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Abandoned Room Of Requirements by Fission25 - NC17

Discussion in 'Restricted Section' started by MysterioX, May 18, 2007.

  1. Fission25

    Fission25 Guest

    Thank you for pointing out the mistake with the spelling of the Room of Requirement, I just changed the title at Ficwad and will change it in the story itself later, probably tomorrow or Tuesday. My copies of the HP books are actually packed away in a box somewhere so I didn't even realize I misspelled it until a reviewer posted a link to this thread. Let me know if you see any other major problems and I'll fix.

    I don't use a beta tester for the story and I know my grammar and spelling are not the best, though they've improved greatly since my story a few years back.

    I just finished writing the first half of the next chapter, the first DA meeting. I'm not sure how many people on DLP will like the story, but I can tell you a little bit about what I have planned.

    Harry will no longer trust, like, or depend on Dumbledore, the teachers, most the Order and the Weasley's. Ginny is the only Weasley that he'll get along with, but she'll also be completely different from Cannon; independent to a fault, aggressive and, at times, borderline dark. He won't be completely independent, though he will start to think for himself some. Mostly he'll depend on other friends, specifically the girls in his life to help him become more of a man and less of a whiny kid.

    Some of the changes he'll go through will probably be disliked, specifically those making him a bit more sensitive and considerate to the females around him, but the vast majority of the changes should be welcomed here as he'll actually grow a backbone and stand up for himself and what he believes in.

    It'll be decently slow for the next 3 chapters as he learns the power of the Room of Requirement and starts to see changes in himself. Thankfully Umbridge, Snape, and the Ministry will come along and force him to change faster.
     
  2. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    I have a couple idea's you might enjoy doing (as a couple of these aren't done too often), like getting Snape sent to prison for mind-raping Potter and using Legemency illegally (and getting his teaching licence banned). Of course his inheriting Potter vaults should be one (I'm sure you probably already had that in mind). As for the Weasley's...I really don't think the twins would back-stab Harry since he started their business, I like the twins anyway. And Potter shouldn't put up with Granger either if she starts having hissy fits. I'll read the story when I can, I haven't yet, but these are just little ideas you could use at some point.

    Richard.
     
    Last edited: May 20, 2007
  3. slasheh

    slasheh Seventh Year

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    since we have you here for feedback i'll post a few more lines to actually be constructive.
    First of all i'd recommend getting the plot moving a bit faster. during the first chapter i thought it was a pure smutfic so i didn't really pay much attention to the plot, but from your post it seems you actually want to write a story. In that sense you should probably start moving, otherwise you will loose your readers.
    Your writing is decent, but aside from Harry there is not much characterization (sp?) yet. For that you have more time, but you should probably focus on one or at max 2 females for now, and bring out some details of their character in your fic.

    If you have the time i'd go back and edit the first and second chapter to move the plot along, but maybe that is just me.
     
  4. canoncansodoff

    canoncansodoff First Year

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    Too much grief over what might not be a spelling error/typo in the first place.

    This is not a case of spelling a canon character's name wrong, like Voldimort or Parvarti. It is possible that the author chose to use the plural on purpose...(i.e. Harry has different, multiple "requirements" for the room).

    I doubt it, but it's possible.
     
  5. canoncansodoff

    canoncansodoff First Year

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    I see the author has posted a note that the plural wasn't intentional. My bad.

    EDIT: Before the flames start flying, I was trying to edit the original post rather than create a new one.

    Sorry for the newbie mistake.
     
  6. Fission25

    Fission25 Guest

    Just posted Chapter 3, take a look and let me know what you think.

    The story did start as just a quick little smut-fic, but I found I actually liked the idea and worked on it a bit more.

    Fred and George, and the rest of the Weasley's won't actually back-stap Harry, he just won't trust them. Personally I'm making this him be a bit angry with the twins for not visiting over summer. They knew quite well that he was pretty much begging for information from his friends, and where his house was, since they visited after first year, would it've been that difficult to take 30 seconds and apparate over to him. Especially since Harry gave him 1000 galleons, can't remember the conversion but I think that's like $10-12000, only a few weeks before. Basically giving them the means to start making their dream come true.

    The characterization will mostly be Harry and Hermione to start, with one or two other characters changing each chapter. Eventually Tonks and a few of the other girls will also center themselves around Harry.

    Hermione, while still prone to a few moral hissy fits, will actually wise up a bit and become one of, if not the, most loyal friend.

    Fission
     
  7. Drajjen

    Drajjen First Year

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    Though, I don't post hardly at all on this site, I have been a member for a very long time now. I feel the need to at least give the author cudo's for comming here and taking some advice.

    So thanks Fission, for comming. Alot of people here have forgoten how to give a decent review, and would prefer just to flame, and nitpick. And while I agree that both of those are needed at times, your fic didn't deserve it.

    As far as I am conserned the plot is moving along nicely, and with chapter three we could actually see at least some sort of change in harry, or at the very least him thinking about changing. If it takes three or four more chapters for him to really start changing, so be it. Truly if you would of had him change right off the bat, you would be getting flamed from a whole different set of folks on this site, saying it was rushed. So my advice is to go at your own pace and do what you want with the story, as it's yours.

    Although, I will warn you now, you will not get much help with anything here if you turn Ginny into a major character for your fic (this includes me as well). I realize you said it will be a different Ginny, but I can promise that most folks here hate her with a passion no matter what incarnation she takes (again, this includes myself).

    Being a little more sensitive to the females around him is all fine and good, but if you let them basically run Harry's life, i.e. he runs to them with all his questions, you will be doing no more than creating a different kind of emo Harry, and that is something that would be dissapointing.

    All that being said, I will still try to give you constructive reviews on ficwad, as one post here a year is basically my limit :)
     
  8. X-Man

    X-Man Second Year

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    Bump.

    Reason for the bump is easily simplified by three words: Hot Lesbian Action!
    Yes my friends between Marietta and Cho.(Gets a lil weird at the end though.)

    Theres also a lil Harry/Angelina action going on but its a lil bit angsty.
     
  9. Stalicon

    Stalicon High Inquisitor

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    I can't access the chapter, can you give me a direct link? Otherwise it sends you back to the front page. :(
     
  10. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    The story actually gets better.

    Although one thing that I don't like is that Angelina notices signs of love from Harry. We still aren't sure from Harry's POV, but still...they are a bit discouraging.

    Harry and Hermione beating the entire DA was well done. Probably one of my favorite scenes during the story. It was action, simple and not too complex-action. Better than sitting through pages of details about a battle.
     
  11. Stalicon

    Stalicon High Inquisitor

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    Never mind, I got it by going through the reviews for chapter four. Here's the direct link so the rest of you who have problems won't have to mess with it.

    http://www.ficwad.com/story/85570
     
  12. Memory King

    Memory King Order Member DLP Supporter

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    I wasn't sure about this story in the beginning, but it has grown on me quite a lot. It was very enjoyable to read, and the Quidditch game was a lot of fun. The biggest downside is the infrequent updates. Still well worth reading, so it gets 5/5 from me, if only because of the lack of good NC-17 fics.
     
  13. haroon_angel

    haroon_angel Fourth Year

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    I have added this Fanfiction on my Favourite List but I don't think This Plot is going to improve in Future.
     
  14. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I personally believe that this Fic has incredible amount of potential. However, as long as the author does not turn Harry into a Super power/Sex God Harry. This is because it is lot more interesting seeing a normal teenager muddling through lots of sexual encounters. Good luck and keep up the chapters!
     
  15. King Dimension

    King Dimension First Year

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    Awesome story.. I can't wait to see what happens when the antagonists show up more. And yes! A normal Harry--comparatively speaking. Happy New Year!
     
  16. Kamille Bidan

    Kamille Bidan Squib

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    Something's wrong on my end, I think. I click the link, and end up at the Ficwad Mainsite for some reason or another. And it's not any of the other links that do it to me, just this one.
     
  17. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Ficwad is dying. That said, the link is probably of an old format which then routes you to the front page. I would try googling the story to get into it.
     
  18. Oz

    Oz UNQUESTIONABLY THE MOST HETERO MAN IN THE WORLD Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Ficwad has been dying for years - cancer slowly corrupting its codebase. That said, here is the link. It's been a long time since I read it, but I'd give it a 3/5. Fairly average, but it has a few lulzy moments from what I recall (Harry trying his best to make Ron perform better at Quidditch so he'll get some action from Angelina made me lol).
     
  19. Kamille Bidan

    Kamille Bidan Squib

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    Thanks. Though I was able to circumvent the other two links by using the author link instead, this helps.
     
  20. Warheart

    Warheart Sixth Year

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    That picture gives a whole new meaning to the female sockets.