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WIP Grow Young With Me by Taliesin19 - T

Discussion in 'Romance' started by Steelbadger, Oct 8, 2015.

  1. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    And I argue the complete opposite.

    It's ironic, considering that the author's changes to canon Harry are what forced him to strong-arm the beginning of the relationship to this degree. Canon would Harry would have had much better chances of actually taking Abby's unprofessional and unasked for behavior in stride and -maybe- in good humor. As it is, with the author's characterization of Harry, it makes no sense.

    Harry specifically went to that cafe to have some time to himself, to think, and to not be bothered by anyone. If someone specifically came to bother him every time he was there, coupled with the fact that that someone is a member of the staff, and refused to understand that no, he doesn't want to talk, he'd simply stop going there. If he can't get the peace he's looking for anymore, there is no reason to go. I'm sure there are other places to get coffee close to his kids' school.

    The whole premise of 'grumpy customer and persistent-but-kind waitress' doesn't work in the premise the author himself has created. Abby is completely out of line in the first several chapters, she should have lost her job several times over and Harry should have either stopped going there altogether or notified her supervisor.

    Basically, Abby was ruining Harry's free time while offering nothing in return that he wanted. Warming up to her, while necessary for the story, is not at all how things would really go.

    After the author does force them to become friends and we accept this as the premise, things get infinitely better because now Abby isn't being invasive and unprofessional to a stranger and a customer, she's being what she is to a friend of hers, and that's fine.
     
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2015
  2. Trig

    Trig Auror

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    Have you never been in a quiet, introspective, annoyed or angry mood and someone started joking around or did a few stupid things until you just had to laugh?

    That's what happened in this story. I wouldn't call that strong-arming or forcing the relationship. While Harry in this story definitely isn't a happy person, I got the impression that he went to the cafe to enjoy the quiet and to watch people, not to brood. She just wormed herself under his defenses.

    It sounds cliche, it's been abused in stories and movies, but it's something that often happens to people. You're angry because of some stupid shit and your SO does a few silly faces until you have to grin yourself. That happens. It's a cliche because it works, really.

    She should have lost her job? Harry should have notified her superior? I think that's definitely taking this situation and the story itself too seriously.

    You obviously disagree with this, and that's fine, but I don't think the author is asking for too much suspension of disbelief. I'd rather critique those really overdone moments of grief, melodrama and angst than their slow-paced relationship.
     
  3. Evan Tide

    Evan Tide Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    The problem with the premise is that, in most cases, the grump isn't specifically wanting to be alone.
     
  4. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige

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    Guys. Enjoy the fic if you want, but let's put this to bed: the premise is stupid. Author could've just skipped it. Guess they saw too many romcoms and wanted a Harry Potter version. Carry on liking the fic.
     
  5. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Updated. It's decent enough; Abby finally meets Ron and Hermione and it's only mildly awkward. Nothing much else happens tbh.
     
  6. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Hmm... the first half of the chapter highlighted many of the things I just can't buy about the story. You have these conversations that, while they sometimes look good/okay on paper, you then stop and try to imagine two actual people going through it in real life, and it doesn't work. It just ... doesn't. Then there's the stuff that's just as cringe-worthy in written form.

    It just feels like the fic tries too hard. It beats us over the head with what it wants to convey rather than letting us understand it. It really wants to make sure that absolutely no-one misses exactly what it wants to say, in the same sense that a screaming toddler conveys that it is hungry or that it's shit itself.

    Bleh.


    Oh yeah. Met the Weasleys and kids. Nothing special happened, good or bad.
     
  7. Newcomb

    Newcomb Headmaster

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    Just read this last night. It's a bit lazy of me, but I'll pretty much just point ^ to the two reviews I've quoted and say I agree 100% with them.

    It's.... cohesive. It's a story that's trying to do a Thing, and it's doing that Thing. In that way it's very good. There's none of the "flailing about oh my god what am I doing" vibe that you get from 95% of fanfiction.

    I found myself kind of skimming the scenes with Harry's kids. It seems true to life, but like someone - Rep, I think? - said earlier in the thread, it's a little too close to a commercial. It's not just saccharine, it's... clean. Like. Even the times where, say, Albus has night terrors, while properly disturbing, are kind of cleaned up right away and even get James to be nice to him the next morning, in kind of a "d'awwww" way.

    I thought the most recent chapter - er, second most recent? I forget - where it flashbacked to Ginny's death was pretty good. Not the actual death - I mean come on, auto-lock charm on a broom goes wrong? ew. - but Harry's reaction to it. I really felt some of that "what the fuck, how is this even fair?" anger.

    TL:DR: Exactly what it says on the tin. Fluffy family stuff, Harry is sad but not annoyingly sad and still interesting, OC girl is a Manic Pixie Dream Girl 100%, so if you hate that trope, stay away.

    On the other hand, I found myself invested in the characters and story enough to genuine feel kind of excited to see how Harry's eventually going to pull back the curtain and be like, "yeah so wizards exist. Also I'm the most famous wizard in Britain."

    Also, Abby may be super annoying, but the part where you get into her head and she visits that music store all the time, just to look and not even play the piano she can never afford... well, that got me right in the feels. It's very true to life. As a piano player, you go from college, where you can just go to the music building and play whenever you want, to a life and a job and an apartment where "access to a non-electronic piano" is just... hard. It's hard. And wanting to play music and not being able to sucks.

    Huh. Looks like I had something to say about it after all.

    Good, not great:

    4/5
     
  8. Lightningjoe

    Lightningjoe Squib

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    I'm liking how James is developing. Alternating between wanting his dad to be less miserable, to not liking any potential replacement of his mother, no matter how well meaning. It's how I'd imagine most kids feeling in this situation. Although I wouldn't mind seeing Harry in his work environment more, maybe a little more auror business, it's very well done, overall.
    4/5
     
  9. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    Another update and finally some Harry Abby action that lasted for a while. I like the idea for this story, but I feel like things are moving way too slow.
     
  10. Seeton

    Seeton Muggle

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    I've been happy with the pacing so far, the updates speed has been a bit slow for my liking though. Signing up to FFN has helped me keep track of it though, much better than checking it periodically.

    As an aside, can anyone recommend, or tell me how to find similar fics, i'm loving this!
     
  11. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    Well, this thread is in the Romance section of the library, so that's probably a good place to start looking.

    Decent update. I thought James came off as a little too mature for his age - I'm not sure I'd have been able to articulate fairly complex emotional issues that well when I was 8 (some would say I still can't), but that's a pretty mild niggle.
     
  12. Sirius_Sanchez

    Sirius_Sanchez Squib

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    I like some rom/com movies so I don't mind similarities in this story. Where the story is now I am only looking forward to what happens when the secret is finally let out. How will the muggle girlfriend handle it? What, if any, repurcussions will Harry face? I don't recall ever coming across a fic or explanation in canon on how relations with muggle are treated. When is it appropriate for the big reveal? I would think you wouldn't wait til marriage. If the relationship does not end up in marriage, is obliviation involved?
     
  13. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    So, burned through it today, and yeah, have some thoughts on it.

    On one hand, it's a trope I'm not particularly fond of. Grumpy, heartbroken man in the depths of misery being pulled out of his own darkness by the lively, cheerful and positive girl, who teaches him to live again by being so whimsy and out of the box thinking, well, it's a severely outdated trope.

    On the other hand, it does execute this trope reasonably well. The dialogues and character voices in particular are excellent. The story made me laugh a few times with Harry's jokes, whether it is with Abby, friends or family. As was noted, the characters are distinct, each having their own personality and they play of each other rather well.

    Abby herself has more depth than the trope she represents suggests and as @Steelbadger has said, slowly but surely, the cracks in her life are starting to appear. Her struggle to deal with whatever happened in her past and slumbering in a job she dislikes because she doesn't quite dare to take the chance for her passion is a sympathetic struggle. I know many found her obnoxious and I can see why but I liked her from beginning to end, even if her start was rather painful.

    I mean, I wish there had been a bit more to her at the beginning, other than cheery, whimsy, clumsy and adorably annoying. It was just so clichéd. Thankfully, the writing is good enough to push the reader through that, to the parts where it gets beyond its trappings.

    The slow burn relationship to romance is done well enough. Yeah, some family scenes didn't really need to be that long and as well executed as it was, I firmly believe the flashback chapter was completely unnecessary since no new information was revealed. We all know Harry and family took Ginny's death hard and that it was Quidditch related was already conveyed with Harry's freakout over James flying without permission. It just wasted time and dragged an already slow story to a jarring halt.

    On the commercial feeling of the family chapters, yeah, fair enough, but still, they are tolerable and it's overall a harmless story. A very enjoyable, calming one.

    So, yeah, strong writing for a meh/slightly clichéd premise.

    4/5

    Pretty sure Harry could transfigure a chair to an elephant in front of Abby while the whole governing body watches him do it, and they wouldn't do anything to him.

    I get that having kids changed him a lot, made him averse to taking risks but still, can't imagine Harry caring all that much about rules like that. Like, yeah, law says probably common sense stuff like don't re-enact the Sorcerer's Apprentice broom stuff in public, but would think that close individuals are fair game. How is the government supposed to know he told her?

    The wizards seemed rather lessez faire on the whole secrecy thing anyway, not exactly zealous upholders of that but rather resigned apathy.

    Just don't think it's this huge barrier, least of all for Harry.
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2016
  14. Eltrebor

    Eltrebor Squib

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    I personally have enjoyed it so far, sure the ages of the children seem off at times, but the interactions between characters are enjoyable to me.
     
  15. janu

    janu Muggle

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    Yep agree it gets slightly confusing at times.
     
  16. Miner

    Miner Professor

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    I agree with Republic, the premise of the story is questionable at best. Then again, if I really wanted alone time I'd have probably bought some coffee and then drank it at home, or wandering a park or something, instead of staying in the cafe, where human/social interaction is more likely to occur.

    The beginning also started off slow IMO, and I didn't really get into it until around Chapter 7. But like Republic mentioned earlier, once you accept that the friendship exists, the story gets better.

    It's also an excellent family fic, and I've always been a fan of that.

    So far (13 chapters in, I'll read the rest later), I'm giving it a 3.5/5-->4

    Edit: Fuck, but the sappiness really gets on my nerves sometimes. It's like it's rotting my teeth out with how sweet some of the scenes are.
     
    Last edited: Mar 2, 2016
  17. Miner

    Miner Professor

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    This updated.
    Harry finally makes up his mind and tells Hermione that he wants her to find a loophole in the Statute for Abby.
    Abby also drops by unannounced to tell Harry she didn't get the music job, and that turns into an extended visit where magic is getting harder and harder to hide. There's more realistic family interactions as well, showing things aren't always rosy in a close to ideal family. I enjoyed this one, really looking forward to the big reveal of magic so to speak.
     
  18. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    This chapter showcased quite decently some of the fics major faults. Things just going badly again and again for no other reason than for the sake of it. The author is building the fic on a foundation on the readers feeling bad for something or someone at all times, but it doesn't work. After a certain point, people just roll their eyes.

    It's not the hugely wangsty woe is me cursed be my fate sort of previous chapters, but it's still noticeable.

    Meh.
     
  19. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    At this point the only reason I'm reading this is because I want to see the big reveal of magic.

    Unfortunately it's probably going to be something along the lines of Abby gets scared or Abby gets attacked by magic and Harry finally pulls his head out of his ass and admits he loves her. So far this fic is like a really cheesy chick flick.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2016
  20. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    The more I read this the less I like the legal drama over whether to tell Abby about magic. It's just artifical drama for the sake of it - up ending someone's view of reality is a big enough thing without aiding other stuff to it.

    That aside, decent enough chapter. Hopefully something more is going to happen soon - I'm placing my bets on Abby either doing something to kick start Albus' accidental magic, or at least being present when it happens.