1. Another story competition is beginning! (Q1 2018)

    "You're bleeding on my floor."

    We've moved to a quarterly format, so you really have no excuse not to participate this time.

    So check out the new thread discussing scoring, rules, and other such matters in the in the Story Competitions forum and get cracking.

    Dismiss Notice

Greetings

Discussion in 'Introduction Archives [Closed]' started by Qilin, Apr 14, 2011.

  1. Qilin

    Qilin Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
    Messages:
    117
    Location:
    Sarah Palin's backyard, possibly with a shotgun.
    Hello! My name is Qilin.

    I’ve visited this site once or twice in the past few months and checked out some of the stories in the library.

    I stumbled onto a fanfiction site around 1998 I think, and it was devoted to Pokemon. Damn, I was pretty stupid; I think I was looking for cheats on how to get Pikablu or something. Found some sites for other shows I liked soon after that. A big move across the US, and an introduction to Adult Swim caused me to forget about fanfiction until 2009. Around that time I started checking out the Naruto section because the manga was not updating fast enough. In October of last year I made the jump to Harry Potter.

    I don’t really have a pairing that I prefer: when I first started browsing around FF.net, I visited the communities for stories rather than just jumping out there. It seemed like the best way to find stories that were readable. I was quite surprised that some of the creepiest stories had loads of reviews asking for more updates. Mpreg? HP as an incubus/succubus? Seriously, What the Fuck. I get that there is magic and all, but there should still be some boundaries. I prefer hetero characters to stay hetero, but I don’t specifically read for romance.

    Long stories that revolve around bashing irk me. I don’t enjoy serious god power stories either, especially if the plot boils down to ‘who will Harry marry?’ If he has nothing stronger to fight against, what’s the point? I also dislike stories that start Harry off with the maturity of an adult for no reason. Where is the character growth? If it is part of a plot device that’s cool and all, but I’m sure he has some other things going as well. Humorous stories that mock these are the exception.

    If there are any stories of worth here that fit these categories, feel free to enlighten me. It would be an interesting change compared to the ones I've seen so far.

    About Me:
    Well. I’m 22 years old and I live in Anchorage, Alaska. I use fanfiction (writing and reading) as a bit of a stress reliever. I started writing stories around January of this year; it’s only been research papers since high school. I am a biology major that is graduating at the end of this month. My major does not make me a bunny hugger; with my informed perspective I still want to shoot animals. Sometimes I wish I could shoot some of my neighbors as well. If I have to shout, “Don’t hand feed the moose, you stupid bitch!” from a window and they still do it, they deserve to be trampled at the very least. Ah, the fauna of Alaska.

    I haven’t read any books lately – I’ve been too bogged down with biology peer reviewed articles that it’s just easier to switch tabs to fanfiction if my brain starts leaking out. My shelves contain books by Michael Crichton, Neil Gaiman, Stephen King, Chuck Palahniuk, and a few lesser known fantasy/scifi writers like Naomi Novik and Ilona Andrews. I find stories that incorporate mythology to be interesting. I like movies that are edgy, Sucker Punch being the latest that I’ve seen. The music artists I’ve been listening to the most right now are Celldweller, X-Ray Dog, 10 Years, and 30 Seconds to Mars.

    So, yeah… Hello, interesting place you have here.
     
  2. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2005
    Messages:
    8,386
    Location:
    Gilligan's Island
    Do they teach the Bible Truth in your Biology Department or are you forced to abandon Creation Science for the evils of secular studies?
     
  3. iLost

    iLost Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Aug 8, 2009
    Messages:
    1,257
    Pretty good intro.

    You mention you are from Alaska. That leads me to one question. How does it feel to have everyone in the world associate the average Alaskan to Sarah Palin? Shameful? Prideful?

    EDIT: @Jormungandr. Hey, she could either be visiting, showing off a new purchase; or stalking.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2011
  4. Jormungandr

    Jormungandr Prisoner

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2010
    Messages:
    2,961
    Location:
    Merry ol' England
    Location: Sarah Palin's backyard, possibly with a shotgun.

    Does that answer your question, iLost?
     
  5. Qilin

    Qilin Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
    Messages:
    117
    Location:
    Sarah Palin's backyard, possibly with a shotgun.
    No Bible Truth for us; that stays in the Philosophy Department or the University newspaper. The second can get quite annoying when someone protests evolution because the stupid douche failed at studying for a class and uses religion as an excuse.

    Collective face palms and cursing all around.

    Alaska: known for 3 things.
    1. Igloos
    2. Polar Bears
    3. Sarah Palin - soccer mom who basically named the majority of her kids after the places they where conceived at.

    I'd choose igloos over the third every time. If she becomes president the US is fucked.
     
  6. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2005
    Messages:
    8,386
    Location:
    Gilligan's Island
    It is sad to hear that they keep the infallible Word of the Almighty God confined only to their Philosophy Department and their news paper. You should remedy this situation. It is distressing to hear that you believe the United States doomed if Sarah Palin is elected. The United States is doomed only if she is not for, according to Bible Prophecy, our Kenyan Marxist Muslim Atheist President is the anti-Christ. Sarah is our last and only hope.
     
  7. mknote

    mknote 1/3 of the Note Bros. DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 14, 2009
    Messages:
    1,347
    Location:
    Melbourne, Florida, United States
  8. Custer

    Custer Loves the Gay Porn DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,413
    Location:
    Custer National Cemetary
    Not that mknote would know, as he knotes pretty hard. I'm filled with reservations, personally, as the last Alaskan claiming to be a girl was not.

    Other than that, you seem like a decent person, so read the stickies, read the rules, and don't forget to read this as well. Enjoy your time here~
     
  9. Qilin

    Qilin Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
    Messages:
    117
    Location:
    Sarah Palin's backyard, possibly with a shotgun.
    Heh. The best way to spread the word of the Almighty God in this case would be a skit involving Jesus and a platypus. A bus load of preschoolers would be needed to simulate Brownian motion in the background. As they spin about they will hum "Holy holy hallelujah". As the platypus breaks out in tears as Jesus rapes it, desserts will rain down upon the scene; dropped by skit participants on the second level, who will be shouting out "Skycake!" A Sarah Palin look alike should burst out from one of the labs wielding a light saber while riding a moose with a phallic symbol stapled to the middle of its head. She would join in by humping one of Jesus' legs. The moose will watch on the sideline. All veiwing will fall on their knees knowing the Apocalypse is nigh. Prayers will be shouted out for redemption from the evils of science and reason.
    Amen.
    Thanks for the welcome and the provided link. I read the first chapter of The Sun Soul an hour ago - a refreshing answer to a question I had years ago when watching the show: "Where are they getting hamburgers from?"

    I should have been more specific. It is not the Pokemon part that I was ashamed about, but more so the fact that, at that time, I believed everything I read on the internet. I think I spent a few hours using the itemfinder in the caves of Mt. Moon searching for a bunch of pokemon that did not exist in the Red/Blue versions.

    Wow, that is a bit ...odd. I'm not quite sure what the point would be to fake a gender -other than for trolling.
    The Office Orgy, nice. I stumbled upon that last night but haven't had a chance to read it in full. No time like the present. Thanks for the welcome.
     
  10. Red Aviary

    Red Aviary Hogdorinclawpuff Prestige DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Mar 25, 2008
    Messages:
    484
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (State)
    High Score:
    2,757
    ಠ_ಠ

    Well that fulfills my "disturbing material" quota for the week.

    All hail the PokeGods!

    I saw a moose once. Yep. >_>

    You seem all right.
     
  11. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

    Joined:
    Aug 4, 2005
    Messages:
    8,386
    Location:
    Gilligan's Island
    If you wrote this then you'll probably be able to make it through :office

    Welcome to DLP.
     
  12. disturbed27

    disturbed27 Professor

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2010
    Messages:
    450
    Location:
    Limbo
    Fuck me. I haven't laughed that hard in a while. Welcome.
     
  13. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    May 22, 2007
    Messages:
    3,743
    Platypuses have poisonous barbs on their flippers. The venom causes excruciating pain as well as hypersensitivity to pain, can last for months, and can't be blocked by morphine.

    This is not a creature you want to put your dick near.
     
  14. Qilin

    Qilin Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Apr 13, 2011
    Messages:
    117
    Location:
    Sarah Palin's backyard, possibly with a shotgun.
    Thanks. It was actually inspired by the office. I read half of it last night then went to bed. I'm a bit surprised I didn't wake up screaming. I reread the entire thing today and feel like a decidedly different person. Oh what fun I will have spreading it to a few of my peers.:)

    Guess it's a good thing I don't have one.
    It was a toss up between a few different animals, but I felt the platypus adequately represented an oddity of nature. Anyway, I pretty sure I've heard the line, "Isn't God amazing? Look at this creature he made." *Points at platypus*
    In a completely serious manner.
     
  15. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2008
    Messages:
    6,195
    Location:
    Washington, D.C.
    OP: you needn't worry about Palin's presidential aspirations, as the scandal from sleeping with moi will put those plans to a grinding halt.

    (Oh, the MILFs things I do for my country. God bless America.)

    Welcome to DLP.