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Complete The Birth of Evil by DisobedienceWriter - T

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Palver, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    1,163
    Location:
    At your mothers house
    So that's what SIYE is.........I think I'll go and get a start on my drinking now.....
     
  2. Garret P.I.

    Garret P.I. Backtraced

    Joined:
    May 30, 2007
    Messages:
    420
    Location:
    Seattle, WA.
    Meh,

    Too much telling, not enough showing.

    Equal parts good and bad as far as I'm concerned. A decent fic but not exceptional.

    2.5 to 3 out of 5
     
  3. Lucullus

    Lucullus High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2007
    Messages:
    575
    Location:
    Classified
    An overly-powered, invincible Harry that can make no bloody mistakes whatsoever in everything he does? No fucking thanks.

    1/5
     
  4. High Lord Petrakon III

    High Lord Petrakon III Squib

    Joined:
    May 9, 2007
    Messages:
    5
    Whoa. awesome read.
     
  5. runghen23

    runghen23 Squib

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2008
    Messages:
    9
    It was a good summary but could have been a great story. It has been shortened too much and few of the juicy bits are given. With proper development of the storyline this could become one of the best manipulative Harry story out there
     
  6. Vegemeister

    Vegemeister Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 3, 2007
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    260
    Location:
    Texas
    It's pretty good, but for a story called "The Birth of Evil," it is distinctly lacking in evil.
     
  7. 007_rock

    007_rock DA Member

    Joined:
    May 16, 2007
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    158
    Location:
    Cochin
    A nice light read which made me finish it in one sitting, but the ease with which Harry was able to do whatever he wanted irked to no end. Even if he was supremely powerful its just impossible to carry on without atleast a few major setbacks...

    And how a mere first year was able to control to adult wizards (including the Occlumency "master" Snape?????) is just bullshit.

    He was able to change the parchment from goblet without slightest effort... You mean all other people who waited for results was just plain stupid???? Anyone of the Slytherins could have easily become champion if it was so easy...

    I am not even going to go into how stupid it is when a fifth year student holds a secret meeting to discuss the fate of governments in a lot of countries with ideas of improvement of politics..... Who in their right mind would give a damn to a mere kid???? It would have been a bit more believable if he was atleast a Tri-wizard champion, but......

    All in all not very good, but as it is a one-shot, it gets a bit of a leeway.....
    2/5
     
  8. PapaMidNite56

    PapaMidNite56 Second Year DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2007
    Messages:
    73
    Location:
    Louisiana
    This was a good manipulative!Harry story. I usually like all of DW's works, but the fact remains that it was way too easy.

    3/5
     
  9. Tseeteli

    Tseeteli Muggle

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2016
    Messages:
    2
    High Score:
    0
    The writing was good. I got through the story quickly.

    But I agree with the people who said there was no conflict. Harry just sort of won. And he won after finding an absolutely overwhelming number of advantages.

    I like stories that introduce new or clever twists on existing ideas. Stuff that will stuck with me when I think back on the piece. Unfortunately, I don't know that this had the 'wow' or 'weird' factor that makes some stories really memorable.

    3.5/5 for me.
     
  10. The Pro

    The Pro Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2016
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    Male
    Location:
    Depths of Tartarus
    High Score:
    0
    Bruh... It's been 9 years. 9 years. Holy necro.

    Anyways, since I'm here, might as well drop a review along the way.

    I'd read this story some time ago and totally forgot about it. At the time I was unimpressed, and I still am. DisobedienceWriter's talent is that he has great creativity. However, his creativity isn't enough to make a story engaging and actually enjoyable on its own, especially when the story is rife with errors like this one.

    The characterization was absolutely ridiculous. A staple of his stories is super!Harry curb-stomping all the other wizards while outwitting them at every turn. When it gets down to it, Harry doesn't outsmart everyone because he's a genius or preternaturally intellectual. He's capable of outsmarting the others because they're retards, plain and simple.

    DisobedienceWriter nerfs everyone else's intelligence so Harry can seem better. He's incapable of characterizing everyone in an engaging and meaningful way. In so doing, the characters are reduced to caricatures that aren't recognizable. Case in point is Dumbledore. Dumbledore's become an asinine, senile old bastard here. That isn't well done characterization. It's the epitome of juvenile, puerile writing.

    Then there's the writing itself. It wasn't anything special. DisobedienceWriter has a good grasp of the English language. His mechanics are acceptable on a technical level. But... that's all there is to it. Take it away and what do you have? Nothing special, that's what. This story is riddled with basic grammatical errors that just become increasingly annoying each time they occur.

    And then there's the crux of the issue. Harry Potter won because there was no opposition. There's nothing to hook the reader here. There was no conflict. There was no drama. There was no suspense. Harry won simply because everyone else lacked the brain cells necessary to oppose him. That was not entertaining.

    2/5. It's a typical example of the trends in 2008 fanfiction: puerile, amateurish writing.
     
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