Title: Armor of the Gods
Author: DGD
Rating: T/M
Genre: Mideval/Fantasy
DLP-Genre: General
Pairing: None
Status: WIP
Link: http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showthread.php?goto=newpost&t=5540

This is my second shot at writing something, constructive criticism is welcomed.

 

Comma usage in the first sentence. Parenthetical phrases separated by comma's are ok -- encouraged even, however:

This should read:

The first version implies that he is watching his father while on his fathers horse. The second version I would put a "while" after the second comma. . . But that's just me.

 

For the first few paragraphs, show don't tell eh?

Reads like 'Of Ice and Fire' kinda like story. (its a medival story by george r.r, epic length. google it or somehting.) For some reason I was also reminded of World of Warcraft when I read it. Anyways keep it up.

btw, I didn't know you could post original stories on DLP...

 

Pretty good must say i am intriqued to where you are going to go with this. About all i can say, it caught my attention and kept it, well done.

 

That was a really very good and interesting start. It definitely caught my attention and I'm looking forward to seeing where this leads.

 

I'll keep track of it and give a proper review later once we've seen a bit more. So far, seems like a few other fantasy books I've read. We'll just have to wait and see.


Just as a random point of interest, I seem to recall folks acting rather annoyed last time someone linked original fiction in the "for review" section. Wouldn't this be more appropriate in the Other Books and T.V, Shows forum, since it is technically an "other book"?

 

Catiff, the Other Books and T.V, Shows forum is aimed more at published works.

This is essentialy a piece of fanfiction (I'm not planning on taking it further then just here), that would go in the general section of the library if it is indeed moved there.

Thanks for the reviews all.

 

Yea this is good however i get the lord of the rings feeling from it only this one is lord of the armor it can easily be fucked up so be careful with this one.

Y do you even breathe anymore

 

I finally got around to reading this one. I'm withholding judgment until further chapters are written. So far, it is interesting and I'm trying not to even THINK of any similarities in writing style or story comment as of yet.