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WIP The Birth of a Nightmare Man by Tiro - M

Discussion in 'Trash Bin' started by Armani, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. Armani

    Armani Second Year

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2015
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    Location:
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    Title: The Birth of a Nightmare Man
    Author: Tiro
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Dark Arts
    Pairings: None
    Summary: How did Harry Potter become a feared lord from ancient times?
    Here we will see the start of it.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11131988/1/Birth-of-a-Nightmare-Man



    Though overall, I like the story, I don't like how Dumbledore is portrayed as a mindless old man that just put Harry in Azkaban for THINKING that Harry still had a piece of Voldemort in him after the war. I also don't like how Dumbledore seemed to take all the credit and praise from the Ministry when Harry was pushed to the side and forgotten about.
    I do like how George cared for Harry though. I did not like it when Dumbledore decide to kill Harry, for again, THINKING that he was Voldemort.
    Also I think that Harry transitioned from nice and kind Harry to killing machine Harry when a major character death happened. Overall though, nice portrayal of a Dark!Harry.

    I would say a nice 4/5
     
    Last edited: Sep 15, 2015
  2. TMD

    TMD High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    This story is shit. No rating because I dropped it after chapter 1. I skipped ahead to the current chapter though, it apparently becomes edgelord!Harry
     
  3. Download

    Download Auror ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    As TMD said, it's pretty awful. I couldn't read the first chapter so I shouldn't rate
     
  4. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter ⭐⭐

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    Found myself struggling to even skim through the first chapter. Nothing caught my interest so I didn't continue.

    Didn't read enough of it to rate.
     
  5. S1234567890m

    S1234567890m Third Year

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2014
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    Skimmed the first chapter, it didn't really grab me.

    The dialogue has a problem with talking heads.
    Several of the plot points I personally dont like. - Evil Albus, etc
    Too little description in the scenes.

    Fairly average.
     
  6. Lord_Frost

    Lord_Frost Squib

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2015
    Messages:
    7
    Its a pretty cliched story, has the classic evil ooc Dumbledore and Harry who is evil and ooc after the first chapter instead of having him slowly decline into insanity and evilness from being in azkaban. I couldn't read past the first chapter.
     
  7. M.L.

    M.L. Groundskeeper

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    Beyond the Pale
    I exited when the dementors started nursing Harry to health. I mean seriously, the dementors.

    1/5
     
  8. Giovanni

    Giovanni God of Scotch

    Joined:
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    Rating 1/5 for voting purposes.

    Since I currently feel horrible, I decided to wade into a fic that I knew in my heart would be even worse. Normally, I love being right -- but not today. As Leo Tolstoy once wrote at the beginning of Anna Karenina: All shitfics are the same, each readable fic is readable in its own way. Now that we've seen Tolstoy's great opening, let's examine the opening of today's shitfic:

    This sort of sentence is the clearest sign that our opening chapter is bound to be a stage-setting info-dump.

    Oh joy, this will be an info-dump conducted in the passive voice. The sentence is also one of the rare few in want of an exclamation mark, but our author appears to have avoided it in order to avoid murdering irony. This displays the canny sort of literary self-preservation that makes me want to keep reading.

    Alas! I spoke too soon. What I'd interpreted in sentence two as literary self-preservation, I now know to be general ignorance of the basic mechanics of writing. Exclamations in the passive voice? You may as well rite liek dis.

    * * *

    I could keep going. I could talk about how Dumbledore's plan to have Harry die fighting Voldemort doesn't work, and so Dumbledore throws him in Azkaban instead (inexplicably with all his possessions but his wand.) I could talk about how George is suddenly Harry's only friend, Ron and Hermione betray him, Ron gets her pregnant, and then they get married. I could even mention how Harry somehow befriends the Dementors and has one of them wake up George to get George to come by to shoot the shit for the 20th time.

    Or I could just encourage you to read Chapter 1 where all of those things happen. I really shouldn't do that though, as Chapter 1 is awful and the writing does not improve.
     
    Last edited: Sep 29, 2015
  9. basium1

    basium1 Second Year DLP Supporter

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    Figured I'd point out that this fic is the prequel to this:

    https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10182397/1/The-Nightmare-Man

    The linked fic came first and is finished, but I wouldn't even almost recommend it to suit the needs of DLP.
    It featured a fanboy!Voldemort
    a few kidnapped children
    light bashing in the stereotypical sense
    Snape in a positive light
    ...
    ...
    ...
    The list goes on
    I read it as a time waster but you can read it at your own risk. ;)
     
  10. Paradise

    Paradise Paraplegic Dice DLP Supporter

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    Makes me feel slightly ill reading it. Harry is basically a Gary-Stu and just becomes sooooo powerful its not funny.

    Did not read enough to rate

    Side note: Whats up with the fucking dementors. The fuck????
     
  11. Kinser

    Kinser Fourth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2008
    Messages:
    111
    Okay, I've read this to the latest chapter. Yes I managed to get past the first chapter which was utter shit, but something about the Harry-George dynamic attracted me. I thought at first it could possibly be some slash (and I have a weakness for slash--yes I know that opinion is not popular at DLP but I'm a gay guy and I like slash when its done right--and not done by some 12 y/o female virgin).

    The writing style leaves much to be desired. There is passive voice all over the place, including the use of an exclamation point with a sentence written in passive voice. However, that could be because the writer is not familiar with English, there are other signs that indicate that may be the problem (subject-verb agreement among them) but I'm not a grammar nazi so as long as it doesn't look like it was written by a monkey smoking crack I can plow through most shit.

    Over all the main problem with the story have been discussed here...the clueless dumbledore, the "just snapped" evil!Harry, and the weird dementor thing. I don't get that at all and it is never explained.

    However, this story is clearly in the mediocre category. I rate it 2/5 though I will likely continue to read it, and I'll probably be reading the story it is a prequel to.
     
  12. Poytin

    Poytin The Arby's Hipster DLP Supporter

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    I read both fics in this 'series'. Both of them are trash. The stuff you guys are asking about are answered in the original fic. So it wants you to read that one to get stuff in the prequel.

    1/5
     
  13. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman DLP Supporter Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
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    Ohhhhhhhh.... this is gold... after all these years... a new Azkaban!Harry. It's exactly the kind of story I really, really enjoy posting on irc.

    It has almost all the awesome elements of a classical Azkaban story. Some spoilers:

    - Dumbledore betrayed Harry
    - Dumbledore arranges for Harry to be imprisoned in Azkaban without a trial
    - Dumbledore tries to get his hands on Harry's vaults while Harry doesn't even know he has more than one
    - Dumbledore tries to pair him off with Ginny
    - Most Weasleys plus Hermione betray Harry
    - Molly Weasley tries to poison Harry
    - The remaining Twin supports Harry (it could easily be turned into a slash fic)
    - The Dementors support Harry
    - The Goblins kind of support Harry


    Scenes like these make it one of the marvels of the genre:

    Albus Dumbledore was a stubborn man, Harry concluded. He sent numerous letters, apologizing and urging Harry to do the right thing and meet with him and the Order again.

    Then he made it sound like all was already forgiven, and events the two of them could attend together to show the magical world their hero was back. He sent dates and times, and of course George could come to, the more the merrier!

    Harry started reading the letters, if only to have fun at them. Some were coated in potions to make Harry fall prey to the subtle orders in the written words, like that he should immediately go to Albus and pledge his loyalty to the man, or that he should invite Ginny out for a date. They were the perfect couple, and naturally Harry should help getting Molly Weasley out of Azkaban, because she was a sweet lady and wonderful mother.

    Or this:

    It would be a great loss to the magical world to lose the last Potter and their ancient blood, but Harry did this to himself. Had he only been patient and stayed at Azkaban Dumbledore would have arranged everything for him, including marriage to Ginny Weasley. Harry could have lived a calm, sheltered life like he always wanted to.

    The violence and gore mentioned in the summary doesn't seem to be that explicit - at least for now Tiro can still learn from authors like Vorlon666


    All in all it is a great ressurection of a long dead genre. I recommend it to all indy!Harry and Azkaban!Harry fans out there.
     
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