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Dead Link The Deception Within by Random Object (Me) - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Random Guy, Aug 28, 2006.

  1. Random Guy

    Random Guy Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
    Messages:
    24
    Title: The Deception Within
    Rating: Mature
    Author: Random Object
    Pairings: Harry/Various
    http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3127692/1/
    Summary: A sly and shrewd Harry Potter was sent to another dimension while he dueled Voldemort. He found himself marooned in a another dimension as a spirit. The situation is further heightened when he is imprisoned inside a person's body. That person is himself.


    Edit by Minion, Dec. 15, 2012
    Dead link is dead. If you know where to find another copy of this story, please inform the library staff
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 16, 2012
  2. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Dec 3, 2005
    Messages:
    512
    Location:
    Berlin
    Come on man! Protego?
    And the battle was too short.... all the training your Harry gone through and he finds himslef trapped in mud.......
    The other Harry is satisfiynig though a bit OOC.
     
  3. CGB

    CGB Auror

    Joined:
    May 7, 2006
    Messages:
    643
    Location:
    Germany
    Interesting start, but a bit short "epic battle". The rest seems OK, but it is a bit early to judge.
     
  4. Random Guy

    Random Guy Raptured to Hell

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2006
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    People tend to make Harry super powerful after only a few years of training. I wanted to make the first Harry powerful, but a flawed. It will be HPB compatible, but rest assured it will be much different.

    Flaws aside, did you guys think the conversation was interesting? Did it feel rushed or illogical? What about the way I explained magic?
     
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2006
  5. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

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    Location:
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    I skipped the part with the magic explanation, the conversation seemed rush and confused a bit.
     
  6. Random Guy

    Random Guy Raptured to Hell

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    Though it is rushed, can you still get the gist of it?
     
  7. Evil Shnitzel

    Evil Shnitzel High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Berlin
    Yeah...It's not that hard you know
     
  8. darklordmike

    darklordmike Auror

    Joined:
    Mar 14, 2009
    Messages:
    617
    Location:
    Where The Lemonade Is Made
    ff.net link no longer works, and there's no sign of author or story from google