Prefix: Complete, Oneshot,
Subject: A Brother's Betrayal by Chereche - T for Teen


Title: A Brother's Betrayal
Author: Chereche
Rating: T
Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort/Family
DLP Category: The Alternates or maybe General, because it is a Twin!Harry fic, but also a oneshot.
Pairing: It holds with the basis of James/Lily, and the familial bonds of twins and parents/children. There are no actual romantic pairings to muddle through.
Status: Complete, Oneshot,
Summary: The second, less famous and misunderstood son of Lily and James Potter, reaches his breaking point when he finds that he cannot trust the only person he ever looked up to, his own brother. Can their relationship survive his brother's betrayal?

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6097877/1/A_Brothers_Betrayal

I looked at the following link to see if it had been posted, but I have not seen it. It has been a while since I loaded on to DLP so I cannot find the file where all the entered works were marked down. http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?t=14917

I found this little bit off of Carmine Rose's favorites on FF. I am an avid reader of Wrong!BWL fics, but this is not one of them... or of it is there is no mention of it. Instead, this is going more into the psychological side of what it is like to be in the limelight and still a family of different minds. There is no great-power-of-the-universe here, or some magical reason to do anything besides the completely-acceptable-even-by-scientists bond between twins.

As to bashing of characters, it is completely realistic. Hermione is studious and into one-upmanship. No twin is perfect or the same. Ron is an immature berk who seriously needs life counseling. Hogwarts is not all smiles and roses. The teachers are often no voice of reason. [Anyone else believe this is likely because they are all overworked and stressed the heck out? I mean, there has to be around 120 students, at the least, and only about six to nine teachers. I don't really count Dumbles because he is supposed to be a sort of paper pusher or something. How can they handle that many differing ideas and actions in a private school of magic?]

I give this a 5/5 oneshot not because of any great action, but because of the mental detail and how real-to-life it is.

 

The biggest sappiest piece of shit I have read in a long time.

I would go on more but I need to go wash my mouth out as the fail has left a bad taste in there.

1/5 and the author has a Veela!Draco/HPotter fic. Inconceivable.

 

Didn't like it, 1/5 from me

 

This is why I know this story will be shit, even before reading it.

 

This is awesome. It tries so hard to be whimsical and sad that I couldn't help laughing out loud when James said "Harry is suffering from emotional trauma."

Unfortunately one chuckle doesn't excuse the rest.

The start - as the one thing I didn't just skim - reads like a mix of cleverbot and the infinite monkey theorem gone unsurprisingly wrong. Realism is right out the window when Harry starts getting on a soapbox in front of his family about his deep 'trauma'.

Cue the part where everyone is either feeling horribly sorry, getting yelled at for not treating Harry better, or both.

And well, the basic idea is garbage. 1/5.

 

The first couple of paragraph's until the twins start Hogwarts is readable.Then it goes south,sharply.I was honestly expecting something.....different.The behavior of the Hogwarts population seems overtly dramatized and the entire story seems to be constructed for one purpose-the climax,if you will.

The main thing here is that you could have the closing sequence at any of the Hogwarts years or even after it and it would make little difference.It seems far too....generic for the one-shot to have its moment.The interactions between the brothers seems a bit too ideal till it goes bad.

Decent spelling and grammar my complaint is with the uniqueness or the lack ,of the plot.

2.5/5 Rounded off to the lower one.

 

Hilariously horrible. Decent grammar.
2/5

 

No problems with it, but I only read it as it was short.

So, to sum it all up...
Harry is even more pathetic than canon. His brother realises. Harry gets sad. His brother realises. Harry gets better. The end. Also, Hermione and Ron aren't very nice.


I think bland is the best word to describe this. Like the drabble collection from a while ago about Harry being mentally retarded and Dudley being nice and Snape not being evil, this has no real need to be set in Harry Potter land. Although it would still be boring if it was set on Omnicrom Persei 8, or Ankh Morpork (and I doubt even Pratchett could save this plot).

1/5 for being readable, but nothing else.

 

Twin fic? Those always suck.

Do not want.

 

Not to disagree with your statement Santi, but isn't your fic also a Twin Fic technically speaking? I'd think so and it's fucking awesome, so you shouldn't discount it just beacuse it is a twin fic. But yeah I agree the majority of those I've read are bloody horrible, with a few exceptions.

 

:facepalm

/tenchar

 

Guess some people on the net doesn't get sarcasm?

 

Sounds like complete shit. Not even going to bother reading this. I get bored reading most "twinfics", and 99% of them are absolute garbage. You'll have to excuse me while I pass on this.

 

perhaps not, I for sure don't reckognise it when I'm juiced up on beer and cheap coffee

 

Surely that's when it becomes even clearer?

 

Fair enough Sree but just because its listed under Angst doesnt excuse its failure of attempting a coherent plot, its shoddy characterizations of people or its utter fail of creating conflict between the characters.

Giving it 4/5 makes some of the fics in the WBA look 9000/5 in comparison.

 

I don't think it was too bad. I mean, yeah, Harry was a total drama queen about the whole 'betrayal' thing. It's also highly unrealistic that he would suffer 'emotional trauma' from it.

But the writing wasn't so bad, and it's better than some. Though it did piss me off when the brothers name was Evan.

2.5/5

 

Goddamn it. What the fuck was I thinking? :facepalm

On the story; mediocre, not a clue why I favourited it a year ago. As people have said, the characters could be altered and minor details changed and then it wouldn't even be about Harry Potter anymore. Also, angsty as fuck.

I think it is technically well written, but I literally don't think I could find this less interesting.

3/5 for solid writing.