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Abandoned Operator by Case13 - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Orm Embar, Jan 18, 2009.

  1. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    605
    Location:
    On the shores of Selidor
    Title: Operator
    Author: Case13
    Category: WIP
    Rating: M
    Pairings: Listed as Naruto/Hana Inuzuka
    Chapters: 10
    Words: 62,107
    Updated: January 15, 2009
    Published: June 14, 2007
    Link: The Link
    Summary: After years as ANBU officer Mugen, Naruto must remove his mask to work alongside the man who cost him a teammate and a half to save Uchiha Sasuke from himself.

    Based on the summary, it isn't a fic I would read. But, for this story, the old proverb "Don't judge a book by its cover." applies. It's an ANBU Naruto fic, but he isn't heinously overpowered. The author fleshes out the role of ANBU, providing interesting tidbits about the role the organization plays, and goes into great detail regarding Naruto's life, relationships, and abilities. It's all very well put together, the author seems to know where he's going with the story, and there are funny moments to boot.

    Now that I've finished lavishing praise on the story, I'll list the downsides. The author isn't up front; how Naruto got to be where he is from the hyperactive prankster isn't spelled out plainly. There are flashbacks occasionally. The author uses them relatively often, but they aren't marked. One last thing: this Naruto hates Kakashi. It isn't the sort of disdain you see in poorly written overpowered!Naruto stories where he wipes the floor with everyone. His character is given genuine reasons to dislike him, reasons which are slowly being revealed.

    Enough of me prattling. Read it, now. 5/5 from me, and I try not to hand those out lightly.


    Checked: June 4, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 4, 2012
  2. Ksai

    Ksai Third Year

    Joined:
    Jan 9, 2008
    Messages:
    108
    I love Fosfor's fics. But reading this one was a torture for me.
    I had to force myself to get through the first five chapters. Too many OC and too fast. The moment you get used to those who are introduced in the first chapters - Fosfor throws even more of them.
    Very hard to follow them all.
     
  3. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 4, 2005
    Messages:
    6,141
    Gender:
    Male
    Ksai basically stole the words right out of my mind.
     
  4. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
    Messages:
    479
    It's nice enough, but it does get too jumbled up after a while. I think the problem is that like Ksai says, too many OCs, and too little fleshing out of the characters. Also, at some points the story just doesn't really flow very well and jumps form one scene to the next.
     
  5. Orm Embar

    Orm Embar Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    605
    Location:
    On the shores of Selidor
    I can definently see the origin of your complaints, but for me it balanced out around chapter 5, where I got a grip on the author's OCs.
     
  6. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2007
    Messages:
    6,036
    The author of this writes like they have a dick stuck in their eye.

    Is the guy a native english speaker, and if so, does he believe in the value of a good beta?

    What the fuck is that?

    Terrible, just terrible. I was willing to give it a shot, and that line there had me raging so hard I had to stop reading it.

    1/5
     
  7. Vesvius

    Vesvius High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2007
    Messages:
    567
    No, he's not a native speaker.
     
  8. GiantMonkeyMan

    GiantMonkeyMan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2008
    Messages:
    591
    Location:
    UK

    There was a reason for that character's shitty dialogue, something to do with the drugs they were on coupled with the injury. Meh, I didn't really understand it. The fic is good, definately 3/5 or higher. A good read.
     
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