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Old 02-11-2012, 06:12 AM   #1
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Business by Esama - T

Title: Business
Author: Esama
Rating: T
Genre: Crime/Adventure
DLP Category: General
Pairing: N/A
Words: 12,437 (ff.net); 12,460 (AO3)
Status: Oneshot
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7822807/1/Business
Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113588
Summary- The Dursleys didn't raise Harry Potter to be a very good boy. Dark!Criminal!Harry, lots of crimes, generally darkish.
Esama is usually a fairly good writer when not preoccupied with slash, and this fic is no exception from the rule. Spelling and grammar is excellent, and although characterisation isn't a key part, it is written well. I found the plot to be good, but I imagine it could be better if there were more Criminal!Harry fics to bounce ideas off of.
All in all, 4/5.

Checked by Minion, September 29, 2014
Esama reposted her story on AO3. Thanks to Ayreon for the info.
Then the iceberg jumped on top of the Titanic and started to boat rape!

Last edited by Dark Minion; 09-29-2014 at 03:47 PM.
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Old 02-11-2012, 06:23 AM   #2
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Jesus, another of these stupid '20 truths' style stories. Okay, fine.

Very self-righteous tone where every enemy of the main character isn't able to handle this new 'criminal' and 'calculating' Harry Potter. They're all brain-dead.

The attempted Sherlock Holmes fusion or allusion is unimaginably retarded as shit. Seriously lol, what the fuck. Out of place like a fish out of water and arbitrary.

Esama is very prolific and very capable of writing good stories, I think he's a bit like BajaB but more skilled. But this is another one of those very generic, very heavy-handed and uncreative stories that are unfortunate. I mean, how many goddamn HP/Stargate: Atlantis crossovers has be pumped out now that are identical to each other?

1.5/5. I'll grant that his writing is readable, but I'm exposed to readable writing every day. It's a wreck in every single way that matters.

Last edited by Andro; 02-11-2012 at 06:26 AM.
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Old 02-11-2012, 06:46 AM   #3
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I see the story is written by Esama, and that immediately sends up red flags. A dozen of his stories have come through the review section in the past few months, and not a single one of them is something I would call brilliant.

I'm only a quarter of the way through, and I don't feel like reading any more of it. Perhaps a 2/5
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Old 02-11-2012, 06:47 AM   #4
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I was giggling like a mad man.
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Old 02-11-2012, 11:59 AM   #5
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While it was very unrealistic in places (due to Harry's age), it was something to read. 3/5.
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Old 02-11-2012, 12:22 PM   #6
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It was interesting, but too short, and too few details. We only really see the beginning being set up, and it read almost like a mix between planning and first draft. Also, the complete lack of conflict made it quite incredibly boring.

2/5, although could be more if it was ever re-written and expanded.
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Old 02-11-2012, 12:29 PM   #7
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It wasn't awful but it just didn't really interest me. I don't want to read a fic where harry asswhups everyone by the end of first year.

2/5 because it was just boring.

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Old 02-11-2012, 05:53 PM   #8
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It's not really twenty truths style, the scenes are just numbered and there's very little.. I'm forgetting the literary term, but there's very little 'flow' between the scenes. It's disjointed, mainly featuring the plot advancing scenes. 1-10, then it skips ahead to 'infinity', to show the conclusion.

I'd give it 3/5, a decent oneshot to read if you're bored but not really library worthy.
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Old 02-11-2012, 08:34 PM   #9
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The story was average. Obviously someone liked the new Sherlock Holmes movie a bit, but the character development was a bit too fast.
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Old 02-11-2012, 10:56 PM   #10
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1/5 just because I like the idea of Harry being a criminal mastermind, though it'd be better if he wasn't one at age eleven and had competition. Also, I refuse to believe that, apart from dark lord's, there's a total lack of crime in the wizarding world - remember Mundungus Fletcher from canon.
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Old 02-14-2012, 12:12 PM   #11
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Have to say it's boring as shit. 2/5 from me. Esama's writing is turning to crap.
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Old 02-15-2012, 09:26 PM   #12
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I'm not a Sherlock Holmes fan but I'm not sure why. Moriarty is very allusive (and for some reason I think more toward 'League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen' with that name) and a great start for a criminal mastermind to observe.

Esama is a great fic writer and I love the twenty truth things but this I'd have to give a 4/5 simply because of the age thing.... although I'll prolly have a totally different view in the morning.
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Old 02-16-2012, 07:42 AM   #13
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Yeah, the age turned it down for me, too. The twist at the end was ok, but not good enough to justify more than 3 points.

Somewhere in between 2/5 and 3/5 stars.
Found something decent to read? Put it up for review:

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Old 02-17-2012, 11:23 PM   #14
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Like several others, I may approve of the idea, but when the execution is just a steamroll, the results are disappointing.
Originally Posted by Coelacanth View Post
The story was average. Obviously someone liked the new Sherlock Holmes movie a bit, but the character development was a bit too fast.
Irrelevant factoid: esama's a fan of the new BBC series, and has written fics for it, not so much the movie. Though that diverges quite a lot on Moriarty, where there he is like a smarter and stabler version of Ledger!Joker: he runs a criminal empire, but at his heart he's a psycho troll. At first I thought he was disappointingly over-acted in season 1, but season 2 proved him to be just the right mix of genius and crazy to work brilliantly like Sherlock's unhinged twin.

Recommend that series to everyone.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:50 PM   #15
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I read this fic not long ago, but while it certainly entertained me I didn't find it Library worth it. It's Almost Recommendable category, IMO.

It's well written and has good grammar; but the plot, characterization and resolution are a joke. It starts promising us a story that feels rushed in the end and had a main character travel trough without an ounce of challenge.

2/5 for me.

I vote to downgrade this fic to the Almost Recommendable list.
Originally Posted by Morta's Priest in Wand and Shield
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Harry smiled, despite everything. "A wizard is never late, Tony, nor is he early."

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Old 01-18-2013, 09:47 PM   #16
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Well, that was fun to read. And it wasn't slash!

3.5/5 for me, rounding down.

Primary issue is what others have mentioned before -- Harry's age. If it had been spread out a bit more it'd have been a little easier to swallow, but at least he had Greyback doing most of the heavy lifting at first and kept himself hidden.
Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived. After all, Number One, we're only mortal.
~Jean-Luc Picard

Last edited by CheddarTrek; 01-18-2013 at 10:21 PM.
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author: esama, criminal!harry

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