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Abandoned Stained Future by Master Slytherin - T

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by Master Slytherin, Aug 20, 2006.

  1. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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    I hope that answers your question :p

    As for his family life not being perfect - why shouldn't it? Tha's what I asked myself when I was thinking of his family life. It'd be too easy to have a lovey-dovey perfect family but I'd feel fake writing it and I'm sure it'd read fake as well. Plus, how many perfect families are there? Sirius is a teenager - he has a lot to learn.
     
  2. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    Your a good man, for keeping it real. Now my next question is why is this fic still here?
     
  3. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    I'd give this an "O".

    Definitely.

    This chapter captured the arguement between teenager and father perfectly, and I like how Harry isn't getting a "happily ever after." The writing was top-notch, like always, so update soon, and maybe I'll critique your plot. Who knows?

    Keep it up, update soon

    P.S. I loved Nob. I look forward to more of him in subsequent chapters. Nob++

    P.P.S. I think that it's library time for this fic...
     
  4. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    I think you have a good character in harry for the most part but it seems like his soul and personality are a bit more unhappy than they should be. I understand losing your wife but 3 and a half years is enough he needs to find some happiness somewhere. The only complaint i have is nob. i kinda find him annoying..
     
  5. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Great start, i love the way you have made dumbledoor, anti dark arts to the point of being finatical. I think that you have captured the conflict between parent and teen very well, espicially considering the circumstances you have going on in your story. Hopefully you will have nob adjust to his new life or not talk as much because i did find it a bit annoying, but still a great story.

    keep up the great work, and lets move this to the library
     
  6. Brooklynight

    Brooklynight Seventh Year

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    I liked it. The only complaint that I have is that the whole thing escpecially the second chapter seemed rushed. It had me going WTF for a while but its still a great story. Maybe in future chapters you could pay a bit more attention to the characterization of Harry. He's a dark wizard hunter that seems to be respected all around the world yet dosn't seem to be able to control his own son. I'm not saying that its a bad scenario just that you could put more detail into it.

    I'm anxious to see how you're going to do Harry/Gab, I love the ship but there are so few readable fics with it.

    Great job overall.
    4.5/5
     
  7. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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  8. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    Loved it, and Im glad that you skipped a couple more years, instead of having Ron show up the day after Pascal left with the bad news.
     
  9. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    I like it. Rons stupid if he thinks he can keep Harry from finding out Dumbledore is crazy.

    4/5 Update soon.
     
  10. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    4.5/5 so far Harry's character frustrates me, mainly because most authors write harry as some shitty perfect character and it's grown on me. Ultimately your characterization is better but it still pisses me off to a degree. I really hope you were talking out of your ass on FF.net. If there are people out there who don't wanna review your story. Fuck'em. I haven't read your reviews but wouldn't you rather have 100 good reviews than 500; Great storee updat sooon plz!!!!!!1? Don't let FF get you down, keep up the good work and update soon.
     
  11. IndoGhost

    IndoGhost Dark Lord

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    Keep Writing. Other then that I love the chapter. The only problem I have is that harry is smoking cigarette...They taste like shit...he should be smoking cigars. :p
     
  12. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    The only thing about cigars is that they aren't really as portable as cigs are. Cigars you smoke to enjoy with friends. Cigs you smoke in a more stressed out situation.
     
  13. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    After thinking about the latest chapter, I have come to the conclusion that Harry thought of Pascal when Ron talked about the Dark Lord way to early. Why didn't the thought that Voldemort may have come out of hiding appear before this? It just doesn't make much sense to me. Ron says a new Dark lord, but Ron also thinks that Voldemort is dead...
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2006
  14. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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    Harry has studied Voldemort for years and years. If Voldemort was back, he'd want the whole damn world to know. My analysis of Voldemort is that he's an attention seeker. The Dark Marks in the sky, changing his name, always having elaborate speeches before tring to finish Harry off... Also, Voldemort isn't crazy enough to mass murder muggles. Also, Harry knows that Pascal a) wants to hurt him in any way possible and b) get as many fresh bodies for experimenting on. This all leads to one conclusion in Harry's mind: Pascal is behind the attacks.

    Thank IP for that - he fixed up the time frames big time.

    A few issues:

    1. I was NOT begging for reviews last chapter. I sincerely thought that only a handful of people were interested in the fic. I'm not gonna go all airy fairy and say I write for my own personal pleasure - if it was personal, I wouldn't post it for the whole world to see. I post it because I want others to enjoy it and if no-one's enjoying it, I wouldn't bother myself with it. For me, the thrill of fanfiction is waking up in the morning to an inbox full of reviews saying they loved it or that I need to work on something. If most other authors are honest with themselves, that's how they feel too. However now that I know people are actually interested, the show's back on the road.

    2. Sirius Potter. A lot of people are pissed off with him or want to punch his face in, etc. For me, that's a rather high complement. It means I've got you aborbed into the fic and feel empathy. There will be a resolution between Sirius and Harry (it'd be bad story-telling if there wasn't) but it won't come for some time. You've got to understand that Sirius being a wayward teenager is absolutely integral to the plot.

    3. Harry will not be down in the dumps for much longer. Once he gets back into the wizarding world and either rekindle or get closure on his old friendships, things will look up.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2006
  15. Master Slytherin

    Master Slytherin Headmaster

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  16. Dark Lord Rostam

    Dark Lord Rostam Button La Famiglia Midknight

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    Outstanding.

    The meeting between him and the minister was great. So, he has a panther, and a panther saved him when Pascal took him. Interesting.
     
  17. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    Great, i'd love to know the motives of some of these characters. This chapter had a few spelling and grammar errors, most notably you spelled doing wrong. But no ones perfect, update soon..
     
  18. Fuegodefuerza

    Fuegodefuerza Minister of Magic

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    I enjoyed it, but I thought that the conversation between the Board and Harry should have been more dynamic. The way you wrote it sounded like a grocery list. Good chapter over all, though.
     
  19. Mage

    Mage Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Heres my review from ff.net.

    Great Chapter yet again. I still think Ron's an annoying twat but i guess he's needed. I never get tired of Harry beating Malfoy, so good work on that count. The minister looks like he's going to be an interesting character, great job of describing him.

    Some people may hate sirius, but i think he's probably your best character. His relationship is just what a teen-father should be considering all the shits that happened to him and his dad. The only thing that was out of character was him thinking ahead for hogwarts. I have to guesses about what happened, either hes been hiding his talents, or maybe but less likely he and the minister have some ties. Keep up the good work.
     
  20. Randeemy

    Randeemy Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Loved it. I read the first chapter when you released it a while back, and now I have just caught up. Keep writing it. Even if it is just for me.. It is a young fic that seems to have direction, is free from cliches and has some good plots..
     
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