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WIP Walk on the Moon by SixPerfections - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Nemrut, Nov 10, 2015.

  1. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    If I have one complaint, it is the slow burn of the story. The SI is not even a genin yet and she is about 10 or 11, a year older than the Naruto generation who haven't all made significant appearances yet.
     
  2. soczab

    soczab First Year

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    I'm not familiar with the term omake. From how you describe it, would I be right in guessing its a sort of "what if" thats not actually part of the storyline?

    I actually hope so, because while I like this fic.... that omake scene actually bugged me slightly in that it seemed entirely unrealistic (that she would be both a jonin and given a genin team in a year). Reading it, I wasn't entirely sure if that was meant to be a 'flash forward' or just a 'what if' fun scene.
     
  3. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Yes it is not Canon.
     
  4. illya_

    illya_ First Year

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    New chapter out on ff. It jumped forward a year.

    Can't say I agree with the revealing as much as she did, but I guess it fits her idea of becoming famous enough to scare away any attempts of forcefully retrieving her.
     
  5. s0ng2Sing

    s0ng2Sing First Year

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    Glad it was continued. This is the third site I had to follow it to.

    Looks like there will be some Mystery/Conspiracy content ahead.
     
  6. EsperJones

    EsperJones Death Eater

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    Only having followed it on SV and SB, what chapter should I start reading FFN on?
     
  7. Zombie

    Zombie John Waynes Teeth Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm pretty sure that on SB it made it to 33 of 34 iirc. I'm glad to see this updated figured getting thread locked again had curbed the authors interest in writing.

    Not sure about SV since I don't read anything over there.
     
  8. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Really glad for the timeskip. Love the story but the biggest flaw it has that it already spent so much time on before canon that I don't see how it could end at anything but around a million words or so. Not that I mind the wordcount, just not as likely to reach that.

    But yeah, solid chapter.
     
  9. pbluekan

    pbluekan Professor DLP Supporter

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    So, I liked this, but it isn’t amazing or anything. Frankly, there are just too many damn words.

    It’s overly explanatory and repetitive, and the author tends to tell the reader everything, rather than show it to them and allow them to come to their own conclusions. Unfailingly, every single thought and action will be explained in detail.

    Even with the timeskips, it fucking drags.

    Most of the story could have been told through mentions and recollections later on in the story when things are actually happening.

    The whole Hinata plot was/is just unnecessary. We already know how unstable Rei is. The blatantly obvious showpiece of the Hinata interactions just aren’t necessary. I skipped most of it and came out the other side with a more or less complete understanding of the story.

    Also, while I like the Rats as a concept for an original summon, they’ve been executed terribly. Hell, their test was all about “family being everything” and they used her family to demonstrate. The fact that she isn’t showing her own family any loyalty beyond “not gonna kill them” just shouldn’t mesh with the Rats as they’ve been presented. Author notes aside.