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WIP Passageways by jerrway69 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Azotez, Jan 30, 2013.

  1. Azotez

    Azotez Seventh Year

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    Title: Passageways
    Author: jerrway69
    Rating: M
    Genre: Political / Drama
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 204,548
    Updated: July 3, 2013
    Published: July 31, 2012

    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Alternates
    Pairings: Harry / Bella
    Authors summary: "Hogwarts Castle decides to interfere in the lives of two of its students to change the past and future from a terrible war and giving the pair an opportunity to find something more than just protection within its walls. Fed-up Harry, Weasley bashing, detached Dumbledore."

    The RoR acts as a gateway between the past and present and when a depressed and angry Harry finds an equally depressed and angry young Bellatrix Black things begins to change.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/8378840/1/Passageways

    The first couple of chapters felt like a chore to read through but once you trudge through those, the story really starts to pick up, especially the latest chapter was really good. The update rate is stable at around 2 every month and the average chapter length is 10k words which is very nice.

    It reminds me of Delende Est but differs in enough ways to make it different so far. There are some things that a few reviewers would have wanted were left out of the story: Some of Harry's abilities amongst other things. I do not myself think that these things detract in any way from the story itself and think that the way Harry uses his abilities remains realistic and true to the world that has been created.

    4/5: I would rate it 4/5 simply because I like the plot and story as a whole. While I can not say anything about the gramatics, I at least did not notice any obvious mistakes or faults with it.


    Checked by Minion, July 28, 2013
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2013
  2. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Considering how little interaction Harry has with the Weasleys, there's hardly enough bashing to warrant a mention in the summary. Most of the story is a relatively tame Harry/Bellatrix tale with an interesting (if logically inconsistent) premise to make them of similar ages.

    Things jumped the shark in the last couple of chapters and Harry's abilities were way over the top, a contrivance to allow the inevitable conflict with the heads of House Black to resolve itself tidily. And this is probably my biggest complaint with the story--every larger conflict we're teased with that might make us want to read on ends up resolved too easily, often by outside forces with little investment on the part of Harry or Bellatrix. In particular, the whole "spirit of Hogwarts" deus ex machina was was overused. The author seems to me to be either timid or lazy (perhaps both).

    It's not library worthy, but may be an adequate time waster for those not looking for too much. 3/5, Recycling Bin material.
     
    Last edited: Jan 30, 2013
  3. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

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    I'm still reading it, but I just got through the first chapter and good LORD there were so many cliches in it.

    ---------- Post automerged at 12:44 AM ---------- Previous post was at 12:32 AM ----------

    I gave up at Dumbledore planting suggestions in Harry's subconscious, if his plans to strip Harry of all useless emotions pushes him towards voldemort. I can't handle so many overdone and unnecessary plot devices, especially not when they're written this Badly. 2/5 for having a working plot, but that's all I see in this fic.
     
  4. Pasta Sentient

    Pasta Sentient Disappeared

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    I read it. It was a guilty pleasure read. A lot of cliches though they were not too terrible compared to some other fics. It was better than a lot of other stories I have been able to find lately. So I give it a 3/5.
     
  5. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    I was thinking of putting this into the Almost Recced thread. The Manipulative!Dumbldore at the start is horrible; I thought the later chapters were better: Dumbledore doesn't feature there and the fight against Voldemort and the Black family stuff is a little more interesting.

    Still not good though. 2-ish.


    Edit: And tag that shit @OP.
     
  6. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    Actually I thought the last 2 chapters weren't so good. 2 random DE clashes was one too many and this weird family gimmick feels far too contrived. It's an Almost Rec. fic.
     
  7. Tasoli

    Tasoli Minister of Magic

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    fail/5

    This story has so much crap in it that sewers would be jealous.
     
  8. Sechrima

    Sechrima Disappeared

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    I'm up to chapter five and wow, about the only thing I like so far is the author's description of Bellatrix's ass and tits.
     
  9. SJCougfan

    SJCougfan Squib

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    The story was interesting enough to keep reading after getting past the first couple chapters. It was a good time sink. But Dumbledore seemed to get a bit of Ron-the-Death-Eater treatment which, along with the cliches and a few odd plot turns, pretty much poisoned the story.

    2.5/5
     
  10. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    Goddammit, Pers, you always seem to get to stories before I do and say exactly what I would say.

    Yeah, this story definitely jumped the shark the last couple of chapters. Before, I would say that it wasn't a terrible fic even with all the cliches... now I would have to give it a 2/5 at best.
     
  11. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    To me, this story remains enjoyable and readable despite being cliche-ridden and a cringe-worthy plot development over the last two chapters. This story doesn't belong in the library, but the recycling bin seems an apt place for it.

    3/5
     
  12. liam-mcgillis15

    liam-mcgillis15 Squib

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    I feel the need to find that description now...

    EDIT: Definitely was not worth it...

    I'm hardly an expert on the quality of the recycling bin, but any story with a sentence such as this probably shouldn't be hosted on DLP...

    There are considerably more examples that I found, but it would be a waste of everybody's time to add them.

    .5/5
     
    Last edited: Feb 11, 2013
  13. kalespr

    kalespr Fourth Year

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    At best, this could be considered almost-recommendable to my mind; and how much so really depends on one's tolerance for nonsense in it's various flavours. In this case the big stand-outs are tired cliche's and subpar mechanics-of/technical writing.


    This is one of (if not) the best mysteriously "innocent" Bella story I've read, but it doesn't really make up for the fact that it's a mysteriously-not-culpable-of-any-actions-taken-as-an-adult Bella story in the first place.

    2/5
     
  14. Pirazy

    Pirazy Groundskeeper

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    You know you're reading a good fic when in the first chapter people can get away with attempted murder in broad day light while the rest just looks on and laughs about it.
     
  15. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    I wanted to like this fic, despite the cliches, but the Hogwarts incarnation destroyed it for me. It feels like the author got impatient, and didn't want to give the characters the time to find their own answers, and solve the mystery themselves. The biggest problem with that IMO is that it removes a lot of possible interactions between Harry and Bellatrix, making the romantic progression much less believeable.
     
  16. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Yes, I moved the thread back upstairs. I want to write something about it, so sue me :p

    This story did not "jump the shark", it's doing reverse jumping. I just read chapters 19 to 22, and they are better than Delenda Est ever was, back when it wasn't shit.

    This story really is two stories. It's a shit premise and you can safely ignore anything that happens in Hogwarts and Canon-time, but as soon as that story arch is over, it's readable and getting better by the chapter. It has a political setup that for once isn't completely stupid, which is like a revelation in this day and age, and I enjoyed the heck out of reading about the Blacks, the history of the Eveningshades and the plot and intrigue surrounding them.

    Additionally, the split POV with different storylines taking place simultaneously in the latest chapters (e.g. Harry/Black Hills vs Lily) worked really well, and provided for some nice tension. Furthermore, this Dumbledore, while still lacking some finesse, isn't nearly as horrible to read as the Canon-version earlier. The history bits were actually interesting.

    All in all, I give the last four or five chapters a solid 4/5. It's leaps and bounds above the beginning. I dunno what this author is doing to his writing, but I want him to do more of it.
     
  17. samkar

    samkar Temporarily Banhammered

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    I think Harry's grandmom is in danger to take over the whole fic atm. Didn't like that at all.
     
  18. Russano

    Russano Disappeared

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    I tried reading this fic the other day, and I didn't make it very far. The whole "everyone hates Harry" thing in the beginning was absolutely atrocious. Like, as bad as characterization could possibly get. Then you had Dumbledore who had the quintessential terribly written manipulative Dumbledore personality.

    Then we got to Bella's time. Making the Blacks normal was off-putting to say the least. Bella liking a ton of muggle stuff? Meh. Narcissa becoming besties wtih Lily Potter? Ick. Then you have Lestrange being some sorta raging frothing asshole...thing. So nothing promising at all.

    But the past characters was something I could write off. I thought this was a time travel story, where the RoR sends Harry to the past so I was willing to keep going. I'm always willing to write off the fucking awful "Harry is betrayed by everyone" as a plot device that allows him to leave to some other dimension or time.

    But then I find out that those people aren't gone and that it wasn't a pure go back in time story so I dropped it immediately. (So I'm not 100 percent sure on how the passages work).

    Does it really get better Sesc? I started reading because it had a large number of reviews and I was told it was readable if not good, but I found it completely painful instead. Should I give it another try and slog through a terrible start? I know some authors improve rapidly in a story, but its hard to know who those authors are going to be, most who start terrible, end terrible.
     
    Last edited: May 22, 2013
  19. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    No, you shouldn't slog through the terrible start. As I said, it's basically two stories, and you can ignore everything that happens in Canon-time. It's dumb and irrelevant and should have been stuck into the premise, instead of writing about it. The real story is about Harry in the Marauder's era; the other timeline is resolved and eventually no longer part of the story.

    Start at chapter 12. New summary, made by me:

    By some freak accident, Harry ends up in the Room of Requirement, married to the young Bellatrix Black. This is good for both because Bella is hot and Harry likes that, and Bella is no longer betrothed to the disgusting Rudolfus Lestrange and she likes that. However, their actions have consequences. -- Political intrigue set during the first rise of Voldemort. Harry/Bella.


    Edit: And the explanation for how the passageways work is in the last third of chapter 11.
     
  20. Skeletaure

    Skeletaure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    ...what. The politics is awful - proper indy!Harry raised eyebrows, smirks and whisky glasses stuff. There's no real negotiation, no deals, no coalitions, no compromises or sacrifices, no significant betrayals. No real conflict. There's just Harry walking around with his new inheritance throwing unearned power around to wtfpwn everyone, who piss their pants the moment they hear his new surname.

    It's no different to the hundreds of "politcal" indy!Harry Goblin infested crapfics that flood FF.Net.

    And the Eveningshade history is Gary Stu bullshit. Harry got an inheritance and suddenly was replaced by another character, one with political and magical power in spades but not too much intelligence. Not to worry, though, because everyone's falling over to bow to him just because of that power.

    Urgh.

    The only good thing about this fic is the UST in the Harry/Bella relationship and the eventual culmination of that UST in them having sex. Once they fuck, the story is pretty much done.