Title: Grim: A Fairy's Tale
Author: Belleradh
Rating: T
Genre: Friendship/Adventure
DLP Category: The Alternate's
Pairing: None stated
Chapters: 11
Words: 94,769
Updated: January 28, 2010
Published: April 17, 2009
Status: Complete
Summary: Harry finds his new Godmother most interesting. Stolen away from his rightful place by the machinations of a prophecy, another sees the opportunity to enact some ancient ideals. Detailing Year One, as Harry comes to grips and grows as a changeling.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5001827/1/Grimm_A_Fairys_Tale

Ok so the summary is pretty poor, but this is (in my opinion) a pretty good fic. Lily invokes Maeve, Queen of the Fey to protect Harry - and she does, and then some. But this isn't your usual Elf!Harry taken at birth and trained in teh powerz of the Fey. It's pretty dark and holds a lot of potential. Nicely written, and I didn't spot any spelling or grammar mistakes, but I know I'm not as big a grammar nazi as some

I'd say 4/5


Checked by Minion, January 5, 2013

 

I'm reading it right now. In the first chapter, there are a number of cliche's, but that's true for most fanfiction, some I won't hold it against the story unless it goes overboard later.

So far, the writing seems decent, which is good.

Due to the Dresden Files, the Sidhe are currently relevant to my interests, so points for that, as well.

I'll be back after I read a few more chapters.

Edit: Read it. Not bad, I guess. 3/5

 

I like it. It captured my interest and didn't let go.

5/5 for me.

 

5/5, I enjoy this, and I'm really looking forward to seeing where the author goes with this.

 

Wait there are usual Elf!Harry taken at birth fics? I have not yet encountered this cliche I shall have to read the fic. Argh FF.net shows that it's a Harmony fic, I hope not .

Alright the first few paragraphs ROCK, damn that's some evil shit, I like it, I like it a lot. The writing and the characterization and the motivation of Maeve were also superbly done. Something that was much less well done was the author's Dumbledore, description was brilliant until:

Needless gratutious nod to the indy Harry people. Author had expounded and explored Dumbledore's greater good logic quite satisfactorily and then ruined it by dragging Dumbledore down to the manipulative evil old coot level.

Tl;dr Fic is awesome. The few bad moments are completely outshone by the superb introspection and exploration of Maeve. Seriously the Maeve in this is one of the most superb characters I have ever read in fanfiction, every scene with her raises the hairs on the back of my neck just because she is that damn awesome. I haven't read the original Dresden File's stuff so I don't know how similar it rings with that. Writing is superlative for the most part, characterization and plot development have me fascinated. 5/5 This has me more interested in an ongoing fanfic than I have been in a long time.

 

5/5. Draws me in. I love it!

 

I really enjoyed this one.

meatzman2 hit on several notes that I agree with. For the small moments where things are bent in seemingly horrid directions, the rest of the fic's superb performance complete makes up for it all.

5/5

 

Wow, compared to every other elf!Harry fic I've read... well, this blows all of them out of the water. Somewhat reminiscent of Shezza's Denarian Renegade, which is always a good thing, and with absolutely solid characterization to boot.

I actually liked what they did with Dumbledore and his 'relationships' to other characters - one of the few times I've seen him done this well.

Overall, I'm giving this 5/5, but the story could lose a lot in the Hogwarts transition, so I'm cautious.

 

Best Dumbledore that I can recall. Belleradh has done an incredible job reconciling Dumbledore's benign rhetoric and instincts with his illogical and semi-malevolent machinations towards Harry.

Maeve herself is a delight to read, as she carefully maneuevers Harry down the path she's selected. As Harry's nature turns further and further towards that of the fey, i'm looking forward to how Harry interacts with the wizards at Hogwarts.

5/5

This story kicks ass.

 

Oh dear, a story ended up on a forum again...

Thank you all for thinking highly of what I've done so far, I'm trying with what I've learned from my other occasional works to make this one a bit more... well a bit more.

I do have a few sheepish things to add/ correct. Let's see...

Summaries are not my strong point. Really they aren't. I try but they just blow up in my face. Apologies there.

Dresden... oddly I've not read or watched the lot. I'm going off the collected pulp research I've done, which oddly encompasses writings pertaining to Mab, Shakespeare, some MMO or RPG (not sure there), various new age drabble and just what feels like it works. Similarities to just about anything are coincidental, but please correct me if they get too close. I may be channeling google or wikipedia subconsciously or sleep-researching again...

Pairing-ship will be likely a Harry/Hermione thing, but not anytime soonish. They're not even 11.

My outline gets me about 30 chapters on this one. So far it's holding steady.

I'm so tired of manipulative Dumbledore it's just not funny any more. I'd like to see a benevolent one, but it's hard with what he's done. I hope to make it work, but could use some help.

My beta is a rather happily interested fan of my work and this story, but I could use a more scathing and critical eye. I'm vastly paranoid about flow and feel, things I worry on more than grammar.

That's my next question.. I've heard or read that a lot of writers in the fandom come here for help and advice. Is um, where do I go to start this? Would that be the Work By Author area?

 

Your Dumbledore is excellent, really well portrayed, if you get rid of that one sentence, just the one, that I mention in my earlier review then he will in my mind be a far better character. It reeks of the arrogance that is a stereotype of a Dark Overlord Dumblemort and as such lowers the tone of the chapter as a whole.

Flow and feel are much more important that exact grammar. There are grammar nazis who cannot enjoy fics unless they are grammaticaly perfect but I know most prefer style to grammar. Your grammar is definitely good enough that it doesn't impugn on your excellent style at all.

WbA is essentially for fics that are being developed, because someone else posted your fic in the For Review section, that means it's already there and it seems it will earn a spot in the DLP Library.

That said posting new stuff in the WbA even if it is for an ongoing fic is perfectly acceptable, several authors post their stuff there and then it gets criticized and touched up as reviewers spot errors and plot holes. WbA is in essence a more pleasant version of For Review where you can get feedback for new writing as and when you post it. WbA is meant to hone your fic so it will eventually be good enough to garner entry into the DLP Library or so that you can make awesome fanfiction even more awesome. As this fic as has already been posted in For Review than unless you ask a mod to remove it, it will have it's shot at getting into the Library. I'm confident that this fic is definitely more than good enough for the DLP Library and you should be as well.

If you have a plot bunny and want to bounce it around the general community then you can post it up in Fanfic Discussion. I think most authors tend to find a couple of reliable people that they like to bounce ideas off before they throw into the general melee that is FF Discussion.

 

Quick reply ate my post... I won't make it habit to dither here on points, not the place but since it came up I want to do it here. First and last I hope.

I agree with you on the point you made. (I reread that now and all I can think of is that Juggernaut meme...) I was waffling on how deep I wanted to push Dumbles there. I wanted him arrogant and essentially wrong feeling in this moment where he'd be under scrutiny, and I was hesitant to pull anything more in depth.

Dumbledore, in my mind has a Divine Mandate assumption. He feels his decisions are justified because they haven't been countered. He continues to gain and express arrogance and belief his ideals are right and correct as a leader, because no one bothers to question them. It's like children, really. If you never discipline a child, the results could arguably be the same, in that they feel decisions they make are proper and right, regardless of reality. One could say Dumbles is the political equivalent to a scholastic Draco in a way.

I'm agreeable to scrapping the passage, or expanding on the Mandate ideal, to rationalize it. Which would seem more appropriate?

Now, to WbA... it scares the hell out of me. I very nearly impulse-posted my outline there with a brief and the summary-plan bits I'd scattered for the other years. Then panicked and closed firefox. The idea of putting the skeleton that I'm content and somewhat enamored to out for ravaging just gave me chills, and not in a good way. Cliche is so hard to avoid... redeeming characters because some minor or major ideal falls through, changing things innately to reconcile your alterations. I've tried learning from my last piece, a horror in cliches – intended. Get it out of my system.


Would an incremental outline posting be more appropriate? Say 1-10, then as time goes and say I finish the WiP on Ch8-9, post outline for 11-20? Does that seem more conductive to a core dump of the whole thing? I feel bad just dropping the outline out for perusing, as that does somewhat spoil the whole read and see aspect of a story. Kinda like reading to the end to see if there's a good ending before you get to the second chapter. Thoughts?

 

Harry/Hermione?

Psssh, way to ruin a story.

Just a question. Will this Hermione be in character with canon?

 

<meta http-equiv="CONTENT-TYPE" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><title></title><meta name="GENERATOR" content="OpenOffice.org 2.4 (Win32)"><style type="text/css"> <!-- @page { size: 8.5in 11in; margin: 0.79in } P { margin-bottom: 0.08in } --> </style> Ohh, I was your 888'th post. Lucky!

Not a HHr fan? Don't blame you. The fandom on that one is so polar. Goes the range from brilliant to boorish so often. I hope to keep her canon till development pulls her out of it. There won't be other changelings, if you're worried on that whole soulmate rot that's stinking up the place.

Blast it, should these be PM's or replies? I don't want to irritate people with discussion here if it's not appropriate.

 

Discuss; it's a forum for a reason. I can read Harry/Hermione as long as Hermione isn't in character, which was the reason for my question. Of course, my Hermione in character may be just a tad more annoying and bossy then your Hermione in character, so I'll probably give it a go anyhow.

 

I quite enjoyed this one, it's an interesting world and I like the little Fey.

There's some confusion over Maeve though: she was introduced to us as Maeve, then called Mab, Queen of Air and Darkness, and then for the rest of the story has been called Maeve (still the Queen of Air and Darkness though).

So don't know what's going on there.

Also, chapter two almost had me closing the fic and coming back here to flame it. An important part of good writing is brevity. Chapter two could have been cut in half with no loss: Maeve's thoughts repeat over and over again and it gets extremely boring.

Luckily I kept going and found the rest of the story interesting. I particularly like your willingness to deviate so dramatically from canon so early. Looking forward to the rest of the story. Hopefully Hogwarts shall start soon enough.

For now, 4/5.

 

The only time I remember her being called Mab was when she was listing all of her different names.

 

Probably my Dresden prejudice coming through and confusing me by making me expect Mab to be someone separate.

 

Mab is just an alternative for Maeve, anyway. Like 'Bob' for Robert.

 

Ah you see with that explanation you've ripped apart the cliche and put it back together again while somehow making it sound slightly plausible. I disagree entirely with your incidental portrayal of Dumbledore, because it makes him seem so immature. Dumbledore is NOT a child, you discard the fact that Dumbledore is over a century old and that he not always been the head honcho, yes he has been the most powerful man in Britain for some time but that was not always the case. You emphasise the Greater Good image and then you destroy it by having Dumbledore place himself above and better than it. His is still an excellent character if you remove that sentence unless the hypocrisy is delibarate.

If the hypocrisy is delibarate then I'd have to lower my opinion of this fic, because the wonderfully innovative thing about your Dumbledore is that you make me (the reader) believe that he is in fact convinced of his course of action. There is no need for me to suspend disbelief. Your childlike arrogance motif destroys that image. Most readers (at DLP anyway) are not fans of the over-used manipulative evil Dumbledore cliche and that is what that sentence implies your Dumbledore is.

That is not to say that you must therefore discard that Dumbledore has not been changed by being unquestioned for so long. A man who's actions are unquestioned is less likely to question his own actions. Dumbledore in both fanon and canon is a mass of cliches, you can't hope to avoid them all, you can hope to write them well enough that the fact that they are cliches is irrelevant. That is my problem with that little passage. You don't need to remove the whole section, how you go about rewording so he seems less arrogant is a difficult task. That Dumbledore needs to ignore McG's qualms is obvious how you do that without bashing out an old and used indy HP turn of phrase is more difficult. Perhaps remove the first two sentences, the small section seems incomplete then but it doesn't open up such a substantial potential plot hole.

I wouldn't post the outline there, keep the outline a secret for the most part, if you're unsure about your outline and wish to discuss it with someone because you feel uncertain about it. I'm prepared to read through it and then give you feedback on it if that's what you want. You could send it to your beta and discuss with him/her. Hopefully as you contribute to DLP you'll find people around here whose opinions on fics you learn to trust and value and as such you'll be able to discuss the longer term of this fic. If you go read through the WbA section you'll see most of the authors have a few people that they confide in and use to discuss their fanfiction ideas with.

You nailed it on the head when you said that it would spoil the whole read so that's why it is always better not to post the outline. I'd recommend posting the new chapters as you write them in WbA and then waiting for feedback, you can then respond to that feedback and that discussion may contribute to how your story progresses.