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Fanfiction's Worst Reviews

Discussion in 'FanFic Discussion' started by Moridin, Jul 7, 2010.

  1. Moridin

    Moridin Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Inspired by a posting in the worst summaries thread.

    The review that started this:

    And it appears that Chi CHi was just returning the favour:

    The scary part is that if I had not noticed the subject matter, I would actually appreciate the grammar...

    Another one from the same story
    Different story, same subject apparently

    Another

    In case you are wondering, the summary for the story in the last review is
    Any others?
     
  2. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Some gems from my own stories...

    This one rather creeped me out:


    This one just made me lol:

    A review that has helped me improve on every single aspect of my writing:

    I think the best review I've ever seen was for one of my collaborative stories, where an obvious troll simply left an entire poem from Through the Looking Glass. Sadly, my co-author appears to have deleted it :(
     
  3. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    ... I could have sworn we had a thread like that, and I posted my shittiest-reviewer ranking there. Can't find it, though. Was it baleeted for some reason? Anyway, back then, I think it used to be; AthenaKitty, TxAGunfighter and riegert8. If you read reviews, you might recognise the names.


    However, recently, I've come across a new abomination. It calls itself "ROBERT-19588", and has claimed the top-shit-spot. Forget AthenaKitty and her bad soap-cliffhanger-question-reviews.

    This guy has made it his task to flatulate his unwanted opinion all over FF.net (Google lists 500 alone), that is, recommend only the shittiest and most cliché plot devices as "ideas" authors could use. He owns some sort of sentence data-base, from which he only needs to c&p respective parts of the reviews together; which makes them easily re-usable and shitting fitting for every story.

    His House-Elf fetish pales in comparison to that, but let's start off easy:

    Here, he got his wish:

    What is this guys fixation with Dobby? But ignoring that now, you'll see his shit truly hit the fan(-fic):

    And you can feel your brain starting to dribble out of your ears.

    Still reading? I was having a nervous fit of laughter. Perhaps it was the "fallowing." So then, the crowning piece of fail. I shit you not, that is his review (and there are hundreds more exactly like it).

    There are no words. I feel like crying.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  4. Blazzano

    Blazzano Unspeakable

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    There was a review for Perspicacity's Dagger and Rose that I mentioned a few months back. It's definitely one of my favorites of the year, so here it is again. From anonymous reviewer "your ok," who will probably go on to have a successful career editing The Elements of Style :

     
  5. Mercenary

    Mercenary Snake Eater

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    Oh wow. Thats like one giant run on sentence plus incoherent grammar as well...
     
  6. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    Oh ferfuckssake. Someone kill it with fire.

    Any chance on a direct link to the review? I'd love to e-mail them a correction of their fail.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  7. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Some reviews for my trolling.

    For 'Can't Give You Up' (my rick-roll):
    Perhaps my favourite one. The vitriol! The rage! The srs bzns!
    (S)he also favourited it, me, put me and my story on their alert list (even though it was marked as complete?) and doesn't seem to have read it at all. They later removed it from their favourite list of hundreds of other Twilight fics. ;_;
     
  8. Blazzano

    Blazzano Unspeakable

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    The review is here, but since it's anonymous I don't think you'd be able to go so far as e-mailing anyone, alas.
     
  9. Rin

    Rin Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter

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    That's too bad, but I guess cowardliness is all you can expect from such a stupid review.

    On the few times I've reviewed fics, I did so under my account and accepted replies. Fuck them.
     
  10. iLost

    iLost Minister of Magic

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    I about had a heart attack. God damn! LOL. Weird coincedence this is. The person who posted that. No-name, writes just how I used to when I left reviews on ff.net. Over use of hyphens, disjointed thoughts, etlc...

    To make it even more bizarre, I actual left a review like that, detailing a dream where I died. I actually thought that WAS my review, till I found it and saw the date. LOL. I left my review around the turn of the millennium.

    Still bizarre.
     
  11. Ceebee

    Ceebee High Inquisitor

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    Sorry guys, I think this series of reviews has to take the prize. It gave us many lols on IRC.

    Reviews are for Nuhuh's Retsu's Folly HP/Bleach story.

     
  12. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Oh shit, someone post the "May your sword stay sharp" reviews Nuhuh got. They rocked! xD
     
  13. iMessing

    iMessing First Year DLP Supporter

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    I really pity those people that try to leave honest reviews but are hampered by the inability to spell correctly :| Nevermind typos

    but still lulz all around :D at the other 'reviews' .

    EDIT :Ninja-Snipped
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  14. Iztiak

    Iztiak Heir

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    I lol'd at this line. It's just... Wow. ;]
     
  15. Trojan Knight

    Trojan Knight Third Year

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    smexiness?! Can anyone tell me which two words are blended there? Or is it just a typo?

    I can never understand these fan girls.
     
  16. Kari Black

    Kari Black DA Member

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    Smut and sexiness maybe? I'm not sure.
     
  17. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I just got 3 reviews in a row from the same guy, one "kalo beng", and he's... a bit odd. Either that or a prominent DLP member trolling me. Either way, here goes:

    As you can see, he has something of a fixation with DLP. I'm having trouble remembering the guys mentioned in the 3rd review though. "Pro-Tom" rings a bell, but the other two I don't remember at all.
     
  18. Trojan Knight

    Trojan Knight Third Year

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    Probably a poor chap buggered by DLP crew.
     
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  19. LadyKitti

    LadyKitti Second Year

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    You know what I hate...reviews that ask the author to make the story a certain pairing. I especially hate it when they ask the pairing to be slash when the author has expressly said Harry will NOT be gay.

    I mean come on..is it the AUTHOR that's writing the story or is it the reviewer. This isn't a choose your own adventure story.
    Then don't bother to review! gosh

    Sigh this REVIEW is beyond words..
     
  20. Moridin

    Moridin Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Nah, looks more like a troll to me, especially with all the 'inside references'.