelly that is the result of being a fan of slash fics and reading a good number of them.
Over all, despite the numerous author replies that the fic won't be slash, so far she could have fooled me.

On the positives note - learning through reading in order to get the job done is rather effective way of having the silly and angsty teen to learn things, and Zate so far has been somewhat interesting character.
On the negative - "Alley watch" ?! What the fuck was that all about? And if they know the people who are usually around, how comes the Order hasn't got a wind of the new boy who just settled in, in the right time and being at the right age to fit the missing Boy-Who-Lived description. Weren't there people in that little group who regularly lurk around the more shady parts of the magical world for that same reason - to keep their eyes open and ears to the ground?!

Another thing - I might have not read it correctly, but if the charms on "The Library" prevent you to speak of the things you hear there, or of the people you see or meet - then how the fuck was Malfoy senior able to talk about this interesting boy he met there? I'll tell you how - a stupid plot devise to make Draco the open and talkative, over all easy going chap, who the lone Harry will instantly like, comes back to bit the author in the ass. That is how...O_o

Over all - I have to be honest that the fic kept me reading it to the latest chapter, and although there were parts I had to skip it is actually not half-bad. 4/5 (3.5 but damn rounding of the rating). Unfortunatelly I can easily see it going fast downhill, there is just something about authors who are writing extra chapters of fillers(the birthday party) on readers requests, that just doesn't sit well with me.
I admin the Astoria episode I liked, but inserting a chapter about an event from a point of the story already passed = fail.
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Old 08-28-2009, 07:31 AM   #33
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Nope, teenage boys Don't talk that way. They don't whisper to each other. Never. And I fully realize that this should be the least of the problems to be pointed out in the story but it made me jump over huge parts of chapters so I could avoid pointless author dribble over the blonde boy.
Firstly, they're in a Library. You whisper in a Library.

Secondly they don't want to be overheard. You whisper when you don't want to be overheard.
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Old 08-28-2009, 02:04 PM   #34
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Firstly, they're in a Library. You whisper in a Library.

Secondly they don't want to be overheard. You whisper when you don't want to be overheard.

Ugh... If i remember it right... it was written that in that library (Bibliotheka?) you can't err overhear (spelling?) what others are speaking without their agreement... or something like that..

PS me sorry me no speak good English, ya
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Old 09-08-2009, 05:24 PM   #35
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Ugh... If i remember it right... it was written that in that library (Bibliotheka?) you can't err overhear (spelling?) what others are speaking without their agreement... or something like that..

PS me sorry me no speak good English, ya
They are still in a library even if there were spells in place that stopped eavesdropping. Do you talk normal in a library even if there is no one around? No you whisper.

I enjoyed reading this, it was a little boring at first but it quickly picked up. I find all the Dark wizard theory and traditions interesting.

One thing I don't like about this story is how comfortable Harry feels around Draco and Lucius. He was just attacked by Malfoy senior and a month later is sitting in the library comfortably talking to him. I give this a 4.5/5

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Old 09-21-2009, 09:08 PM   #36
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I enjoyed reading this fic quite a bit. It is pretty slow paced, but at the same time, it kept me interested. I particularly liked the implied differences between dark wizards and evil wizards, it's just a shame that this story seems to be abandoned.

4/5
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Old 09-22-2009, 05:44 AM   #37
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this story seems to be abandoned.
How do you figure? The last update was in July, not too long ago.
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Old 09-22-2009, 06:09 AM   #38
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Ok, Maybe I should have said that it seems to be on hiatus or whatever it is called when you temporarily stop a fic.

Also I was basing it off the premise that most halfway decent fics are usually abandoned just as they starts getting good
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Old 09-22-2009, 07:58 PM   #39
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Pretty sure the author is referring to this Hephaestus.
No my friend I am pretty sure Saguen was right when he corrected RustyRed. The Grecian you speak of is a mythological character that was know as the prime benefactor for those in the metallurgy based vocations. While the Grecian/Macedonian(?) that Saguen linked to is know to be Alexander's first and foremost lover, even after he married and took on others.

Unless of course you were speaking of the author who wrote the fanfic in question then I apologize.
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Old 10-28-2009, 07:05 PM   #40
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Updated. Now terribly long, but better than nothing.

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Ok, Maybe I should have said that it seems to be on hiatus or whatever it is called when you temporarily stop a fic.

Also I was basing it off the premise that most halfway decent fics are usually abandoned just as they starts getting good
Now that's just silly. As her "PM-Newsletter" (lol) says, she's back at college and it's the usual RL thing. The story is NOT abandoned. I can totally emphasise, too.
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