Kind of, i think learning that there is a world in which your favorite and most successful student survived, would shock your system, even as a ninja. I'm sure there are some ninj who would take it in impassively, but jiraiya (and most konoha ninja) and very emotional, even in a "Wary but curious" state. That's my two cents...But good sneak in their with the "how do u know kyuubi isn't controlling/messing with you mind" but it could have been done more tactfully. Theoretically, Jiraiya believes he is dealing with a potential unstable/hostile impersonater of naruto. So he'd be a bit less..blunt? Well at least hopefully, Jiraiya died ...

 

Well, just for the sake of argument, even though I sincerely doubt it, what if kyuubi (is that one U or two? I always mess that up) had seen it, and he took over at some point it might have been possible for him/her to replicate it. Probably not, super unlikely, but then again...kishi is a bitch.

 

Very nice part, liath. I like the way you add some smaller flashbacks that explain Narutos childhood.

 

Yeah, the flashbacks were fucking awesome. After that, I can't imagine this Naruto actually joining a Genin team.

 

Considering his upbringing I can't see him being very normal at all. I'm guessing he had a happy early childhood with a good father and people who liked him. However as he went to war and has been leading people more than 5 times his age must put it's mark on his psyche. He can't have had much time to get adjusted childish whims as he's been special since birth. From his closest friends from his side, (Jiraiya, Kakashi, Rin & Minato, all adults mind you) to everyone who sees him as the powerful progeny of the 4th.

A child going through things like this either break or get forced to mature, neither which is very healthy in the long run. Being forced to mature basically means copying the mannerisms of surrounding adults, which in tihs case means stone cold ninjas. Forcefully adoping a less hyper, more poker-faced and quiet imaginary personality. The adults around would think he's matured while inside he's not quite right, personalities aren't that easy to change. Though! His behaviour towards people he's known since long before should remain constant.

I know the outer facade to hide a painful past is a cliché in fandom but there really is a point behind it. There's a reason why maturing shouldn't be force hurried if you want to fit into the society. Naruto fans must always hold the series in a suspense of disbelief, actively ignoring the psychological effects of sending 5 year olds into battle with the ability to kill at a whim. I mean 5 year olds have no inhibitions, the only reason why they wouldn't kill one person (allies) instead of other persons (hostiles) would be because the big meany said so. Even 10 year olds would be hard pressed to understand political reasons much less the effects of war like an adult would.

Luckily for him you didn't write him off as having been in a warzone since birth, he's actually had a somewhat nice childhood considering his penchant for pranks. His father would have likely tried to let Naruto grow up as normally as possible along with the others.


Anyway, my point is the way he's been, he should be a bit strange. Personality quirks and such.


And about the beta, I just want first crack and your stuff

 

*whistles innocently* *coughs*

Don't tell me this story's been abandoned? I hope not –*if it's just taking you a while to churn something out, liath, then that's fine, but I'm curious...

 

Damn you Chime for thinking it was updated.

Liath. Any news for us?

 

Great as always. I like that you don't have Konoha pretend they don't know about the invasion like in so many other stories.

 

I can't wait to see the battle!

 

Awesome. I've been haunting the WBA waiting for this story to be updated - looking forward to the confrontation

 

You can't kill Kabuto off yet! He's like... the only villain left in Naruto.

 

Errr??? Akatsuki? Orochimaru? Half of Cloud and Iwa?

Btw. Thanks for the update. It was refreshing. And do you plan to post this on ff.net?

 

You really should post this on FF.net, or another site at least. I'm having major trouble finding where I left off last!

 

Err... where is this feature? Heh...

Edit: Found it within seconds of posting.

 

Only comment really, those numbers seem to be awfully low considering canon. Though maybe as I realized later you meant ninjas in active service, yet that still seems to be rather in the low-end. As doubtfully these numbers are in any way important other than explaining the rarity of being S-rank, how about you just make them more vague?

 

Nice^^. Concerning whether you should write the fight scene or not, I'd say yes. Sooner or later you have to write one and I believe it's better to gain experience through a smaller and not so important one. And if you mess up, you can always delete it^^
Anyway, good work