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WIP The Catalyst by lorien829 - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Atri, Aug 17, 2014.

  1. Atri

    Atri Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2012
    Messages:
    364
    Title: The Catalyst
    Author: lorien829
    Rating: T
    Genre: Romance/Angst
    Status: WIP
    Library Category: Romance
    Pairings: Harry/Ginny, Ron/Hermione, Harry/Hermione
    Summary: A little girl of mysterious origins will become the driving force that will change the very nature of Harry and Hermione's relationship with each other. Moves from canon, disregards epilogue.
    Link:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9753533/1/The-Catalyst


    Well, I stumbled upon this story and thought it worth recommending here. It focuses mostly on how our heroes have grown after the war and their character development. There is no bashing as far as I can see and the motivations of the characters are believable. Nobody is the villain and everyone's justified in feeling the way they do - which is a rarity in the fandom, when authors go for a particular pairing. And the pairing here becomes quite obvious early on.

    The little girl is an OC thrown into the story. Perhaps a bit too mature for her age, though that could be explained by the circumstances surrounding her. The story around her builds some tension that compliments the focus on the character development of the canon cast.

    It's written well, has good grammar and flows smoothly. That said, it might be a bit slow for those of you who like action more - there's not a lot of it here.

    I'm giving it a 4/5. The solid characterization, lack of bashing and believable motivations are the main things that appeal to a reader.
     
  2. A.K.$J6-J5

    A.K.$J6-J5 Seventh Year

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    It looks intreasting
     
  3. Perspicacity

    Perspicacity Destroyer of Worlds ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Lorien829 is a dependable writer whose Harry Potter stories tend toward long, slow-to-develop, H/Hr romances set in a post-Hogwarts world. This story is cut from the same cloth. Overall, it's technically competent writing, though it spends far more time with the love-triangle(s) conflict than the mystery and I found myself getting rather bored by the end. There's just not enough intrigue with the mystery of the child storyline and the predictable H/Hr romance storyline isn't interesting enough to carry the rest of the story. In the end, too much time is spent rehashing Hermione's feelings and their obvious turns of direction that the story comes off feeling sappy and slow.

    Another minor quibble is that the OC child is written inconsistently. She is five, yet her speech alternates between "Hermione at eleven" and "mangling simple words," coming off unauthentic.

    I don't think this story belongs in the DLP Library, though a few might find it readable as a "post-Hogwarts H/Hr best-friends-discover-they're-in-love" guilty pleasure.

    3/5
     
  4. dragovitch

    dragovitch Disappeared

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Lahore, Pakistan.
    3.5/5 for me. The major issues in the story were:

    -Horrible, and I mean horrible characterization of the little girl. It feels like the author has never met a five year old before.
    -Too much time spent of Hermione's feelings and not enough spent of the mystery of the little girl.
    -Ending is extremely predictable.
    -The tempo of the story is ruined because of the unnecessary amount of time spent in the 'love-triangle' part of the story.
    -Ron's character seems like he just time-travelled from fourth year.

    The story can get better depending on what happens in the end, if it turns out to be 'Harry/Hermione fall in love and adopt said child' then it definitely doesn't belong in the library, but, if it turns out to be a good one then it does have a place in the library.

    So, might as well move it for now.
     
  5. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

    Joined:
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    Male
    Read this awhile ago.

    From what I can remember, the daughter isn't exactly a normal little girl, so her characterization shouldn't be what you'd expect from a regular girl. She grew up in a horrible environment and is also psychic, and who knows what else is different about her. Perspicacity got it right when he mentioned the random mangling of certain words just doesn't fit. Either she can pronounce words at an advanced level or she can't. Pick which one and go with it. That was really my only problem with her.

    Ron's characterization, however, was pretty horrible. The author did a much better job with Ginny. A bit more effort would have yielded much better results. He could have remained jealous, sure -- that was fine. But a bit more self control on Ron's part would have been much better than the seemingly still 14-years-old version we have here. There was friction there already in their relationship, as Hermione mentioned. All the author needed to do was build on it a bit more, give it some time, and it would have read much more true. Everything happened much to fast.

    Everything else was good enough that I didn't have any complaints. I rather liked the idea of Harry being a broom designer.

    Edit: Also, I think the Portkey version of this story has an extra chapter.
     
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