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Naruto Challenge #1

Discussion in 'Story Challenges' started by Lion, Nov 25, 2009.

  1. Lion

    Lion Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Summery: The war with Suna and Oto never ended and the world quickly spirals to the next Great Ninja War. Konoha realizing this puts Danzo as the next Hokage. Danzo orders Jiarya to train both Naruto and Sasuke to be the next generation of Konohas finest. While this happens the rest of Konohas ninja force is recalled and put through special training to meet Danzos standards. Tsunade is recalled and coerced into coming back and training the next medic-nin. Over the next year events cause the sides to be drawn with the Konoha/Kumo/Taki vs. Suna/Kiri/Kusa vs. Iwa/Oto/Ame. Akatsuki of course will use this to try and take all of the hosts and enact their plans.

    Rules:
    1. Naruto and Sasuke must be realistic after their training and not be over-powered gods or weak ninja wannabes.
    2. Oc's are encourged but are to be realistic and not stupid self inserts.
    3. War must be realistic with deaths on all sides, but not only death but cripples and people driven insane.
    4. Pairings and romance are not to be used.
    5. Ending can be whatever.
     
  2. Tehan

    Tehan Avatar of Khorne DLP Supporter

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    After the war is started is more than a little late to start worrying about training. And since all you've done is reshuffled the big names into new roles with absolutely no work done for characterisation, who the hell are you to enforce your own bullshit no romance rule?
     
  3. Trooper

    Trooper Order Member

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    ...What war? As far as I know, there was only one invasion, not war. Also, said invasion ended decisively in Konoha's favor, leaving no room for further complications. Suna'a forces were considerably depleted and the village left without the Kazekage, with the realization that they were duped into the whole invasion itself. Similarly, Oto was also bereft of majority of its shinobi forces and their Kage/Orochimaru near death and in need of a new body.

    So, How exactly does this 'war' go 'out of control'?

    Not possible to write without drastically changing the whole storyline.
    This has been done, wonderfully, by Geor-sama.

    ...I won't even bother to comment on this. Would be a Tl;DR.


    ...So you're saying, that the whole shinobi force of one of the strongest hidden villages, including all Jounin, chunin, etc... are unsatisfactory according to Danzo's standards. AaaaaallllllRighty then.

    Good luck with that.

    You don't need Tsunade herself to train the next medic-nin. You just want Sakura apprenticed to Tsunade, to just have a bit of canon familiarity.


    Did you read a fanfiction, with a similar plot, but didn't like the way it was executed? Or did the romance spoil that particular fic?

    Anyway, the story, if someone answered the challenge, would have to be an AU. I mean as in totally revamped. Again, I'll point you to Geor Sama's fics.
     
    Last edited: Nov 25, 2009
  4. Snarf

    Snarf Squanchin' Party Bro! Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I think what everyone's saying is that it sounds like a decently entertaining story line, if written well, but so do the thirty other stories of the same type. It's not a novel idea, by any means. Tehan already said it as good as can be said:

     
  5. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    OP I'll add a sixth rule: people who write challenges must learn how to correctly spell character names, and also how to spell "SUMMARY".

    They don't need to go through the trouble of finding Tsunade again if all she will be is the next medic-nin.
     
  6. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Am I the only one who seems to like Danzo... well before all the stupidity with the eyes or whatnot.
     
  7. Trooper

    Trooper Order Member

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    Not really. Danzo can be awesome, if portrayed in the right way. He's also a, very much, favourite character among people who want "Real Ninja's", i.e. you know the whole 'assasin in the night' kinda thing. He's also a key character in fics which concentrate on intrigue and politics.

    But, thats not the point here. The way the OP presented Danzo in this challenge would come out as a ridiculous/lame character; far worse than what he's become in the manga. I mean, c'mon, order Jiraiya to produce the next great crop of shinobi? coerce Tsunade?
     
  8. se7en

    se7en Professor

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    I'm going to diverge a little bit from OP, because I have a challenge that I think would be interesting.

    Summary: The Kyubi was sealed inside Naruto and was kept a secret. He was inserted in the Yamanaka family because of his similar looks and their special bloodline limit that could contain Naruto in case anything went wrong. He grows up as a normal boy, and excels in school. The only thing that bothers him is his Yamanaka bloodline limit will not manifest. After his first mission as a Genin, he starts hearing a voice inside of his head. He gets excited and thinks that it is his bloodline limit finally emerging. Little does he know that the voice inside his head is a demon that has carefully planned his escape route out of prison.

    edit*
    I guess I need some rules:
    1. The demon fox is manipulative and much smarter than Naruto. He will influence Naruto and try to make Naruto depend on him. Don't make him out to be a pushover that can be thwarted by some lame attempt from Naruto. The kyubi is smart and subtle. He has all the time in the world to get out.
    2. Nobody except Sarutobi, Inochi, and Jiraiya know about the Kyubi.
    3. Blah blah. I just thought of this a few minutes ago so it's pretty much an empty canvas.
     
    Last edited: Nov 26, 2009
  9. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    It's an alright idea, but I'm going to poke the most obvious holes in it now to get them out of the way.

    1) Better to have Naruto actually be related (if distantly) to the Yamanaka rather than just sticking him with them because he has the same coloured hair.

    1a) Even if you did go with the 'he looks similar' gig, wouldn't it raise questions among those in the know (specifically the Uchiha, who are wholly capable and knowing about the Kyuubi and their ability to control it) that an apparent orphan child was given to a family that is specifically suited to controlling a jinchuuriki?

    3) Moving on from that, the Yamanaka do not have a kekkei genkai. They have a series of jutsu that have been kept within the family that allow them to fuck about with another person's mind/body. There is nothing physically different about them to separate them from any other blond-haired, blue eyed person on the planet, only the special jutsu set them apart.

    4) What about when Naruto finally mentions the 'kekkei genkai' he's finally awakened. After all, if he's been hoping for it for all these years, wouldn't he brag about it? They can't keep telling him forever that the voice in his head is actually a bloodline limit, especially considering how the fox will be trying its damnedest to have Naruto rip that damn seal off.
     
  10. se7en

    se7en Professor

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    Good point. I didn't really put much thought into it. I mostly just made all of it up when I saw this thread.
     
  11. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    I disagree. That just sounds convulted and irrelevent.

    I'm hardly an expert, but I do know that Sasuke didn't recongize the Fox. Would a more advanced Sharingan recongize it?

    I assume that the Fox would tell Naruto to keep things quite, as to not attract attention to his manipulations and be stopped prematurely.
     
  12. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling Prestige DLP Supporter

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    You're forgetting about the entire clan's worth of Uchiha who lived for a good seven years after the Kyuubi was sealed. Even if it's just the higher ups among them all who know of the Mangekyou Sharingan, that's still more than enough people to work out that perhaps the Kyuubi was not destroyed when the Yondaime confronted.

    And you think Naruto of all people would listen to it? Assuming that he's retained any of his canon personality, he'd be shouting about any advantage he has from the rooftops in an attempt to prove himself the strongest. Hell, the only reason he didn't confess to having the Kyuubi inside of him until Part II was because he was afraid all those carefully built friendships would be torn down due to fear. Not in this case, where he's got friends and family to support him from the beginning.
     
  13. se7en

    se7en Professor

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    In challenge would be AU, so his canon personality is a mute point. He would be raised by a family, so he would probably act more normal.

    Another thing is that I doubt the fox would be so stupid to blatantly come out and act as a 'voice' saying, "I am your bloodline! Keep quiet about me though.".

    I was thinking about the fox being more of a conscious for Naruto. A subtle way to sway his emotions during turmoil because his emotions are what triggers the fox to have more control. Naruto would be unconsciously listening to the fox and it would lead to where the fox would take temporary control because of his emotional outbreak.

    If I were Naruto, I wouldn't say anything about a voice in my head because I would feel self conscious because it obviously isn't normal.
     
  14. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    I disagree. If Naruto were raised in a family who specializes in the mind, then he would know that this is an abnormal anomaly. Since it is clearly abnormal, I think he would consult his parents or something since the entire family is a bunch of mind walkers that could look into the problem and potentially fix it before it gets worse. Unless of course you plan on Naruto being a total retard in the fic.
     
  15. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    Maybe he asks Ino about it, who talks to Sakura about it, who then tells Ino she has a inner voice too. After Ino tells him that some people have a inner voice, Naruto just throws that peice of information to the 'whatever bin'.

    Yeah, I realize that my suggestion is stupid - but in my defence, the whole idea is.