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Spoiler alert: it's a snake.

 

The reread's really slowed down, huh? Lucky I'm still here.

"immmensely complex", then the next sentence he says is "simple yet effective". Oh, Lockhart.
Also FYI considering Sirius/Remus uses IIRC the Homorphous charm to turn "Scabbers" back and yet no one used it on Lupin, this doesn't actually work. In all likelihood this is fully fictional, rather than just Lockhart going for a self-insert, as it were.

Now that I'm not twelve anymore this is a rather less innocent joke.

Thinking about it, fanfiction has made Polyjuice look rather more common than it really is, IMO. It's apparently pretty tricky to pull off.

How old is Dobby, anyway?

Interesting.

How did Dobby know about the Chamber of Secrets plot? Did Lucius discuss it with someone?

Nothing ever really came of Snape suspecting Harry blew up Goyle's Swelling Solution on purpose, did it? Unless the snake stunt was retaliation for that, but went up going rather differently than he'd probably expected it to.

Sometime later in HBP:

So, y'know. Didn't quite turn out that way.

So spells have to be blocked or deflected or the like BEFORE the spell's been fired, is how I read this.

Seriously, where the hell did the idea that no one knows Harry's circumstances come from? It's been exposed as bullshit again and again.

Lived, not worked.

Note the word "pets".

First off, I wonder why Fred, George and Ginny chose to stay at Hogwarts.
Second, "practice dueling in private" is interesting.

This was Penelope Clearwater, right?

Heh.

Did Ron ever tell his dad this, actually?
EDIT: yes, he did. Forgot to take this remark out.

Damn, that's pretty long.

Oh, Ron.

More indication of Horcruxing? I'd say so.

The Mandrakes being jokes about teenagers is fantastic.

Says Percy. Note that he doesn't recommend Ancient Runes nor Arithmancy.

I wonder if it means something he says "the name". We usually either just call it the Basilisk or something silly.

Wood is fucking hilarious, too.

Bit weird none of the professors saw this. If Ron and Harry had just told one of the professors, too, that would've resolved the mystery a lot quicker.
A bit anti-climactic, admittedly.

Emerald eyes, eh?

Important bit here is "Probably the only two Parselmouths to come to Hogwarts since the great Slytherin himself." I knew they were rare, but not that they were that rare.

Ironically his car can think for itself, clearly.

More horcrux foreshadowing! A lot more blatant than the previous ones were.

More dueling practice.

 

Harry getting sucked into the diary may be my favourite illustration in the illustrated edition:

 

Either Rowling planned from the start for him being wrong (less probable) or she changed her opinion later.

Link

 

Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger

So the Malfoys do their own laundry?

I realise subjecting the infamous Hogwarts rumour mill to logic is futile, but why does no-one mention that Harry has an extremely good alibi for Colin's attack, which would then cast doubt on his involvement in the other attacks? He's in the Hospital Wing, observed by Pomfrey, McGonagall and Dumbledore himself, and only has one arm at the time. Hey ho.

Chapter 11: The Dueling Club

Particularly pertinent given the new evidence for specific specialisations from FBAWTFT.

As I typed this I remembered that he says something similar in PS about going to get Harry to Diagon Alley, but this does seem weird. Hagrid's expelled for, as we find out here, apparently murdering someone, and his wand gets snapped to stop him doing magic. But he can go to Dumbledore and get permission? I get Dumbledore wouldn't care, probably even if he didn't know Hagrid hadn't unleashed the monster, but...how does this work?

Chapter 12: The Polyjuice Potion

Good to see Quirrelmort taught them something.

IT CANT POSSIBLY FAIL.

So the house-elves don't do the laundry, which makes sense given the clothing thing. So do the students learn basic household magic while they're at Hogwarts?

Friendly reminder that whatever character growth he undergoes later in the series, whatever you want to say about toxic influences at home, Malfoy once said that he wanted to help kill people because of their blood.

Chapter 13: The Very Secret Diary

While this is obviously supposed to just be another example of Lockhart's obsequiousness, if you look at it another way it's really creepy.

Oh hey, Ron in HBP!

So they are worn day to day, not just at the start of year feast or whatever.

Some foreshadowing and fridge logic here. Foreshadowing: if Dumbledore is concerned about student safety, why wouldn't he escort Riddle back to his common room? Because he knows that he's perfectly safe from the monster. Fridge logic: why wouldn't he escort Riddle back? He might attack another student!

Chapter 14: Cornelius Fudge

...and a mountain of gold, his good looks and Snape's undying hatred, but sure, one thing.

Chapter 15: Aragog

You'd think he'd remember what happened the last time he left the Cloak somewhere. Detention in the Forest and 150 points lost. Ah well.
BTT: re: Fred, George and Ginny staying at Hogwarts. Ginny can probably partly be explained by possession, but it occurs to me that the family was only able to visit Bill between CoS and PoA because they won some money, and this is just after Arthur's been fined 50 galleons. Maybe Fred and George knew they couldn't really afford for the whole family to go, so decided to stick at Hogwarts.

 

More interesting is why Malfoy and his lackeys stayed at Hogwarts during Christmas. Should they attend one of them fancy pureblood balls? /sarcasm

 

Can we all take a moment to acknowledge something here:

Ron's greatest fear, as he repeatedly mentions in this book, is spiders, a perfectly logical phobia that can happen when his brothers do something genuinely horrifying when he was only a little kid. And he is being asked to follow spiders. Even in the movie, before they enter the Forest, Ron perfectly captured that fear in the way his voice cracked.

But despite all that, he entered the Forest anyway. Well before the Boggart, he literally faced his greatest fear of giant spiders that would happily kill him. And why? Because the school, Hagrid, and Hermione were all in danger, and he needed to go there with Harry to find out what happened.

For comparison, Hermione broke down when faced with what she knew to be a boggart in what she knew to be just a test.

Ron Weasley, the guy most of Fanon long considered a coward eager to leave and betray his friends, is being about as brave and loyal as you can get here. I'd like to see most of Fanon be in the same situation as Ron here and still enter the Forest.

 

Chapter 16: The Chamber of Secrets

Percy's not the most likeable character in the series, although he's arguably under-rated, but damn. His girlfriend and his little sister both Petrified in the space of a couple of months. When you think about this, you might start to look at his support for the Ministry in a new light, although the seeds were obviously there already.

On a more general note, I'd forgotten just how awesome the climax to CoS is. Harry and Ron pulling themselves from the depths of despair, bullying a teacher into coming along with them and solving a centuries old mystery is just the start. Then Harry faces off with Voldemort again, more helpless than he's been at any point previously - he doesn't have his wand, and his mother's protection is presumably worthless because Memory!Riddle can't touch him at this stage. The best thing? He's terrified, and then he squashes that down and goes with anger. He tears Riddle to shreds, and that's before he gets hold of a sword.

Then he does, of course, face down a centuries old monster armed only with something he has zero idea of how to properly use, and when he gets mortally wounded his only thought is to reassure Fawkes about how brilliant he was. Then we get another glimpse of Harry's instinctive grasp of magic, when he destroys the diary.

Meanwhile, Ron's been busy single-handedly tearing down a wall while, it's implied, taking out his frustration by occasionally beating up Lockhart.

It's just epic.

 

All he wanted to do was secure the existence of his people and a future for magical children! How's that bad?!

Also he's like, blonde and rich and doesn't want to straight up murder Dumbledore so he's a good guy and totally dreamy right?!

I've always been a bit of a Ron defender, since he gets a really bad rap despite being a genuinely decent guy (unlike Hermione who I can't stand, and who gets the absolute opposite treatment with all her flaws getting ignored), but until this reread I honestly didn't remember just how decent.

All I can say is the people calling him a bad friend must have some extraordinarily good friends if he really doesn't meet the standard. As in friends who have taken multiple actual bullets for them, and hook up with the good looking girl's fat friend to clear the way every time.

Not sure I have any friends who'd put up with the same level of shit Harry and Hermione make Ron deal with.

 

“I was wondering if I could keep it,” she said breathlessly.
“Oh, come on,” said Ron, wrenching it from her grasp and thrusting it at Madam Pince. “We’ll get you another autograph. Lockhart’ll sign anything if it stands still long enough.”

This is the type of stuff they got rid of in the movies, that made Ron into a better character than the oft-bashed non-character he was portrayed as. Rereading the series has made me 100% confident that Ron deserves so much better than the typical bashing so popular in FF these days...

 

I always assumed that pretty much every spell had an instantaneous effect when properly cast, which meant that the only way to shield one was to predict it and cast first, kind of ruins all the fanon duels of slow moving beams and balls of light. I think I can forgive this one being interpreted differently though as it does make for more action packed duels.

Even the Killing Curse seems to be an instantaneous flash of green light which kills its victim instantly after being cast, so no conjured concrete walls I'm afraid.

 

I think it’s just as usual, Lockhart had no idea how the spells are supposed to work. Otherwise, his pixie banishing spell wouldn’t have been the dud as it is. If that spell actually works as Lockhart intended, surely Remus would have asked someone to use it on himself? It’s a shame if Lockhart actually knew the spells he could have been an effective teacher.

I am guessing people know the general fact that Harry lived with Muggle relatives but not all the details like how horrible the Dursleys are. Also Ernie was a complete jerk here but probably no worse than the average teenage student.

I am guessing Hermione is counting on the fact that she will be able to extract herself just before the hour is up and maybe she has already planned what stories to use when confronted.

The Weasley parents probably decided not to take them along for whatever reason. It’s the same story in PS where Molly and Arthur visited Charlie and left Percy, the twins and Ron at Hogwarts.
I do wish we can see more scenes of the Trio practising and improving in their duelling skills rather than being told.

Sigh… this is a really good point. I remember Hermione said in PS that even some of the greatest wizards doesn’t have an ounce of logic and which seems to be repeatedly confirmed over the course of the books, so it’s probably not surprising that most wizard kids have little to no idea of analysing a situation logically and coming to an appropriate conclusion.

I guess it’s just that Harry can sometimes have really short memories on certain issues and it’s not the last time he left that cloak lying around. He did it again in PoA and Hermione had to retrieve it for him.

Well said, Rhaeger I! You said it better than I could myself.
It’s one thing to simply dislike a character as he is in canon and something else to lie about who he is. It honestly amuses me how some haters can claim Ron left the camping trip in DH because of cowardice when the scene points to a completely different set of reasons.
They also forgot that Ron didn’t have to hang around with Harry and Hermione if he doesn’t want to. He had no issues hanging around with Seamus and Dean who seemed to have accepted him without any fuss when he was estranged from Harry.

Yes, I think too many people confused FF!Ron with canon!Ron which are two completely different characters. I think Rowling did a good job to show he is more than jealous and comic relief through his dialogue with others but for some reason people refuse to acknowledge it. Maybe it’s a consequence of the shipping wars?

Perhaps Rowling did plan for Riddle to be wrong considering how many other things Riddle has been shown to not known or wrong about in this book and the series?

Agreed, although I suppose if Riddle used Harry’s wand on him instead of the Basilisk things might have turned out differently.

 

Bumping because I got the illustrated edition for Christmas, and holy shit it's beautiful.







Linking this one because it's pretty massive, but it's so good I would probably pay good money for a copy to hang on my wall.