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Abandoned Tuebor by hugplx - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Synchro, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Title: Tuebor
    Author: hugplx
    Category: In Progress
    Rating: M
    Pairings: Listed as Naruto/Anko
    Chapters: 8
    Words: 60,352
    Updated: March 3, 2009
    Published: November 3, 2008
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4633723/1/Tuebor
    Summary: He had two friends in the entire world. One betrayed him and the other disappeared. His desire was to always protect those who couldn't protect themselves, but now he's finding it hard to stay motivated, yet still, he remains strong. AU.

    This is totally AU. Only four chapters so far - not a lot of action in the story yet and the telling left a bit to be desired. But I've liked it well enough to rate this 4/5. Naruto's older here than in canon but don't let that put you off. It's done quite well.


    Checked: June 7, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 7, 2012
  2. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    I read the first chapter, and I have to admit the writing is very good.

    He made Naruto older - though I can't really see what the purpose of that was other than to befriend Itachi.

    I have a few concerns and complaints though.

    First, I didn't like the way he portrayed ANBU as secret agents. That's just not how they work. What's the point of disavowing all knowledge of your agent when he's got a fucking Sharingan? Pretty sure only one country has those if you know what I mean.

    ANBU are special forces that serve at the pleasure of the Hokage, but there's no evidence that they operate outside of their home country aside from in the hunter nin role. I consider them more of a Secret Service arm than anything else.

    Next, what is Naruto going to do now that Itachi has gone? He doesn't seem to have any other peers that he can interact with, though I suppose Anko will be entering the picture soon.

    Naruto looked to be using Mokuton in the first chapter, which is definitely strange. I can't really think of an explanation for it unless the author wants to stick it in later. It's the sort of thing, though, that in my mind should be introduced before we see the results. It's kind of a big deal, right?

    I'll continue reading to see where this is going, but aside from the well above average writing I don't see much more to this than a super powerful Konoha!Naruto.

    We'll have to see where it goes.
     
  3. Ksai

    Ksai Third Year

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    Reading your reviews Howdy all I can do is wonder - what would constitute a good fic for you?:p
    Every review you write to the fic that is not yours is just another flame.

    About the story - it was rather good actually. The dialogue between Naruto and Kakashi about Anko was great:p Made me grin in fact.

    The only problem with this story so far is the rather strange first chapter. Not enough of Naruto/Yugito/Itachi interaction. And it was rather rushed for my taste.

    PS
    One of the rare cases of perverted Naruto done correctly.
     
  4. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Well, I'll give Howdy the point about the ANBU. Too many people portray them as some glorified ninja version of the CIA or MI6 when they are basically an assassination unit and perhaps internal security.

    As I said in the first post the telling left a bit to be desired, but I enjoyed the story itself. Yes, this looks like a super!Naruto, but I see no problems with that, considering that he and Itachi are at the same level here. Also pervert!Naruto well done is a bonus...:).
     
  5. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Do you honestly think I'm flaming?

    I just pointed out a few issues I found with the fic. It's not like I rated it a 2.

    Like I said, I'll continue reading to see what happens. I honestly enjoyed the first chapter - I was just expressing some concerns that may or may not be addressed later in the fic that would eventually influence my opinion of it.

    Sorry if I come off overly critical - I'm just a glass have empty type of reviewer. As far as the first chapter went though I didn't see a hell of a lot of sheer original brilliance - not that that's necessary for a fic to be enjoyable.

    ANBU Naruto, Itachi trains/trains with Naruto, Itachi and Naruto friendship, and super!Naruto have all been done about a thousand times along with pretty much every other concept for a Naruto fanfiction.

    It's well written cliche, but it's still cliche.


    Edit:

    Okay, I finished reading the story and have to say that I find it amusing. Maybe it was the more serious tone of the prologue that threw me off, but I'm liking the comedy that this story provides.

    Now that I can see what the rest of the story should shape up to, I'm more willing to let the little things (like the fact that Mikoto was a jounin and that the author completely confused the point of the tree walking exercise) slide.

    The story is looking more like a romantic comedy than the serious "I'm an ANBU that no one likes who is married to his job" crap that these stories usually turn into.

    Easy 4/5 for right now.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2008
  6. ZeroTheDestroyer

    ZeroTheDestroyer Auror

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    Personally if he sleeps with Mikito I would rate this fic 5 out of 5
     
  7. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

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    I liked it. It's not terribly serious, but it's a good lighthearted read so far. Of course from the subject material it's dealing with if can turn darker down the road. The issues Howdy raised are definitely issues but to me they are easily overlooked for the flow of the story. It's not great but fairly engaging despite it. 4/5
     
  8. Shezza

    Shezza Renegade 4 Life DLP Supporter

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    For those who don't know, we got an update for this a couple of days ago. I reviewed him and mentioned offhandly that it'd be interesting to see what Naruto's abilities were and he responded. Naruto has Sage Mode :)
     
  9. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Figured as much from the 'meditation' exercise he was doing in the latest chapter. It's looking pretty good so far, and the OC isn't grating on my nerves, which is pleasantly surprising.
     
  10. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    'sigh'

    So Naruto is a Mokuton Sage god-mode ANBU, then? Before the story even starts?

    Right.

    I guess I'll just have to be thankful that there's no fighting involved in this plot, because by that logic he should already be one of the strongest ninja in the world and the Hokage on top of that.

    What the hell was he doing in fodder ANBU, anyways?
     
  11. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    Probably the same thing Kakashi and Itachi, two ubernin of the series, were doing before the start of it. :)
     
  12. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    Powerful ninja might make a name for themselves in ANBU, but they don't stay there.

    The elite ninja of a village are supposed to be very public and well-known. They are representative of the village's strength.

    I find it absurd that Jiraiya would take on an apprentice (I can only assume this is the case, since Naruto knows senjutsu) and then came back to put on a mask and hide in the shadows.

    He'd be a high profile ninja after something like that, and there'd be no point in assigning him shitty assassination jobs.

    You don't need Sage Mode for that.
     
  13. Synchro

    Synchro High Inquisitor DLP Supporter

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    Valid points Howdy, but they don't detract from the enjoyment methinks. The comic relief is good, I like the way Naruto deals with his team (Sakura in particular) and it looks like there's going to be a mission soon. Also, Orochimaru's plans seem to be lot more valid a threat than canon. So, its looking good in my books.
     
  14. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    All in all I like it. Sure the plot is moving slowly but the comedy makes up for it. Waiting for a few more chapters before I give it a rating.
     
  15. Shezza

    Shezza Renegade 4 Life DLP Supporter

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    Naruto did mention that his fighting style was very distinctive. It's likely he made a name of himself even without his...name being known.

    I'm all for an established and advanced character. I dunno about you lot, but the only thing worse than a training!Harry fic is a training!Naruto story.

    And a point goes to the wonderfully perverted Naruto. Why do all authors think that making his pure and blushing and ratting out other dirty old men makes him any more endearing? He still gets hit by Sakura anyway.
     
  16. Zombie

    Zombie Black Philip Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Agreed.

    I like this one. Has a decent feel to it. I await more chapters, but for now, I'll give it a 4/5.
     
  17. Kensington

    Kensington Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    Updated.

    While I don't quite understand how Naruto got so powerful, I sure enjoy reading this story. I applaud the author for making Mikoto irresistible yet unattainable for Naruto. Too many damn authors would be tempted to simply make her one part of a harem.
     
  18. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

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    Nice update, though it seemed to be mostly filler. Looking forward to the next update.
     
  19. Gengar

    Gengar Degenerate Shrimp –§ Prestigious §– DLP Supporter

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    You're not supposed to understand yet.

    Oh, and if you're expecting chapters and chapters of detail on Naruto's training, you'll be sorely disappointed. There's nothing more boring in stories when you start going into heavy detail about pretty much anything, especially training.

    That's not to say that it won't be mentioned though.
     
  20. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    Sounds like he swallowed some 'roids as a baby.
     
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