Abandoned Fate/eternia by Surarrin - M - Naruto / Fate/Stay Night

Discussion in 'Fate/Stay Night' started by Jon, Mar 2, 2010.

  1. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Naruto is actually pretty strong for an Assassin >_>'

    It's kinda ironic that both 'fake heroes' are stronger than the 'real' one XD

    Ya need to kill off Caster soon, then the fic can start to roll <3
     
  2. lanceavalon

    lanceavalon Seventh Year

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    Kill the loser master have Naruto save Caster life so that he can make her his love slave:awesome, then the story can start.
     
  3. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Updated.

    /filler
     
  4. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    It's only now that I noticed how... different this writing style is. It reads alot like FSN visual novel itself! Very japanese-esque too. You also did a rather wonderful job of catching Taiga's essence. Really.

    I love what you did with the track team girls =P

    "all his blue haired glory" <- was kinda meh when you did it twice, and it feels just weird with Shinji, who we all know you're going to kill. Hopfully.

    Anyways, surprisingly enjoyable for a non-combat chapter, and the social connections he made were amusing.

    Good work =p
     
  5. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Ha, I'm glad someone noticed. I'll give myself a pat on the back now. :D

    Taiga. <3

    Run, Rabbit, Run.

    I'll go back and fix this.

    It's all in the Taiga.

    Cheers.
     
  6. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    The story does read like a translated piece, an interesting approach, so long as you avoid the pitfall of using too much Japanese (all according to keikaku), which I don't think you will.

    It's going to be fun guessing who's who, unless you're using canon characters as each class. Is Caster the same woman as the one from Stay Night?
     
  7. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Just Masters.

    And way to make Naruto more humane. It's a bit excessive, but does the job well. Probably realistic too, as this is Naruto we're talking about.

    I really liked what you did with Rider too. Hm, you must have some gift at FSN characterization, she already feels more of a person than the canon one did. Very descreptive writing too, enjoyable to read.

    And lulz at the end. To the frying pan, huh? XD If he goes against Berserker, he's gonna get killed.
     
  8. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    They are the same characters, minus Naruto. I was considering changing two specific servants slightly, but in the end I don't think I will.

    Nice catch.

    Thanks, I'm glad someone is enjoying the story. ^_^
     
    Last edited: Mar 20, 2010
  9. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    Just read it. Without reading any of the posts here, I already got the feeling that it was written like the visual novel. Actually, exactly like the visual novel; the scene is presented and through the course of a character's musing or dialog, it is further described. I even like the few typo's I found, cuz I know even mirror-moon fucks up sometimes. Presentation gets a 5/5.

    The characterization thus far is rock solid. The students actually seem alive instead of being parts of the faceless masses. Rider has been given more life that she ever had in canon, though that could be because she was never given too much focus. And the exact same could be said of Issei, Shinji, and definitely Caster. Her sense of humor (or lack of it) is pretty dark and lulzy for sure. Blow off his hand on a whim...that's just rude! Naruto himself is where I have to give you actual credit, though. Of late, I've had a very low tolerance for anything Naruto since the manga is fucking us all over something fierce, but you aged him just enough to give him a working, likable personality while retaining some of what he was in his youth. 5/5 again.

    I'm pretty sure my favorite scene so far was the intro, the event that made Naruto a heroic spirit. Well and truly epic, man. Tied just enough to canon to be completely believable.

    I'm done inflating your head even more. Browse some threads and get back to writing. Your fans demand moar!
     
  10. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    Latest chapter confused me a bit. I'm not up to snuff on my fate stay knowledge, but doesn't mana come from sex (I suppose there are rituals and things, but sex is the fastest)? Naruto was drained of mana, meaning that mean he'd need either Caster to give him some of hers, or he'd need to find someone... or he has some special technique which lets him leech mana (we already know he can maintain his levels with meditation).
     
  11. Rehio

    Rehio Alchemist DLP Supporter

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    The only reason Shirou needed to have sex in order to transfer mana (besides making the game H) was because he didn't have a developed magic circuit capable of giving Saber mana.

    Something like that. Shirou just sucks as a Master.
     
  12. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    QFT.

    But as stated in Syao's fic thread, it's what makes him so endearing. He sucks and tries too hard and complains at every corner, but somehow we still love him.

    ...Even if I like Ilya more...something about murderous loli's.
     
  13. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Mana comes in two forms;


    • Mana (マナ, Mana?) is the energy existing in the atmosphere. Produced by the world itself, although usually found in great quantities once used up it will take time to be replenished.

    • Od (オド, odo?) is the energy found within living organisms, life force so to say. Once depleted, the Magic Circuits will recover it. Source of the name probably comes from Odic force.
     
  14. ChaosGuy

    ChaosGuy Auror

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    It's not just that he sucks as a master, but he sucks as a mage, he only has three types of magic and two of those are by-products of the third. Really, the only time he makes any real progress to becoming a mage is in the UBW endings.
     
  15. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    Ohhh, I see, I'd forgotten that he didn't have a proper circuit. That's why he'd had to sex Saber after Hercules.

    That's too bad. I was finding amusement in the fact that when Naruto ran out of mana, he'd need to go h Ayako, Sakura, Rin, etc. or something. Of course, he'd do it politely.

    Can't blame me for thinking that. 'Is an h-game.
     
  16. Sin Saiori

    Sin Saiori Death Eater

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    Now if that isn't the funniest mental image I've had all month, then I don't know what is.

    Beyond that, Jon could probably make it happen, and it would probably work, but it would probably take away from the story in the end. Considering his mana supply will only allow him to remain outside the temple for a day or two at a time, that would be a lot of sexy tiem.
     
  17. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Meh, you forget that if somehow Caster dies yet Naruto stays alive, he can form a contract with a Master who's lost his/her servant (or has insane enough power levels to upkeep two Servants). That's what I was actually going for with the 'Caster needs to die' comment... though she's kinda grown on me xD
     
  18. TSN

    TSN Auror

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    Jon on a roll.
     
  19. Clerith

    Clerith Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Suddenly an update, indeed! Well, not that suddenly. But yaaa~~y still! I suppose that it's all right to comment in this thread, with the update?

    'Onii-sama' brings fetish-like flavour into the interactions that I can't help but to enjoy. The club girls fighting over him was fun to read, as well. In the end, I really ended up cheering for Himuro Kane. I like her.

    Drawing Sakura's attraction? Now that is a scary prospect. Stay away from the crazy girl, Naruto!

    This was a very fun to read, almost relaxing chapter. You really pulled out all the stops, imo. Without a doubt, 5/5 update.
     
  20. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    Absolutely fine to post here. :3

    Next chapter will be awesome.

    You have no fucking idea. :awesome