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The Brave New World by bellerophon30 - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by ip82, Dec 14, 2005.

  1. Jaypallas

    Jaypallas Squib

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2006
    Messages:
    11
    Location:
    Germany
    I stayed with the story nearly from its beginning and often I wrote Bell harsh critics and he took them ok.
    The most annoying thing (besides his perfect and mousy girlfriend) is Harry himself. He's such a slime arselicker, he is childish and angry and his friends are afraid of him. On lots of similar occassions he behaves like a shithole, and Belerophon makes someone of the otherside behave even shittier just that Harry still manages to look good -> like the quidditch scene where the twins and he played beater. They target one lone chaser so hard that they get penalty shot for it. That is bad sportmansship. And that noone (of the readers) realize what lame tactics they use, Belerophon let a member from the other team slap Harry, that was the only action lamer than Harry's play and only in the text to make Harry look good in comparition.

    Harry drowns in his selfimportance, revels in not-funny-at-all pranks and got sucked up by an coldhearted politician who uses the same methods as fudge.

    Beside that the story was cool^^
    and I'm looking forward to the next story from him.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2007
  2. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2007
    Messages:
    3,947
    It seems as if the story has lost its soul.

    At least it is finally completed.
     
  3. Verminard

    Verminard Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Aug 28, 2007
    Messages:
    280
    I started reading it over and eventually stopped, you pretty much sum up my feelings. Harry is just an ass, and I spent a good part of the story hoping a giant rock would fall on him.
     
  4. [KS18]Raziel44

    [KS18]Raziel44 Card Captored and buttsecksed

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2007
    Messages:
    19
    u read the first few chapters then i skipped to the last one... it was kinda a boring
     
  5. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    Bell has the first five chapters of a new story "as yet untitled", on his ffnet. page. Like the beginning of "brave new world" it was fun to read.

    Your mileage may vary.

    EDIT: "as yet untitled" updated, short chapter.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 16, 2008
  6. Othalan

    Othalan Headmaster DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2007
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    Male
    BORING... Just one painfully stupid plot twist after another. Harry goes to the US, and reading about his life suddenly becomes about as interesting as listening to the grass grow on my front lawn.

    1/5 for lack of any entertainment value whatsoever.
     
  7. Dirk Diggory

    Dirk Diggory Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jan 5, 2008
    Messages:
    249
    It's a reasonably interesting spin on post-war life so far. I'm post-OoTP'd out, so anything not set then gets some bonus points.
     
  8. thapagan

    thapagan High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    "As yet untitled" has been updated, and has a twist that I have not seen in two or three years. I "was like woa, heavy" Haven't seen this in a while.
     
  9. Mirkwood

    Mirkwood Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2008
    Messages:
    260
    Does grass make a sound when it grows? How utterly fascinating.
     
  10. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2006
    Messages:
    1,023
    Location:
    Paris, France.
    Moved to the Recycling Bin.
     
  11. Cy Block

    Cy Block Second Year

    Joined:
    Jul 15, 2008
    Messages:
    55
    Location:
    Clark & Addison
    I remember this. It’s awful. Nothing happens. Nothing at all. And the author was dumb enough to try and make Quodpot real. Here’s a newsflash: Quidditch is utter shit. It would never ever work as a real sport, even if people could fly on brooms. JKR knows nothing about sports and it shows. Here’s the kicker, though: Quodpot is ten times worse than Quidditch. It’s fucking hot potatoes on brooms. You know what all popular spectator sports have in common: Little to no randomness. You know what defines Quodpot? Utter randomness.

    So, nothing happens and the worst imaginary sport ever plays a central role. Obviously this RAWKS! i.e. Since I only ever got about 200,000 words into this 800,000 word abomination I might have missed a lot. I wager that the energy required to finish reading this is about equal to learning an instrument. I opted to do neither. -8 magical trunks with built in transporter beams. -8/20

    P.S.: If you don’t believe me consider this: The story is set close to magical Milwaukee. I have been to the real Milwaukee and it’s more exciting than this. Which is to say, not at all.
     
  12. Noble Korhedron

    Noble Korhedron First Year

    Joined:
    May 16, 2013
    Messages:
    34
    Location:
    Ireland
    I would like to report that this has now disappeared from fanfiction.net; bellerophon30 appears to have deleted all his works, along with his bio; the only remaining parts of his profile are his favourite stories and authors.
     
  13. Sauce Bauss

    Sauce Bauss Second Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 4, 2008
    Messages:
    61
    High Score:
    1411
    I never archived the Almost Recommended section, so I can't be of any help on this one.
     
  14. wordhammer

    wordhammer Dark Lord DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Location:
    In the wood room, somewhere flat
  15. slickrcbd

    slickrcbd First Year

    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    24
  16. Agent

    Agent High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2016
    Messages:
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    High Score:
    0
    10 years after I first read this story, I figured I'd read it again if only because of the lack of anything good to read.

    I will start of by saying that nostalgia is perhaps clouding my critique so it may not be as negative as it should be.

    The main issue with the story is the length. A good editor could probably get rid of at least 25% (If not double that) of the story and it would flow much smoother. It's much better than the alternative where a single chapter is less than thousand words and looks like it was written by a 10 year old.

    The writing is kind of technically sound. It does seem however that Bell has a few bad practices. Such as how characters would have actions in someone else's speaking paragraph rather than their own. Their omniscient point of view however is less omniscient and more like a sports commentary. There were plenty of times where the author used even the phrase "sportsfans".

    Some of the OCs were well done and memorable but that was probably due to just how large the fic was. Most of them had at least one or two characteristics that was enough to differentiate them by.

    What this story really excels at is being a (very large) slice of life type story. It probably wasn't intended to be as such but that's what it seems like to me. Harry's interactions with the OCs are fun to read about and it makes you feel like one of the "gang" (A phrase which is used far too often in the story) although that may just be the friendless loner in me talking.

    The political aspects of the story are also quite intriguing to read about and remind of some of the earlier chapters of Delenda Est. The Dumbledore bashing during the political parts was a bit annoying to read about but I managed to plough through it. Harry's relationship with Rufus seemed a bit like a master and apprentice role which I really like and Travis kind of seemed like an older brother figure.

    The Epilogue always rubbed me the wrong way. Most of it was exposition about events that happened when really an epilogue should be an actual scene.

    Overall, a 3/5 and even I think that that's higher than it should be.
     
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