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Abandoned Tyrant Lizard by XXXG-01D - T - Bleach

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by stickybynature, Mar 23, 2009.

  1. stickybynature

    stickybynature Squib

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2009
    Messages:
    12
    Title: Tyrant Lizard
    Author: XXXG-01D
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Supernatural
    Pairing: None
    Chapters: 14
    Words: 91,451
    Re-Published: Jun 29, 2011
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: Ichigo turns fully hollow in the shattered shaft. Retreating to Hueco Mundo, he fights to survive and evolve, while his friends try to carry out his mission to save Rukia on their own.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4756926/1/Tyrant_Lizard

    Been enjoying this so far, I haven't come across that many good Hollow!Ichigo stories of length, so hopefully the author keeps this up, i'm looking forward to seeing how this continues.

    The story has been reposted by another author, apparently with permission of the original author:
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/7127984/1/Tyrant-Lizard




    Checked by Minion, February 15, 2015
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 15, 2015
  2. The DarIm

    The DarIm Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Yeah, I've read this. Decent update rate, pretty good grammar and characterizations are mostly spot on too. Also, he does introduce some rather good (if at times predictable) twists too. I'd rate it 4/5, one point reduced because Ichigo befriends Grimmjoww and some other similar petty reasons.

    I'd suggest you check out his other story, 'War with the Vaizards' too.
     
  3. meatzman2

    meatzman2 Backtraced

    Joined:
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    stickybynature your avatar is fucking disturbing.

    Alright three perspective changes in the first three paragraphs is not conducive to convincing me of good writing.

    Maybe it's because I have been up all night reading better quality fanfiction than this, but the writing seems really dreary and amateurish. Dialogue is bland, immature and inappropriate to the characters. Bleach characters (like all others) all have distinguishing ways of acting and speaking neither of which the author grasps or emulates successfully. Unnecessary scene changes, constant and rapid fire perspective changes and several screws up with tense, spelling errors all serve but to reinforce the amateurish style.

    Things like that, small errors that just keep on piling up.

    If the plot was superb and I cared overly much for the Bleach fandom then I might like this fic a little more, as it is it's bland, predictable. It's actually hard work to read because it's just so tastelessly written.

    I'm nearing the end of the first chapter and I'm running out of adjectives for bland. Every character speaks in the same manner, uses the same basic vocabulary. It's so fucking monotonous. The author doesn't quite seem to understand how sentences work either, he throws full stops around like there on sale and then has 80 word long sentences with nary a few commas to distinguish structure.

    The sad thing is the plot is actually quite interesting, if the writing wasn't so fucking mediocre as to be appalling I think there's potential for an average quality fic (as in 3/5). As it is, it's cliche ridden (power-ups), the friendship between the Ichigo and Grimmjow is badly contrived and even more poorly written and the Chad/Uryuu side story is unnecessary and pretty damn uninteresting.

    Tl;DR By the end of the second chapter the plot hasn't moved anywhere particularly innovative, it's predictable, if not entirely dull. The writing is what really makes this fic so piss poor, the writer is obviously a native English speaker but the whole thing reeks of C-grade secondary school English language assignment. 1/5 because 2/5 is too close to 3/5 for me to be comfortable giving it to something this mediocre.
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2009
  4. AntiChrist

    AntiChrist Professor

    Joined:
    Sep 17, 2008
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    I liked it. Part of the reason is the nice update rate, but also it's decently written. To me, none of the grammar mistakes are so glaringly obvious as to turn me off the story. Also, though the ideas aren't very original, they're presented well enough and that's enough for me to give it a 3/5.
     
  5. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    I like reading about hollows eating each other. It's the best part. 4/5
     
  6. merchantofam

    merchantofam Fifth Year DLP Supporter

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    I am on the fence regarding the success of the story, on the one hand it is refreshingly easy to read. The word flow is smooth, always a plus, and the grammar is well enough to discount any mistakes. However, the story while a something of time filler is not original, Ichigo turning into a hollow has been done quite a bit now.

    Secondly the timing is horrendously off, no matter how strong hollow Ichigo is, according to the manga the evolutionary process should take a considerable amount of time to complete not a matter of weeks. I get the author is trying to fit in everything to go along with the cannon timeline, but the premise is an alternative path to cannon therefore the timeline should conform to the alternative premise rather than the cannon counterpart.

    Finally the characterization is elemantary at best, the charaters are dull and sterile; there is no life-no pun inteded-even in the primary character. Just a static character interacting with other such type characters. 3/5 at best
     
  7. Psychotic Cat

    Psychotic Cat Chief Warlock

    Joined:
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    Is it just me or does this "use any ability you choose Demon Fang Mirror Eye" Zanpakuto sound like an absolutely retarded sharinganfag piece of shit?

    Author needs to spend less time jerking off over Sasuke and more time getting kicked in the balls and/or teeth.

    1/5 because I'm not allowed to go any lower.
     
  8. Random Shinobi

    Random Shinobi Unspeakable DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2006
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    Lol! Irrational character hate much? Now, this fic is certainly nothing exceptional, but flaming it because one zankubato reminds you of Sasuke's Sharingan is utterly ridiculous. This is not even a Naruto fic...

    I rate your post 1/5 (although your Sasuke hate is luzly).
     
  9. Psychotic Cat

    Psychotic Cat Chief Warlock

    Joined:
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    Not really, I simply don't like repeating something already said, the sword was the only reason I had not already mentioned.

    The fic is lacking in writing quality, plot, character development, pretty much everything.

    The retarded sword just makes it worse and is what finally made me hit the red x.
     
  10. Lokesin

    Lokesin Slug Club Member

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    Considering that there's a three-choice only limit on it, i'd say it's a very far cry from anything you might call a Sharingan.
     
  11. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    If anyone's been following this story, it's been under rewrite.

    This chapter has them take on a Vasto Lorde by the name of... Adolf Hitler. Pretty lulzy. I think they should've stuck with the Spanish-influenced names personally
     
  12. Chime

    Chime Dark Lord

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    I couldn't believe this, since I'd read the previous chapters in this story and thought it wasn't half-bad. Sincostan's right though.

    While I find it POSSIBLE that Hitler could have become a Hollow, it makes for a ridiculous story. The author would be better suited using Tojo, though even that would be a little silly.

    I don't think I can stomach the rest of this.
     
  13. uriel

    uriel Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Hollows are people who hang around because they couldn't be shafted dying and want to hang around obsessing over shit, they then become Hollows after they obsess too much and their little chain thing disappears.

    Hitler offed himself to escape being captured, since he willingly killed himself, its probably unlikely he'd become a Hollow.

    But yeah, probably one of the more .. average bleach fics out there.

    2/5

    And also.. a Hollow named Hitler? Hilarious.
     
  14. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    No amount of revision can help if the writer simply lacks the skills. This is just another guy stripping down the chapters and reposting them laboriously in order to inflate the review count.

    Ichigo had no incentive whatsoever not to devour Grimmjow. He already beat him and could slaughter his entire band. Then he doesn't kill another Adjuchas because Grimmjow forbids him. Even if I accept the 'Aw, Ichigo isn't feeling vewy hungry' bullshit, Ichigo acknowledging Grimmjow's dominance is senseless.

    Meatzman is overly generous when he calls their friendship badly contrived.

    There's incompetence everywhere - the good guys, the bad guys, and the only exception, Ichigo, is a blank slate of a character.

    An eyesore.

    1/5.

    The only good thing is the quality of the idea. Someone better will pick it up sooner or later and craft a story that does justice to it.
     
  15. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    I don't understand why the author bothered to revise. The chapters look exactly the same. People really do this just for reviews?

    I disagree that the friendship is any more contrived than the original ones in Bleach. That bullshit's common to shounen manga and everyone eats it up.

    Notice in the manga all the captains are fighting each other and resolve it in like five minutes with few repercussions. I agree Aizen is a huge threat, but Yamamato is like... "Okay guise let's go home." I think the story is fucking ridiculous with Kenpachi and Byakuya. Kenpachi's psychotic character as a captain makes little sense. Byakuya's about-face towards Rukia and Ichigo, even if it's about honor, then no it's about family, makes little sense.

    In this vein, can't Ichigo just not want to eat someone because he admires and finds something in common? I think this is what I'd expect of Ichigo. You guys call Ichigo a blank slate, but he's as much if not moreso in the manga. He's uninteresting like Goku. His father, Ishida, Orihime, Rukia, fuck everyone other than him is way more interesting. He doesn't have any characteristics other than the requisite "I fight to protect my friends" or maybe "I just like to fight" (*cough*saiyan*cough*). I cannot really fault the author for not writing any personality because he never had one other than to facilitate relationships.

    My annoyance at this rewrite downgrades this to a 3/5, but I can't change my vote. Hopefully we'll get to some new material in this lifetime like pre-rewrite.
     
  16. Blackvoice

    Blackvoice Third Year

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    It was alright until this last chapter... where my brain broke. I just couldn't read 'Hitler', 'fought', and 'Ichigo' in the same sentence. What in the fuck? Are Marilyn Monroe and Ghandi gonna appear now? Is Vlad the Impaler an Arrancar? By hell!
     
  17. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

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    I agree with the sentiment, but it's Gandhi.
     
  18. Blackvoice

    Blackvoice Third Year

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    Argh, there goes my dignity. And I bitch when people don't write the 'h' in my name...
     
  19. Chaoticblues

    Chaoticblues Professor

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    I read this one back before the rewrite, and I have to say that the rewrite feels even worse. Though I was never really fond of this fic due to all the reasons mentioned by the others, I found the idea pretty original and the updates were fast paced enough that I could skip the side-stories.

    Unfortunately, now that this author is re-posting his chapters to whore himself out for reviews, the updates are for some reason slower even though his changes, imo, made the story much harder to read. The side story featuring Chad and Ishida seems even more boring and unnecessary than before (didn't think it was possible).

    Wtf is up with Hitler? I would have thought that Soul Society would pay extra attention to souls that evil so that they can prevent fighting them as hollows later. Wasn't there supposed to be a Hell in the bleach-verse? Whatever happened to that? The whole manga blows. I wish it didn't, but it does. The only reason it's successful at all is because it centers around magic sword fights.

    Whoever made that comparison of Ichigo and Goku, thank you so much that made me lulz. If you think about it Naruto has some blatantly obvious ideas from DBZ. Naruto is a dumbass and wears orange and dark blue (Goku). Sasuke is cold-hearted sort of evil dude that wears blue and white (Vegeta). Naruto gets the insane power ups first, and Sasuke being jealous gets his power ups after (Super saiyans). Orochimaru is pretty much Freeza, what with his reincarnation bullcrap (Freeza's robot form) and his personal Ginyuu Squad, I mean Sound 4.

    All in all, I'm surprised that Sakura hasn't pulled out a frying pan and hit anyone yet.
     
  20. Magus

    Magus Groundskeeper

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    There is a Hell in Bleach, but if a spirit becomes a Hollow before passing on they have to be killed with a Zanpaktou before they get sent there.

    Still, I've got no problem with the re-write so far. I'm going to give it 4/5 as turning Hitler into a Bleach antagonist was pretty damn amusing. Ridiculous to, but still funny.