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  1. LogicalPremise
    Post

    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    The third part -- with the fighting -- comes out tonight. I've tried to do justice to the amount of build up I've had to this point. :) ---------- Post automerged at 03:34 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:00 AM ---------- It's almost here!
    Post by: LogicalPremise, May 30, 2017 in forum: Games
  2. LogicalPremise
    Post

    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    To be fair, most of my dialogue was modeled on people I based Shepard on, who would get into exactly those kinds of repetitive, woe is me talks that I could never seem to break them out of. At the time of writing, I was experimenting and... not thinking about readability so much as what was in my head. I think these sections need to be reviewed, polished and cleaned up a lot for people to enjoy them. But one of my own pet peeves is people treating PTSD, survivor sydromes and other issues...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Feb 6, 2017 in forum: Games
  3. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Man, you must really dislike Spirit of Redemption then. :D
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jan 11, 2017 in forum: Games
  4. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    The Editing Gang is very slowly going over OSABC, correcting typos and adding a small bit of new content. So far, this is just done through Chapter 23 -- We might be up to chapter 65 by the end of the year. Given that you are doing a re-read, what areas need the most attention and which emo-bits need a entirely new approach, in your opinion (or anyone else who re-reads the work)?
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jan 3, 2017 in forum: Games
  5. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Oh, no need to be worried on that account. Unlike the Remembrance Dancers, the Black Blades can actually back up all the shit they're talking. I'm currently 4,000 words in, and already the planet is on fire.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Dec 31, 2016 in forum: Games
  6. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    To be fair, there are really only eight people in the Premiseverse that absolutely require super heavy weapons to take out : The Broker, Tetrimus, Tazzik, Shepard, Richard Williams, The High Solarch, Delanynder and Aria's bodyguard Patriarch. The rest of the badasses can be taken out with a sniper rifle or a knife to the heart. And of those eight, the only ones who could laugh off a pack of JDAM bombs would be the Solarch and Delanyder. The rest would become vapor. There are two primary...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 24, 2016 in forum: Games
  7. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Blame Himura. Up until that point I was just going to have her banged up a bit, lol. I love the postings here, they stimulate the evil side of my mind. Also, the Angstrofuck of Doom is nearly upon us. I've been stoking my angst-engine by rereading the Outsider and the Wasp Factory.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 16, 2016 in forum: Games
  8. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Oh, I assure you I have no problems if people dislike the work. Some people hate grimdark. Others hate AU's, still others want 'between the scenes' stories rather than revamping the entire game. My question is more to determine the reasons why. If, for example, some people love a part and some people hate the same part of the work, then it's a matter of taste. But (as with Shepard being too derpy and self hating) EVERYONE dislikes it, that's where I need to fix my writing. Well,...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 14, 2016 in forum: Games
  9. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I hope you'll forgive me for this, but a great number of people -- including some from DLP -- thought that was one of the better parts. While the first book is not very good (and is in the process of being redone, actually) I could make the argument that several multiseries works also had somewhat less than stellar starts. To get a better idea of what you're expecting, let me ask you what your favorite ME fan fic is?
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 6, 2016 in forum: Games
  10. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I might do one more chapter based on an idea I had. As for his status, Ahern is the Mary-Sue line in the Premiseverse, along with Tetrimus -- you can munchkin no further. EDIT: Thanks to the kickass editing team, the next chapter -- 19k words of pure death -- is about ready. DOUBLE HERESY : MonkeyEpoxy, your wish is granted.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jul 2, 2016 in forum: Games
  11. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    The main problem I had with HVT / HVI reports was the templates made up half the report, and that's hard to convert over to ff.net design style. A lot of those reports were supposed to be tied into the whole report TOI -> visualize mission and returns -> design insertion / reaction -> promulgate, and they were boring as all fuck to have to read. While the STG is certainly professional, the vibe I got from the SB files on STG reports involving Kirrahe and Mordin was that there was a certain...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jun 27, 2016 in forum: Games
  12. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    One might argue that the whole point of the third book will be the choice between pragmatism and idealism. It is no coincidence that Shepard's only philosopher of choice is Hegel, while TIM's is Nietzsche. As an aside... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sculptor_Galaxy If nothing else details the power of the Reapers, the fact that they took less than two years to move from Andromeda to the Sculptor Galaxy should demonstrate it. They had to use scientific notation to list out the distance...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jun 27, 2016 in forum: Games
  13. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I think I really need to flat out re-write large parts of OSABC, as some of it was me experimenting with tone and the text is riddled with typos and flaws. I'm very happy you like the later books, and I can safely say they're a lot better than the first one. If I got people to get upset when Shepard dies even knowing it was going to happen I have accomplished my mission. One reader said she was crying so much her mother thought her boyfriend broke up with her! That, my friends, is...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jun 26, 2016 in forum: Games
  14. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Wasn't sure how well my version of Vasir would go over... thoughts?
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jun 25, 2016 in forum: Games
  15. LogicalPremise
    Post

    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    May I use this term? I might make it the chapter title. *staggers off laughing*
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jun 17, 2016 in forum: Games
  16. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    That was the idea. I always found it strange that the asari never demonstrated any form of advanced technology in any of the games that we could see, and I found it very strange how much bigger the ship was than other asari dreadnaughts. If asari were a male culture I'd have shrugged it off as 'my dick is bigger' syndrome...but they aren't. They are supposed to be a lightweight hunter mindset in terms of military, so why do they have this super-massive thing? It was ... not connected to...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Mar 13, 2016 in forum: Games
  17. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    First, thank you for reading. Second, I'd like to say this : The first book is ... kind of fail. I think before I start on the ME3 piece, I am seriously going to rewrite all of OSABC because so much of it is ... not what I want. I think anyone whose read ATTWN and TWCD would say both are much much better than my first effort. Shepard being annoying is ... sort of by design. I was not taking this very seriously at the beginning, and in a lot of ways Shepard was designed as a...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Mar 10, 2016 in forum: Games
  18. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    That's not even the bestest part, though. Remember the Hanar describe the Citadel as the snare that catches the hunter.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Mar 2, 2016 in forum: Games
  19. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    It's funny that no one has ever asked, "Hey, what were the Prothean Beacon's actually supposed to do?? I mean, do they just sit buried until someone finds them then blows up their mind? That doesn't sound very beacon-like. It's almost like you expected them to be transmitting something that might take hold in the mind of primitives as religious imagery." You win a Darkness Plushy! Congratulations!
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Mar 2, 2016 in forum: Games
  20. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Ooh! Anderson and his ... connection is a complicated subject. Anderson was never a part of Cerberus, in that he never wore the gold hexagon. But he knew things, some of it passed to him by Chu in the AIS, and he'd done some digging. And he was an old friend of Michael Shepard, her father. This is something he has not revealed to her. The reason why he was in New York that day wasn't to recruit her to Cerberus. I'll leave it at that. Very true! Cerberus project BETHLEHEM targeted...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Feb 27, 2016 in forum: Games
  21. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    For anyone interested, I just put up a guide to ME technology as well.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jan 31, 2016 in forum: Games
  22. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    As a random snippet that may not make it into the main story (a DLP Exclusive of Sorts) Aria was in a pretty involved, deep relationship with Nyreen Kandos, who was in some trouble with the Hierarchy. As a love-gift, the suit of SKYTALON armor that Garrus uses as Archangel was custom commissioned by her once she saw some troops of the Shifter use them. Unfortunately, by the time the order was ready, the Burning had commenced, and some of Aria's more brutal acts during that time soured...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Jan 30, 2016 in forum: Games
  23. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    *vile laughter* You three have possibly given me the most evil idea ever. I am in your debt. It won't be quite what you expect, but... *gleefully rubs hands together*
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Nov 1, 2015 in forum: Games
  24. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I'm here to steal ideas. I know roughly some of what would be on Keji Okuda's gray-box, but not all of it. What could be worse, something so bad that it would have truly started interstellar war and yet be useful to Cerberus?
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Nov 1, 2015 in forum: Games
  25. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    It was granted to him by the Krogan Emperor.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 25, 2015 in forum: Games
  26. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    He actually spent time after the Uplift and Rachni Wars but before the Rebellions, and after the Rebellions, going to universities on Sur'Kesh and Thessia. He was, for a very long time, the only krogan the Citadel didn't put travel restrictions on. He did not bring his hammer to class but he did once give a very young Thana T'Armal a piggy back ride. I'm actually writing up an STG File on him now. probably done by Monday. I'm more surprised no one commented on his other title. :D
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 25, 2015 in forum: Games
  27. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    ACTUAL suggested pairings that are just ridiculous : Shep/Chakwas Shep/Udina (srsly) Garrus/Michel Tali/Wrex Tali/Adams Chakwas/Jiong Jiong/Tali Jiong/Pressly Consort/Pressly
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 23, 2015 in forum: Games
  28. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Heresy! I need no xenos tampering to serve the Emperor. Do I really need to repeat my very first words on this forum? As for Miri, that relationship will be a number of things, but currently I don't think it's romantic. There are people ... interested in Shepard. I don't want to pigeonhole Miri as a easy bi when making a more complex sisterly-friend relationship on several levels (to me) would be more rewarding. I wanted to do that with Ash but she was too fail and my skills were too...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 23, 2015 in forum: Games
  29. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Once the Editing Gang finishes up with the chapter in a few minutes, we'll see if my take on Jack is worthy of analysis or snickering. I'm seriously giving though to taking a stab at writing up the entirety of Benezia's book.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 9, 2015 in forum: Games
  30. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I'm five thousand words into the Jack chapter, so far in her POV. What critical concepts do I need to cover with Jack? I am very interested in your take on her.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 8, 2015 in forum: Games
  31. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    Now that's just not true. I'm almost sure the raloi aren't doing anything morally revolting or sickening. Yet. Mainly because I haven't figured out how to have them do anything like that yet, but still. The upcoming chapters are going to have some insight into the sort of crap the turians and asari get up to. Additionally, I've decided to restructure the Cerberus Files a bit. I'm going to trim out the batarians and complete the current one for the Big Three (asari, salarians, turians),...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Oct 5, 2015 in forum: Games
  32. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I am not really interested in 'fair' -- I come here for the work to be improved upon. You certainly won't find me defending the earlier chapters -- and that is already after one rewrite, you should have seen them before. That being said ... while I'm not in any way disliking when people tell me what they find wrong with my work, I really would appreciate equal amounts of time on how exactly to fix it. The Spacebattles people have let me know that indeed it is deriviative, over-angsted...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Sep 20, 2015 in forum: Games
  33. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    There will be some more details about why this was so bad when Shepard talks to Windsor, but the long and short of it was that Windsor was being basically blackmailed by a woman that he may or may not have been a bit drunk around and may or may not have coerced into sex. His father covered it all up and had the woman pretty brutally killed. Certain elements wanted Windsor gone, and in the aftermath of Shepard's death and the collapse of the New Coleman Administration they had the tools to...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 31, 2015 in forum: Games
  34. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    With the next chapter your wish is my command.
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 30, 2015 in forum: Games
  35. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    And this, right here, is why I like DLP. No one else caught her trying to subconsciously recreate her squad. Although I am suprised no one figured out that it was hardly by accident. Remember, I like layers. Layers and payoffs introduced way back when. There is a reason for literally everything happening in this chapter (well, except for the fact I felt Kal'Reegar came off flat, but in my defense I didn't have a lot to work with from canon). I studied psychology, I know full well that...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 22, 2015 in forum: Games
  36. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    *dryly* I think I can accommodate that request about the reactions of others in the very next chapter, Reflections. One thing that botherd me IMMENSELY is how in the Nine Burning Hells someone like Shepard could so blithely be accepted back as alive after dying. You have a major movie about you and a memorial flame and are on recruiting posters, but no one recognizes you when you stop around except for a single shopkeeper... ...Goddammit, Bioware. :( I've tried to keep Shepard...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Aug 21, 2015 in forum: Games
  37. LogicalPremise
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    WIP Of Sheep and Battle Chicken by LogicalPremise - M - Mass Effect

    I see you ANGST FOR THE ANGST GOD! As the author of this ongoing train-wreck, I'd like to thank everyone for giving useful and nuanced feedback. I have tried, where I could, to balance events between what most dismiss as angst and the sort of flat acceptance I found so disturbing in canon ME. Unfortunately, it's not a simple balance. People like upbeat stories. They like for the good guys to win and be happy, the bad guys to lose and suffer. They want people to 'get over' things...
    Post by: LogicalPremise, Apr 20, 2015 in forum: Games
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