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WIP Wind Shear by Chilord - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Peter North, Jun 3, 2017.

  1. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Minister of Magic

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    Is English a second or third language for you? 'Cause I mean... wow.

    Dumbledore: while I don't think he's being overly bashed, he's definitely not in character. In fact most of the characters are mirror images of each other as far as characterization and dialog go.

    Politics: not much to be shown, correct.

    Lord Levels: This is Harry Potter, not Dragonball Z. Dumbledore isn't a Lord. Harry isn't a Lord.

    Harry being OP'd: Eh... elemental magic (under a different name) that trumps everyone! *cringe* While I'm a fan of powerful Harry, I'd at least like it to conform to the magic of the HP universe.

    Edit: (forgot about the rating)
    1= Trash. save yourself the trouble and watch paint dry. You'll be more entertained.
    2= Needs a lot of work
    3= Average story. Meh.
    4= Good story. Needs polish.
    5= Outstanding story.

    Of course, these are my rating levels. Others use their own.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  2. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    There aren't super lord 1, super lord 2, super lord 3.
    If you can clean the floor with plenty wizards than you are lord.
    Something we see both Dumbledore and Voldemort do in canon.
    In addition you automatically associate the title lord, with Lord in the Wizengamot, something which is Fanon, I see it as in the more old way of using it, being a Master, someone with Power.

    More about Harry spells will be covered in later chapters, next chapter actually touch it.

    The most intense battle in canon Voldemort vs Dumbledore, included lots of Transfiguration, Conjuration and Elemental manipulations.

    To summarize:
    The story isn't perfect, the author should polish to story more.
    However it is better than most can be found in almost recommended and some stuff that gained entry to the Library.
    so 4/5.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
  3. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Minister of Magic

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    Please show me what part of Harry Potter explains or uses the Power Designation: Lord. What your trying to explain is fanon nonsense that doesn't exist. I said nothing about Lord in terms of politics. In fact I said it in terms of power. Quit making shit up in your arguments.

    I've seen the power explanation. It's poorly done. Only Harry can use it literally because he's 'special'. It can't be taught, and nobody else can do it. It's not HP magic and thus a strike against the story. That's what I'm saying.
     
  4. Relic

    Relic High Inquisitor

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    Eh I think that's a bad reason for a strike. There are tons of good stories that expand on or change parts of canon magic. If you think it's bad for other reasons that makes sense, though.
     
  5. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Minister of Magic

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    I think it's bad because the reason he has it is: special snowflake.

    I've read stories that introduce new/different/rare magics, whatever kind. The thing is, they usually follow it with something reasonable as an explanation, or they show him developing it, etc.

    The reason I gave it a strike is because it's a major part of the story that has an incredibly lame excuse as a definition. Granted, that may change in the final cut. That's why I said it needed a lot of work.
     
  6. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    But Harry, Dumbledore and Voldemort are special snowflakes in the HP universe.
     
  7. Deft

    Deft First Year

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    Objectively, there are numerous examples of special snowflakes in great fanfiction writing. This story is not great or even decent fanfiction.

    The most egregious issue for me had been previously mentioned, the adults might as well be interchangeable. As far as I can tell, there are 2 male adults in House Black and Charlus Potter and I honestly couldn't differentiate between them. Perhaps I skimmed too much but aside from the well done pub fight hook, the plot is already quite boring.

    There is so much telling and not showing it gives me a headache. Harry's conversations with Charlus are particularly bad on this front.

    I agree with most of the negative comments on the forum version and I do not think the corrections made are anywhere near enough to put this story in the library.

    Personally I would only read a full version if I had scraped the bottom of my guilty pleasure barrel, so 2/5.
     
  8. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Minister of Magic

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    Sort of.

    Even those characters have some reasoning behind why they are the way they are. This one doesn't... at all. It's not because he's Master of Death, or a fantastic student, a freak space accident, or even a radioactive spider.

    The uber-power he's wielding is there just to be there so he can be on par with Voldemort and Dumbledore, who by the way were fantastic students and earned their way to the top of the magical food chain.

    If it wasn't a significant plot point in the story I could excuse it as a minor issue. But virtually the entire story revolves around how awesome and terrifying he is with this power. Everyone of the general cast all but puts their lives on hold to deal with this. Nothing else happens.

    Minor characters are allowed to have a life however, so they have that going for them.


    It's like Bruce Wayne if he wasn't a billionaire.

    Question: "How can you afford all of your Bat-paraphernalia?"

    Batman: "I just do. And you can't do the same thing, it's just a me thing."

    Q:"No... really. Do you steal it?"

    B: "It's just something special about me. Nothing to see here."
     
  9. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    This is so 2007 that it's painful, and yet I can't look away.
     
  10. Deft

    Deft First Year

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    Fair enough, I didn't intend for that to come across as an excuse. It definitely bothered me that despite a non-standard way of opening the story, the author butchered the next several chapters killing any interest I had in the hook.
     
  11. ElMarquis

    ElMarquis First Year

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    Agreed to a certain extent. Cygnus Black could be a rather more devoted father. In canon, Orion Black was a neglectful parent for Sirius, at a minimum. Yet I saw a bit of him saying he'd be proud of Sirius as Lord Black.

    Wind Shear ignored Sirius' attitude to the HoB. To compare it to a somewhat similar fic, Jerrway69's Passageways, it takes the ruthless hand of Arcturus to bring the rebellious Orion to heel in regards Harry. Sirius is a child, as rebellious as his father, in an opposite direction.

    Which one feels more realistic? Luvyfriendly!Blacks, or pragmatic and brutal!Blacks?

    ElMarquis.
     
  12. Henry Persico

    Henry Persico Groundskeeper DLP Supporter

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    I have a problem with Voldemort’s character, he appears too much. I prefer when we don’t know what the villain is thinking or planning, that’s one of the things I love about LOTR you can’t see Sauron, Harry Potter's canon was something similar, we could only see very few things about LV. In this story, he’s almost in every chapter, and the lack of talent of the writer makes him predictable, cartoonish and boring. Not even the fight scenes save him.

    Nonetheless I’m hooked, guilty pleasure and all.

    2.5/5
     
  13. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    The writing wasn't bad. It's just that Voldemort was nerfed too much and Harry Potter OP'd too much to make for a compelling story.

    It's basically another author's rendition of a super!Harry without any conflicts. That makes the story rarely present proper challenges to the protagonist which made the story as a whole remotely uninteresting to read.

    I enjoyed reading Harry trash Voldemort, but it felt more like Harry Potter fighting death eater mooks rather than a honest to god Dark Lord. Add to the fact that Harry is at 'Lord' level, whatever that means with just Auror training really just really pushes it to suspension of disbelief.

    I'd give it a 3/5 because I am such a fan of super!harry and time-travel genres.
     
  14. Darksnider05

    Darksnider05 Squib

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    Didn't he leave the country and work as a mercenary which is where he learned his specialty. Thought he quit being an Auror relatively early.
     
  15. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    Ok, having seen this posted about a billion times over on reddit, and seeing the thread here, I decided to give this a look. I do like the idea behind a Harry/Bellatrix pairing, but it's so rarely done righ, hell, it's rarely even done in a tolerable fashion.

    So, I'm only just done with the first chapter. Often, the first chapter is the most important chapter in a story. It tends to set the tone of what to expect. And right now, I'm not impressed. In fact, there's nothing in the first chapter at all that entices me into reading the next, and I'm sure all the stuff that I dislike has already been mention here.

    The stupid nickname, Storm Chaser. I's dumb. The meeting between Moody and Harry was very cringey and came off super wooden. Actually, it felt more like the author was just using them as a mouthpiece for an ideal, but the timing is terrible since neither of the characters have any character development yet. Then, the Bellatrix stuff. Pretty much a just another author mouthpiece rant, this time about blood purity. I use this complaint a lot, but it really felt very paint by numbers - all the youngsters are delusion into thinking everything is as simple as marking a checkbox in the pureblood column, while you have the majority of the people blindly refuting all the evidence in front of them, and then the "intelligent" people (aka, the people who likely have more than two meaningful lines of dialogue in a story) are more willing to see that their views aren't as steadfast as they thought.

    Regardless, the only lasting impression I have of the first chapter is that this story feels like one of the ones where all the scenes involving Harry are going to be pretty bad, while the scenes involving the other supporting characters might be okay. And that's a mix that doesn't make for a good story, and doesn't give me hopes for the future chapters. No doubt people will say "it get's better later," but that excuse frankly sucks. Because, right now as it stands, the only hook in the story is the pairing, and the knowledge that the story is complete. That's enough for some people, sometimes it's even enough for me, but I doubt it will be enough for this story.
     
  16. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    The story has problems, dialogues are one of them. A lot characters sound the same. Sure "Storm Chaser" is stupid a point Harry himself agrees with as far as I can recall later on. But there are also good parts in it which makes it a guilty pleasure. It's IMHO not annoyingly awful.
     
  17. Anarchy

    Anarchy Fourth Champion DLP Supporter

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    Ok, so I've read a bit more of the story. I wanted to give it a fair shake before I rated it, and I just finished chapter 5 which is half of the posted chapters. If you're wondering if it actually took me 3 days to read 5 chapters, then yeah, it did. It's just not a bingeworthy story, because it's not good. There's nothing there to engross me. It hasn't gotten any better after 5 chapters. The actual plot is generic nonsense, and all of the characters are terrible, flat, two dimensional, etc. Illogical and irrational mustache twirling villains combined with with the most generic timetravel plot ever doesn't make for a good story.

    So, the obvious comparison will be against Delende Est. That is a story that started pretty strong, with great character interactions (especially Moody), with a decent plot and decent politics. Of course, the story eventually turned to shit. This story is fundamentally quite similar to that story, except it started off very weak, with flat characters, bad character interacts, and a similar plot to Delende Est, except a lot worse (which has a fair amount to do with the pacing issues).

    So, as it stands, I rate it a 2/5, and I doubt it will get much better. Like, Delende Est started as a 5/5 and turned into a 3/5, and even the bad chapters in that story, the ones that tanked it, are still better than what we have here.
     
  18. Red

    Red Groundskeeper

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    This fic is an anachronism. In 2008, I could easily see myself rating this 4/5 or better. It has an OP Harry, misguided Dumbledore and over the top Voldemort - put the Bellatrix pairing in and, well, we got a stew going, baby. Unfortunately, I think we, as a fandom, have seen these tropes too often and expect better writing, characterizations and politics.

    That said, I enjoyed this fic immensely. It will always be nice to read about a Harry that can slap around other people because he's a legitimately skilled wizard in his own right. I can only give this fic a 2/5, but it is finished and I enjoyed it so I'll average my 2008 rating and settle for 3/5.
     
  19. HateThisPart

    HateThisPart Squib

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    I was going to review this story earlier but I thought it would be interesting to compare my initial reaction to my reaction after a couple days and some more chapters.

    First Impression:
    After reading the first chapter, I feel slightly annoyed at this story. It manages to precariously balance itself between guilty pleasure and well-written. The author seems to be attempting hit all the right buttons without attempting to create something new. The writing style is good, but the tone and dialogue come off as pretentious beyond Harry’s justified arrogance. I want to call this story aggressively average; however, to be fair, it is better than most stories I am reading right now read and is being consistently updated.

    Now
    So, I held of reviewing this story for a while hoping that it would improve or I would like it more with a little time passed from reading it. I take back what I said about the writing. Its grammatically fine, but it would be a stretch to call this good writing. I would place it at the level of an advanced high school or college student which is readable.

    Of course, the main problem is that I would expect an AI if given access to the FanFiction website to generate this story as the ideal Harry Potter fanfiction with all the appropriate clichés and badasseries (this should be a word). Also, I’m not sure where the tension is supposed to come from in this story if Harry can pretty much take down Voldemort and all his followers by himself and if Voldemort can’t kill a few teenagers. On this note, I struggle to understand why people seem to think that by teaching Harry a couple ancient spells or giving a clever trick like this prank animation spell suddenly means that he can match Voldemort who has been studying obscure magic his whole life.

    I don’t see any value to this story, besides maybe coming back in the future for an entertaining guilty pleasure read. I’ll give this a 1.5/5 rounding down to a 1.
     
  20. The Pro

    The Pro Seventh Year

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    Think you might be unnecessarily harsh there, mate. It does have the problems you mentioned and more, but I doubt that that merits a 1/5. Though that's your opinion and you're entitled to it so... whatever.

    Anyways, review time.

    The action is excellent. The descriptions are evocative. The fight scenes are engaging. The fight scenes are imaginative. They're head and shoulders above the standard fare you'll see on FF.net, and that's always a plus. The fight scenes offer a decent mix of originality and canon-style skill to make them stand out. Well done on the author's part.

    And now there's the crux of the issue. There is almost nothing else to the story. The characterization is absolutely butchered. Harry Potter is not Harry Potter. He's an arrogant toerag with a far too high opinion of himself. The first chapter alone almost turned me off. His conversation with Moody was filled with such palpable arrogance I almost dropped the story in disgust.

    Then there's Dumbledore. Then there's Voldemort. Dumbledore has been reduced to a caricature of his canon self. Ditto for Voldemort. Dumbledore is your typical misguided old man seen in Harry Potter fics. Voldemort is almost cartoonish in how ridiculous his portrayal is.

    Bellatrix disappointed me. She's a Black, through and through. Pureblood propaganda has been shoved down her throat all her life. You're telling me she'd abandon all that in an instant and join a halfblood? Granted, that same halfblood slaughtered numerous purebloods single-handedly. Still, that is definitely not enough for her to immediately abandon her lifelong beliefs. That was one of the most jarring changes in the fic.

    Then there's the matter of all the other issues. Moody releasing Harry for using normal spells creatively, rather than dark magic. Wooden character interactions. Pacing issues. Lord levels, titles, or whatever.

    I'll give it 2.75/5, rounded up to 3/5. It's bad (meaning on the worse side of average), plain and simple. Even so, it's a lot better than the standard fare and deserves to be in Almost Recommended, since there are people who will enjoy this.
     
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