Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > Dark Arts
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donate to DLP Scryer Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-14-2010, 08:49 PM   #21
iLost
Minister for Magic
 
iLost's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,257
Quote:
Originally Posted by knothead View Post
I struggled to get through the lengthy prologue in Eye of the World). .
That was lengthy? What about the later books that had upwards of seventy pages? Those were a chore.

As to the story. Descriptions like black fire coupled with emotion is an amateur move, a bit too exaggerated.

So are the cliches.

The action was standard fair, with Dumbledore conveniently showing up.

Plus side, Bellatrix is nuts.

Regardless, it's written amazingly well. 4/5
iLost is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2010, 09:00 PM   #22
deyas
Fifth Year
 
deyas's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Farmington, New Mexico
Age: 22
Gender: Male
Posts: 146
A Lurker's Opinion

Excellent beginning to a story that looks to have great potential. The characterization of both Bellatrix and Tonks is the most accurate that I've ever read. The Azkaban description is also fantastic.

In my opinion the author takes it just far enough with Harry's power levels, i.e. "The Twilight Flame" for it not to seem, ahh, a bit much, *cough Sword, Defiance, Soul cough* Hopefully this story doesn't fall into epic fail because of the numerous cliches, and the author gets more original in the coming chapters.

Overall a 4/5.

Last edited by deyas; 04-14-2010 at 09:08 PM.
deyas is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2010, 10:18 PM   #23
Blaise
Golden Patronus
 
Blaise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Washington, D.C.
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,195
__________________
Blaise is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2010, 11:06 PM   #24
Synchro
High Inquisitor
 
Synchro's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Texas
Gender: Male
Posts: 541
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Bloody hell!! This is amazing...

I'll admit I wanted to quit at the beginning, mindscapes, tracking charm on the wand (no Trace) and Dursley violence were strong deterrents. But, in spite of them this story works really, really well.

I'd say 5/5 but its early days yet. I'll rate the thread after a few more chapters.
Synchro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2010, 11:40 PM   #25
Onii
Fifth Year
 
Onii's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: WoodStock, CT
Gender: Male
Posts: 151
This is a real gem, Hard to find new work this good these days 5/5 from me. God if it gets abandoned i'm going to have to hunt down the author and kill them.

It was so good i had to go read it all again. That Bella ooh she is perfect, I have never seen such a great Bella.

Last edited by Onii; 04-15-2010 at 12:27 AM.
Onii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2010, 08:30 AM   #26
knothead
Groundskeeper
 
knothead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 362
Quote:
Originally Posted by 7ate9 View Post
That was lengthy? What about the later books that had upwards of seventy pages? Those were a chore.
True, but Eye of the World's prologue was worse because it is the first book of the series and I wasn't yet invested in it. The prologues to later books weren't nearly as bad because I was invested in the Wheel of Time series.

Back to the topic at hand, maybe I will become invested in this story and maybe I won't. As I've previously said, the story does have potential.

Last edited by knothead; 04-15-2010 at 08:33 AM. Reason: Edited to add second paragraph.
knothead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2010, 09:23 AM   #27
Anme
Professor
 
Anme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 478
I'm not really impressed that much. It's got a lot of stuff in it that I don't care about, and the good things don't compensate enough. Writing is very good.

That said, it has some potential. 3/5 for now.
__________________

Anme is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2010, 01:12 PM   #28
Sin Saiori
Death Eater
 
Sin Saiori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 957
Cliched though it may be, it is very well written. Need to see more Bella and Tonks interactions before I give a rating though.

That last fight was epic.
Sin Saiori is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2010, 06:50 PM   #29
Lawyer in Exile
Second Year
 
Lawyer in Exile's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Budapest, Hungary
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 53
It's been ages since I last saw anything near this quality. The style and the characters are both great. Plus, 20K+ words published in 9 days -> just keep this up and keep me happy..

Downside: occlumency is not the be all and end all of magic.

4/5 with potential to go both ways.
__________________
D.
Lawyer in Exile is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-15-2010, 07:53 PM   #30
Agnostics Puppet
Professor
 
Agnostics Puppet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Denver, Colorado
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 490
... I cant get over the fact that Harry seems to be a super wizard at the age of 12. TWELVE. Unless Im missing something and the chamber shit happened way after the fact in this reality. Whatever. I didnt like it, beyond Bella.

2/5
__________________
If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face - forever.- O'brien, 1984
Agnostics Puppet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2010, 07:56 AM   #31
Kai Shek
Supreme Mugwump
 
Kai Shek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,657
Send a message via AIM to Kai Shek
Harry isn't even close to a super wizard. He admits it himself in Azkaban "Stumbling into killing two Aurors." Having the knowledge to kill his relatives wouldn't take long for a wizard, especially one driven to learn for a year.
__________________

"Fight the Fairies!"

-Dean from Supernatural
Kai Shek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2010, 08:41 AM   #32
Richard
Supreme Mugwump
 
Richard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: California
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,784
I just read the prologue, and I find it fucking awesome so far. 5/5 from me for right now. I'll rate it again later.
__________________
Richard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-16-2010, 10:10 AM   #33
Captain Trips
High Inquisitor
 
Captain Trips's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Lindesberg, Sweden
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 562
I read it, and I loved it five out of five from me
__________________
The end comes... beyond chaos - Kefka Palazzo
Captain Trips is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-17-2010, 07:49 PM   #34
Onii
Fifth Year
 
Onii's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: WoodStock, CT
Gender: Male
Posts: 151
Best Bella ever!, Go read the new chapter all i can say about it is .
Onii is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-17-2010, 08:06 PM   #35
Shinysavage
Death Eater
Madman With A Box
 
Shinysavage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: UK
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 979
High Score: 2,296
Another good chapter. Bella is creepy as fuck. About the only negative is that I can't read the references to 'ebon fire' without laughing after Andro's comment in the OP... EDIT: That now doesn't seem to be there. I didn't hallucinate that did I?
__________________
“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”

Last edited by Shinysavage; 04-17-2010 at 08:13 PM.
Shinysavage is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-17-2010, 08:10 PM   #36
Seratin
Minister for Magic
Proudmander
 
Seratin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Dún na ngall
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,207
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Love potion Bella is cliched, but cannibal Bella isn't. More Tonks. Awesome stuff.
__________________
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zeelthor
You're one sick, brilliant fucker, Seratin

The Indigo Road
A Pokemon quest
Seratin is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-17-2010, 08:21 PM   #37
Sin Saiori
Death Eater
 
Sin Saiori's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Age: 26
Gender: Male
Posts: 957
^^ The AN made me giggle.

I really wonder though, what's gonna be the relationship between Harry-Bella and Harry-Tonks? Tonks could be a romantic interest later on after he gets the world to bow to him, unless she just remains a very good friend despite everything, unlikely as that may seem from what happened before.

Bella however seems strangely, and pleasantly, maternal. Though that could just be emotions dredged up by the Dementors. I'll be impatiently waiting for them to meet again.

Definitely 5/5 now and baring any colossal screw-ups it'll stay that way..
Sin Saiori is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-18-2010, 12:03 AM   #38
Alternator
Squib
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 13
Question and comment.

Question: How far in does this "feel"? I don't like reading anything that isn't complete, and all the comments say I'm going to read this sooner or later. I'm just wondering which it would be.

Comment: Cliches only become cliches if they work, and are then re-used and over-used. They aren't inherently bad, they are just easy to toss in without thought, and THAT is bad.
__________________
The noblest of heroes make the vilest of villains.
Alternator is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-18-2010, 12:26 AM   #39
Shinysavage
Death Eater
Madman With A Box
 
Shinysavage's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: UK
Age: 29
Gender: Male
Posts: 979
High Score: 2,296
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alternator View Post
Question and comment.

Question: How far in does this "feel"? I don't like reading anything that isn't complete, and all the comments say I'm going to read this sooner or later. I'm just wondering which it would be.

Comment: Cliches only become cliches if they work, and are then re-used and over-used. They aren't inherently bad, they are just easy to toss in without thought, and THAT is bad.
The latest update finished the prologue; I'd say you're in for a lengthy wait if you want it finished before you read.
__________________
“I am and always will be the optimist. The hoper of far-flung hopes and the dreamer of improbable dreams.”
Shinysavage is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 04-18-2010, 01:05 AM   #40
turtle7
Backtraced
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 65
Quote:
Originally Posted by Alternator View Post
Question and comment.

Question: How far in does this "feel"? I don't like reading anything that isn't complete, and all the comments say I'm going to read this sooner or later. I'm just wondering which it would be.

Comment: Cliches only become cliches if they work, and are then re-used and over-used. They aren't inherently bad, they are just easy to toss in without thought, and THAT is bad.
Me neither but it seems that most of the good fics - hell most of the fics online - are incomplete. So its either stick to high quality shit and read very little as there is not much material that is complete, or read what's there.

As far as this fic is concerned, it is really great, lots of description and good action tensed writing. I think it has the potential to be a fic of better quality than anything we have seen so far, save for the Psychic Serpent Trilogy, and the Stranger in an Unholy Land trilogy.

But yeah, I know what you mean about the annoyance of reading an incomplete work... such as Stranger, coincidentally.

It was just on my mind this morning, and I wonder what happened to the author. And speaking of authors, I think the author of this story is really Stephen King in disguise.

/kidding

/not
turtle7 is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:anomynous58, dark arts, harry/tonks, non-bwl!harry, slytherin!harry


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
President to gain control over the Internet Vir Politics 9 08-30-2009 12:55 AM
Taking Control by Fake a smile - M Trulle Almost Recommended 64 07-13-2009 08:06 PM
Gun Control...to be or not to be? IndoGhost Politics 43 11-08-2006 04:55 PM
Control by Fatpunk - K+ ip82 Almost Recommended 20 09-02-2006 04:59 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:36 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.