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Complete Evacuation of the Flumpawumps by LineApe - NC-17

Discussion in 'Restricted Section' started by PinstripedPajamas, Jul 30, 2010.

  1. PinstripedPajamas

    PinstripedPajamas Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    Title: Evacuation of the Flumpawumps
    Author: Lineape
    Rating: M (in reality, its NC-17)
    Genre: Smut, Humor
    DLP Category: Restricted Section
    Pairing: Harry/Luna
    Chapters: 10
    Words: 13,051
    Updated: August 1, 2010
    Published: January 6, 2010
    Status: Complete, but omakes are added frequently.
    Summary: Harry awakes to quite the surprise when he finds Luna trying to remove the Flumpawumps from him, through her mouth, via his... other wand...
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5646874/1/Evacuation_of_the_Flumpawumps

    Link: http://hp.adult-fanfiction.org/story.php?no=600025067

    Warning, there is smut.

    This is the very first Harry Potter story I ever posted. I feel that of all my stories, this is the only one that could be Library worthy at the moment.

    It may have been my first posted, but I have gone back numerous times to fix things.

    The general consensus is that it's funny, although most of my reviewers are idiots.

    Peruse at your own discretion.

    -PP


    Checked Nov. 13, 2012

    Checked by Dark Syaoran, June 6, 2014
    Added AFF link.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 13, 2012
  2. Skykes

    Skykes Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    I am Skykes and I just woke up in a cold sweat. I am going to read this story.

    I am disapoint. It's just smut D: ...and quite short. I need something longer ^_-
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2010
  3. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    As I posted in your intro thread, I find this story is pretty good. I like the way Luna is written. She stays believably in character in that is what makes this story great.

    5/5 from me.
     
  4. PinstripedPajamas

    PinstripedPajamas Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    Short? There's like eight chapters.

    Are you sure you didn't just read the first chapter and then close it off?
     
  5. Zennith

    Zennith Pebble Wrestler Prestige

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    Meh. It's somewhat humorous, but doesn't really have enough substance to make it anything more than that. I dunno, worth a read I suppose, but I don't think it's truly library worthy.

    3/5
     
  6. Skykes

    Skykes Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    There's 5 chapters. I read 3 of those.
     
  7. Scrittore

    Scrittore Groundskeeper

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    Short chapters, however well-written and the characterization of Luna was great. 4/5.
     
  8. PinstripedPajamas

    PinstripedPajamas Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    I re-read my response. Didn't mean to come off as accusing, it's just that I have a bit of an issue of people reading the first chapter, liking it (and saying so in a review), then not reading the rest. Its almost as if they're... spent... after reading just the first chapter.

    Not sure why of course. ;)

    I guess that's the price I pay for writing smut.

    Wow. I just took a step back, and now I see why people are always accusing us Canadians of being 'too nice'. I sound like a wuss in this post.

    Short chapters indeed. I'm a touch lazy, and have no impulse control.

    Essentially that translates to me writing for an hour or so, losing interest, and posing what I have.

    Its a bad habit, I admit.

    Glad you liked the Luna characterization.

    -PP
     
  9. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Would you mind reading the sticky that explains how to tag pairings? If you do it this way, it won't show up in the list.

    And that goes for everyone. I need to bug Raven to add that to the posting format note, it seems >_>
     
  10. PinstripedPajamas

    PinstripedPajamas Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    My bad, fixed.

    Newb mistake. I'll be more careful of the stickies in the future.
     
  11. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Read it and I can't say I liked it much. Oh it was amusing and all that but it didn't feel like Luna, just some blond slut who obviously makes stuff up to get laid. Nothing wrong with that for a HP smut story but if you feel that is how Luna should be portrayed than I have to disagree with you.

    I always liked the fact that Luna did not make up those things but rather that she believed in them, no matter what people thought of her for it and to see her making up some off it for some ulterior motive (i.e. getting into Harry's pants) is pretty weird.

    Now I know that this is a smut/humor story where ooc is normal and expected but still, kind of made it disappointing.

    There is this popular portrayal of Luna who is often written as this exhibitionist nymphomaniac, which may work for cracky humor stories but not for something that aims to be in the library.

    3/5 from me, amusing for what it was, Harry and Luna screwing the whole time but has nothing else to offer. It is not bad or anything, just not something special.
     
  12. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    It was an amusing short read. I don't have a problem with the type of characterization of Luna where she fakes her craziness. In most fanfics authors try a little too hard to make her batshit crazy, and it's refreshing to see a story where she just makes it all up.

    And really, I don't think a girl is a slut just because she jumps a guy. Apparently it's ok if a guy tries to hook up with a chick(s) and acts like a whore, but when a girl takes the initiative (once, I might add. She's not fucking anyone else in the story) she's a slut? She even mentioned that it was her first time giving a bj and having sex in one of the chapters.

    Not a slut IMO, just really hungry for Harry's cock.
     
  13. Kratos

    Kratos Squib

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    I expected smut, got smut. Mediocre smut at best. I think in terms of smut stories this is not library worthy, it's just sex without any storyish elements. Not awful though.
     
  14. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Really Demons? I think that the "Luna fakes her craziness" think is much more common than "Luna really believes in those things" and to read another story where she is basically trolling others, really badly at that since she is the only one to get flak for it, is pretty boring and takes from her character.

    I don't know man, maybe slut is the wrong word but if a girl woke up with a guy glued to her crotch with whom she is only casual friends than I guess a normal girl would freak out. Note that I said normal and not prude.

    The guy would be, of course, a gigantic perverted creep at best and some sort of rapist at worst so I don't think it is much of a stretch to expect at least a bit of build up to it before it resorts to sexual intercourse. This was it just seemed like the plot of a porn movie. It is not really double standards, I mean nothing wrong with a girl taking the initiative but this goes beyond that.

    But as it is already said, it is just a plain smut story, so nobody expected a good story behind it but still, just not my kind of story I guess. As far as smut goes, not bad but nothing special.
     
  15. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    It was nice at first, but I didn't like the later chapters.
     
  16. Demons In The Night

    Demons In The Night Chief Warlock

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    Meh, I don't read that many Luna centered stories so perhaps I haven't seen how much that sort of characterization is used. Regardless of her characterization, I can only read long fics when Luna is written well...which is very rare indeed, and is probably why I haven't encountered this all that often. I can't even remember the last fic where I truly enjoyed reading Luna as a character. Like I said, this oneshot was an amusing little distraction. Not library worthy though.
     
  17. vlad

    vlad Seventh Year Prestige

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    Tried it, did not particularly like it. It wasn't so bad that I had to quit, but it wasn't so great that I felt compelled to read any of the omakes. Luna got on my nerves towards the end, which is a bad sign.

    3/5, tops. Not library worthy.
     
  18. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    The story has its obvious shortcomings but is amusing. The Omakes are pretty good. Are they written by the author? If so, good show and worth 4 stars. Barely.
     
  19. bommor

    bommor Squib

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    This was amusing, but not long enough. The author should have really beefed up the chapters and word count. 15K in 10 chapters? Pshaw.

    However, the characterization was amusing, thus I give it a 4/5.
     
  20. PinstripedPajamas

    PinstripedPajamas Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, I write them as the mood strikes me. Some of the omakes are better than others, and I think that some of the omakes are better than the story itself.

    I agree with it not being long enough. In my defense however, it was never meant to be very long. After every single chapter I convinced myself that the next would be the longer and also the last.

    ...Never happened.

    BTW, I'm happy this made the library, but I see it was by the skin of it's teeth. Next time I submit a story I'll make sure to stack the deck in it's favor by improving my writing.