Good Percy Jackson Fanfiction?

Discussion in 'Story Search' started by kracken, Feb 11, 2017.

  1. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    What I liked most about it was the agency it gave Artemis, honestly. Goddess of the hunt, indeed.
     
  2. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Honestly my favorite part was the AN at the end of chapter 3. Makes the whole story worth it.
     
  3. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    I think I am going to be the odd man out here. While I agree that it was technically well written and had a few good and resonant sentences here and there

    I especially loved the last line, "It is the story of how a goddess achieved mortality" is really meaningful and outright strong, what a great note to end the story on

    however, the story on a whole didn't really manage to pull me in completely. For one, I felt outright offended at the laziness of the story that it felt in order to justify the Percy - Artemis ship, it had to assassinate Annabeth's character like that. Like, I was rolling my eyes at the way the breakup was handled, with Percy making comments on how it is solely her fault it is happening, but I could roll with that. But Annabeth fucking stabbing a girl she didn't know from behind because she couldn't bear seeing Percy with another girl? Wow. Wouldn't have been surprised if Annabeth had testified in court against Percy so that he would be thrown into Azkaban and have Zeus or Ares take charge of his vast fortune. The story was written too well overall to be pulling that shit. I get that established relationships can be a hurdle when writing fanfiction with other ships in mind but why do it like this? I honestly would prefer a handwaving line saying "we broke up but we're still great friends" than any mental gymnastics that turn one of them into an asshole for no reason. Bashing always pulls down the story, especially when it is done so lazily like this.

    Then there is the vessel of faux deepness that was Percy. There were moments here and there where he actually felt like Percy but only for a little bit. The rest of the time, he was...I don't even know who he was, basically the exact sort of character Naruto or Harry become when they are written for the cheap angst romance fics.

    I guess that was what really held this fic back. Fundamentally, it was a cheap angsty romance fic with all the tropes of those fics only with good grammar and some flashes of great writing. Percy brooding but because he is so powerful, his power has this big affect, Artemis recognizing his deepness because he liked reading 1984 and Big Gatsby and whatever, those were just instances where I rolled my eyes.

    To be clear, I didn't hate the story or anything. I found the struggle of Artemis interesting, how she was kinda breaking under her immortality and they did share compelling and at times kinda cute scenes together. That said, I felt that the story was overall rushed and didn't really explore the things that it should have.

    Maybe that is a more subjective complaint, but I would have loved for the immortality - mortality aspect to be looked at way more than it did. I would have loved to see Artemis talk with her brother, for example. Seems like the kinda subject even he would have taken seriously and even if they have this friction, this would have made for a great conversation to have. Especially since he is mortal right now, who better to ask, right? Similarly, there wasn't really any closure on the side of her huntresses. She didn't talk with them at all, she basically avoided them for weeks and sneaked into mortality, not really making any preparations or talking with them about it. I guess I would have appreciated a scene where she at least tells them her decision personally and we see various reactions.

    Also, I felt like she didn't consider how her essentially forsaking her oath would reflect on the huntresses who died for her and the oath they shared. Are there any huntresses who failed to uphold their oath? Would she seek a conversation with them in some way or would one of the current huntresses feel immensely betrayed because Artemis executed a few people she loved over the centuries but she stayed because she respected Artemis and the oath too much for that?

    There is a ton of things that I was really looking forward to once the question came up but they were all basically ignored. Artemis also, for most of the time, never really felt like an immortal goddess but rather a sheltered 15 year old girl with solid book knowledge on the history and spiritual stuff.

    And for all that talk that gods don't change, Artemis was changing throughout the story just fine, the fact that she was mentally breaking under the losses she felt is already a change, isn't it? I get that the goal of the story was to have Percy and Artemis together at the end as mortals but I dunno, the story didn't feel like it earned that.

    I guess being selfish and all is the trait of a greek god but I dunno, Artemis always felt better than that so it is a bit disappointing to see her behave as she did. She was selfish, irresponsible and cowardly. I also - and this is super subjective - didn't really like the implication that she was dumb for having made her oath to begin with, even if the story was quick to add that Percy is just that special. Immortality being its own kind of curse and seeing people you care for die and knowing there is an afterlife where you can see them again but you personally can't because you are cursed for an eternity of walking the earth, well, that certainly can wear someone down but I also felt that there was no real counter argument. No reflection on why she made that oath to begin with, the good times she had, the pride she has in her huntresses and all that. The things countless huntresses gave their lives for, something she believed in so strongly she made an oath and didn't break it until this moment. It was a bit one-sided. This wasn't a tattoo she got while drunk but one of the core aspects of her identity and while the story tells this decision took tons of thinking, we don't really experience that and it feels like something she made on a whim, whilst having a crush.

    Honestly, I feel like Artemis was an actual teenager who made a big mistake, rushing into things because she thought she was in love and the real story would be starting after this, trying to reclaim the things she so foolishly cast aside for the sake of love but actually, the story was that this were the correct steps to take.

    So yeah, the story touched quite a few interesting points but only really pretended to discuss/answer them and instead rushed to a rather weird ending which didn't feel true for either character.

    3.5/5 for me. I enjoyed it, but had too many flaws for me to rate it higher than that. I will be looking for more Artemis - Percy stories or rather Artemis centric stories now, so there is that.
     
  4. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    For myself, I would argue the opposite @Nemrut. Artemis' complete selfish behavior, the fact that she didn't consult anyone, didn't change her decision because of or angst over what would become of the Hunt; I found those to add to the success of the story.

    Artemis' move was a selfish one, made for herself. Nobody else factored into it. And her growing dissociation from the Hunt, thoughts of the other gods and her brother all served to foreshadow this decision.

    This is why I feel that the fic captures the aspect of Artemis as the goddess of the hunt so well; once she has a target, she'll go for it and not ask for permission or forgiveness. I don't find anything cowardly in that, personally.
     
  5. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    She was also the goddess of the moon, chastity, wilderness and animals and had her hunters directly pledged to her for centuries if not millennia and definitely was responsible for them. Her survivors guilt and her inability to cope with all their deaths over the years because she actually loves and cares for them were one of the driving factors of the story and I find that clashes a lot with her basically running away without saying anything.

    I find it cowardly because she is turning her back to an oath that her huntresses made because of her, to her, in fact, and basically left them stuck there while taking a way out, not saying anything to anyone, hoping that Thalia will figure things out. The hunt were basically the most loyal followers of any god we have seen in the series and for Artemis to just leave them hanging like that, well, that strikes me as extremely cowardly.

    Fair enough at the point that the hunt makes her focused on her target and little else but it wasn't really about asking permission as much as it was taking responsibility for the people who followed and believed in her for centuries. Showing them the respect they had earned and deserved.

    I dunno, man, I found that aspect unsatisfying and even with her change in nature and priorities, really out of character. Artemis was one of the few gods who cared about her followers in that way and was loyal to them, but then, at the end, she just dropped them like you would a bookclub you don't want to bother going anymore.
     
  6. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    As I saw it she loved the members of the Hunt, most of which died off, and she couldn't really bring herself to be attached to the remains or have any part in the creation of a new generation of Hunters. Less of a 'dropped' and more of a 'I'm no longer part of this, best of luck'. We see this with her confidence in Thalia.

    Her gradual separation from the Hunt was discussed at length, and has apparently been happening for centuries. She loved the people, but the Hunt itself was a duty that she grew less and less happy with over time.

    /shrug Different interpretations, I suppose.
     
  7. contra

    contra First Year

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    Well.

    Hi, the author here. First, thanks to @Miner for the plug, explains the slight uptick in views all of a sudden, and R-dude/Republic of all people reviewing. Was a bit awestruck by that for sure. And also for telling me about this little thread.

    Addressing comments in order:

    @Jester It's definitely a touch contrived - I find most every story needs contrivances, though. And however unfortunately for what it says about women / the trope in general, it sorta requires the trashy sorta romance novel plot of having the "perfect" man thaw the innocent virgin. Putting it in this perspective is really an odd thought for me, however true. The contrivances are a bit lampshaded by the first chapter's quote: "Sometimes I remind myself that I almost skipped the party, that I almost went to a different college, that the whim of a minute could have changed everything and everyone. Our lives, so settled, so specific, are built on happenstance." Anna Quindlen

    @Republic A large part of writing the story from Artemis's POV was to give her agency that I've yet to truly feel from any of the other PxArt stories I've seen, so thanks for enjoying that part. The completely selfish behavior is something that sorta came up when writing unintentionally then something completely worth keeping since it's sort of a Greek immortal character flaw. The dissociation was exactly what was supposed to make the romance believable in the first place.

    @Nemrut: Well shit that's a lot of text. And a review to the story itself. Anyway, for posterity-

    At a glance, all your complaints are justified, though I can explain my own side.

    For the laziness and breakup part - I completely understand the complaint of character assassination of Annabeth, as it's far too common in other fics (which I despise since she's one of my favorite characters, along with the whole notion of character assassination in the first place). Some comments I feel are misguided though. First, I feel there's almost never a clean way to break the canon ship - I love PxAnnabeth myself. But I don't see where you get the "solely her fault it is happening" thing, since I feel I was pretty clear that it was a two way communication problem. The stabbing is definitely OOC, but requires context. As the story is purely from Artemis's POV, she really has no clue about what Annabeth feels or is changing. Admittedly I could have written story that jumped through time less, but more on that later. The stabbing is admittedly a plot device, but I feel it's not that bad.

    I mean, going into Annabeth's POV and justifying that would require her perspective in story. Part of why I felt comfortable with the stabbing, though, is just how little injury really matters in PJO. It's never directly shown in the story, but people have literally died in the war games and/or injured each other in spars. While needing to be taken in moderation, having overpowered medicine on hand I feel would also make injuries feel less severe. I get that it's not perfect, but I feel it's at least passable. More on this later.

    I'm pretty sure I had a few lines regarding the "we broke up but we're still sorta friends" thing ... before the stabbing. Huh. Again, though, this issue is tied to the POV. It's not intended to be bashing - I would have added so much more to avoid that if it made sense, but from Artemis's POV at this year of story, what fucks does she have to give about Annabeth?

    You're going to have to explain faux deepness part more. I agree that there were some parts he felt in character, though later he definitely departs from it more.

    These two previous things are actually a large part of why I'm currently rewriting the story from Percy's perspective in Reprise. I felt I wasn't doing either Annabeth or Percy justice in the story and felt like I needed to. Refrain was almost entirely wrapped around Artemis and came out both better and worse for it.

    With all the tropes? Pls no Guardian XD. I do agree to an extent, considering my comment to Jester earlier. I don't see the Percy brooding into Gatsby comment holding any water though - mite bit exaggerating there.

    I do agree that I blew the power thing out of proportion. The explanation for that is that I wasn't really writing Refrain for the romance.

    LOL.

    Back to it, I was struggling to write a PxArt that felt genuine and then decided to write a one-shot. That was pretty much the first chapter. It ended up with this whole debate on determinism versus free will and so when I decided to continue writing the story in a short cycle - day through night, one year with all the solstices and equinoxes - I decided to feature one big concept/theme per chapter. Chapter 2 ended going too far when I was discussing the nature of power, and I didn't do it very well either. 3's recovery and communication aspect and etc. from then on were much better, but I definitely dropped the ball with Chapter 2. I've done what I could to fix it up but otherwise I'm ok with where it is.

    The deepness where he likes some books is ... what? I mean, people like some books. It was mostly just a talking point and humanizing them a little bit. Percy has basically never been in school besides being bullied, so I just pulled from some of my own experiences to at least make it seem he's been to a school to do something besides get beat up / kill monsters. Literally in canon I don't know if he has any "school" friends besides Tyson and Rachel - and they're not even at his school anymore. Percy needed to be characterized beyond loyalty and canon somehow. This point is the only one I don't get at all. And if to make up for it, again, writing Reprise.

    For the story being rushed - well, yes, it was. I wanted something short and concise and ended up planning out eight chapters. It skips basically from pivot point to pivot point and I don't even apologize for it. Back to the not writing for romance thing - I was mostly trying to set up lots of thematic background stuff. Ergo, all the locations besides the last one occur at some place in canon. While in Manhattan, the last scene is meant to be a departure of sorts from the Greek world. The times of day start at midnight and progress up to noon for the summer solstice then back to midnight. Starts at the winter solstice, ends then. Explores individual themes - 5 is for language, if that wasn't obvious enough. I definitely explored different things, and I feel ended up doing at least proficiently at both. By no means spectacular, but I wouldn't have written it any other way.

    That being said, there probably could've been a lot more for Chapter 6 - the immortality/mortality chapter. More commentary on that was going against wanting that chapter to be abruptly short, though, and I admit to sacrificing some possibilty of contemplation for the sheer shock value of her decision, if it wasn't foreshadowed enough at that point. A large part of her not talking to Apollo or the Hunt is going for the theme of moving away from the mythological world and her issues. Basically Republic's talking points. I avoided reaction bits because I wanted the story to almost be entirely just Percy and Artemis. Literally the only other characters that are present and feature any real impact on the story is Jason, Fleecy, and the Styx. I wanted to write something that featured PxArt and less about everyone else for a change.

    As a whole, I dropped the ball with Hunters. I can't deny that. I feel I did the right decision of how everything ended up, but the Hunters weren't done justice.

    I didn't really process the implications of Artemis forsaking her oath at the time. On the other hand, the oath itself had always been pretty simple, and I did research some of the original oath from Artemis to Zeus for her maidenhood and status. It's literally just "turning your back on men" for the eternal hunt. There were huntresses who "failed" to uphold their oaths before - the story of Ursa Major for one, though that one is ... questionable. But it's primarily an A or B choice - immortality or love. I mean, the others could feel betrayed by all that by the decision was always pretty simple. There were no executions to my memory - at least those that were an honest departure. The Ursa Major is a half-exception because it was a rape, and Artemis had said in that story that she wished the Hunter had been upfront about it. Her punishment was becoming a bear. A bit more archaic, but I think indicative of the fact you can choose to peacefully leave. There were others that were implied to have left for love in book 3 canon. It might be a betrayal of the image that they had for Artemis - but a large part of the story was her hating and rejecting that image. Republic's talking points again.

    What questions? I'm curious.

    Artemis could have been written better. It's hard to guage exactly how to write the gods, as an excuse. How do you portray an immortal being that went through so much culture and knowledge but are still supposed to be portrayed in the usual terms of Greek flawed gods? How do you reconcile the virgin goddess falling for the first good man? Lots of contrivances and cheating. Could have done better, but I'm just happy I did better than pretty much every other PxArt story in making it realistic, and subverting it at the same time.

    That being said, I'm trying to write a true to form Artemis in my next new story that I literally posted today. At this point I'm not sure if it's even really going to be a romance yet. I'll guess I'll find out.

    "And for all that talk that gods don't change, Artemis was changing throughout the story just fine, the fact that she was mentally breaking under the losses she felt is already a change, isn't it?"

    I mean - that was the whole point? I don't know how else to respond to that.

    "I get that the goal of the story was to have Percy and Artemis together at the end as mortals but I dunno, the story didn't feel like it earned that." This is a bit more subjective and is ultimately up to the reader if I wrote it well enough. I could have done better, but I'm happy with where I went and most others are too. Of course there are flaws, and hopefully I can do better next time.

    "Selfish, irresponsible and cowardly" is adressed enough earlier, I think, along with Republic's comments.

    For the implication that she was dumb for having made her oath to begin with ... hm. Her refuting the oath is sort of doing that, I guess. For all the story cares her falling in love with someone would've never taken away her immortality. I just needed a McGuffin to take it away from her. Again, the goal was to move away from immortality and the mythological world, but your point that there could have been at least more reflection or room for a counterargument is valid. The decision to make Artemis mortal wasn't even concretely made until I'd finished chapter 5, tbh.

    However: "No reflection on why she made that oath to begin with" - it's hard to pin down in the original myths. For the most part, the general vibe is that she just wants it. Finds men atrocious, wants to just wander the wilderness with her many names and her Hunt. A big part of the story was taking that Hunt away and her finding men less atrocious. "The good times she had" I agree I could have done more for. "Pride she has in her huntresses" is addressed.

    "The things countless huntresses gave their lives for, something she believed in so strongly" I did not consider, and will thereby ignore. jk. It's a flaw for sure, though the oath part is technically a decision she made ... either it was day old, a few weeks old, or a few years old. Spurn of the moment childish "I never want to get married" thing. I definitely failed to address some of the flaws of her just rejecting everything for a new life at a whim and not getting punished for it. Trashy romance, got lucky her partner actually loved her. In some ways, I did want to write/implicate that in a true sequel, but that's in the distant future for now. I definitely did not write the story with a realistic life lesson in mind, however realistic I wanted to portray the rest of it.

    I'm still not sure which interesting points you're talking about and would really like to hear them. I think I discussed all the points I meant to bring up adequately, but I'm not quite clear where you're pointing to.

    Weird ending? I feel the overall arc for Artemis was believable. Percy's is a stretch because we never saw his POV proper, and skipped over huge chunks of development in between chapters 3-5. This is the stuff I'm grappling over in the POV rewrite right now, so fair on his end. Maybe if you want to see that aspect more, read Reprise? I suppose it's a bit odd for the companion story to be more complete than the original, but for my first complete work I definitely exceeded my own expectations for it.

    Anything rating from 3.5-4.5/5 is a win, I think. I would prefer 4 and up but 3.5 I can understand (and is a passing grade XD).I would personally give myself like a 4.2.

    Last thing ... uhm, be careful about what Artemis - Percy stories you go for? Most are godawful, especially if you think mine is only a 3.5/5. A great Artemis centric fic (it ships her with Zoe but I really don't see it) is https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10735709/1/Autumnal-Equinox-1732 that I only recently read and has inspired me to write Artemis better.

    I'm not going to edit this wall of text and hope it came out alright.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  8. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    @contra I mentioned as much in a review but since you're here, mind plugging in some more of your favorites of the pairing, or just decent reads overall?

    Edit: Welp I'm dumb never mind me.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  9. contra

    contra First Year

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    @Republic I sent a pretty comprehensive PM back already, though you could add the one I linked just up there to the list.

    Edit: XD
     
  10. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    Edit: never mind.
    Found what I was looking.

    Few rec:
    Note: Don't expect quality equivalent of Ryuugi, but they are better than most crap found in the fandom.

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8711868/1/Son-of-the-Sea-God
    Poseidon raise Percy after his mother death by lighting bolt

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10699521/1/The-Legend-of-Perseus-The-Labors
    One of the better works of Anaklusmos14

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12256114/1/Eternally-Messy
    AU where Poseidon lives with Sally

    Everything else I have seems to be abandoned.
     
    Last edited: Jan 16, 2018
  11. momo

    momo Third Year

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    @contra welcome to DLP!

    Consider writing some more fanfiction....your stuff was good....

    Lol, that moment when you create an account on DLP because the immortal bashers praised your fic
     
  12. contra

    contra First Year

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    @momo I'm in too deep and can't get out. And I don't think anyone wants to save me LOL

    Gambit's Reprise, when done, is intended to give more insight into the story since my approach with a pseudo-unreliable narrator was so inherently ... not quite flawed, but incomplete in the first place.

    Hunt of the Maelstrom is something I posted literally just today and what I plan to take all my lessons learned from writing past deleted fics and Refrain and doing better.

    Course, neither of those are anywhere near completion, so not plugging them. Just a few thoughts, since joining a proper forum for the first time has given me some perspective.

    Can you explain the immortal bashers thing? I sorta get the impression but I'm still completely new here.
     
  13. Seyllian

    Seyllian Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    DLP is known as a very elitist fanfiction group. To see what some of the fanfiction communities think of the site you can go here and here.
     
  14. Jester

    Jester Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    @contra I get it %100. I enjoyed the story for what it was, and it made me want to read more of your work. I'm going to read through the Percy perspective, and will be putting you onto my author alerts.

    It was a good story, I think it's easily one of the better PJO sories I've read. I'd love for you to share any other recommendations you've got from your own experience in the fandom. It was really great reading through some of your thoughts around the story.
     
  15. contra

    contra First Year

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    @Seyllian Ah. I knew of the reputation, I merely thought you were referring to more ... prolific users.

    @Jester Thank you. As for recs, Liana Legespi has wonderful character studies, of which I particularly liked Percy's Bullies the most. Average Canadian has some fluffy PercyxAnnabeth fics. I Got a Boy by flyingcrowbar and The Most Important Sacrifices by Aria Taylor are also worthwhile reads of that ship.

    I honestly would not in good conscience recommend PxArt fics, for the most part. It's basically the equivalent of HPxDaphne Greengrass, except with a younger audience and therefore worse writing. The few I would suggest are Dream or Nightmare by NightsPoison, Some Words on Our Memories by GaleSynch, and That Color Silver by Pluto's Daughter 11. The first two are unfinished but still have a wonderful atmosphere. The last might not have grown well with time but it being original does wonders for it compared to everything tropey.

    Skies by SmartzyFan is an AU-oneshot sorta PxArt.

    Last one for 'finished' fics, Blackened Dawn by Svren. Goes a bit wild like Everlasting Promises and will probably never continue, but I feel it does the alien primordial world justice.

    Other than my work, I beta for RAfan's Ephemerality. I also was planning to do the same for Miss Kick's Pragmaticism's Sacrifice which has a ridiculously strong if flawed opening and nothing else. Seemed that she posted it then dropped off the face of the earth.

    I wouldn't say I'm a very good spokesperson for any of this, because even as a writer for the fandom I've long since gave up on finding good stories within. Takes too much time to trawl for the good ones, as the standard top fics of the site through filtering by reviews/favs/follows don't hold up to higher standards.
     
    Last edited: Jan 17, 2018
  16. momo

    momo Third Year

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    @contra Isn't "I got a Boy" slash?
     
  17. Tempestuous Ocean

    Tempestuous Ocean Second Year

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    It has been a while since I've read it, but...

    Annabeth dresses up as a boy to enroll Percy's school. How she could get away with it, I can't remember. Percy definitely was conflicted a lot, but the relationship didn't start with Percy believing Annabeth to be a guy, as far as I can remember.

    It had a few funny scenes from what I can remember, mostly because Percy and Annabeth were roommates.
     
  18. contra

    contra First Year

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    @momo No, but in a sense it's almost like reverse trap LOL. A good romance with a sorta jebait but it's pretty clear up front it's a heterosexual relationship.
     
  19. Rollsofthetongue

    Rollsofthetongue Muggle

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    Well, wasn't sure where to post this. Recently read a pretty decent fanfic from the fandom, it manages to make the son of Artemis cliche into something engaging and believable. It is an OC fic though, but his character is pulled off nicely. 5 fics in the series, the first one can get a bit angsty, but not overwhelmingly, I think the premise really makes up for that.

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/5673899/1/Broken-Bow
     
  20. contra

    contra First Year

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    Last edited: May 20, 2018
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