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  1. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    "Oh Sevvy!" bubbled Harry. "If only I'd known that you were only being an absolute fucking wanker because of a pathetic child-hood grudge that you never tried to shed for fear of what it would do to your own self-image. You're such a selfless hero! Here, let me suck your dick."
    Post by: Steelbadger, Aug 4, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  2. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Or they're talking to a really hot Veela.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jul 14, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  3. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    It's certainly not unheard of in the UK, but it's regarded as an Irishism. In fact I just went and checked because I thought Seamus used the term 'da' in the first movie. He doesn't, by the way, but I certainly wouldn't have batted an eyelid if he had. It's curious you couldn't find any references to it. 'Da' for 'Dad' is used in Ulysses, for example.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jul 11, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  4. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I did it because I felt like I should because everyone else did. Then I discovered that fanfiction.net pretty much has a site-wide disclaimer on everything that's posted. In addition, if the evil lawyers did happen to decide to go after you, having a specially written disclaimer at the top of every chapter might actually be a bad idea. Basically it means the 'I didn't know I wasn't allowed to' attempt at mitigation won't fly. So now I don't. Because who really cares?
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jul 7, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  5. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I've said it before but I'll say it again: House Points. I just read the first chapter of a story (that shall remain nameless) in which Harry loses 1000 points in one go. Piss off. The largest individual point-loss in canon is 50 and that was considered so terrible that people were shunned by classmates as a result. It's basically the same as all those fics that have Harry inherit 80 gazillion Galleons. Some authors just have no idea when to stop adding zeroes. Bigger numbers don't add...
    Post by: Steelbadger, May 12, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  6. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Weeeerl. Not necessarily. I mean you might be writing the tragic story of family and loss as the Granger parents watch their one and only daughter drift further and further from them into a dangerous world where they can't follow and can't protect her. OK, so I probably wouldn't read it but that's beside the point. It is something interesting about the HP universe that could be explored by fanfiction. But in general, yes. Needing names for Hermione's parents probably means the fic has...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Apr 21, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  7. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I decided some time ago that if I was ever to need first names for Hermione's parents that they'd be called Danielle and Emmet. But really Dan/Emma isn't a bad couple of names. They're fairly common and suitably mundane for two dentists. I'd much rather see Dan and Emma than the massacre that often happens when fanfic authors are given free reign with making up names. Calling the Grangers Menelaus and Helen (becuz I r academic) is a significantly worse crime than Dan and Emma.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Apr 21, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  8. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Well aren't they a cheeky chappy.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 24, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  9. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    There's always Last Enemy to be Destroyed. I'm pretty sure most folk would call that either 'evil' or 'insanely evil'. Perhaps just 'batshit'. Still, it's close.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 19, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  10. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Peeve: Eyes being described as orbs pretty much constantly. If someone describes a character as having 'cerulean orbs' my first thought is that their entire eyeball is bright blue. Also what does everyone have against the word 'eyes'? I like the word!
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 15, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  11. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I think we can assume that Fleur, at least, didn't recieve the extensive instruction suggested by Stan. Her reaction to failing in the second task (being actually worried that something might befall Gabrielle and then extremely grateful to Harry for saving her) tells me that any help she did get was general and not specific. Of course they're all amazingly brave (or foolhardy) to go through with the tasks, but given they all do that they're on an equal footing there.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 14, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  12. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    And Harry. You remember how Crouch Jr complains about how thick Harry was and how much work it was to get him to the cup? How Crouch Jr basically told him how to deal with the dragon? How Crouch Jr flat out told Cedric how to solve the egg in the knowledge that he'd pass it on to Harry? How Crouch Jr gave Neville the solution for the second task but had to pull Harry's moronic ass out of the fire by basically straight up giving him Gillyweed via Dobby? How he actually cleared the creatures...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 14, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  13. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    I didn't say anything about the quality. My favourites list is basically an incomplete list of fics that I spent more than a couple of hours reading. As I took a look at my favourites list I was reminded that Harry/Ariana is featured in a fic and I smiled. I love fanfiction. I also remember a Harry/Merope fic from ages ago that I kinda want to go and find again... I agree completely about Harry/Fleur being a specialized pairing. I feel it has to be part of the core of a fic if it's going...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 13, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  14. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    Harry/Fleur is one of those strange things that sounds so much better in abstract. I list it as my favourite pairing and yet I'd be hard pushed to list 5 fics with Harry/Fleur that I can actually re-read. For the most part they are either teeth-rotting, boring, cliché to the max or just plain not well written. It makes me sad. I'm pretty sure if I did a quantitative analysis of my favourites that I'd come up with Harry/Hermione as my favourite ship.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 12, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  15. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Personally I prefer the translation convention where anything understood by the POV character is in straight English and anything not understood is either described or, if you can do the translation without completely butchering it, in the actual language. But it should still stay in normal speech marks. There are two exceptions to this. "Dᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴄᴀɴ sᴘᴇᴀᴋ ɪɴ sᴍᴀʟʟ ᴄᴀᴘs." "Parseltongue can be in italics as it looks more sinuous." Too few HP fics use sᴍᴀʟʟ ᴄᴀᴘs.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 10, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  16. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    You mean you don't remember that Anórien, which lies on the banks of the Anduin, was gifted to Anárion who originally came from Andúnië? For shame! As a thing, why do some writers use things other than normal quotation marks? And I don't mean people doing stuff like „this.” (which is still annoying as an English speaker but I'm aware it's standard in many languages). I mean when people use -this.- to indicate speech. I've also seen +this.+ and even =this.= Just why?
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 10, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  17. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    I think it's been mentioned before but I'm pretty sick of people having 'mates' as opposed to being married, having significant others, having partners, wives or husbands. They also 'mate' with each other rather than have sex, make love or fuck. It basically reduces any romantic depth to that of a couple of randy bunnies going at it.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 7, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  18. Steelbadger
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    Pet Peeves v.9

    This is a fandom that created Severitus, Veela!Malfoys, MagicMenGetPreggers, EvilGeniusAt11!Ron, EvilAndOmniscientUntilHarryDoesThings!Dumbledore, EveryMagicalLordshipEver!Harry and a whole stinking list of other things. I'm gonna give a cliché character interpretation a pass on the 'one of the worst things' list. A peeve, yes. Worst thing ever? Not really.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Mar 4, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  19. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I honestly can't remember. I'm pretty sure her stuff occasionally gets taken and she gets called 'Loony' but I don't think she ever got locked out of the common room? I remember reading a Dark!Harry fic where he (as a teacher) permanently turns one of the bullies into a pig and all the other teachers are all like 'Oh well'. I've also decided that if I ever come to include Hermione's parents in any fic they will be Danielle and Emmet (Danny and Em). Just because.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 28, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  20. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    This happens to me with some real authors. A couple I can remember are Tom Clancy and GRRM. In each of their books there are words that for some reason seem to pop out of nowhere and keep reappearing. For example in A Dance With Dragons the word 'Serjeant' started appearing everywhere and I couldn't remember seeing it at all in the previous books. Tom Clancy just tends to choose some word or other in each book to overuse but I can't be bothered re-reading one to give an example. Ok, so I'm...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 27, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  21. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Well obviously she Polyjuiced into a guy (assuming Harry) and quite literally fucked herself using the Timeturner, the wonders of magic. No abortions ever would probably be a peeve if fem pregnancy wasn't already so rare. Seriously, I'm betting there's 10x more butthole pregnancy than actual proper physically possible pregnancies.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 20, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  22. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Time-turner + Polyjuice. Who even needs a relationship?
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 20, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  23. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of fics where Harry's name inexplicably morphed into Harold and I managed to keep reading. Also, Hadrian. And Harrison. Lillian is less common and more easily ignored because she's generally already dead. I've seen Lilith a couple of times too. Makes me wonder why James never gets called Iacomus out of the blue because 'James' is such a plebeian name darling. I'm pretty sure that's why Harry so often gets changed, because it sounds too...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 17, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  24. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Distressing as it was at the time I can remember my mother used the term 'hols' when I was at school. And that period of my life ended ten years ago. So used by teens and parents attempting to be current and 'cool'.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 16, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  25. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Gratuitous overuse of the one word sentence, "Point." I've read fics were no-one ever says, "You may have a point." or, "I'll give you that one." or even, "Good point." No. Every time the conversation goes as follows. "But Harry, a Dildo Dinosaur would be completely impossible to repel. Voldemort's anus would have no hope of resisting!" "Point." Now I can almost overlook it when it's a kid that says it, assuming the kid is modern and has been heavily Americanised by TV and such. I cannot...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 16, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  26. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    How about if we redefine 'Dark magic' so that it fits with other 'Dark' things. Dark matter Dark energy Named dark because either they cannot be seen/viewed or because they do not interact 'normally' with other matter. Those definitions actually kinda work with the things that are called 'Dark' in the books. No one knows how the petrifaction happened -> Dark magic The marauders map works by some unseen and strange magic -> Dark magic Parseltongue? How can that even work? -> Dark magic...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 12, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  27. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I don't know if this is even annoying enough to qualify as a 'peeve' but "Harry mentally rolled his eyes" I'm pretty sure I've never done that. I've rolled my eyes and I've resisted the urge to roll my eyes but I've never actively imagined rolling my eyes whilst not physically doing so. But perhaps it's a thing other people have done and I'm just weird and possessed of an extremely literal mind.
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 11, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  28. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    I heard this described as 'Dances with Goblins'. I wonder if that means there's opportunity for a Harry/GoblinGirl re-imagining of Dances with Wolves in the fandom?
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 8, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  29. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Greengrocer's apostrophe causes enough problems among people who should know how to use it. If we assume JKR didn't fall foul then it's definitely a map meant for marauders (scoundrels and pranksters etc etc). Of course James, Sirius, Remus and Peter could be considered to be such paragons of Marauderiness that they appropriated the name. Except that the only kids who'd heard of them did so via the map so obviously they weren't that infamous. So strike up a new peeve for me: The idea that...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Feb 1, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  30. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    Most fanfic writers are tweeny girls who have seen the 'Yes dear' trope used in movies, tv and books but never really understood that it wasn't a female-empowerment message. On that subject. I've discovered that I can't read fanfiction written in first person. I'm not entirely sure why, but I think it's because it blatantly drives home the wish-fulfilment part of fanfiction that I very carefully pretend doesn't exist (or that I'm above). When I realise that the author spent hours writing...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jan 24, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  31. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    New thing. Tacked on Elemental Magic. Basically take canon then say 'oh yeah, and there's this other type of magic that also exists and Harry's WTFBBQAMAZING at it'. Usually happens in fics where Harry has already been buffed up to ludicrous proportions (His power level is 20x that of Merlin, AND he's a multi-elemental Shadow-Fire-Air-Grimdark too! The last Grimdark elemental was 10,000,000 years ago and is now called 'God' by muggles!). Sometimes it's not used for the ludicrous buffing...
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jan 17, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
  32. Steelbadger
    Post

    Pet Peeves v.9

    "Isn't this a bit unnecessary, Harry?" asked Hermione. "The goblin army, fine. The five flying aircraft carriers might be useful. Even the house-elf cheerleaders could be argued to be good for morale, but don't you think we should loose the dildo trebuchets?" "You heard 'er lads!" shouted Harry. "LOOSE THE TREBUCHETS!" *Dildos fly*
    Post by: Steelbadger, Jan 10, 2015 in forum: Fanfic Discussion
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