WIP Not Sick by Ser Serendipity - T - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Republic, Feb 2, 2015.

  1. Banta

    Banta The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    I couldn't get into this at all. The change is interesting, but the author couldn't make me care about its effect at all. The fight scenes are well written, but long and drawn out. That's a good way to describe this fic in general. This badly needs an editor to trim off the fluff; I skimmed through three chapters before giving up.

    2/5: Technically sound, but nothing grabbed me and made me want to pay attention.
     
  2. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    So. A lot of stuff has happened. And I do mean a lot.
     
  3. Ser Serendipity

    Ser Serendipity Muggle

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    Sorry it took so long.
     
  4. Rayndeon

    Rayndeon Professor

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    Pretty interesting thus far, but unfortunately it recapitulates one of my most disliked aspects of the entire Pain arc - Rinne Tensei. I always felt that it cheapened the impact the deaths of Kakashi and others in the manga/anime, and it arguably more than does so in this fic with the previous deaths of Hinata, Shikamaru, Tenten, Shino, and Lee. Nonetheless, still interested to see where things go from here.
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2015
  5. Fudoutoku

    Fudoutoku Third Year DLP Supporter

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  6. Paranoid Android

    Paranoid Android Groundskeeper

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    This was a touching chapter and I'm not going to lie it may have brought a tear to my eye.
     
  7. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Huh. A resounding 'meh' from me, but I can see how it would elicit different reactions from different people.
     
  8. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Updated again. Some interesting stuff going on. Plot thickens.
     
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2015
  9. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    Initially I gave this a 3.5/5 and then fell really far behind. But went back and read from chapter 20 up to date, and I actually really enjoyed the second half on second attempt.

    I think the way Sasuke developed was really well done. It's hard to have a character like him change his outlook enough to actually apologise to people without feeling really, really cheesy. But it worked for me.

    Also, while I prefer the dead stay dead, I thought Chapter 33 dealt with it was really different and well done. That even having being resurrected, everyone was a bit different and traumatized by it all.

    I think I'd happily bump this up to a strong 4/5 now.
     
  10. Moridin

    Moridin Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    I think the story's actually pretty interesting and examines a lot of stuff that I've not seen before quite well, but I'm always heavily put off by the sheer blandness of the title. Leaving aside the fact that Itachi not being ill can hardly be the only butterfly, it's just so... plain.
     
  11. PpJt

    PpJt Second Year

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    Solid 4/5 so far for me. For someone like myself who hasn't read/watched that far into the series, the deaths had perhaps it's desired effect - that being said the rinne tensei felt a bit like a BS deus ex machina (well it totally is) - but didn't remotely make me want to drop it. Latest chapter was very interesting too.

    +1 on the bland title though.
     
  12. Varaug

    Varaug Squib

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    The first chapter was explosive. The second onwards were ... boring beyond the fight scenes. I could'nt care less about Naruto or Kakashi or Hinata or even Shino. Personelly Kakashi or Shino are my favorite characters. Inspite of that I got nothing from them. Even Itachi went down a few steps in second chapter.Between Sasuke and Itachi in the first chapter every emotion was felt every gesture understood. And the start of the story pulls you in. The second chapter had little emotion/tension in the fight scene beyond the generic danger. For example, when Naruto decides to give himself up no conflict, no tension. And him stopping from Hinata's speech, seriously, there was no debate internal or external. Assuming Naruto did infact base giving up for certain reasons, they would lead to conflict of some kind. I do not mind the resolution about him deciding not to, but it seemed flaky.

    I am torn as to the rating and so am giving it a 3.5
    Hope it gets better.
     
    Last edited: Oct 24, 2015
  13. Derpaaderp

    Derpaaderp Squib

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    I like the technical writing a lot and the story is indeed very descriptive. I like what he did with Sasuke as well. Maybe it's just me,but I feel like way too many authors try to minimize Sasuke in the fanfiction they write and replace it with more Naruto.

    I get it...you don't like Sasuke in the manga so instead you shove more 'cool' Naruto down my throat.

    4.5/5 for me.
     
  14. Dark King

    Dark King Disappeared

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    This is one of my most favorite story.
    When I first read the summary I had thought that it would be nothing but Itachi wanking but I was pleasantly surprised that it wasn't the case.
    Pace was good, characterization is good and I don't know lot about you but I found every single fight engaging.
    Ser if you are reading this I want you to know this that you have a gift in writing action/fight scenes.
    Hope you update it soon.
     
  15. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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  16. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

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    Lol, April 1st thing changes Itachi's last name to Hoochy.
     
  17. Republic

    Republic The Snow Queen Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Updated again. Kage summit, stuff happening in the Leaf.
     
  18. Garden

    Garden Minister of Magic

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    Last chapter is up.

    Story is complete. If possible, someone should update the title of the thread.

    4/5 for me.

    I'm not a huge fan of the end of the plot. Sakura and Sasuke are immensely skilled. The success of the root mission at the end definitely strained my SOD.

    I understand why the author wrote it-- it complicates things immensely, changes things from canon drastically, etc.-- but it felt pretty contrived to me. Could have been done better, perhaps through Black Zetsu stealing it with aid from Obito's Kamui and a distraction by Orochimaru.
     
  19. knight504

    knight504 The Chosen One

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    Just to spread the word, Ser Serendipity is currently writing a sidestory from the perspective of an Iwagakure genin set around the time of Not Sick's climax.

    Sword of Stone
    A Not Sick Sidestory. With the destruction of Akatsuki, the fragile balance of the world's peace has slowly begun to tip. Now, with the Five Villages drawing closer to conflict, shinobi young and old have no choice but to understand their place: whether as people, soldiers, or mere tools.