Harry/Fleur Community

Discussion in 'FanFic Discussion' started by Methene, Nov 22, 2007.

  1. Invictus

    Invictus Prisoner

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    Figure I would post my idea. Thanks to Odran and Khaine for giving some suggestions. If anyone has any ideas how to make this works, specially the freaking second task... Please. The opinion on the tentative scenes would be nice too.

    A short story (60-100k words at most), with separate scenes detailing the changes made to their encounters. Fleur personality would keep the arrogance and french jerk tendencies, but with ability to back it up and and is not entirely bad, it’s just there’s no soft interior or inane cliché things. She’s kind of a bitch, that’s it. Ramp up a little Harry smartass tendencies, he refuses to be shoved around in canon already, make him push back.

    The intention is to write those separated scenes, which are cut and skip to the next one, since the main plot is still the GoF one, there’s no need to rewrite that, just focus on the characters itself.

    1- Hagrid isn’t able to personally lead Harry on the clearing, so he leaves a note (where it’s painfully obvious what he wants but he tries to be subtle). Harry he crashes into Fleur (training on the clearing, dishevelled and dirty, a new side) so he panics and brings her with him. They see the dragon and comment on it. On their way back they almost crash into Karkaroff, so Harry steels himself and decides to tell Cedric. Fleur says that he is indeed a ‘leetle boy’. Harry angrily stomps off?

    2- It’s after the Yule Ball and Harry is getting away from that failure and Ron’s bad humour, encounters an equally pissed off Fleur. She is pissed with Davis for being useless, and is pretty arrogant about it ‘I know I’m amazing but’ routine, and keeps prickling Harry by subtly insulting Hogwarts and the british wizards (I thought his House was supposed to be intelligent one, what does that say about your school in general?) Harry snaps back, being a smart ass cause no shits given.

    -That cheers up Fleur, if she can’t have the french n 1 activity, she will do the second best, bitch. She gets alcohol to do the third best and drags Harry along. They both surprisingly get along, having a chance to vent out about the expectations that others place on them just for existing - Chance to mock the Angel Cliché for Fleur and the expectations people, specially men, place on her, idealising her or expecting her personality to be just a ‘tough exterior’ and that they can reach the lonely desperate girl inside.

    3- Second task, little changes, except Harry sees that Fleur de facto cares. For someone? Needs work. This is shit, This task is shit. Grindylows too, really? - Suggestions are welcome.

    4- The Weasley’s couldn’t come (there was an emergency at Bill’s work and they had to help him to return to Egypt), so Dumbledore offers to walk with him, however, Gabrielle and Fleur’s parents insist on thanking him, and they’re pretty nice, Mr. and Mrs. Delacour being very pleasant. Something to show how Fleur interacts with those she loves and show a softer side.

    - Dumbledore slyly tells Harry that a sudden appointment has appeared with the Minister, and leaves Harry with the Delacours after realizing that they were making Harry forget his predicament just by being pleasant people.

    5- In the Labyrinth Harry meets and forms a partnership with Fleur, even if she insists its foolishness and she will turn on him when they reach the trophy. Monsters and imperius Krum and Cedric happen. They get to it, with Fleur hurting her leg badly saving Harry’s ass (acromantula?). Harry helps her achieve the trophy and they hold it together. The graveyard scene is pretty much the same, except Harry realizes sooner what’s happening and dives for Fleur, saving her life. He goes to the Diagonal Alley (Fortescue instead of King Cross), meet his parents, has a similar talk to the priori incatatem one with a few hints towards the Horcrux in him. Wakes up to Fleur bloody visage. She’s shocked and incredibly relieved and threatens to dismember him alive if he is that stupid again.

    - She insist they both leave immediately, Harry wants to stay cause Wormtail and Voldemort. She says that the homuculi body was destroyed and only a shadow left (kickback of the destruction of Harry’s Horcrux), and Wormtail is not a problem anymore. Harry notes that even though she is covered in blood, she doesn’t appear wounded.

    Tentative Scenes:

    1- The foreign students arrive earlier, just after the sorting (Setember 1st), and this scene is used to show Fleur’s ‘new’ personality, some scraps of interaction and to set up that both know each other.

    2- A short scene at the champion’s room, where Harry says that he is the Fourth Champion, here to properly introduce both characters to each other and set up the beginning of their relationship.

    3- Short scene at the wand weighing, to get the veela heritage thing out of the way, and no, there’s no magical attraction, or shit like that.

    4- A scene where Ron and Hermione are in the known of this ‘relationship’? Maybe after Fleur rejects Ron for ‘accidentally’
     
    Last edited: Jul 11, 2016
  2. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    This whole paragraph is a massive red flag for me.

    I don't really see any situation involving Bill's work that would require anything out of his family, emergency or not. He's an adult curse-breaker working for the goblin nation, in a world multiple methods of instantaneous travel.

    seems arbitrary
     
  3. Invictus

    Invictus Prisoner

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    Okay. How can it be improved in your opinion? What exactly makes it such a big red flag? Way I figure its more or less like someone wanting to unwind after a shitty night, especially one that was supposed to be incredible. So drinking and bitching. Harry is the convenient ear near that she doesn't hate or dislike.


    We barely know what Curse Breaking entails too, and intercontinental travel isn't exactly instantaneous, specially from England to Egypt. If you can't assume that the goblins found an emergencial situation that involves a profession that deals with highly fragile and dangerous and old magical artifacts... The reason both Weasleys can't come is because Molly would be busy helping Bill make the preparations for an unexpected return trip (and crying), because the person can be transported quickly, but they don't exactly live ready for it with all their belongings packed and ready.


    Yeah, but Dumbledore is all kinds of arbitrary. Calling Mrs. Weasley and Bill didn't make sense to me, I figured why the hell not. The question is, arbitrary enough to be a problem?
     
  4. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    The drinking seems really random, and Harry being the one she vents too is even more random. Woe-is-me!Fleur is the worst type of Fleur.


    You could just not write Bill into the story. It's a simple as that. Have him not come to England in the first place.

    Arbitrary enough to be a problem is certainly an issue when it's all a heavy-handed and blatant attempt to set the pairing up. That's one of the fundamental issues with the pairing, but the trick is to recognize that the reader's know this, and make them forget that fact with sheer storytelling.
     
  5. Invictus

    Invictus Prisoner

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    I see. That can be easily adjusted. The venting is unnecessary, the scene only needs them talking and forming a more friendly bond. Something about what they expect from the Tourney, their impressions, etc.

    Cleaning up Bill, erasing that scene. Not that good anyway, the more I read it, the more contrived it seems.
     
  6. TheTycat

    TheTycat First Year

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    If Dumbledore walking him there and then leaving him and Fleur together seems contrived, then why not just exclude him entirely? Harry can walk himself, and this means that the Delacours approaching him is a bit less forced. There's a difference between approaching him while he's alone and approaching him while he's engaged in a conversation.

    You seemed to have a problem with grindylows beating Fleur. You could have the mermen or the giant squid attack her instead. It's not hard to justify with Crouch Jr. lurking about. You could explain his early interference. Fleur did well in the first task, and Barty fears she'll continue to do well and ruin his plan for the third. If you do it this way, it might be better to have Barty interfere with both Cedric and Victor as well just so it doesn't come off as forcing Fleur and Harry together. This isn't really an original idea, but at least it's not a strict repeat of canon.

    Or you could create a whole new second task with the same hostage premise but in a more dangerous location like the Forbidden Forest where you could add acromantula, Fluffy, the Ford Anglia, etc. You'd have to change the golden egg riddle ofc, and it might be too similar to the third task.

    One other thing I noticed. In your first point, you had Harry panic and bring Fleur along with him to see the dragons. It might be better to have Harry just act defensive/evasive about answering why he's there, and Fleur insists on going with him to find out. Seems to me it would fit with the bitchy attitude you're going for, and Harry would feel just a bit less immature as panicking seems like an extreme reaction.

    After reading your discussion with Anarchy about the Yule Ball scene, I agree that it would be random for Harry to drink, but possibly okay for Fleur. She's certainly old enough to have started drinking, and there are any number of ways to explain it; tournament induced stress, a natural habit, etc. If Harry found Fleur already buzzed, then her rant could fit better as long as it's more of the angry-at-others kind than the weepy "woe-is-me." If you want Fleur to criticize Hogwarts/England in a less hostile way, you could have her complain about English Firewhiskey. Since Harry doesn't drink, it's not personal for him. Drunk Fleur offers the potential for Harry to see her criticisms in a less serious, more humorous way.

    I hope this helps in some way. You've already decided to cut some of those scenes out, but I figured I'd share some options.
     
  7. Agent One

    Agent One Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    I'm probably missing something important and will come off as an idiot but wouldn't Harry/Fleur be considered dating a minor?

    Fleur is an adult (17). Harry is a child (14). In the wizarding world, 17 is considered an adult and 18 doesn't seem to have any added perks.

    So would that not be equivalent to an 18 year old being with a 15 year old?
     
  8. Pure Infinity

    Pure Infinity High Inquisitor

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    Krum went to the Yule Ball with Hermione and no one raised a fuss, so it probably isn't an issue.

    They're both students, so I doubt anyone would be bothered. Assuming there are Romeo and Juliet laws, or that the Wizarding World just doesn't give a shit, they'd probably be fine past schooling as well.
     
  9. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    As far as I'm aware, the UK doesn't have R&J laws. But also, people are sort of relaxed about it when everyone's a student. However, statutory only counts in the UK if the younger person is less than 13 years old, between 13 and 16 it's still illegal, but less so.

    I can only talk about my high school, but I dated a girl two years older than me, and nobody seemed to think anything was up with it. And I know plenty of girls in my form (group we take register/attendance in) dated guys a few years older. I can't say for certain whether they dated across the age of consent (16), but I think they did - I know one girl in year 10 (so aged 14/15) dated someone from an older year, and he was in uniform so couldn't have been sixth form (16/17/18). The teachers were aware they were dating, and it wasn't too weird.

    Part of it could be the different ages - 16 for sex; 17 for driving; 18 for voting, drinking, and claiming adult benefits.

    A 17 year old dating a 14 year old would still be considered strange, and someone would probably raise concerns. But wizards might well do it differently.
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2016
  10. Hymsicality

    Hymsicality Second Year

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    I think a drunk Fleur has awesome potential for storytelling.

    Say during the tournament after the first task, which is more brutal because dragons, the four champions form a bond through sheer "holy shit we survived" and go celebrate in hogsmeade. And then everyone inebriated is a bit fucking weird like cedric thinking cho was Su Li for the first year or so of their friendship and it just comes pouring out cos he's a buddy buddy confessional drunk, and fleur's not a mopey or angry drunk she's a wannabe intellectual drunk and she keeps trying to prove things don't exist and Krum keeps letting out hints that he may just have paedophilic tendencies like his attraction to small feet or baby soft skin. And as the night progresses everyone starts understanding how fucked up the others are but it doesn't really matter because they're equally as fucked up and, more importantly, they're having a great time away from all the pressures that are on them; Krum and Harry and their fame, Fleur and her immense beauty and social standings or whatever and Cedric and his overbearing dad. Harry gets pressured into drinking gets absolutely hammered, is an extremely jumpy but mellow drunk telling them always to look up at the stars. They do drinking games and shit harry and fleur end up making out but harry ruins it when he starts vomiting like a firehose and they call it a wrap. How fucked up they are can really vary from loveably deranged like community or downright psychopathic like in "its always sunny".

    The four grow closer over time but harry ends up taking someone interesting to the yule ball (luna?padma?Ginny even?Daphne?) not fleur when he realises that she really doesn't have any feelings for him. He has a fantastic time and she really doesn't with Roger and she can't help but wonder whether the night would have gone better if she'd gone with harry. It's compartmentalised and the story progresses. A precursor of things to come much later.

    Things should happen outside of this, new tasks, Harry trying to be better at magic with mixed results, being mentored in quidditch by krum even as a way for both of them to unwind. Cedric still dies in the graveyard and though the other champions are all in shock and distressed they all agree to keep in touch. Year five and six can build up to what will happen in the horcrux hunt, the three all owl each other, meet up in the holidays go on small adventures introducing the others to their own countries, anything from exploring ruins and caves to simply watching a movie. Bill's not a factor for whatever reason but she does date and harry's not whiny mess because of it even if there are feelings of jealousy but he passes them off as a from hot female friend dating other people. Similarly Harry does date in and out of hogwarts and she really isn't anything but happy for them except for the moments that she isn't. Krum continues to do krum things. These really aren't a big part of the story but it does lay further foundation.

    Then when the revelation of the horcruxes he has them to provide support and they end up going on the aforementioned horcrux hunt all over europe which just sounds like amazing potential. And there's a scene somewhere in there when all three of them are drinking and it feels empty without cedric. Romance develops etc.

    It's really just an additional part to what already has to be a pretty decent story but I like the fleur slant of it. But with all hp fanfics there would still be a lot of things that needed to be adhered to, like magic actually feeling magical, no flanderisation of any of the characters, a consistent magic system etc
     
  11. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11832254/1/Harry-Potter-and-the-Sketchy-Resorts

    After fifth year Harry demands something important to do to get his mind of the death of Sirius. The order agrees and hands him a very important mission. They send along their newest adult recruit, Fleur Delacour. Rated M for Language and Adult themes.


    Basically, Harry and Fleur go to a series of nudist camps after discovering that Regulus Black re-hid Voldemort's horcruxes in nudist resorts around the world.

    It's not anywhere near good enough to be recommended even for Almost Recommended but members of this community will probably derive some enjoyment from it. My FF.Net review:

     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2016
  12. Gengar

    Gengar Polymagus Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Good corny smut is so hard to find...

    (he says as he giddily clicks the link)

    Edit: read it. Man, the chemistry between the characters just isn't there. It feels so mechanical, which is a shame, because the premise sounded like it could be really titillating.
     
  13. LinguaManiac

    LinguaManiac Second Year

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    An interjection:

    Where does it say that Fleur is a quarter Veela?

    If memory serves, the only thing Fleur says on the subject is that the hair from her wand is from her grandmother, which certainly means that she's at least a quarter Veela. But, depending on how Veela procreate, she could also be a half-Veela, her mother being a full-blood.

    Of course, although I've read the books recently, I could have still missed where it out-and-out said that she was a quarter-Veela.

    Thanks.
     
  14. NuitTombee

    NuitTombee Dark Lord

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    I think it may be the fandom extrapolating something from very little.
    I assume this is where they got it but I somehow doubt Harry is a reliable source on such matters.
     
  15. Altina

    Altina Squib

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    Not sure if anyone has mentioned it in this thread, but here's a rather fluffy and humorous Harry/Fleur one-shot in GoF based on the premise (read: cliched plot point) that Harry is one of the few people in canon that that is immune to Veela charm.

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8848598/1/Allure-Immune-Harry
     
  16. Sauce Bauss

    Sauce Bauss Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    That was surprisingly alright.
     
  17. mort

    mort Groundskeeper

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    It felt like lazy writing to me, honestly. In 8k words Harry managed to suspect Moody to be up to no good, terminate his friendship with Ron, crush on Fleur, gain a sense of social savviness, learn about the birds and the bees and have the tournament run on in the background.
    You see the problem? If the author had elaborated, or just stuck to even half of those the fic could have been pretty satisfying. As it is, it feels like they are relying on the reader to fill in the blanks.
     
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2016
  18. DerHesse

    DerHesse High Inquisitor

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    I couldn't get any further and that was at the very beginning.
     
  19. Sir Snuffy

    Sir Snuffy Third Year

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    Found this one a couple of days ago: Across The Time by izwan.

    Only at chapter 2 and... ._.

    I don't think its the plot so far, it's just the execution.
     
  20. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    I tried it, I really did, and I got up to chapter 8 before giving up.

    The author is from Malaysia, and it's pretty obvious that either English isn't their first language. There's a lot of incorrect language throughout - using a superfluous 'the' when referring to things (he was sleepy, so went to the bed. And the title itself.), and excessive non-standard words - saying something massive was 'ultra-big'. Also, there's a non-consistent lack of commas.

    They write accents in... But only sometimes. Any words that begin with a 'th' are started with a 'zh' by any French speaker, but that's the only change, and it feels clunky.

    Also, flashbacks. We have three (?) seperate times - Harry at 17, at ~25, and at 14. There's also snips from when he was ~90. The story involves time-travel, so some non-linear storytelling is okay... But it keeps jumping around and each one only progresses a little at a time.

    I really wish the writing was just that bit better, because the story wasn't too bad, but I just kept putting off coming back and reading more of it.