Dark Lord Potter Forums
Go Back   Dark Lord Potter Forums > Library > General Fics
Donate Register Rules Library List IRC Chat FAQ Members List Social Groups Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Donate to DLP Scryer Banner

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-10-2016, 10:43 AM   #1
Nuhuh
Moderator
Dastardly Shadow Admin
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 2,069
Send a message via MSN to Nuhuh
Cry me a river by VereorNox - T

Title: Cry me a river
Author: VereorNox
Rating: T
Genre: Drama
Status: Complete
Library Category: General Fics
Pairings: None

Summary:Zoe Thomson wasn't really sure what to think of Harry Potter when she met him. That ugly ring on his finger, that weird clock in his hands and the way he looked at her made her uneasy. It was as if he knew something she didn't know, and she didn't like that at all.

Link:Cry me a river, WBA thread FF.net link

My review: While the summary does not necessarily pull you in, I will recommend a read. The story is written in a quaint and measured style that I've missed after reading so many hard edged and fast paced stories. It reminds me of a writer taking time to build an atmosphere of a story rather than finding all the different conflicts that should drive it.

Harry in this is an adult, so this is post Hogwarts. The main conflict of the books is over with. Zoe, the OC, is not a love interest or some sort of author-protected special snowflake. So don't be turned off by not recognizing the character. The one-shot is a glimpse into Harry's life as an adult and the moments he occupies in Zoe's life, unusual coincidences, and quirky happenings.

I'm vague because I don't want to spoil the story for you. I will say that for me the manner it is written is worth the read. It's refreshing.
__________________

Last edited by Nuhuh; 07-13-2016 at 05:20 PM.
Nuhuh is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2016, 11:38 AM   #2
Thaumologist
Minister for Magic
 
Thaumologist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Chester, England
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,367
Read the whole thing. The twist wasn't unexpected, but it wasn't the most cliche piece I've ever read.

No major spelling or grammar issues jumped out at me, but at the same time nothing else really did either. It wasn't bad, but there wasn't really much of it that stood out, and I am left wondering if Harry does this for everyone, everyone with regrets, or pretty girls only.

3.5/5, rounded down to 3/5. A nice enough little piece of fluff, with no real problems other than it just not exciting me.
__________________
Thaumologist is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2016, 12:09 PM   #3
CheddarTrek
Moderator
Set Phasers to Melt
 
CheddarTrek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mississippi
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,949
DLP Supporter Donor Star
3.5/5 from me as well - It's good and utilized a concept that I'm particularly fond of. Harry didn't feel overmuch like Harry, though the reason for that is explained by the circumstances of the fic. I liked the start of the story the best, since the mood and characters were set up well. Once we got about halfway through it started to feel less interesting to me. It is a good length for a one shot of this nature though.

The quality of the writing makes me want to round up to 4. The fact that I didn't 'get into the story' though makes me want to round down to 3. Going with three, but still solid work.
__________________
Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived. After all, Number One, we're only mortal.
~Jean-Luc Picard


Last edited by CheddarTrek; 07-11-2016 at 12:36 AM.
CheddarTrek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-10-2016, 03:05 PM   #4
Materia-Blade
First Year
 
Materia-Blade's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Fussa, Japan
Gender: Male
Posts: 40
5/5 for me. Did not expect to be quite so moved.

I admit to being a little biased. I fricking love post canon stories involving muggles meeting or interacting with the main characters.

Still, Harry did feel like a sad older man with a heavy weight on his shoulders and I thought it was marvelously carried out. While not exactly a new idea, plotlines involving the consequences of uniting the deathly hallows are usually carried out with a less classic view of the reaper. It felt poignant. I could see Harry becoming this, and frankly I liked the OC a lot too.
__________________
I killed the world and you can too, if you try hard.
–Lews Therin Kinslayer
Materia-Blade is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2016, 12:18 AM   #5
Miner
Seventh Year
 
Miner's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: The People's Republic of China
Gender: Male
Posts: 278
While the fic is touching, it did not hold the level of emotional punch, so to speak, as other fics I've read. Maybe it's because I'm still pretty young and haven't been faced with my own mortality yet, but I couldn't relate with Zoe, especially at the end, very well.

On the other hand, it's very well written, and the way Harry's willingness to simply give to others for no other reason than to make them happy really resonated as being just so Harry. MasterOfDeath! Harry may be overused, but I've rarely read a story so perfectly aware of both the power and the sorrow that one experiences while holding that title.

My one complaint is that Harry goes to an awful lot of trouble to promote Zoe to get her days off, which feels totally unnecessary since she'll die anyways. Was it merely a ploy to get her trust? Or to get her on board? I dunno, that part felt a little awkward, and I feel like Zoe should trust Harry less after he pulls that stunt. There is no such thing as a free lunch after all.

I liked it. Twas.. surprisingly engaging, and it had its moments. 4/5
Miner is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-11-2016, 06:43 AM   #6
Halt
High Inquisitor
1/3 of the Note Bros.
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Philippines
Gender: Male
Posts: 538
Decently written, with an appropriately emotional climax that was a pleasant surprise. Extra points for trying something different. 4/5 from me.
__________________
“Besides, it’s so much easier for people to follow a handsome man. It’s made pacification an almost pleasant experience.” -Tom Riddle, The Magnate

Halt's Archive Project: Other Fandom Almost Recommended | RWBY Features | Worm Features
Halt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-12-2016, 12:23 PM   #7
Roarian
High Inquisitor
 
Roarian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Netherlands
Gender: Male
Posts: 520
Send a message via Skype™ to Roarian
A new take on an established trope, but a pretty good one. I remember you wanted to make this a longer story originally, but I think the current length of this particular plot is just about right. Quirky older Harry works well enough that you might consider bringing him back for some other story, maybe for the longer tale you intended?

Incidentally, I was vaguely reminded of Death of the Endless - you ever read that stuff?

I'll give it a 4 - a 3 just for the concept, but the execution is good.
__________________
"The earth is the cradle of humankind, but one cannot live in the cradle forever." - Konstantin Tsiolkovsky

DLP Wand and Shield (HP/Avengers) : Read Here
DLP The Leaf's Naruto(Naruto) : Read Here
DLP The Wizard from Earth (HP/Man from Earth) : Read Here
DLP Doomsman's Herald (HP/Tolkien) : Read Here
Roarian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 02:44 PM   #8
Sir Snuffy
Third Year
 
Sir Snuffy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2016
Location: The country the Queen lives in
Gender: Male
Posts: 84
I believe that it's library worthy. A good read - 4/5
Sir Snuffy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 03:44 PM   #9
worldbuilder
Squib
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
I haven't come across many stories in the same category, so I thought it was an interesting read.
No grammatical error that i can see and I managed to connect to the characters. not the most unexpected twist I have read, but still a good one-shot for some pleasure reading

4/5
worldbuilder is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-13-2016, 05:40 PM   #10
KGB
Unspeakable
 
KGB's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Gender: Male
Posts: 722
Harry doesn't feel like Harry in this. Instead he feels like an angel would be portrayed in some sort of generic urban fantasy tv show.

Still it was a rather interesting if you can ignore that.
KGB is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-2016, 11:43 AM   #11
Averis
Fourth Year
Don of Delivery
 
Averis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 139
High Score: 3,065
I don't have much time, so I'll just repost what I said in the WbA:

Quote:
I personally think this is one of the better things that's come out this year. Never did I feel annoyed with the fact the story was told from Zoe's perspective, and I think her behavior towards the end of the fic was spot on. As is, it's well-developed and gives you that "wow" feeling when you are finished, but I think the only way you could possibly expand on this is if you had Harry pass the torch (possibly with the intention of moving on and probably with Zoe being a part of that).

Of course, for many people that would cheapen the story, but I wouldn't be against it. I'm sure everyone who enjoyed the oneshot would read it nonetheless.

5/5 for me. Fantastic job.
__________________
warbledywarpswark
Averis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-17-2016, 02:10 AM   #12
nemdewa
Squib
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Earth, I think
Gender: Male
Posts: 12
For an OC story this was pretty good. Since it's a oneshot, I wasn't expecting too much plot or excitement from it. What I saw was a short, emotional piece. It did the job I was expecting it to do, and it did it well.

4/5
nemdewa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 06:40 AM   #13
illya_
First Year
 
illya_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
I thoroughly enjoyed the story. It is well written and the characters felt real.

The clues could be interpreted in multiple ways and where properly vague.
 
The broken clock actually made me think it was a time travel fic, instead of harry stopping Zue's limited time.
This misstake probably saved the story for me, figuring out the twist too early never helps when reading a story.

3.5/5 rounded up -> 4/5
illya_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 08:04 AM   #14
CheddarTrek
Moderator
Set Phasers to Melt
 
CheddarTrek's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Mississippi
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,949
DLP Supporter Donor Star
Quote:
Originally Posted by illya_ View Post
I thoroughly enjoyed the story. It is well written and the characters felt real.

The clues could be interpreted in multiple ways and where properly vague.
 
The broken clock actually made me think it was a time travel fic, instead of harry stopping Zue's limited time.
This misstake probably saved the story for me, figuring out the twist too early never helps when reading a story.

3.5/5 rounded up -> 4/5
Huh, I thought time travel was somehow involved regardless. They lived the day twice, after all. Once Harry was hit by the car, then spent the day with her.

...but then in hindsight, I feel like I need to read it again, b/c that wouldn't make perfect sense either. Seems less likely she'd step out in front of the car if her mood, etc. were different.
__________________
Someone once told me that time was a predator that stalked us all our lives. But I rather believe than time is a companion who goes with us on the journey, and reminds us to cherish every moment because they'll never come again. What we leave behind is not as important how we lived. After all, Number One, we're only mortal.
~Jean-Luc Picard

CheddarTrek is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-18-2016, 09:23 AM   #15
illya_
First Year
 
illya_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Gender: Male
Posts: 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by CheddarTrek View Post
Huh, I thought time travel was somehow involved regardless. They lived the day twice, after all. Once Harry was hit by the car, then spent the day with her.

...but then in hindsight, I feel like I need to read it again, b/c that wouldn't make perfect sense either. Seems less likely she'd step out in front of the car if her mood, etc. were different.
As you said, her mood and the situation were completely different.
An ordinary turner is out of the question, my guess is that the watch is something he can use as MoD.

Thought it is completely possible that I missunderstood what sorcery Harry used.
illya_ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-20-2016, 08:41 AM   #16
DropWatch
Squib
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 5
For an OC story, it did ok. The premise was solid, albeit the build up was a bit too long for it was. As for the writing, it was also reasonable, however at points the dialogue was lacking.

I think the main point for me was it felt 'meh'. I didn't feel much empathy for Zoe or even Harry at the conclusion. I would give it a 3/5 overall mainly for premise and being better than the average fic in execution.
DropWatch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2016, 11:20 PM   #17
Dark Syaoran
Persona 4
Lovers Arcana
 
Dark Syaoran's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 6,053
I thought this was an enjoyable little story. I'm assuming this was inspired, somewhat, by Meet Joe Black. Similar themes and the main female in that movie, her last name was Parish, which he used for Zoe's coworker.

If that was completely unintended, then that is amazing. Hah.
Dark Syaoran is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-25-2016, 05:25 AM   #18
Republic
Chief Warlock
The Snow Queen
 
Republic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Germany occupied Greece
Posts: 1,430
DLP Supporter Donor Star
High Score: 4,495
Pretty good at what it did, though could use some restructuring at certain points. I have some issues with length, but overall enjoyed it.

4/5. Easily gets in.
__________________
Rep's guide to Fanfiction success:
Step 1) Find obscure/empty fandom.
Step 2) Write a decent, not-terrible fic.
Step 3) Declare yourself best in the fandom.
Step 4) Bask.
My life, for Aiur... ... For the Alliance
Steam Profile.

Permanently tilted
Republic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-28-2016, 11:36 PM   #19
Avada kedabra
Squib
 
Join Date: May 2016
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
review

A fluffy story that toke me about 10 minutes to read can't say i am disappointed although i don't fell satisfied 3.5/5 rounded down to a 3/5.
Avada kedabra is offline   Reply With Quote

Tags
author:vereorfaux, author:vereornox, complete, drama, humor, oneshot


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
WIP - Of the River and the Sea - M - Naruto throwaawy Almost Recommended 22 07-21-2016 05:29 AM
Dead Link - River Of Darkness I: The Man In The Shadows by SurrealDeceptions - M Promios Almost Recommended 20 03-14-2008 12:21 PM
Second Life by Nia River - T Spanks Almost Recommended 4 07-04-2007 05:52 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 08:43 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright ©2005 - 2016 DLP Group. All rights reserved.
No personal intellectual property on this site may be used without the credit and express permission of the respective authors.