Title: Lessons With Hagrid
Author: NothingPretentious
Rating: T
Genre: Humor
Status: Complete
Library Category: Humor
Pairings: None
Words: 4,357
Published: October 31, 2011
Summary: "Have you found out how to get past that beast of Hagrid's yet?" ...Snape kicks Harry out of 'Remedial Potions', but as we know from The Philosopher's Stone, there is another Occlumens in the school good enough to keep out the Dark Lord. Stupid oneshot.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7512124/1/Lessons_With_Hagrid

The critique of the plot hole in Book 1 is irrelevant (maybe Riddle couldn't use Legilimency from inside Quirrel or Hagrid is immune because of his Giant blood or whatever), but it's funny.

From the AN:

Checked by Minion, March 4, 2013

 

This fic is amazing.

It's not long and it's not particularly serious, but it is funny as hell.
Frankly for a humor oneshot that enough for me.

5/5

 

"who told you about crouchin titan, flingin' wagon"

Hahahaha oh god 5/5

 

Oh, man, this was good. Really, really good.

 

Very excellent little one-shot.

I like the idea of Hagrid spending his time writing his backwater wisdom and simple understanding of complicated magical disciplines into books. Come another generation, the entire Hogwarts curiculum could consist of things like How ter Turn Stuff into Other Stuff and Useful Spells Fer Inanimate Self-Perpulsion. Mixin' Remedies and Alterin' tha' Chemical Nature o' Yerself and Others.

 

A brick. Glorious Victory! 5/5

 

I especially liked the ending.

 

Well written and funny.

5/5

 

Freaking hilarious. It was a tad monotonous with all the various magical creatures and Voldemort getting his ass kicked, but very funny nonetheless. 4/5.

 

Read most of it. Didn't really like it's humor. I'll give this a 3/5. I really, really don't think Hagrid is even capable of knowing Occlumency.

Edit: It would have been better without the ending of Voldemort going into his head. It just wasn't funny.

 

Damn, that was hillarious.
5/5 from me.

 

Just for this 5/5.:awesome

 

That was fantastic. Maybe a little overdone at the end, but still thoroughly excellent overall. 5/5, no question about it.

 

Hilarious, 5/5!

The brick...gold....and Hagrids crappy books? Funny stuff!

 

Meh, I think all of these responses overhyped it a bit for me. It got a few laughs from me, but isn't worth more than 3/5 imo. Was quite dull in the middle I thought. Start and end were the decent parts.

 

Well, I must say that when I saw the title it didn't get my hopes up, but, dear God, that's a funny fic.

4/5 because I find Hagrid's speech kind of "GAHHHH" to read. If not for that, it would be a 5/5 for me.

Also, the fic had me at:

 

4/5 as far as one-shot go. It was humorous, and as an intelligent-Hagrid proponent I have to say he got it pretty much on the money. The brick was a good inclusion though, as others have said, Voldemort's entrance into Harry's mind was pretty lame.

I think it is Library-worthy though.

 

Also, was I the only one bothered by the fact that Harry was in the Ministry in the first place? Harry never would have received the vision if he knew Occlumency in the first place, and the author had already said Harry could block out Voldemort. I know it was only a crack one shot, but show some consistency...

 

Your suspension of disbelief can't cover that Voldemort, with ~months (dont remember exactly when Snape kicked him out) of time, can figure out some way to trick Harry into going to the Ministry? For a crack one shot? It didn't even bother me.

Very funny, the end was awesome. 4.5/5 rounded up because I didn't really get delayed much during the slow bits.

 

Oh, he definitely could have, but was it so hard for the author to write in a reason for why Harry was there? Even just "Harry got a letter about his godfather being held captive in the Ministry" or whatever. I dunno, just bothered me that he was there without any explanation whatsoever.