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Abandoned Control by Anonymous58 - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Andro, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. RAPl

    RAPl Guest

    All in all, I liked this fic, and will probably like it even more when it will be finished. In my opinion, it has a great language and a kind of fluidity that allows reader to fully enjoy the process of reading. I also liked the characters of this fic and how they ultimately drive forth a story (which I also think is nice and not overused). My wish is actually for this fic to end in tragedy brought by the conflict of the main characters. I think it would be only fitting.

    Also, when I read this fic I tend to interpret Harry as someone with an anti-social personality disorder. I wonder if the author intended it this way or, perhaps, himself is a sociopath. The portrayal of Harry is very interesting, to say the least, with some very realistic flaws. His fits of rage, social disadaptation, poor tactical choices... Reading about him is like watching a train wreck.

    I'd like to rate it 5/5 as of now, though beware of my bad taste for literature.
     
  2. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    I thought the story was updated :(
     
  3. jpdt19

    jpdt19 Fourth Year DLP Supporter

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    Excellent story. Very glad it was bumped. Superbly done!
     
  4. Dr. Strange Lulz

    Dr. Strange Lulz Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    My sincerest apologies to everyone who sees the bump and assumes an update. Just wanted to post my thoughts on this.

    My biggest complaint with this story is the fact that it's Honks, which is really saying something since Honks is my favorite ship.

    I'm an unabashed Honks fan, but the interaction between Harry and Tonks is just silly. His connection with her is completely unnecessary and I feel like it almost detracts from the rest of the story. I understand the necessity of a character that ties him to the light and keeps him from going completely dark, but I cant help but feel that the connection shouldn't be romantic in nature.

    If I had my way, this story would be completely Harry/Bella.

    This is the best Bellatrix I've ever seen, Only Enemies did a decent job, but this? This is just amazing. I'd say Bella here is even better than in Canon.

    So many stories use Bellatrix's insanity as the reason she's so dangerous. Here her insanity is the nicer side of her, her periods of lucidity are where we see the cold blooded, dyed in the wool, killer she really is.

    In regards to Harry, there are a bunch of things I like about him, but a great many more that I dislike. His whole "I must prove myself." attitude has been driving me crazy, I'm glad the author finally made him realize just how idiotic it is. I can understand his standoffish behavior, but at this point I simply find it annoying.

    See, I find Harry's reactions to Tracey far more annoying than her actually talking. Harry's thoughts make up the majority of this fic, and when someone actually decides to talk Harry either ignores the person speaking or simply tells them to shut the fuck up. Frankly this fic could actually use a bit more dialogue.

    I'm going to give it a 4.5/5, but round it down to a 4 rather than up to a 5.

    Just went back to read some comments, this one caught my eye.

    That is a great take on things.
     
    Last edited: Apr 28, 2012
  5. Vindruvor

    Vindruvor Squib

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    My apologies to those who might hink this is an update. (DLP really needs a system like 4chan's 'sage')

    I like he writing of the fic in general, but I just don't agree with the pacing. It starts off really dramatically and expects you to just go along with the facts that are revealed to you, all the while Harry is cleaving through people left and right with dark magic and getting thrown into Azkaban. A very exciting way to start a fic, unlike many authors who prefer to lay down the basics for the reader first and take it all slow-like.

    After that Harry does some really cool shit in Azkaban and gets sick loot from dementors while discovering hidden powers and insanity. You want to keep reading.

    However, some time after the trial, around when Harry starts acting like a temperamental brat and acquires a gang, the fic just falls flat on it's face.
    While the writing was good enough to keep me reading it just didn't have the same 'coolness' to it anymore. Sure, Harry still angsted about his darkness inside, but it was nothing compared to earlier chapters.

    I agree with Dr Strange Lulz, and I really think that the most interesting ship to pursue would be Bella, but with the focus shifting from Harry's insanity to how his gangmembers annoy him so bloody much it just wouldn't work.

    It's probably abandoned now seeing as the most recent update was last year, but I give it 3,5/5 for an interesting starting plot and solid writing.

    -

    By the way, is there any basis for characters like Daphne, Tracey, and Blaise in canon? They seem to get a disproportionate amount of attention in fanon considering how little is really known about them.
     
  6. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Considering how little is said about them in Canon they are pretty much OC with the exception of Fanon Characterizations. I really hope the author doesn't abandon this I was really hoping for another great story about Harry not being the boy who lived.
     
  7. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Hopefully not; it seemed like that last year, and then he updated with about four chapters in steady succession. I guess he goes in and out of the writing mood, and when he's in it churns out a lot of stuff.
     
  8. Atum

    Atum DA Member DLP Supporter

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    Read this a while back, and I give it a 4/5. Overall good but like some others, the beginning didn't sit well with me. Well done though in terms of portraying a dark main character.
     
  9. The Iron Rose

    The Iron Rose Death Eater

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    ...Fuck you for making me think this updated, with a crappy review to match.
     
  10. Imariel

    Imariel Order Member DLP Supporter

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    One solution would be to favourite the story itself on ff.net, quite handy and you'll be significantly less dissapointed due to people reading the story later than yourself.
     
  11. Padfoot85

    Padfoot85 Sixth Year

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    NOT AN UPDATE!!

    (I agree, that anyone that gets that butthurt over it should be following the story on FF.net not here..)


    So I went back and re-read this story, along with the updates. And it still holds up. But a few things stuck out to me, hence the writing of this post.

    Honestly the back and forth between his 'mindscape' and reality is kind of jarring. I read it on a portable device and it made it very difficult to understand where he was at times. Dumbledore, to me, seems caught between puppet master and old fool. You have a student which you know to be corrupted with Dark Magic (his listing of Harry's symptoms were enough for me) who is violent towards everyone and would rival Voldemort if his spell choices were anything. (Not only summoning Fiendfyre but controlling it making it do his bidding.) And you still give him free reign? The prophecy must hold higher stock in this world otherwise I doubt Dumbledore would give him all the liberties he did, considering.

    But a few more things stood out to me as being simply awesome. Harry's Light vs Dark wands rant at Granger was one of the highlights for me, and I've paraphrased parts of it in my sig.
    ""Would you like me to explain?" I asked, continuing before she could interrupt, "The spells you know… your wand will do one of a few things. If you use that wand, it will perhaps turn my legs to jelly," I sneered, glaring into her eyes.

    "If you use that wand, it will perhaps render me immobile. If you use that wand, perhaps you'll drive me into unconsciousness for a few hours while the Weasley twins stuff my pockets with pranks!" I snarled, leaning in until our faces were inches apart.

    "Do you know what MY wand will do to you, Granger?" My voice was low as I growled out my words, "My wand will entomb you in ice. My wand will dissolve your flesh in acid…" I trailed off, watching as the fear swam in her eyes. It strengthened me and stoked the inferno that blazed within my chest.

    "My wand, Granger…" I whispered then snarled, "…will cleave you in half and send your filthy mudblood organs spraying over my pure floors!"


    Edit: No real point in having spoiler tags if it's in my sig right below...oh well.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2012
  12. Vincent

    Vincent Death Eater

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    I'm pretty sure the kind of wand they were using wasn't what he was talking about as much as the spells the casters were willing to use.
     
  13. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Also worth mentioning that Neville is the BWL in this fic, and the author said they were rewriting earlier chapters due to mass cliche use.
     
  14. bombdiggity92

    bombdiggity92 Temporarily Banhammered

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    Fuckin ay, I clearly remember the author posting somewhere this story isn't gonna be completed. They had like eleven chapters written, said they were gonna post what they had. Don't mean to be a buzzkill just saying.
     
  15. Legere Libros

    Legere Libros Muggle

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    I've read it before i think but it was nice to read it again 5/5
     
  16. Trig

    Trig Auror

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    Did you tick the checkbox without reading the text above it? If so I feel really sorry for you if you ever have to sign a contract.

    [​IMG]

    EDIT by Minion:

    It is absolutely legit to leave reviews in the Library, even if the thread is ages old. While the post of Legere Libros isn't that great, it at least is some kind of review, including the rating.

    See the rules here:


    Ditto. Though mind that that post really is the barest minimum you need, everyone.
    And sorry for colouring your post ;) -Sesc
    Edit: I stand corrected, sorry. I might as well use this as incentive to read the story again, second best Harry/Bella out there.
     
    Last edited: Jan 4, 2015
  17. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    The story is Harry/Tonks. Bella is Harry's crazy motherly figure. She thinks of Harry as a substitute for her dead son.

    Just out of curiosity, what do you think is the best Harry/Bella story out there?

    Anyway, this Bellatrix is fucking awesome. Best Bella characterization ever. This story almost makes me wish I had a mom like her. Almost.

    The Dursley murders never fail to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Harry is awesome and deliciously evil. Dumbledore is a bastard, though no more evil than canon. This is how you write an antagonistic Harry-Dumbledore relationship. I hope all those Manipulative!Dumbledore authors are taking notes from this. Damn, I wanted to see Harry kill Dumbledore so bad, something all those versions of manipulative Dumbledore never quite managed.

    Why was this abandoned? Why?
     
  18. Trig

    Trig Auror

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    That doesn't really contradict Harry/Bella.

    That'd be Only Enemies by leave this world.

    Agreed, it's really what makes this story in my opinion.

    What? I mean... what?

    So far I'm mostly with you, this is one of the very few characterizations of Dumbledore that portray his manipulative side without overdoing it. One of the aspects of this story which elevates it from many other stories, in my opinion.

    But...

    ...this would have ruined everything. Harry killing Dumbledore is a laughable idea in general and especially at this point in time. Even if it wasn't, where should the story go from there?

    I'd love to see this being continued as well.
     
  19. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    Surely you realize that Harry killing Dumbledore is the major selling point of the story? The entire story has been building up to it right from the beginning. Pretty much the entire story is about how Harry wouldn't be controlled. That's right in the summary of the story, hell that's the title of the story.

    We've barely seen the Dark Lord part of the fic, so its the 'old puppeteers' part that's important. Harry killing Dumbledore is no more laughable than Harry killing Voldemort. Obviously it would be at the end of the story since Dumbledore is to this story what Voldemort is to most HP stories. If the story did not make you want to see Harry kill Dumbledore, then it failed in its purpose.

    Are you saying Bellatrix wouldn't make a good mother? BLASPHEMY.
    I could just imagine Bella being a mother. Her child would learn to crucio mudbloods before he would learn to walk. Who wouldn't want such an awesome and healthy childhood?
     
  20. asterixgaul3112

    asterixgaul3112 Squib

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    Did anyone else feel like control, Santi's BWL and Cadmean victory had something in common?
    It could just be that I liked all of them and associate them, but I think there was something to the interaction between characters where they're not one dimensional foils to the protagonist and their relationships feel like they're all truly developing and make sense based on their personalities (as opposed to traditional Harry,Ron,Hermione stories where they're friends because of unlikely coincidences and don't actually have anything in common - leading to cliched derivatives of canon dialogue being repeated again and again).
    What you leave behind has this too I believe.

    Surprisingly, I found the whole mindscape scene rather enjoyable - it felt like an accurate metaphor for the protagonists state of mind rather than cobbling together a bunch of weird analogies and references.


    PS was this too general for a review of a particular story?