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WIP Precocious Crush by Makokam - Kick Ass - M

Discussion in 'Anime, Cartoons, and Comics' started by Cxjenious, Sep 23, 2011.

  1. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    Title: Precocious Crush
    Author: Makokam
    Rating: M
    Genre: Romance
    DLP Category: Misc
    Pairing: HitGirl/KickAss
    Status: WiP
    Summary:So, you meet someone who gets you. You have fun together, you like each other, and they're cute. But he says you're too young. What are you supposed to do? Just let it go?
    Link: Link]

    A light, fun read. It's about 60 chapters, but they're all rather short - one is only a sentence. I didn't figure myself one for Kick Ass fanfiction - especially when it is essentially about an 11 year old girl - but this story hits the nail on the head, and Hit Girl is written quite well. Not heavy on prose; like I said, a fun, light read.

    5/5. Perfect for its genre.
     
  2. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    DAMN YOU.

    I started reading this, and am now on 22, and haven't moved. The age thing is kinda weird, but apart from that (and that's mostly ignorable, as I'm completely ignorant of the American School Year labelling) it's awesome.

    EDIT

    And have now read it all.

    The deliberatly changing chapter length is actually really working for this - we don't write a diary entry of 1.5 pages and no more each time we would write one.

    The age thing is even weirder. It has been a while since I turned twelve, but even then I was ahead of the curve as far as puberty is concerned (although not female). Mindy's fantasies are weird. I don't like reading about an eleven year old that wants 'hot, sweaty, flesh on flesh action' (if not that exact wording, it's pretty similar).
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2011
  3. DarthBill

    DarthBill Dark Lord

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    Very good story. Updates often once per week, though they are short updates.

    5/5
     
  4. Alive and Free

    Alive and Free Groundskeeper

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    Nice story, loved the movie but I never thought to check out the fanfiction.
     
  5. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    I spent an hour re-watching the good bits of Kick-Ass before reading this fic. The refresher helped.

    This fic doesn't deserve a 5/5, but I'm giving it one anyway. The plot is a bit aimless in the beginning until the author gets a lock on where she wants this story to go. There are a few spelling and punctuation errors, but no more than normal.

    Watching Mindy's struggles against her youth, Marcus' and society's expectations, and for Dave's attention are the big draws here. Mindy's relentless drive and hope to fulfil her impossible dream of becoming Dave's 11yo girlfriend and lover are both disturbing and endearing. She's got such tenacity that I can't help but admire her character. On the future of Mindy and David's relationship, the author has as much as said that
    nothing will be happening between them until she's at least 14,
    which reduces the squick factor.

    The pacing of the story is perfect for showing Mindy's character growth, but also painfully slow considering that we're 69 chapters in and she's just celebrating her twelfth birthday. The fic started with her being 11 and intends to end at 14 or later. It's covered maybe 6 months so far.

    It's a great, light-hearted read. Once I started, I didn't stop. 5/5
     
  6. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    Her wet dreams did creep me out. Even if I had equally vivid ones around the same age.
     
  7. Fenraellis

    Fenraellis Minister of Magic

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    I halfway forgot that you were male, considering the correlation and a glance at your avatar.(before my eyes flickered down just a bit more to your gender as confirmation)

    Anyway, I'm about thirty chapters in at the moment, and enjoying it quite a bit. yak gave a pretty nice synopsis of the idea of the story.

    Edit:
    Finished up to the current seventy chapters, and put it on my alerts for now.
     
    Last edited: Sep 25, 2011
  8. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm currently reading it. While the age thing is a bit squicky, the worst thing by far was finding out that the author was a male. Really thought it was a chick lol.

    29 Chapters in so far, and enjoying it. It's lighthearted and... nice. Hope it stays that way.
     
  9. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Fuck you. It's 5:40 AM. I should be in bed, but I'm reading this. It's great. It's really well done, and I'm pretty impressed by Mindy's characterization. I'm not bothered at all by the age thing, though (they aren't doing anything, I don't see this dissolving into porn, and it serves a purpose anyway) so I suppose your mileage may vary.

    5/5
     
  10. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    The same thing happened to me. S'why I recommended it. I lost about... three, maybe four hours of sleep.
     
  11. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Chief Warlock

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    Yup, same thing here too.
     
  12. Castiel

    Castiel Headmaster

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    I don't know whether to say thank you or FUCK YOU!

    I realized I had yet to see the movie, something I very much regretted after watching the awesomeness. I saw the movie (had the DVD) at about 11 PM, ended at around 1 PM. Then read the story the entire story till morning. And was half sleeping in school...

    So, yeah, FUCK YOU!
     
  13. Kari Black

    Kari Black DA Member

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    I loved Kickass, but this is the first fic of it I've read. It was fucking awesome. I love the way he writes Hit Girl. And yes, 11-12 year old girls do have sexual thoughts and dreams like that. I know I did.
     
  14. Innomine

    Innomine Auror Prestige DLP Supporter

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    So, finally finished this. Definitely wasn't something I felt like reading all in one go, but also something I found to be worth finishing. I didn't find it incredible, but it was definitely a fun light hearted feel good fic. it does the job it's set out to do quite well.

    Would be nice if there was some conflict in the fic atm though, right now it's nothing but a description of a preteens life. And I ended up skipping the squicky preteen sexual thoughts. They may be natural to some degree, but I still don't really want to read them. Especially weirds me out as it's a guy writing it.

    Either way, it's a 3.5/5 for me, rounded up to four.
     
  15. Makokam

    Makokam Muggle

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    Well well well. This just made my day.

    First, I want to thank Cxjenious for recommending my story and for the review. Well, I actually want to thank all of you for your reviews. Especially Yak. I liked his so much I actually considered modifying the summary to include it.

    Now, i wanted to respond to some of the comments made...

    Well, I guess I'll just start by addressing Mindy's fantasies/the age thing in general.
    I see Mindy as having been raised in a way that leaves her with one foot in adulthood and the other in childhood. She is still very much a child in many ways, but she believes herself to be as much an adult as Marcus. So, in her mind, she sees no reason why she shouldn't be able to be with Dave and the only obstacle is him not looking at her that way. Well, and Katie and Riley. After all, if she can kill a dozen men why can't she have sex?
    As for her fantasies, I thought they were all fairly PG-13 at most. All of the one's I've written haven't gone further than kissing(I actually re-wrote a scene just to make it clear that even in her fantasies the clothes were still on). In fact they all end at the moment skin to skin contact is made because her brain just doesn't know how to process the sensation.
    I guess you could say that she subconsciously realizes she's not ready for this sort of thing, which is something that will come up frequently as the story progresses.
    But then again, it wouldn't be PRECOCIOUS if she wasn't thinking thoughts she was too young for.

    However...

    I can't say I have a problem with these reactions. In fact, they're almost the point. While there are a lot* of people who do want to see sweet and fluffy moment between Dave and Mindy, this was never intended to be that kind of story. This IS an awkward sort of story. It's a story about an 11-14 year old girl that was raised to be a killer that has a crush on a boy who is 5 1/2 years her senior. How could it not be?

    But then, as Kari Black said...
    I did in fact question my female friends about this sort of thing, and afterwards decided that Mindy thinking this way wouldn't just be a plot point, but fairly normal.

    And as Styx0444 said
    They aren't, it won't, and it is the common thread tying this all together.

    And on a final note, I'm just working with what I've got. If Mindy had been 18 this story would have been over by now.


    Now...
    What's with the double standard? Most writers for page and screen are male, so many, if not most, female characters, be they excellent or trite, are written by men.


    Tell me about it. Every time I think I'll be able to skip some time I end up writing every day of the flipping week.

    Actually, It's covered almost 9 months. The story started at the beginning of September and the next chapter will be during the first week of June.
     
  16. Cxjenious

    Cxjenious Supreme Mugwump

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    I, and probably all the other's, understand why she has her fantasies and such... but they still creep me out, because she's 11.

    And I don't think it's a double standard, so much as it's kind of scary that a man can write a little girl so convincingly, however different she is from the norm notwithstanding.
     
  17. Luckylee

    Luckylee Top 1 Percent Prestige

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    Probably exchanges notes/ideas with Vash.
     
  18. Makokam

    Makokam Muggle

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    Ah. I'll take it as a compliment then. :D

    And no, I have no idea who "Vash" is, let alone exchanged notes/ideas with them.
     
  19. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Welcome to DLP. :awesome

    If there's anything in my review that you'd like to use, feel free. No attrib required.

    This explains a lot about Mindy's character. I suppose I understood most of it subconsciously, but it helps to have it spelled out.

    What concerns me about Mindy isn't her physical immaturity so much as her emotional immaturity. She holds Dave up on this almost unimpeachable pedestal. As long as she holds a torch for Dave and refuses any other romantic relationships, she's going to eventually begin a romantic relationship with a much older, flawed, boy and be woefully inexperienced and under-prepared for it. Or so it seems right now.

    Mindy might learn some home truths vicariously through her girlfriends' and Dave's experiences and failures with love, but that isn't the same as living it yourself. Mindy tends to distance herself from her girlfriends' relationship woes as though they're beneath her and not her concern so I'm not sure how much she's learning from it anyway. Mindy doesn't seem completely inadequate in that area. She does have a jaded, world-weary outlook on love... but it's always on other people's love. She doesn't tend to apply those same standards to herself, and nor would I expect her to.

    Is Mindy going to get herself a discardable boytoy, or series of them, or maybe even someone serious, before she hooks up with Dave? Stay single and waiting? Kill Riley with a death glare? Is she going to feel insecure that she might not be a good kisser? Mindy's a rather impatient person, but she's been remarkably patient so far in waiting for Dave to "see" her. There are a lot of different paths that Mindy's development might take, and I'm going to enjoy reading it. Just as interesting will be seeing Dave's development and acknowledgement of Mindy's feelings, albeit through her eyes. I'm unsure whether he's completely oblivious of her feelings at this stage, or is treating her like a kid sister with a crush.

    Best to let sleeping dogs lie, I think. Vash is a mod here who goes by different nicks. If you want to read his brand of pornographic depravity, there is some over here.
     
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2011
  20. Castiel

    Castiel Headmaster

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