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Old 01-24-2010, 09:45 AM   #1
Dark-Stallion
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Intoxication by nos tres reges - T

Title: Intoxication
Author: nos tres reges
Rating: T
Genre: Romance/General
DLP Category: General or Dark
Pairing: Harry/Daphne
Words: 29,051
Published: January 23, 2010

Status: Oneshot
Summary: There is a fine line between persistence and harassment.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5690799/1/Intoxication
File: https://forums.darklordpotter.net/sh...3&postcount=73 - See the Attachment.

This is actually the first fiction that I've posted in the For Review section, mainly because I'm a fragile human being beneath my cold exterior and I couldn't take being belittled for my fiction preferences. However, I'm a fan of the writing of this trio of writers, and I stumbled across this oneshot installment when checking if their other chaptered fictions had been updated. I rushed to post it here, as it intrigued me so.

The writing is sound, I saw only one grammar/spelling error ('was' used rather than 'were'), and the storyline is both refreshingly original and gripping. The length is great (30k words for a oneshot is perfect, in my opinion) and it reads like a well-planned and edited short story.

The plot is, as mentioned, very enticing as well as original; I've not really seen a Harry characterised such as this before. The author (authors?) really make good use of the 1st person style, and we have a mysterious yet frustratingly limited view of the world around Harry, explained perfectly as the story progresses. There is also a whiff of actual depth to the storyline, it is not your usual two dimensional fanfiction.

Overall, I rate this as a 4.5; the only nit-pick I have is that I like the idea so much that I'm upset that it's not a longer, chaptered fic, and that Harry is perhaps too much like his father is often portrayed in fanon.

Dark Stallion.


Edit by Minion, September. 20, 2014
The story isn't available on public archives any longer, but Ayreon provided a file here:
https://forums.darklordpotter.net/sh...3&postcount=73
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"I've gorged on the fear of my enemies, self-indulged in lust and been a slave to my own avarice." Harry spun wildly, facing away from his benevolent headmaster in burning shame and anger. "I've succumbed to despair, become blinded by pride and others have paid in blood for my vainglory."

"I've been the epitome of apathy, and my wrath..." His breathing became heavy and laboured. "There is no fury on earth, or below it, which can compare."

~ Fated Reminiscences, by Dark Stallion

Last edited by Dark Minion; 09-20-2014 at 05:27 AM.
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Old 01-24-2010, 10:29 AM   #2
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Huh. Was just going to post the same fic, but Dark Stallion beat me to it. And he pretty much covered what I was going to gush about - excellent length, nearly flawless in style and the execution of the ending was awesome. Really circular, which I always like, and it helped me label this Harry characterisation as "totally fucking nuts, but I like it."

 
Daphne herself was an interesting character - nos tres reges must've been well aware of the Pureblood Princess Mary Sue Daphne characterisations, and their Daphne playfully either embraced or subverted those clichés (E.g., embraced as in their descriptions of Daphne sounding rather smitten and Sue-ish, but subverted in that they abolished the untouchable Mary Sue Daphne aspect and didn't make her a virgin! Such a rarity, and it adds to the fic's status as the kid who didn't want to be associated with the others in its group.) Don't get me wrong, she was every bit manipulative and written as sexy, but with the credentials to back it up (Signing Astoria up as Malfoy's wife was a nice touch).

Daphne gushing session aside, Harry was probably my favourite part of the fic. Again, the clichés were embraced - Harry used two wands and even confessed his love for Daphne very early - but were used effectively - Harry was a creepy stalker guy, and the fact the second wand was the Elder Wand probably made him think of himself as untouchable, and that's what almost got him killed later in the story, for sure. But I had to give it to him, he certainly wormed his way out of trouble with a certain badassery.

Oh, and I had a nice little chuckle about Hermione's banana eating habits.


I don't rate in numbers, but let's just say this is Library worthy. Dark Harry section, probably. Just a nice oneshot that's still sticking around in my head, so it was effective overall.
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Old 01-24-2010, 10:48 AM   #3
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I was just going to put that up here. Brilliant, creepy, utterly disturbing. The end has more twists than a slalom race (well, almost) and leaves you completely in the dark until you get there.

When I reached the final scene with Daphne in the chamber, my first feel was that it read artificial -- like, you felt that this was what the author(s) wanted to show, and the rest, until then, was only a set-up to get there; and not a very good one at that, since

 
Daphne telling him to basically fuck off was a 180° turn from everything that took place until then (the build-up, which seemed consistent -- the break was the switch in her persona after they had sex, not before), and him killing her came out of nowhere and felt entirely forced.

But the paragraph from the Potion's Journal gave an explanation, and completely reinterpreted what went on -- the way I understood it, Daphne in the last scene was back to her old self, and what happened prior was the (potions-induced) OOC part.

My only quarrel with this explanation is that Daphne and Harry already got along well before she drank his calming draught, so it couldn't have been all fake, could it? So there remains a little illogicality.


And then came of course the actual end, that relativised everything.


I haven't been thinking about a FF this long in ages. So despite the logical inconsistencies I mentioned, 4.5/5, rounded to a 5.
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Old 01-24-2010, 11:08 AM   #4
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My only gripe is Harry's characterisation at first, but it gets better the more you read of it. 5/5 for awesomeness.
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Old 01-24-2010, 01:47 PM   #5
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I really dig most of it but I wish the author would stop piling up the implied kiddie porn. Nott and Daphne fucking as 12 year olds, Hermione getting drilled by Viktor, for fucks sake.


This reminds me way too much of that horrible Harry Potter and the Marriage Contracts fic where Daphne gets repeatedly raped by some old fat guy before her and Harry eventually get together. Other than the forced sex angst I liked it a lot.
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Old 01-24-2010, 03:59 PM   #6
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Holy *$%$* 30,000 word oneshot! That combined the fact that it doesn't suck earns 3/5. Then there is the Daphne pairing done in an original way which gets another 1. Finally, the fact that he wrote Vincet gets the last 1.

5/5.

I'd write more but I am only halfway through the story.

EDIT: Read it! 5/5. There is some hint for a sequel but the story is finished on its own.
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:15 PM   #7
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...you're reviewing this story only halfway through? Aiyah.

Technically, this story is pretty awesome. That said, I'm not going to rate this for a while because I'm still not sure how to react to the ending. Like Sesc said, this FF makes you think.
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:55 PM   #8
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This is a story I'm definitely going to reread someday. The title really fits in my opinion, because intoxication was the beginning and end of everything.

I really don't have anything to complain about, and this made me think and feel, which is all I can expect from fiction. So the rating is a no-brainer.

5/5
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Old 01-24-2010, 07:39 PM   #9
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I normally don't like one shots. I usually really don't like one shots with any romantic content--especially if the main female lead is supposedly repeatedly raped and does not have a non-potion/spell induced emotional breakdown of some sort.

However, for this story it just seemed to work. Technical execution was flawless. And the story over all was quite good--better than about 90% of the garbage thats out there now.

I think this gets a 4/5 because it just wasn't awesome enough for 5/5 though quite good and quite library worthy.
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:14 PM   #10
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Awesome. I think that it was especially appropriate that his description of himself to the four Slytherin boys reflected young Tom Riddles self description in Chamber of Secrets.

4/5
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Old 01-24-2010, 08:25 PM   #11
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Obviously this story was great. I'm not sure how to interpret the ending, though.

 
The article just says it was "mild intoxication" like beer. Is it supposed to have been far more potent cause it was the basilisk? And thus the entire thing from the Chamber on only happened because they were high?

I guess that's what they're implying but it seemed like they were getting along pretty well and heading towards hooking up before they drank the potion.

And is the Draught supposed to explain some of Harry's crazy ass behavior? Or is that completely separate?
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Old 01-24-2010, 10:07 PM   #12
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So, if I understood this correctly,
 
Harry obliviated himself of the whole incident and let his potions make him "fall in love" with someone else a random?
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Old 01-24-2010, 10:12 PM   #13
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I'd rather think he kept those memories and is just crazy.
Beginnings of a serial killer and all that.
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Old 01-25-2010, 12:54 AM   #14
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Very thought-provoking. The ending had a very "Eternal Return" vibe to it that really fit the overall atmosphere of the second half, and I liked the slow transition from wacky romance to serial killer in the making; the pacing of the change was very nice.

The Tom Riddle parallels were also surprisingly well-done. Both the self-description that DarthBill mentioned and
 
Harry describing his first name as "...a stupid, nasty, common name that I've never particularly been fond of..."
actually fit pretty well and didn't seem as forced as it usually does.

It gets a 5/5 from me.
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:51 AM   #15
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I feel like it could of been a lot better if it explained a few things.

The fact that he kept talking about sex with 14 year olds made me feel like I was reading some terrible Naruto fic.

Then the fact that Harry was just changed completely. It is fair enough to have someone change a lot over the course of a few years, but there was so little in the part of history it felt like a complete AU. 4/5, but it could of easily been a five if those problems where not there.
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Old 01-25-2010, 03:11 AM   #16
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I was just going to put that up here. Brilliant, creepy, utterly disturbing. The end has more twists than a slalom race (well, almost) and leaves you completely in the dark until you get there.

When I reached the final scene with Daphne in the chamber, my first feel was that it read artificial -- like, you felt that this was what the author(s) wanted to show, and the rest, until then, was only a set-up to get there; and not a very good one at that, since

 
Daphne telling him to basically fuck off was a 180° turn from everything that took place until then (the build-up, which seemed consistent -- the break was the switch in her persona after they had sex, not before), and him killing her came out of nowhere and felt entirely forced.

But the paragraph from the Potion's Journal gave an explanation, and completely reinterpreted what went on -- the way I understood it, Daphne in the last scene was back to her old self, and what happened prior was the (potions-induced) OOC part.

My only quarrel with this explanation is that Daphne and Harry already got along well before she drank his calming draught, so it couldn't have been all fake, could it? So there remains a little illogicality.


And then came of course the actual end, that relativised everything.


I haven't been thinking about a FF this long in ages. So despite the logical inconsistencies I mentioned, 4.5/5, rounded to a 5.
 
Way I see it, Daphne remembers what happened, but in a bit of a haze. "Why'd I do that?" Probably feels like he drugged her, which explains the pretty strong reaction.


Amazing oneshot, definite 5/5. It managed to draw me in like fics haven't in a while now. Gives me a little hope for something interesting in the future.
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Old 01-25-2010, 03:50 AM   #17
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Meh.

 
Up until the Harry/Daphne fight it was an excellent story, one of my favorite Harry/Daphne's. But the sudden turn was not enjoyable and actually felt... stupid. Overall it's still a good read, but knowing the ending I wouldn't read it again.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:05 AM   #18
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Crazy fic. At first I didn't like the characterisation of Harry - I always try to identify with the protagonist with a story, yet I just couldn't in this one. It's very rare that I find myself unable to do that. But he just seemed weird and pathetic (declaring love straight away, insane levels of stalkerness).

But as the fic went on, it went from pathetic to awesome. I've never read a nuts!Harry that worked - until now. The story was actually genuinely creepy, and his particular brand of insanity was well-explored. He was a 3D insane character - a rarity.

The ending was awesome. Absolutely perfect.

This fic is the closest fanfiction can get to art. It's simply brilliant. For that alone it deserves 5/5.

However... I didn't really enjoy it. Like Schindler's List, it's good, but not enjoyable.

As for the "kiddie porn". They're 14. You do know that 14 year olds have sex, you know? Quite a few of them. It's only been 5-6 years since most of us were that age. Are we already so old that we've forgotten what it's like, and view 14 year olds as delicate things needing to be protected, rather than people with a right to a sex life? That's just one step away from agreeing with "for the children" reasoning.
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:54 AM   #19
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Honestly, I was underwhelmed by the end. When I started reading, I thought that it had the potential to be epic because of the fluid writing and the interesting characterisations of Harry and Daphne.

What ruined it for me was the inundation of sex/drugs/murder/rape and variations thereof which were included for no apparent reason. By the end of the story, I was getting bored because the story started spewing such extreme human experiences in all directions for the fuck of it.

Ultimately, a 3/5 for a solid read but with no particularly striking feature apart from its use of language.
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:21 PM   #20
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(...) as the fic went on, it went from pathetic to awesome. I've never read a nuts!Harry that worked - until now. The story was actually genuinely creepy, and his particular brand of insanity was well-explored. He was a 3D insane character - a rarity.

The ending was awesome. Absolutely perfect.
Nothing more to add.
5/5
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