Alright first off fuck Critics United, when you get a chance take a moment to read some of the threads on their community page. They are the most smug douchebags I've ever seen on FF.net and if they're to be believed fairly tight with the admins which is just sad.

Second YES! Im so happy this is back, this is easily in my top five favorite sci-fi fics ever. I'm going to go nuts waiting for another chapter.

 

With the posting of the second and third chapter I have to say that I'm really enjoying Shepard's and the Chief's characterization so far. The future outlook for the story is great and knowing that the author is committed makes it better.

 

I went and re-read the first version of the story in the epub I'd saved and I'm wondering what reason she felt she had to re-write it. I really didn't notice anything glaring.

 

Any chance you want to share that saved copy?

 

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/28109838/Anne Whynn.zip

 

Gracias, amigo.

 

The author has admitted to not really knowing where to go with the original, saying that the whole plot was ending up to be nonsensical and such. With this one she is going to have a more defined villain and Normandy/Chief interaction.

I personally loved the original, but I can understand it if she wrote herself into a hole or something. I love where the rewrite is going, so I'm not complaining.

And, if you follow her blog, she has said that she won't be updating for a week, since her birthday's coming up and she's looking forward to resting and relaxing with friends.

 

Enjoyed the original as well, but I can see what they meant where it was going without a real direction. It kinda did what a lot of fanfics did and sorta meandered around the place.

I'm loving the remake though. It feels higher quality. Every single scene feels absolutely epic and I like the characterization of Shepherd a lot more. She felt a bit cheesy in the original.

 

So this updated yesterday, though it looks more like the update was an alternative rewrite of the last few chapters.

The original story was fun, and the rewrite seems to be a real improvement on quality, but by God I wish it would update faster. Especially if the author is going to keep rewriting the rewritten chapters.

 

Enjoyed the story. Can't wait for the Chief's backstory to come out, as in how he got to the me verse, and was awakened. Can't really give a good read of the story yet, still to early into it

 

The author picked this story back up on their AO3 profile.

What I remembered of the fic before the rewrite - characterization and action - continues to be good for the most part.

The way the author writes Shepard blasting about the battlefield in a mix of acrobatics and biotics is the best I've read. Chief's precision and being a tank is just as well portrayed. The author mentioned how they wanted to infuse the OC's with character to make them more than just cannon fodder for the main cast and they do a great job of doing so.

Shepard threatening to

Spoiler

blow up the Normandy until Cortana gets in the black box

is so fucking cool. That's what the fic excels at is the crowning moments of awesome of Shepard and the Chief. When they get the opportunity to cut loose it's an absolute blast to read.

Now everything after the rewrite is a bit more mixed.

The biggest concern was how do you characterize the Master Chief - someone who's designed and bred to always be fighting in war - outside of wartime? That question in and of itself is a main focus of the fic, which is a pleasant surprise. However, it does make for a glacial read and a meandering plot. This problem is exacerbated by the authors propensity to wax on and on with Chief's observations on how Shepard interacts with her crew. The story does enough "showing" of that fact that their continual need to "tell" is really detrimental.

Other minor thing I'm mixed about is characterization for certain crew members - Jacob and Miranda especially. They seem to have taken each others roles of how they were at the start of ME2, which in theory I like. However, the reasons Jacob has for being upset at Shepard come off as petulant more than anything. One of his reasons is Shepard didn't send him in the vent during the suicide mission. Which is just too funny as an omniscient bystander. Miranda being less uppity just makes her milquetoast.

There is a main plot thread having to do with the Normandy crew following in the footsteps of another Spectre to find out if

Spoiler

something didn't tag along with the Chief into this universe

but like I said - it's so slow you sometimes forget it. The latest chapter being entirely emblematic of that fact. I didn't remember it until a character brought it up at the very end.

If the story cut the ruminating in half and gave more forward progression to the plot it would easily be a 5/5 for now though 4/5.