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WIP The Half-Blood Romantic by Sophprosyne - M

Discussion in 'Romance' started by Taure, Sep 3, 2017.

  1. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast Prestige DLP Supporter

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    Title: The Half-Blood Romantic
    Author: Sophprosyne
    Rating: M
    Category: Romance
    Pairing: Harry/Fleur? Harry/Ginny?
    Status: WIP, 3 chapters, 33k words
    Summary: There's nobody like her. She's smart, beautiful, and witty. Unfortunately for Harry, she's also engaged. When Fleur Delacour returns to Hogwarts to help prepare for the war against Voldemort, Harry has to manage an uneasy balance between the demands of the war and the demands of the heart. Harry/Fleur during HBP.

    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12627473/1/The-Half-Blood-Romantic

    I picked up this fic fully intending to skim it rapidly and put it down when it inevitably was a pile of trash. Instead I was drawn in by the competent writing and found what is probably the best Harry/Fleur fic in the fandom... if indeed it does turn out to be Harry/Fleur.

    This is an alternate 6th year fic and though I've put the category as romance, it could equally be "general". The focus of the fic is on Harry and Fleur but the story also covers plenty of other material - Harry's friendship with Ron and Hermione, his magical development, Hogwarts daily life, etc.

    The premise is that Bill and Fleur are engaged, Bill has gone abroad and Fleur is left in England. Dumbledore has therefore recruited Fleur to run a duelling club at Hogwarts, and Fleur has in turn recruited Harry as her assistant. If this is going to end up as Harry/Fleur, it is a real slow burn. There's clear chemistry between the two but this Fleur genuinely loves Bill and is committed to him. Further Harry has no intention of breaking them up. The fic is fully embracing the difficulty of getting Harry and Fleur together, rather than trying to find a neat way around it. Meanwhile, Harry also has an interest in Ginny and it's honestly hard to say which way things will go.

    With regards to Fleur's characterisation, the fic has things bang on. Though her beauty is mentioned relatively frequently (as it should be) I don't think the word "Veela" has appeared in the story once. Thank god. The complexity of Fleur's character has also been retained - there's no whitewashing here of the snobby, aloof side of her we saw in GoF.

    The magic in the fic is interesting and largely canon-compliant.

    If the fic continues on its current path, I can see this being a 5/5.

    Edit: I would tag the thread but I can't find how to do it.
     
  2. Jarizok

    Jarizok Seventh Year

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    Added some tags.

    Add/edit tags button can be found directly underneath thread title, above 'Go to first unread'.

    I'll read this now, review incoming.
    --- Post automerged ---
    "Her Veela charm didn't affect him like it did others..." You liar you.
    --- Post automerged ---
    I like it.

    It's mostly interaction so far, but Harry feels right and I really like this Fleur. That said, there's not that much of it yet. I'd like to see some plot to go alongside the characters soonish, but maybe it's not that kind of story?

    As an aside, Slughorn calling Ron 'Weatherby' is just so wrong. It doesn't fit in the story at all and literally had me just tab out for a couple of minutes. Probably just a pet peeve, but come on.

    It's a bit slow, but rather well written. 4/5
     
  3. Fatality

    Fatality Unspeakable

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    I really like what there is so far. Hard to see where the overall plot is going from what there is so far, but it's avoided being a rehash of the sixth book so far and the Harry/Fleur interaction has been great. Definitely one of the more honest fanfiction depictions of Fleur I've seen so far, that doesn't just ignore some of here less flattering traits.

    I'd say 5/5 at the moment but there isn't quite enough to say that definitively. I was looking through the authors favourites and noticed a lot of DLP fics in there so at least they have good taste, I'm optimistic for where this fic is going.
     
  4. Hush

    Hush Sixth Year

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    This was an excellent find Taure, it's also less than two weeks old... how do you even?

    Like everyone else, thirty thousand words from three chapters wouldn't normally be enough to decisively rate the story. However, what is there is so compelling that it's hard to see how the foundations being lain eventuate to anything less than an entertaining experience. It's nice to see a slow build start properly. Fleur is enamored with Bill and Harry doesn't think he eve has a chance so it'll be interesting to see how the situation is resolved.

    The characterisations of the main cast are excellent. As others stated the characters are all depicted as distinctly human. There are no shining examples that the author inserting projections of wish fulfilment. Even if Harry doesn't wind up with Fleur, this probably has the best byplay I've seen from them in a fanfic. I liked how Harry's observation skills are being challenged, at least in social settings. Fleur is opening him up to the realities of how women operate which creates a really interesting dynamic. Especially when you consider how she's potentially equipping him to function in adult relationships, namely the possibility of herself.

    The author seems to be gearing up to equip Harry with some more realistic skill levels compared to what we were shown in canon, but it's not heavy handed. They're also subverting a few expectations of mine from a year six story. Something I'm a bit leery about is how Ron and Hermione are drifting from Harry. This is the one point where I feel the intervention from the author, in order to free up more Harry/Fleur time Ron and Hermione are being sacrificed. This could be the jaded part of me deconstructing the story too much, but it was something that I noticed. *Glass shatters for everyone else*

    The writing is nice and concise, no moments of purple prose. The dialogue is where the story shines. One thing that nagged at me was the editing. A few too many grammatical errors and typos kept popping up. I'd push for them to be more careful proof reading but at this stage I'm more interested in the author getting the story out.

    Overall, great story, keen for more. The optimist in me gives this a 5/5 until something pops up to change my opinion.
     
  5. kira and light

    kira and light DA Member

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    It's really good it's avoding canon rehash, the writting is competent without overly annoying purple prose and I was at no point annoyed at any pet peeve of mine while reading this which is a a real accomplishment since I almost always get a bit annoyed or rolly my eyes whenever I read a fanfic even good ones.

    Harry seems mostly his canon self and is enjoable to read about, he seems far more observant, socially aware and just in general not as dense as canon Harry could be which is a major plus, he also seems more interested in magic and seems on his way to be a competent wizard.

    The other characters especially Fleur are on point as Taure said. Their also seem to be no shortcuts to the relationship I can't see easy excuses like Fleur discovering that Bill cheated on her or some crap like this.

    I am a bit suprised that Taure is believing that their is a way that this will not turn into a Harry/Fleur the whole summary is focused on her it has paring tags and just the way it's written seems to make the pairing inevitable to me even if it will be a slow burn (which is good) it is possible that Harry will date Ginny but it will most certainly be for a short while since he already has some doubts about her.

    It just started so there is no way to tell if it will get more of a plot and how thing will develop but it is promising.

    Next chapter will have Dumbledore excited to see his characterization and hopefully he will take a more active role in mentoring Harry instead of only Riddle history.

    4.5/5
     
  6. Blinker

    Blinker Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    I've enjoyed the first chapter, but am getting slight alarm bells from "I've never heard of anyone getting 10 OWLs" for Hermione (Percy got 12) and "He seemed a little confused, he had been told about Harry's desire to become an Auror but had evidently forgotten at some point" for Ron.

    It makes me dread they are going to end up one dimensional side characters, Brilliant-girl and Dopey-ginger.
     
  7. Gengar

    Gengar Polymagus Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I found it independently of this thread yesterday too. Just gotta search by pairing every so often, lol.

    My favourite parts are the Harry/Fleur scenes, obviously. Other than that, I'm not quite sure why I like it so much.
     
  8. Zel

    Zel Professor

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    Yeah, on the technical aspect it's pretty up there compared to the rest of the fandom. Harry seems over-analytical though. It's great that we have no chest monster and such, but he's a little too self-aware and organized in his impressions, almost like he's making a mental checklist of everyone's character traits. That by itself isn't uncommon; when you start trying to pay more attention to people and your surroundings it's natural to be slow and a methodical on the execution, but Harry was always more of an instinctive guy. More like sudden bouts of inspiration, insights instead of linear conclusions.

    Fleur is spot on. Been so long since I've read the books that it was enlightening to see a closer depiction to canon's. For that and the overall dedication to developing aspects besides Harry and Fleur's relationship, 4/5.
     
  9. Moukaboy

    Moukaboy Fourth Year

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    Aw now i get why Mrs . Weasly didn't like fleur ; the Weasley sweater

    and in honor of my newly acquired edit button i'll brb

    edit ; I like it a lot : the writing is good , the characters' development is definitely believable although i'm a bit scared about Ron , i fear he is gonna be turned into your typical fanfiction Ron but it's too early to judge , i'm really loving Fleur character too which is a bonus since not many ffs use her well
    Something i found weird is Harry didn't mention Sirius yet , specially since Cedric got mentioned , i'm guessing the author is either waiting for a more subtle introduction of it or saving it for later angst
    4/5 from me , maybe 4.5 depending on how well it goes

    @Hush i don't agree , i know two persons irl , they're good friends of mine but they got in a relationship last year and it definitely feels weird for me to be around them now , doesn't help that they're all lovey dovey , i'm still very good friends with them but only on occasions when one of them isn't there
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
  10. Gengar

    Gengar Polymagus Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I can see how crushing hard on a hot, older girl can change you. Especially one you're constantly hanging out with, especially given the nature of their interactions (how she's pointing out the subtleties of his relationships, and his her flaws are constantly being thrown in his face etc).

    At least I can see it enough to buy it.
     
  11. Hush

    Hush Sixth Year

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    I'm not saying it doesn't happen in real life, I think you missed the point of what I was trying to convey. Ron and Hermione aren't openly dating so far, yet they are still ditching Harry for extended periods for alone time and then not even coming up with a decent excuse. Harry is being forced apart from them earlier than he was in canon and I can see him spending more free time with Fleur as a result. This is me seeing intervention by the author. Depending how it plays out will colour how I feel about it overall. At the moment, I'm cautious and wary about this particular situation, like I already said.
     
  12. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

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    I've just finished the first chapter. I'll be continuing on, but...

    A peeve of mine is when authors get details wrong. It jars you out of your immersion for one, and makes me nervous about their overall knowledge of the fandom - exhaustive detail of canon isn't required to tell a good story, but it certainly doesn't hurt. So far it has only been the Weasleys forgetting how many OWLs Percy got, but now I'll be on the lookout for things like that, making it even easier to lose immersion as a reader.

    Dialogue is fairly basic and lacks nuance, as do the character reactions. For example: 'Harry and Ron laughed. Ginny and Mrs. Weasley looked astounded.' Purple prose it ain't.

    Edit: Why the fuck would Slughorn call Ron 'Weatherby'?
     
    Last edited: Sep 4, 2017
  13. why?

    why? Fourth Year

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    Will wait until a few more chapters are out before I read this (still have Snarriet to finish...), but why are people tripping about Weatherby? Has Ron been called that in bad fics before?

    Slughorn likes power. He likely doesn't think much of Ron. He knows it's W-something. Something that sounds like Weasel? Nah, can't be. Probably Weatherby. Binns gets names wrong all the time on account of being apathetic, no?
     
  14. Blinker

    Blinker Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    He calls him Wollenby, and later Wemby, in the film of HBP
     
  15. kira and light

    kira and light DA Member

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    Guys, I think your a bit harsh because of some throwaway lines which will never come up again.

    There probably are only 1% of readers that knew that Percy had 12 OWLS and Slughorn gave Ron all kinds of ridiculous names due to paying him no attention in the books and the movies.

    Besides Barty Crouch called Percy in GOF Weatherby so it's not that strange, the author probably just mixed up Crouch with Slughorn
     
  16. TheWiseTomato

    TheWiseTomato Tactical Tomato DLP Supporter

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    Because it's exactly what Crouch Sr. called Percy and it's not like Weasley to Weatherby is a simple leap, or that Weasley is that difficult of a name to remember. Slughorn also knows exactly who Arthur Weasley is (a man with enough political influence to write his own bills and see them into law) and I'm pretty sure there's a quote by Molly somewhere about how (in her opinion) Horace never invited Arthur to his Slug Club meetings but had come to regret the missed opportunity.

    Beyond that even, he's a close friend of Harry's. If Slughorn is attempting to make a good impression of himself on someone like the Boy Who Lived, he would know the name of one of his best friends.

    Did he ever misname Ron in the books? I never watched HBP and this is the first instance I've seen of Ron being misnamed by Slughorn that I can recall.
     
  17. Kaeling

    Kaeling Squib

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    If I remember correctly he call him Rupert during the incident with the love potion.
     
  18. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    Yeah, Slughorn misnamed Ron a few times. He called him "Ralph" during the love potion incident, and then "Rupert" when he got drunk with Hagrid after Aragog died. It is kind of silly when you think about it. Throw-away lines are always hit or miss, either they're just an offhanded comment added to add some levity to the situation, or they just completely ruin the story (such as referring to Daphne as the Ice Queen out of nowhere, or saying Einstein was a squib). I really think authors should take extra care when using throw-away lines, even if they're based on canon.
     
  19. Plothole

    Plothole Fourth Year

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    I suppose I'll step forward and admit that this story is mine.

    The problems that have been pointed out (lackluster prose, mistaken details, etc.) are all definitely fair. I've had a tendency to overwrite in the past so I've been trying to keep the prose as clean as possible. This is my first novel-length story so if anyone has advice about the parts of my prose that need work I'd be happy to hear them. As for the mistaken details, such as not knowing Percy got twelve OWLs, they're just because my knowledge of canon isn't great anymore. I haven't read the series in years.

    I have no defense for ‘Weatherby.’

    To be perfectly honest, I think it's too early to judge the story. It's about 150k words in total, pre-editing, and there are some significant factors that haven't emerged yet that that could be problematic. I'm still tinkering with it.

    I'm not sure when the next update will be. My connection to FFN is gone because, for some reason, my internet provider while I'm studying abroad has blocked FFN. And porn. Not sure why it's just those two but whatever.

    And yes, Plothole is an awful, awful, nickname.
     
  20. CosmosGravitation

    CosmosGravitation Professor

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    Could you use a VPN? Or post it on a different fanfic site like Archive of Our Own. Or better yet, post it in the Work by Author forum, you'd get some input on those problematic factors you mentioned.