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Old 10-29-2009, 10:46 AM   #41
Raining Ink
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Is it alright to post about my own story? Anyway...

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However, there is a slight problem with it. If Dark magic/external magic is so powerful compared to Light magic/internal magic, then why is it that the Light wizards are in charge and why is it that Dumbledore - a Light wizard - is the greatest wizard in Britain?
My thoughts: The Dark connection to ambient magic in the story is more powerful than most Light/internal magic. However, just because a wizard can connect to ambient magic doesn’t mean he can always bend it perfectly to his will. Dark magic is inherently less stable. I think I use the word “feral” to describe it in the fic. So, while Dark wizards have access to greater power, they don’t necessarily have full control of it, and I don’t think of it as the kind of power that would be desirable to the populous at large.

Also, the ability to fully utilize ambient magic would have to depend on the strength of the wizard to an extent. Dark wizards vary in power just as much as Light wizards do. I think the capacity to fully access external magic would depend on the strength of internal magic, so a weak wizard doesn’t gain as much benefit from being Dark as a strong wizard does. (By the way, I consider Harry to be very powerful but woefully undereducated in how to direct that power.)


Finally, there’s an icky factor to Dark magic as I conceive of it that hasn’t come out in the story because it’s been almost all from Harry and Draco’s point of view. Like with the Absorption Field in chapter 12 or the midsummer ritual, there’s an element of self-exposure in Dark magic that I think many wizards would find unpleasant. I think of magic (in the story, that is, I don’t think it’s this way in canon) as being intimate in a way, so at the extremes Light magic would be like self-stimulation at best while Dark magic would be like sexual exhibitionism. In other words, Dark magic would feel wrong to a lot of people.


I can’t believe I just made such a bad analogy, but I can’t think of a better one at the moment.


As for why Dark wizards aren’t in control, Howdy had it right. It’s because Light wizards far outnumber them.

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If it goes to slash...and I'm not saying it won't, though Harry has had promising interactions with Astoria, notably...then this'll suck and fail.
It's not slash. It's Harry/Dark Witch, and there's no serious romance at all for a long time.

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Though, shouldn't cell phones in the nineties be like, huge monstrosities? I think sometimes people forget this is the 90's and not present day. Or did the author say it was a 90's style one?
It is a 90's style one. I tried to make it sound big and bulky by having two owls deliver it. Maybe too subtle?

Other things: Hephaestus is a reference to the Greek god. I didn't even know Alexander the Great had a male lover.

They were whispering because they were in a library and the conversation was serious. I whisper even on the non- "quiet floors" of my local library.

As for OOC-ness: Yes, probably in some cases. I'm trying to repair some of it.
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Old 10-29-2009, 02:27 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Raining Ink View Post
Also, the ability to fully utilize ambient magic would have to depend on the strength of the wizard to an extent. Dark wizards vary in power just as much as Light wizards do. I think the capacity to fully access external magic would depend on the strength of internal magic, so a weak wizard doesn’t gain as much benefit from being Dark as a strong wizard does. (By the way, I consider Harry to be very powerful but woefully undereducated in how to direct that power.)
Paging Taure!

Welcome though, and posting about your own story is not only welcome but encouraged.
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Old 11-04-2009, 07:50 PM   #43
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EDIT: Or I could post in entirely the wrong thread.
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Old 11-06-2009, 09:29 PM   #44
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You've all covered the good and bad points of this.

4/5 for me. Its good, but not spectacular.
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Old 11-17-2009, 06:32 PM   #45
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This is a pretty enjoyable story for what it is, and actually is showing some signs of improving, by just generally embracing the lolzyness of the situation. The ideas are relatively fresh and the whole Draco friend thing (OOC paradox that he is) is a different take on your usual Independent Harry if nothing else. I feel like this fic could turn to serious win in a few chapters if the interaction with Dumbledore is good, and if Harry's double life creates interesting situations at Hogwarts.

I like Hermione more than usual in this fic, possibly because she's a bit OOC and way less of a Dumbledore cheerleader than is usual in Indy!Harry. Maybe that's part of the reason the fic sort of draws you in: it has cliches involved, but not the same ones you'll usually see in Indy Harry or those ones done in the same way, and those that are there are reasonable (25,000 Galleons, Darkvision, lolzy secret library replacing lolzy 7-compartment trunk).

4/5 here
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:11 PM   #46
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Just a question, but would Harry's nic-name in the Doxy Closet be Heph?

Because that would be amusing.
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Old 11-23-2009, 02:38 AM   #47
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I like it, no glaring technical problems and it's moving along at a decent pace so far. The writing style is readable and the plot, while not earth-shattering, is interesting and amusing. I'm looking forward to seeing more. 4/5

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Wait a minute--wasn't Hephaestus the name of Alexander the Great's gay lover? >.>
According to Plutarch's Life of Alexander, Alexander's male lover was Hephaestion. Hephaestus was a Greek God, just as Raining Ink said. Just thought I'd clear that up.
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Old 12-26-2009, 02:03 AM   #48
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DLP does not disappoint. Good fic, just sad there's not more.

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Though, shouldn't cell phones in the nineties be like, huge monstrosities? I think sometimes people forget this is the 90's and not present day. Or did the author say it was a 90's style one?
As someone who owned a cell phone in the 90s, they were hardly monstrosities. And Raining, as long as you don't succumb to the eternal netgirl crutch of slash, you've made a fan.
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Old 12-26-2009, 03:49 AM   #49
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In spite of logical fallacies, inconsistencies with canon and some really cliché and/or dumb ideas, it was a rather pleasurable read. Maybe just because I was bored, though.

I can't in good conscience give this story any more than 3/5, not with all its faults.

Here's what bothered me:
  • Dumbledore controlling Harry's mail,
  • All-knowing goblins,
  • Harry instantly recognizing Griphook,
  • Trace doesn't exist, (seriously, I'm fine with a relatively easy way to avoid it, but it is canon)
  • Overpowered dark magic and weird distinction between Dark and Light,
  • A secret society of dark wizards,
  • A deus-ex library,
  • An inheritance potion (in Gringotts, obviously!),
  • Said inheritance potion gives its user new abilities,
  • Sudden personality changes because of the inheritance,
  • Very, very slow progress - over half a year of writing, 70k words and we're only month or two into the story.

There probably is more, but I can't be bothered to try and remember.

3/5.
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Old 12-29-2009, 02:12 PM   #50
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Updated.

Is it just me or after all this time the flaws became a bit more striking?

Also, I fail to see how today's three (!) chapters couldn't have been combined into one.
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Old 12-31-2009, 05:09 AM   #51
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I'm still hooked. Say all you want, but this is probably one of the more promising independent!Harry fics to appear in a long time.

I'm curious to see the depths that Harry will sink to. Will he just become a Dark wizard in the author's context, embracing the union between his internal magic and ambient magic, or will he actually become twisted or corrupted by it?

This merits an easy 4/5, I think.
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Old 01-01-2010, 12:51 AM   #52
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I'm still hooked. Say all you want, but this is probably one of the more promising independent!Harry fics to appear in a long time.
This. The chapters are painfully short but it's interesting all the same.
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Old 01-11-2010, 08:06 PM   #53
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Agreed, while it really doesn't seem that great on the surface, the writing makes it worth reading.

I have to say, I do miss Ectomancer.
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Old 01-12-2010, 07:10 PM   #54
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In spite of logical fallacies, inconsistencies with canon and some really cliché and/or dumb ideas, it was a rather pleasurable read.
This, though I disagree with your rating. It's well above average.

The major thing that appeals to me is that the dark wizards are something more than just casters of the Unforgivables, more than just Death Eaters or whatever.

4/5
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Old 01-31-2010, 09:54 AM   #55
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I honestly think the story would progress a lot better had Hermione died.
That being said, its quite a good read, barring of course the woeful update size.
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Old 03-25-2010, 08:22 PM   #56
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I was happy when I found this story. I found it a refreshing change from the usual cliché Harry/Draco friendship and Dark!Harry post 5th year angst. The thing I can't wrap m head around is the 'conflict' he sees with killing Death Eaters. I don't care how dark they are or how shiny there tattoos are, they are out to kill him. There is not conflict.

Also Hermione should have died. I think it would have really driven the point home about the difference between a Dark Wizard and a Death Eater. Soemthing I think he needs to relearn before he comes into contact with the Malfoy's again.
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Old 03-29-2010, 05:01 AM   #57
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I'm still following this story, but the waffling over the Dark Wizard/Death Eater distinction is beginning to piss me off.

Apparently Harry is not allowed to kill Death Eaters who are Dark Wizards, but these guys are allowed to kill damn well anyone they like so long as they're not a Dark Wizard as well, because that's just wrong and makes magic angry. Never mind that running around wearing masks precludes you from telling who you're fighting.

Also, it's hinted at that Bellatrix is not a Dark Witch since Harry killed her or hurt her badly, yet she's from a very Dark family it would seem. Her damn sister is a "Good" Dark Witch but Bellatrix isn't one at all? Frankly, I don't think I've come across a single "Bad" Dark Wizard or Witch in this story yet, unless you count Lucius, who actually seems like a pretty nice guy in this fic.

I'm also still pissed that it hasn't been stated as to whether or not Voldemort is a Dark Wizard, since this seems like it would be a very big deal. I can't imagine that he is, given that Harry has to kill him, but then why do all of the Dark Wizards follow him around murdering people, licking his boots, and frankly wasting their time bugging the Muggles?

Couldn't all of the Dark Wizards just get together, summon a hurricane, and fuck Voldemort's shit up?

Also, not a fan that Hermione is hanging around. The plot here seems to be dragging with the same old "oh, no, what am I gonna do?" nonsense that it's been stuck on for more than a dozen chapters. Get a move on, already.
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Old 03-29-2010, 07:43 AM   #58
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^ he mad.

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Old 03-29-2010, 08:53 PM   #59
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The goblin's eyes widened a bit, then he nodded. "Hold out your hand," he demanded.

Harry stuck a few fingers of his left hand out from under the cloak. The goblin leaned close to the hand, as though he were going to examine Harry's finger prints, then without any warning whatsoever, the guard bit Harry's index finger. Harry yelped and pulled his hand back under the cloak, fumbling for his wand.

"Stop squawking!" snapped the goblin. "I had to make sure you were Harry Potter, didn't I?"

"You bit me!" Harry managed to control the volume of his voice, but it was more than a little shrill. Were goblin bites poisonous?

The goblin turned his nose up. "Well I'll admit, there are fancier ways of determining your identity, Mr. Potter; but beggars can't be choosers."

The goblin pulled a small glass cube out of his vest pocket and spoke into it. "I have an invisible high-profile client at the front door."

The glass cube glowed briefly white and another goblin voice replied. "Acknowledged, Greblak. A cart operator will be with the client shortly."

"Oh," said Harry. He wrapped his bloody finger up in the side of his t-shirt. "Thanks, Greblak."

"Gringotts prides itself on its security, Mr. Potter," the goblin boasted. "All door guardians are trained in client identification."

"Err…right," said Harry, whose penis was beginning to throb.

Greblak grinned in Harry's direction, showing every one of his pointed teeth. "You'd taste lovely with a nice cabernet."
The end line made me picture a blowjob.

---------- Post automerged at 07:53 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:48 PM ----------

As far as the story itself is concerned the writing is adequete and it had a lot of potential but the plot doesn't really seem to be heading in an exciting and thrilling direction that is the epitome of dark fics like stranger trilogy and amerison's fics. No voldemort interactions to write home about, nothing in particular to move the plot forward along the track lines of the prophecy so rating will be in my opinion 3/5

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Old 05-29-2010, 10:05 AM   #60
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Updated. Review later 8D
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“Someone is going to pay.”

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