Complete Once Bitten, Twice Shy by Wynneception - T - My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

Discussion in 'My Little Pony' started by Chengar Qordath, Oct 27, 2011.

  1. Chengar Qordath

    Chengar Qordath The Final Pony Prestige

    Joined:
    Apr 12, 2008
    Messages:
    742
    High Score:
    1,802
    Title: Once Bitten, Twice Shy
    Author: Wynneception
    Rating: T
    Genre: Humor
    Status: Complete
    Fandom: My Little Pony:Friendship is Magic
    Pairings: Twilight Sparkle/Fluttershy
    Summary: What happens when you take two socially awkward ponies, add the nerves of being in love for the first time, send them out on a date together, then throw in their meddling friends for good measure? You get this story, that's what.
    Link: http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/09/story-once-bitten-twice-shy.html

    Normally, I'm not a big fan of pony-shipping, but this fic manages to really work because it's freaking hilarious. Twilight Sparkle and Fluttershy manage to reach new heights of social awkwardness, and their friends' efforts to help are amusingly unhelpful.

    The writing is solid, and all the ponies are nice in-character. About the only thing that bugged me was that Applejack and Rarity seemed a bit too hostile towards each, considering the fact that they'd mostly worked out their differences after "Look Before You Sleep." Even then, the fact that Rarity had gone into super-romantic matchmaker mode in contrast to Applejack's simple, straightforward approach made the conflict understandable. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash do manage to out-funny them when it comes to "advice" and efforts to help, but that's to be expected.

    Bottom line, it's well written and made me laugh out loud enough times. That's the most important thing for a humor fic. 5/5.
     
  2. disposablehead

    disposablehead Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2011
    Messages:
    244
    Good stuff. While I agree that pony-shipping generally doesn't work, Twilight and Fluttershy are adorable enough that I can at least live with the melodrama, and are so awkwardly hilarious that they make up for the soap-opera crap.

    I hated Pinkie Pie. Stupid songs, stupid jokes, pointless breaking of the fourth wall. HATE.

    It's a very funny story, well written, well characterized, but the bullshit Pinkie takes it down a notch. 4/5
     
  3. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2009
    Messages:
    1,057
    Location:
    Department of Post-Mortem Communications
    High Score:
    2,101
    Really enjoyed this story and even laughed at a few points. Really well written and funny.

    Have to agree though that the songs weren't working at all. I don't blame the author for that, it is all but impossible to work songs like that into a written story. Even Rothfuss doesn't really include song lyrics like that into his story.

    On the other hand, Pinkie Pie bursting into random songs is part of her character, so, without omitting it, I wouldn't know how to make that aspect better.

    Maybe, when Pinkie Pie sings, focusing on the other ponies reactions without including any lyrics at all?

    That said, really liked the story overall.
     
  4. ViolentRed

    ViolentRed Professor

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2010
    Messages:
    496
    It was okay. There were some funny moments in there, but all in all it was just okay. The author doesn't seem to realize visual humor doesn't work as well when written and (s)he constantly writes out the thoughts and motivations of her characters instead of showing it.

    If this had been a HP fanfic, I would have called it Almost Recommended and mostly for fans of the ship.

    3/5