1. Another story competition is beginning! (Q1 2018)

    "You're bleeding on my floor."

    We've moved to a quarterly format, so you really have no excuse not to participate this time.

    So check out the new thread discussing scoring, rules, and other such matters in the in the Story Competitions forum and get cracking.

    Dismiss Notice

Complete A Cadmean Victory by DarknessEnthroned - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Taure, Aug 20, 2015.

  1. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,156
    Location:
    DLP
  2. NuScorpii

    NuScorpii Professor

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2015
    Messages:
    434
    What he hell did I just read? Duel by monologue?
     
  3. Enthralled

    Enthralled Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2014
    Messages:
    9
    Location:
    Nowhere near you.
    The resolution to the locket thing disappointed me as well. I didn't for a second think that Harry was in any real danger, there was no suspense whatsoever and Hermione hasn't been important for a while, so I can't say I care what happens to her.

    In my opinion, It would've been better if the locket in the cave had been the real one. Granted, at first the idea of Harry killing Voldemort, but him staying alive because of the locket seemed appealing. However, unless Voldemort won in the end, or at least, years down the line when everyone thought him dead, killed Fleur and her children, it would have been boring.

    As for chapter 101, I thought it was meh.
     
  4. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    1,403
    Location:
    Poland
    Another update, in which the author suddenly lost the ability to write in the past tense. I assume that writing a stream of consciousness was the intention, but it was executed badly.
     
  5. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    775
    Location:
    Australia
    I was confused at first and had to read the first few paragraphs 3 times. But once I realised what was going on it seemed alright. I haven't seen anything like this done before so it's got my attention, I only hope it doesn't turn out dissapointing in the next chapter. I'd say more but I honestly don't know what to say, I need the next chapter to better understand what's going to happen.

    I don't know if it speaks volumes of my character or a lack of investment in the story's characters but my primary concern right now is the Elder Wand. I like nice things, and I like heroes having those nice things. I hope he gets it back.
     
  6. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2014
    Messages:
    304
    I have to admit I dislike authors who purposefully try to make their story seem more important than it really is by making it hard to understand it.
    This definitely seemed like such a case.
     
  7. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    583
    I actually thought it was a good attempt to get across just how mentally confusing of a situation it was for Harry and Voldemort there. Maybe it didn't exactly read the best, but I much prefer a weird chapter like that to a cliched mindscape battle using Occulmency with lolworthy metaphors.

    As with many things in this fic, what we got might not have been exactly what we wanted, but it was better than what we could've ended up with.
     
  8. bob eddy

    bob eddy First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 26, 2008
    Messages:
    26
    Location:
    I don't know. All I know is that it's dark, wet, a
    Updated, I'll edit after I read it.

    Edit: That was an abrupt ending. Seemed like the author lost interest in writing and just wanted to be done. And was that just Harry? Or the confused Harry/Voldemort combo?
     
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2016
  9. wolf550e

    wolf550e High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 9, 2006
    Messages:
    565
    So, did he succeed in taking over Harry's body? Will he want to take over the world or be with Fleur? Is he Harry, or Harrymort?
     
  10. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    775
    Location:
    Australia
    I'm pretty sure it's meant to be Harry, but now that you mention it I'm not sure. I feel that if it was anything more there would have been a bit more to the end or a bigger hint though. As it is the only hint is the fire and ice on the wand which I'm too lazy to reread to check for significance.

    The ending wasn't...terrible. But I wouldn't say I'm happy about it. I thought there were still at least a few chapters to go so the fact that it's over all of a sudden is mildly upsetting. That said I don't think it was bad, for an epilogue. I actually think that for what it was it was ok.

    Still, I really would have appreciated more to it. Then again, I'm just really greedy for always wanting more almost regardless of any ending to be honest.
     
  11. Starscion

    Starscion First Year

    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2015
    Messages:
    25
    Ending was decent, ruined by the stupid under the willow tree spiel. Hedwig horcruxe was amusing. As a whole the story deserves a 3/5 it was at times very interesting, however the characterization fell flat for the 2 main characters, especially Fleur the forced romantic interest that never delivered.
     
  12. Trig

    Trig Auror

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2010
    Messages:
    666
    Location:
    Germany
    This story started out as an enjoyable guilty-pleasure that succeeded largely on the merit of its frequent updates.

    Over the course of its development it got noticeably worse, rushed, with an inconsistent pacing and increasingly sloppy writing. The 'duel' between Harry and Voldemort was an utter joke, the chapter following that was a ridiculous writing exercise at best. In the end we're left with this trainwreck.

    What an anticlimactic mess. 2/5.
     
  13. Lord Murtaza

    Lord Murtaza First Year

    Joined:
    Nov 6, 2014
    Messages:
    20
    Location:
    Xibalba
    The story was a decent time-waster. Most of the action scenes (except the final battle) were executed well enough. The romance seemed a bit forced at times, and the whole melodrama with Katie was dragged on waay too long. Still, it added to the story as a whole (if your into those kind of things).

    Not a big fan of the epilogue though. I like to see off my stories (and its respective characters) properly and I felt like there are a lot of untied strings in this one.

    Overall I give it a 3/5.
     
  14. Pradian

    Pradian Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 4, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    High Score:
    0
    Ok, time to do a review.

    I think it is a rather enjoyable story. Action scenes were decently written and executed. The update was fast and furious, with 1 chapter per 2 days or so. The author does not hesitate in killing characters like Katie, Sirius etc. The Dumbledore death scene and him being good all along was well-executed.

    Now for the bad of this story. The relationship between Fleur and Harry was good until they got together. Fleur felt very flat and dependent on Harry, there wasn't much development on her. Not to mention, that awful sentence 'I do not forgive. I do not forget.' in the earlier part of the story. The ending chapters felt very rushed, especially the locket subplot. The ending was questionable. He have a lot of good ideas but his failure to execute them well was disappointing to say the least.

    Nonetheless, I have a satisfying read. 3.5/5.

    P.S: I was amazed that a lot of people were surprised by the sudden appearance of the locket. It was hinted quite a bit.
     
  15. Atram Noctem

    Atram Noctem High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2015
    Messages:
    525
    I can't say I like this story much, and skimmed most of it, but I think the ending was great. Reminds me of the ending for Royal Assassin. The author used the canonical "arcane magic" of the sacrifice, the connection between Harry and Voldemort, and the Elder Wand to create an ending that isn't a straight victory, yet not a defeat. This is actually the kind of ending I expected for the books, and its complexity and creativity make it the best "final battle" ending I have read in fanfiction.
     
  16. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    583
    Hedwig didn't seem like a Horcrux to me, as she was in awful condition and died by the end. More like a possessed animal, one loyal enough to Harry to die from the stress of carrying the shade across the channel. The shade is clearly both Harry and Voldemort somehow, Ice and Fire. Neither can live while the other survives.

    It would've been a happier ending for Harry to be truly dead and Fleur to be pregnant, I think. This 'compromise' will destroy her, and nothing good will come from it. It's a Cadmean Victory indeed.

    I for one mourn that we never got Harry/Katie in this fic. It was a fic with a pretty unremarkable Fleur, but a truly unique and fun Katie that I doubt we'll see again.
     
  17. Mestre

    Mestre Third Year

    Joined:
    Aug 7, 2015
    Messages:
    109
    Location:
    Portugal
  18. Mordecai

    Mordecai Drunken Scotsman Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2005
    Messages:
    404
    Location:
    Scotland
    High Score:
    3,485
    Just caught up on the last few chapters. He completely lost the thread through the ending. It read to me like he'd lost interest in what he was writing and just wanted it finished. It had so much promise, but I'm definitely disappointed.
     
  19. Ghosthree3

    Ghosthree3 Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Nov 8, 2012
    Messages:
    775
    Location:
    Australia
    Yeah I can definitely agree with that. He accelerated the plot so quickly if you consider it in comparison to the rest of the story it was quite jarring to have it end when it did. I'm sort of hoping he writes a second epilogue.
     
  20. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2014
    Messages:
    304
    This.

    If this was intentionally, I've never seen worse pacing issues in a story. First, there are twenty chapters where literally NOTHING happens and then, absolutely EVERYTHING happens within the next twenty chapters.