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Abandoned The Inner Eye of Harry Potter by jbern - T

Discussion in 'Humor' started by luckykas, Apr 5, 2009.

  1. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    Jbern's an old guy? On a board of young innocent children? :eek:
     
  2. World

    World Oberstgruppenführer DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Still not as bad as Kinsfire :awesome
     
  3. Hashasheen

    Hashasheen Half-Blood Prince

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    True. I still look over the thread in the Hall of Shame whenever I need a laugh. :awesome
     
  4. scaryisntit

    scaryisntit Death Eater

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    Are we conveniently forgetting the bunch of people who posted normally before Zombie's bitchfest? We must, because aside from those that Andromalius pointed out, everyone posted their thoughts like normal people.

    Just in case you thought you found something to bitch about, you're wrong. Abraxan's are canon. They're what are pulling the carriage that the Beauxbatons students arrive in in GoF.

    Ever heard of the word "coincidence"? Maybe, just maybe, Jbern used an already established magical creature in his fic that happened to be the same as an author who writes H/G soulbond fics.

    ...

    ...

    Na.
     
  5. Blaise

    Blaise Golden Patronus

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    You can get fucked in the ear. I already said I was a fanboy, and I already gave a real review. It doesn't take paragraphs or going line-by-line to convey how much the story sucks. Despite that, you still managed to fuck up because your review (like this story) utterly failed at the attempted humor.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2009
  6. jbern

    jbern Alba Mater

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    Well, I wrote this story to try something different and do a change of pace. If I wanted to write something that really appealed to the masses, I'd write a Harry/Ginny story.

    Chapter 2 was the first chapter written a long time ago. I thought about posting it under a different name to see how it's received. So far, it's been very well recieved (this site aside).

    I didn't expect this story to do well on this site.
     
  7. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I before E except after C, Jim!

    Tut-tut.

    It's not that your fic doesn't appeal to the masses - evidently most of DLP like your fic.

    It's because your story is a Humour/Parody and it doesn't create many laughs.

    Humourfic+nolaughs=Fail.

    Always.
     
  8. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    ... he spelled it right, fruitcake.

    EDIT:
    Never mind. <.< Although I'm fairly sure that was more a case of him just hitting the wrong keys.

    EDIT 2: A marvelous insight, Grub.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2009
  9. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    You hit some, you miss some.
     
  10. Kang

    Kang Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Did I just get called a fruitcake by an FREAKING MAGICAL EGGPLANT???

    What is the story behind that monstrosity?
     
  11. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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  12. darklordmike

    darklordmike Headmaster

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    I'm surprised there's not more snickering at Ginny riding Harry's giant cock in the Chamber of Secrets. At least mildly amusing, no?
     
  13. Inquisition

    Inquisition Canadian Ambassador to Japan DLP Supporter

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    No.

    (filler)
     
  14. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    Wtf? Why is it in the recycling bin when it has 4 stars?
     
  15. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Because of JBern's fa-, no, because of JBern's ha-, no, wait... It had 3.49 when it was moved here.
     
  16. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Because a Mod or Admin put it here based on its 3 star rating.
    Its up to them when they get to moving it back.

    KrzaQ: 3.49 doesn't count, or matter. Three stars is three stars.
     
  17. Bucks

    Bucks Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Humour still isn't working.

    Maa, I honestly think you did better humour in The Lie I Lived, might I suggest you take up that type of humour, this one just seems...Forced. :/
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2009
  18. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    I don't know if I'm expecting it to be a parody so much or totally laugh out loud humor. It reminds of the Happy Red Prince for the weirdo Harry Potter, but in a good way.
     
  19. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    I've not yet voted because the second chapter was only just released. 'Inner Eye' isn't a terrible story; however, it doesn't have the epic qualities that generally make up jbern's work and therefore suffers in comparison.
     
  20. Tinn Tam

    Tinn Tam Review Goddess Retired Staff

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    Eh. First chapter doesn't entice me much. The premise is fairly amusing, even though it's a pity Trelawney suddenly found herself able to make actual predictions. Keeping her as a dramatic fraud and making it work anyway would've interested me more. McGonagall is one of my favourite characters, and she was okay until the "He should be expelled" line. I don't see her ever saying that in such circumstances, even if it's about a student that infuriates her. Harry himself is lacking in... well, liveliness. He's not curious, he's not excited, he's never angry. His mood is always even. It works for a humorous one-shot, but already gets a bit bland after 5k words.

    I'm not a huge fan of the writing either, although it is efficient. I really need more commas though. Especially in dialogue.

    I skimmed through the second chapter. I wasn't much interested.

    Two chapters aren't enough to give an actual vote, but if I had to rate what I've read, I'd say 3/5. It's not my cup of tea, but it certainly doesn't deserve to be deleted.
     
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