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Old 08-08-2007, 04:52 PM   #1
The Mysterious Nobody
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Archer by TakatoRikku - T

Title: Archer
Author: TakatoRikku
Rating: T
Genre: Adventure
DLP Category: General/Independent Harry (i'm not sure on which one would fit better)
Pairing: Harry/OC (or at least that's what the story suggested)
Status: Work in Progress
Summary: It's the summer of Harry's fourth year, going into year five. When Uncle Vernon freaks out on him for hiding in the bushes for listening to the news, Harry books it and lands up at Number 2 for a surprise. No paring yet
Link: FF.net

Well, I posted this because I fiund the basic idea amusing and surprisingly entertaining. Maybe it's not one of those works of art out there but it's fairly well written and at least it's something new to look at. It's not Dark!Harry and the last chapter was a bit off for my tastes but here it is. At least it's an entertaining lecture.

3/5
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:17 PM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The Mysterious Nobody View Post
3/5
I thought the point of review here was to get 4/5-5/5 stories in the library.
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=840
That is where average decent stories go.
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:21 PM   #3
The Mysterious Nobody
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SmileOfTheKill View Post
I thought the point of review here was to get 4/5-5/5 stories in the library.
http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=840
That is where average decent stories go.
Maybe you're right, although I posted it here because I think it has some potential and it can improve over time. Besides, it's just my view. Maybe others will like it more or less.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestion. I'll have it in mind next time.
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:26 PM   #4
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Meh, interesting idea. At least it didn't have elves... ::shudder::. It was entertaining I suppose.

What's with naming the OC after a phone company? Bleh. I don't like the lack of magic too.

2.6/5... I'll round that to a 3/5 if the author puts some magic back into the story.
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Old 08-08-2007, 05:28 PM   #5
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http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3702477/1/For_the_readers

I suppose the people that read this will have to wait until he gets his computer back up and running. In any case, I don't think we'll see if he improves or not for the time being.
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Old 08-10-2007, 07:56 AM   #6
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i thought it was pretty good I give it a 4/5
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Old 08-10-2007, 02:38 PM   #7
Kyp's Avenger
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The writing is okay, a few errors here and there, but I just didn't want to keep reading past the first chapter. I think I'm getting pickier in my old age or something.
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Old 08-10-2007, 02:54 PM   #8
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The writing is okay, a few errors here and there, but I just didn't want to keep reading past the first chapter. I think I'm getting pickier in my old age or something.
The tired old age of... 19?
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Old 08-10-2007, 02:59 PM   #9
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The tired old age of... 19?
You know it.
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Old 08-10-2007, 03:20 PM   #10
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This fic had Harry shooting Patronus!Arrows. Thats just lame.

Then you got the Harry/Muggle!OC

Need I mention that its looking like Sirius/Muggle!OC too?

Bleh. 3/5
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Old 08-11-2007, 12:57 AM   #11
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I'm not sure if I can even see a plot to this fic. It just has Harry taking up archery and, *gasp*, finding out a bow can be as useful a weapon as a wand, so much so that he'd rather forgo his wand in times of need.

The Harry-as-an-archer idea is original, and the author obviously knows at least a little about bows and archery, so I'll give him kudos for that, but the execution is poor. Grammatical mistakes here and there, and most importantly the lack of a plot let it down.

While I would agree that Harry's bow could act as a backup weapon, the idea that it can replace a wand is totally ludicrous to me. Any decent wizard could easily cast a Shield Charm before Harry could even draw back the bowstring. Not to mention this will probably degenerate into Harry teaching his friends archery, and thereon it seems we will have a bunch of youths using the Power of Archery to strike back against Voldemort and his Death Eaters, if Harry's Patroni-Arrows are any indication of things to come.

3/5 I will continue to read this if there are nothing else, but I don't think its good enough for the Library.
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:59 AM   #12
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I agree. Archery would be a nice plot point to incorporate into a fic, but to let it dominate the story... no, not DLP library worthy.
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Old 08-12-2007, 04:21 PM   #13
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Not worthy of dlp library, it was normal and deserves to go to trash bin.
3/5
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:43 AM   #14
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Well.........the bow being used was a good Idea, but letting it become the main focus of the story is irritating. It should have been a sideline.
Good-
Original idea
Eh, the grammar was decent I suppose.....
Um.. there's not much else that is noteworthy, that that I can think of anyway

Bad-
Muggle OC Girlfriend.
Magic being set to the side in favor of archery.
Harry becoming a archery champ in like a week.
Patronus arrows?!?! Wtf?
Everything goes waaaay too fast. It's like he crammed 9 chapters of material into 1-2.
People can read for themselves, so I'm not going to list more.


Overall? Not DLP worthy. 2/5
It was a good idea, just badly executed.
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Old 08-20-2007, 04:09 PM   #15
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For some reason I couldn't get the story of Eragon out of my head while reading this. I kept on expecting a little dragon to suddenly appear and give sagely advice, especially when Harry could cast magic with his arrow. Surprisingly I actually enjoyed the "Harry's OC neighbor who helps him out during the summer" idea but as others said I didn't like how archery took precedence in this fic. The OC girlfriend was also something I could do without. All in all the fic was readable and passably interesting but no where near other works in the DLP library...although it might pass trash bin standards. 3/5
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Old 08-20-2007, 05:12 PM   #16
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Well it gets high points for "being different".
But It has many flaws, some that can be fixed, others....

I don't think this story will be a DLP favorite.

I will vote later, maybe, if the author updates and we find out if there is going to be a plot or something.
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Old 08-28-2007, 06:21 PM   #17
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The guy just updated... ...and it went even more downhill. Man, when I posted this I just hoped for this to be straightened up a bit and improve, for it was an original idea, not to go down south chapter after chapter...

This update was bad. Really quite bad. And not in a "bad meaning good" way. I meant really really bad. Sucked balls.
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Old 08-28-2007, 09:12 PM   #18
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It was bad as in crap on a bun (aka McDonald's but I'll save that argument for another day). Honestly it was a, no body likes my story so I'm going to make Harry completely forget everything about anything and have him go insane in the middle of a conversation, bad.
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Old 08-29-2007, 12:03 PM   #19
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This story has finally gone to the dogs. Can't say I didn't see this happening though. But allow me to rant on something.

Quote:
"Colloportus!" Umbridge cried, sealing the door with a squealch. "You're not going anywhere Potter!"

Harry quickly unzipped his bowbag and withdrew his Helix, giving it a flick to unfold it. Before Umbridge could figure out what he was doing, Harry notched a holly arrow and drew the string back, aiming for the door. "Reducto!" he yelled, standing mere feet away from the exit.

The resulting explosion knocked Harry off his feet, making him land on his rear as the door and entire wall section was virtually disintigrated, leaving a huge hole where the office's wall used to be. China plates with moving cats on them fell to the floor, shattering on impact as the room shook from the shockwave. Harry quickly notched another arrow just as Umbridge got her bearings, and they pointed wand to arrow in a standoff.

"POTTER!" Umbridge shrieked. "I'll have you expelled for this! No, no, sent to Azkaban for sure! The minister will be so pleased when I bring you to Azkaban, you little whelp!"

Stupefy, Harry thought, and his arrow transformed into a bright red bolt. His fingertips tingled as they held the back of the pulsating lance of magical energy, and his eyes hardened.

"Try and take me," was all he said, as he raised his bow slightly higher while Umbridge began to cast a spell...
Is Harry too idiotic to realise in the time he took to unzip his damn bowbag, take his bow out, unfold it, notch an arrow and fire, he could draw his wand out and Cruciate Dolores to the brink of insanity.

Or that he could draw his wand and cast "Alohomora", then proceed to stun or bind Dolores if he wants to in a fraction of that time. No, but the moron just has to use his goddamn bow. Idiot.

For that matter, is Umbridge that useless a witch that she couldn't have overpowered an essentially harmless Harry long before he could ready up his bow?
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